FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > men in sexless marriages

men in sexless marriages

By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

i have been on the site a while now , chatted to various folk , and now would like to put this out there.

i see a lot of posts by men who say they are in very happy marriages ,except for one thing! ..for whatever reasons they are not getting the sex life that they want,need, or in some cases any at all..!! yes i am one of these men , im not gonna deny it. . i ve looked at married affair sites most cost a fortune , and i understand swingers are not just easy lays etc etc .. but i have been looking here for

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

cont.... (stupid phone)

in the same boat , and its my opinion or guess that a lot of the guys here are the same .. an affair with a vanilla girl would not be the answer to there problem , last thing they need is a "love" affair .. just some fun no strings no emotion sex and fun....

now i know the cheater haters will have there opinions . but lots of you are in good relationships with fantastic sex lives with a great partner.. how are you experts on "our" situation you could nt begin to understand...

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

cont..2

... so , whats my point ? i dont really have one lol.. but your opinions and input would be interesting ?!

please dont post up about your opinions on cheating , we ve heard those in other threads . and yes they are valid and your entitled to them ..

but . lets hear from guys in this situation and guys (or girls of course ) who have over come it or found a solution to this issue. lets be constructive here , help and advise ...

thanks in advance

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The quick answer would be to get a divorce.. But seriously? Try talking to your wife and see if she agrees to you swinging - after all - the true definition encompasses openness & honesty....

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

"The quick answer would be to get a divorce.. But seriously? Try talking to your wife and see if she agrees to you swinging - after all - the true definition encompasses openness & honesty...."

as i say , i ve not done anything here but chat .. i cant see her allowing me to "swing" .. she seems to have no interest in sex. everything else is great! in fact better than its been in years in every aspect of our lifes .. so a divorce would be a shame, i owe it to myself to keep it going.

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

but i also owe myself some happiness.. dont i ? whats to say ill be happy single . ok i may get laid more.. but id lose my wife my house , the security of our joint incomes , id be broke living in a bed sit.. hmmm makes divorce not look like a good option .. ( ok save the if i get caught cheating speech i know i know)

so , anyone been in/still in this situation??

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By *rs kemeaCouple over a year ago

angus

Of your 4 reasons for not getting a divorce, 3 of them are to do with maintaining your current lifestyle. Says a lot, to me at least, about your priorities.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But if you have read all the other married and cheating forum posts that have been posted lately, you would know the answer to your question?

Couples that swing are in a trusting relationship, they tell each other everything and are open and honest. But don't worry there are some people on here that are happy to meet you so providing you can keep it from your wife and ignore your conscience, you will be fine

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"but i also owe myself some happiness.. dont i ? whats to say ill be happy single . ok i may get laid more.. but id lose my wife my house , the security of our joint incomes , id be broke living in a bed sit.. hmmm makes divorce not look like a good option .. ( ok save the if i get caught cheating speech i know i know)

so , anyone been in/still in this situation??"

Personally no I haven't been in your situation.

Have you any idea why she has gone off sex? According to your profile you are 35, I assume she is a similar age? Does she have any medical conditions that could be acting as a dampener on her libido? Stress at work? Has she always been like this or is it a relatively recent thing?

It could be that she needs the "spark" that you first had while courting, have you tried doing something out of the ordinary, like if you don't normally go out for meals much - take her out to a flash restaurant to wine and her i.e. show her that you still find her attractive etc (and yes to the male mind you may still be attracted to her, but the way you show it may now be an everyday thing so she doesn't notice the same as she once did).

oh, by the way, I'm not a shrink or a doctor. So don't take my word as gospel, if you think there may be a reason she's lost interest then talk to her and if needs be then get the pair of you to an expert. Be that a psychologist, a medical doctor or even a marriage guidance councillor to see if you can fix things before they become too big a problem.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you are married or in a relationship you should be faithful to eachother, you owe it to each other! What would you do if you found out she was having nsa fun with other guys?

The only exception is if you are both in agreement with each other to play with other people.

Just imagine what Jeremy Kyle would say!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Of your 4 reasons for not getting a divorce, 3 of them are to do with maintaining your current lifestyle. Says a lot, to me at least, about your priorities. "

Doesn't it just!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Masturbate more. You won't be cheating on your wife then.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm just gunna say that I was in this situation 5 years ago x an I got a divorce, it's all about being honest with people and that includes your wife.

