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From Swinging to Vanillia
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm not sure if this sounds crazy or not but has anyone got any tips on how to deal with going from "swinging" mode to "vanillia" mode?
I've been on the site for a fairly short time but really enjoying it, and like everything i do, thrown myself into it 100%. The whole thing feels very addictive and i find it hard to switch off and resist the urge to check for messages, latest pics, browse and meets etc while i'm at work or at home.
I've pretty much spent the bank holiday weekend all over Fabs. I guess i'm trying to say that rather than me having 50% (or more) real life and 50% kinky, i've been pretty much 100% kinky!
If anyone can express it better than this please do but any tips would be greatly appreciated 
Ian
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I find Fab is best when an adjunct to my main life, relationship etc, rather than letting it become a sole focus for my attention. This equates to swinging, and not just to Fab.
If you're single, and getting lots of offers, then you may not be at the point in life where you want to have a partner. If you have a partner, and all is good with swinging, then discuss it with them, as if the two of you are happy, and keep a mutually matched level of interest, then it'll help.
Often it's typical that our involvement in swinging ebbs and flows, we get more or less partners etc, so possibly now is just the time when you're assessing where you're going with your life. Possibly even reflecting that you've overdone things, or perhaps obsessively devoted time on Fab the past few days.
Overall, if you're self-aware, keep things in perspective and respect your own needs, as well as those of your partner, then all should be good.
Balance in life always suits me, keeping lots of interests, sex included, and plenty of social contact, including time with close friends and family. |
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"I'm not sure if this sounds crazy or not but has anyone got any tips on how to deal with going from "swinging" mode to "vanillia" mode?
I've been on the site for a fairly short time but really enjoying it, and like everything i do, thrown myself into it 100%. The whole thing feels very addictive and i find it hard to switch off and resist the urge to check for messages, latest pics, browse and meets etc while i'm at work or at home.
I've pretty much spent the bank holiday weekend all over Fabs. I guess i'm trying to say that rather than me having 50% (or more) real life and 50% kinky, i've been pretty much 100% kinky!
If anyone can express it better than this please do but any tips would be greatly appreciated
Ian
"
Fab is addictive as i found out the hard way lol. My ex swinging partner and so called love has been taken over by the fab monster and dumped me. She has set up a new cuoples profile with another man and has told me she is totaly addicted and wants to be a slut  . They should do a fab rehab lol. Me on the other hand well i find the friends side of fab and the forums great but i dont live on here as i have a real life xxxxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Its interesting Shyguy how it seems to affect women. Without wanting to sound sexist do you think its due to the fact that the power is kinda transferred to them? i.e they can choose who they see and don't see. If they want to be a complete slut they can do it with out being judged. Its quite freeing but that applies to both men and women.
P.S can i have the new couples profile for her please :P lol i'm joking!!!1 |
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"Its interesting Shyguy how it seems to affect women. Without wanting to sound sexist do you think its due to the fact that the power is kinda transferred to them? i.e they can choose who they see and don't see. If they want to be a complete slut they can do it with out being judged. Its quite freeing but that applies to both men and women.
P.S can i have the new couples profile for her please :P lol i'm joking!!!1"
Yes i think what you have said is very true this site gives women sexual freedom and power because there are so many single guys on here the women got the power and choice of who ,when and how many. And i cant give you her couples profile name because she wont tell me it but has kindly told me im blocked pmsl  |
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"So i think what your basicaly saying Sophie is everything in moderation?"
Not just that, though moderation is something that's subjective, so what would be moderate for one person may be out of balance for another. This partly relates to what you're wanting to get from life, whether you're single, already dating and you're both swinging, and things like that.
What I've found is not to focus on Fab as my sole resource for sex, and it certainly wouldn't be right for me to have it as the only source of connection to others either. It's kind of like having swinging from clubs, via Fab and via friends of friends etc, as well as potentially having non swinging type sex too. But my mix may not be the right mix for you.
If it aint broke, don't fix it, as they say - so stay focused on what you feel about things, as self-awareness is worth its weight in gold. |
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"Fab gives women choice, not power. I can't make men meet me if they don't want to, however long I spend on this site."
Yes point taken but there are so many horny single guys on here that its very easy for women so you do have some power as to who , when and how offten xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Fab gives women choice, not power. I can't make men meet me if they don't want to, however long I spend on this site."
Good point, I think "choice" is the better word. I "think" the chances of a single women meeting someone is much higher than a single guy meeting. I read another topic said that single blokes out number women 100-1 . I, sure that's an exaggeration but it's definitely higher. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Fab gives women choice, not power. I can't make men meet me if they don't want to, however long I spend on this site.
Good point, I think "choice" is the better word. I "think" the chances of a single women meeting someone is much higher than a single guy meeting. I read another topic said that single blokes out number women 100-1 . I, sure that's an exaggeration but it's definitely higher."
I agree that there are more men than women on here, but its a myth that women are inundated with messages. I'm not. |
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"Fab gives women choice, not power. I can't make men meet me if they don't want to, however long I spend on this site.
Good point, I think "choice" is the better word. I "think" the chances of a single women meeting someone is much higher than a single guy meeting. I read another topic said that single blokes out number women 100-1 . I, sure that's an exaggeration but it's definitely higher.
I agree that there are more men than women on here, but its a myth that women are inundated with messages. I'm not."
Your not inundated with messages!!!! I am shocked your one sexy lady xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm quite shocked by some of the couples I've spoken to (who I think are stunning) and they put a meet up and get only a few emails rather than inundated as I would have expected!
Is a funny old site this place I can tell you lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think there are any tips as such for going vanilla.
Women don't have all the 'control' it depends on many things but they do have a lot of choice and tend to 'rule the roost' typically in 60% of 'situations' approximately.
If I had to give 'tips' to going vanilla it would be do all the things you wish too in swinging until you've had enough of it really,get it out of your system perhaps.
I've given it up and been back a few times now,there are a few that are happy to meet up for a few drinks and play without any further involvement other than another session if it went well
What more could a single guy ask for ??
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fab gives women choice, not power. I can't make men meet me if they don't want to, however long I spend on this site.
Yes point taken but there are so many horny single guys on here that its very easy for women so you do have some power as to who , when and how offten xxx"
I think you are confusing power with empowered.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have a life outside FAB.
I can spend hours in the forums if the goings are good in the evenings and at weekends.
I can usually find peeps to meet when I am in the mood for some fun and can be bothered to vet those who message me.
There are days when I cannot be arsed to post anything in the forums.
I have made friends via FAB.
FAB is a part of my life, however it does consume all my spare time.
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If you manage to balance things in a way that satisfies the logical side of your brain I will tip my hat to you lol.
I myself have been "partially" successful in going from hard core dom and swinger to my version of vanilla which is voyeurism and soft swinging. One of my main motivations being so that I could focus more time on family and career
True, I haven't fucked anyone new in nearly four years but I still spend a lot of my spare time on swinging sites. I seem to be hooked on the swinging equivalent of nicotine patches lol |
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