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Dom and Sub
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Have you discussed what kind of Dom/sub you both are? If you are new to it, expect for your definitions to change as you learn what you both like/dislike. Difficult to advise when you don't know what you are both into. |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
Agree with the above, talk to Submissive people, not Dons.
Enter the relationship slowly and spend more time talking than doing.
However, have fun.
If it’s not fun don’t do it.
If you hit subspace, the harder it is hit, the longer the aftercare.
This is of course from my perspective. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its not something you "try"...is something that comes naturally and elements of it should have already been present between you both. If its forced or put on by one or both of you,then it wont work. |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"Its not something you "try"...is something that comes naturally and elements of it should have already been present between you both. If its forced or put on by one or both of you,then it wont work. "
I have some Yoda cuff links that quote that. “Do or do not, there is no try”. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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*PSA had to post again because I’m hungover and can’t spell*
Hey,
I’m a sub and K is my Dom.
Before you anything you need to talk about what you want to experiment with, what the dynamic will be, what your hard limits are and always always establish safe-words before playing. Typically the sub will have a safe word... however If you are both new to play then you should both have one, if you become uncomfortable in any way then use it and play stops immediately.
Aftercare is also so important (subspace can hit some quite hard), and how this is addressed is usually specific to each person. So again, research.
It should always be enjoyable for both parties. I personally enjoy submitting to pain, but some just enjoy a simple power exchange. It’s certainly not all all about whips and chains.
Research online, find out what ticks BOTH of your boxes, start small and expand from there.
Safe, sane and consensual.
HAVE FUN!
C xx |
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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago
Plymouth |
C and I developed this way from vanilla. We spoke about what we wanted try and did some research, discussed it over and over before going anywhere.
We initially though we were both switch but I cant domme him at all. I did try but it just didnt work.
We discussed everything and its been a gradual work in progress over about 4 years!
We have elements in our day to day life and I have sone rules. Not loads. I see your location is cornwall please be careful, there are some fake doms in this area |
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"Its not something you "try"...is something that comes naturally and elements of it should have already been present between you both. If its forced or put on by one or both of you,then it wont work.
I have some Yoda cuff links that quote that. “Do or do not, there is no try”."
Yoda is wise.
And poster above Yoda too.
Mine and my partner's was born slowly and grew from vanilla, changing colours with time and times of play.
Gift was natural and a big one at that.
Not a lifestyle like some here , just a part of us.
Licked the surface of few shadows ,kinks , fetishes, not only D/s or d/s or d/S
This thread started on a much more positive note than a few of this kind , so bookmarking.
Shibari rope players/riggers willing to share experience , I like to meet you .  |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"Its not something you "try"...is something that comes naturally and elements of it should have already been present between you both. If its forced or put on by one or both of you,then it wont work.
I have some Yoda cuff links that quote that. “Do or do not, there is no try”.
Yoda is wise.
And poster above Yoda too.
Mine and my partner's was born slowly and grew from vanilla, changing colours with time and times of play.
Gift was natural and a big one at that.
Not a lifestyle like some here , just a part of us.
Licked the surface of few shadows ,kinks , fetishes, not only D/s or d/s or d/S
This thread started on a much more positive note than a few of this kind , so bookmarking.
Shibari rope players/riggers willing to share experience , I like to meet you . "
Love rope play, a fair amount of research has made me rather cautious, pressure points and blood vessels don’t often react well.
Still love it though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We've been fwb for almost 2 years, we're already in a dom sub scenario based on our situation but want to take it to the next level. I'm sub, he's the dom x |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
L’s first introduction in to B/d play was not around impact play, it was overwhelming the senses, sensuality, the lady, she was stunning.
It’s about overwhelming your partner’s sensual sexuality.
That doesn’t need anything more than a feather at times. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its not something you "try"...is something that comes naturally and elements of it should have already been present between you both. If its forced or put on by one or both of you,then it wont work. "
Agree it's something within you. Massive difference to a D/s relationship to playing Dom/sub role for the evening |
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"C and I developed this way from vanilla. We spoke about what we wanted try and did some research, discussed it over and over before going anywhere.
We initially though we were both switch but I cant domme him at all. I did try but it just didnt work.
We discussed everything and its been a gradual work in progress over about 4 years!
We have elements in our day to day life and I have sone rules. Not loads. I see your location is cornwall please be careful, there are some fake doms in this area "
There are fake and dim doms in every area - it goes with the territory unfortunately....
Mr Icebreaker |
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"Its not something you "try"...is something that comes naturally and elements of it should have already been present between you both. If its forced or put on by one or both of you,then it wont work.
Agree it's something within you. Massive difference to a D/s relationship to playing Dom/sub role for the evening "
Completely agree with this too, it’s took the best part of 25 years together to understand our natural personalities Mrs is very submissive, Mr is naturally a dominant personality, and we’re still learning new aspects about ourselves and our dynamic it grows and changes so much but the core stays the same.
Never rush at anything talk the ass out of it, then talk a whole lot more!!!
Mr & Mrs RMB |
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"I'm in to mild pain and he's not but he's happy to inflict it. I've never been tied or restricted but feel comfortable to try this with him x"
ALways temtping to say good luck, but truth is you need to do the work to take luck out of the occasion.
First time I tied someone up I made such a ballsup of it I ended up trying to cut through two of my ties (as in the ones I wore to work) with a pair of nail scissors.
No excuse for that now. Buy proper rope or ties, and buy a pair of rescue shears or the like. Want to do safe BDSM? Google first aid kit or go to amazon where they have lots of practical stuff yo can use to prove you're serious about doing this right.
One other piece of advice. Ten to one. SPend ten minutes talking about what you want to do for every minute you'll spend doing it. You know how carpenters say meaure twice, cut once? BDSM is like that. Get it wrong, and you may never want to try it again. Get it right, and well, you may end up as a fully paid up, never goona stop perve like us...
Mr Icebreaker |
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"Love rope play, a fair amount of research has made me rather cautious, pressure points and blood vessels don’t often react well.
Still love it though."
Nerve damage is another factor to be wary of, I love the aesthetics of rope. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd love to find a Dom man who isn't an aggressive bully , it's all I seem to find 
Honest advice
With your user name what do you expect?
Ms Icebreaker "
This  haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its not something you "try"...is something that comes naturally and elements of it should have already been present between you both. If its forced or put on by one or both of you,then it wont work. "
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"I'd love to find a Dom man who isn't an aggressive bully , it's all I seem to find
Honest advice
With your user name what do you expect?
Ms Icebreaker "
so sissy means bully me ? Be aggressive towards me ? I never knew but thanks for the advice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey guys
My fwb and I are looking into trying the dom and sub roles. Any suggestions or advice please? TIA X"
You could role play initially. Think of characters you'd like to play out and scenarios. |
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By *Jones19Man
over a year ago
Evesham, Worcester, Pershore |
A lot of good advise has probably already been given above.
My advise is always to talk openly and honestly about what you want from each other and if that works for both. Don't be afraid to say No to something, or put stuff on the back burner while you find your feet. A "good sub" doesnt have say yes to everything a dom commands, and a "good Dom" doesnt have to change themselves to fit there subs needs. Every relationship is personal to those in it. Find what works for you 2.
Read plenty and talk, there are lots of good websites with great info and more specific advice for different aspects of sub/dom play. Talk to some of the more experienced members of the community on here that offer help.
But finally and most importantly, make sure your safe and have fun. That's why we do it at the end of the day, to get a release and enjoy ourselves.
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
My first D/s relationship broke down because she erred on the S/m side.
Find a dance partner that has the same movement as you.
It is a spectrum, play where the most fun is.
Plus don’t think that B/d is the same as D/s, D/s is a complicated little sucker. |
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