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

"Of your 4 reasons for not getting a divorce, 3 of them are to do with maintaining your current lifestyle. Says a lot, to me at least, about your priorities. "

well its not just my lifestyle it maintains , but my wifes and my boys.. so not an entirely selfish way of thinking .. sorry if i did nt make that clear

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

"But if you have read all the other married and cheating forum posts that have been posted lately, you would know the answer to your question?

i think i made reference to the thought police .. but thanks

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

Have you any idea why she has gone off sex? According to your profile you are 35,

rob thanks for this input.. as it happens shes ten years younger .. she is on medication yes , for depression ( not due to me) ..

its not always been like this no!

but its gettin hard to cope with , i came on this site out of curiosity .. and have nt done anythin other than post or chat ...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"But if you have read all the other married and cheating forum posts that have been posted lately, you would know the answer to your question?

i think i made reference to the thought police .. but thanks "

Thought police?

Do you mean the ones that have a conscience, as in they 'think' about the feelings of those that have no clue they are 'potentially' about to get hurt/destroyed finding out what their loved one is doing behind their backs?

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

really?? thats a shame.. was it only due to sex that you divorced or were there other issues??

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By *innamon!Woman over a year ago

no matter

There are women in sexless marriages too you know. We been together 41 years he is my friend and companion my spa ing partner .. divorce isnt an option

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree with u cinemon x

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By *innamon!Woman over a year ago

no matter

Ps I have been on depression meds for years maybe she should try other meds.. Has she been tested for underactive thyroid the best sex killer there is. Makes you totally loose libido until levels sorted.

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

"I agree with u cinemon x

thank you girls .. i did put and women in my first posts ...

funny i cant meet one , even if it was just to talk

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"she is on medication yes , for depression ( not due to me) .."

Really? Didn't you not post this earlier......?

"as i say , i ve not done anything here but chat .. i cant see her allowing me to "swing" .. she seems to have no interest in sex. everything else is great! in fact better than its been in years in every aspect of our lifes .. so a divorce would be a shame, i owe it to myself to keep it going."

Everything is 'great' yet she is suffering with depression?

I'm going to say one last thing to you ....she needs YOUR support, she does not need the risk of you adding to her woes by looking for fun behind her back.

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

i think i made reference to the thought police .. but thanks

Thought police?

sorry , i believe the phrase i used in my early post was "cheater haters"

you are entitled to your veiw and im aware of it ... as i say i have nt done anything with anyone here ..., just chat

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Have you any idea why she has gone off sex? According to your profile you are 35,

rob thanks for this input.. as it happens shes ten years younger .. she is on medication yes , for depression ( not due to me) ..

its not always been like this no!

but its gettin hard to cope with , i came on this site out of curiosity .. and have nt done anythin other than post or chat ...

I'm resonably sure that depression meds can affect libido.

If you haven't done so already, speak to her doc and see if she can change to a different prescription that might not affect her like that. You owe it to your family to try and make things work.

I'd also advise getting off here, can you imagine the effect on a depressed woman if she accidently found out you were on a swinging site? I don't think she'd be a happy bunny!

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

well shes a lot better and not seein a councilor anymore.. the medication is still on going and it works

funny i posted this and then read yesterday mail (i work nights so see papers late) and there was an article on sex and marriage .. anyone read it?

might talk to her .. at the right time ( cook a meal and stuff) and try what it suggested

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

it was about making set times for sex.. and teyin to stick to them for the good of eaxh other .. ok loses the spontanaity.. but the regular sex brings you closer together .. gets you in a habit.. the more you do it the more you ll want it kinda thing..

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By *ustyWoman over a year ago

inverclyde

i left my hubby 5yrs ago. am now divorced and happy, i left everything when i left and have started again, dont stay just because you have kids or you will loose the security of your home etc think of you and what you want

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By *ustyWoman over a year ago

inverclyde

[Removed by poster at 29/02/12 08:31:05]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hmmm...no mention of a wife on profile, "not looking" but have meet today up, supposedly depressed wife reason for being here.. why do cheating men feel the need to start these threads seeking to justify (to total strangers) their underhandedness?

Oooh meet today so people will look at them...silly me.

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By *ovedupstillCouple over a year ago

mullinwire

if she s seeing a counciller, or was,maybe she is fully aware of your marriage missing something, especially if she is clinically depressed. try broaching the subject with her again and maybe ask if she would be willing to attend a joint councilling session to try to get to the root of the problem.

as has been said on another thread. if there are other problems in the relationship, sex is usually the first thing to stop, so your saying otherwise the marriage is perfect seems wide of the mark.

final thing, IF she is on depression meds, and she finds out you are cheating, do you know how she will react? i appreciate you know her better than we and she may well just rant and leave it at that, but, as she is at her lowest, you certain you wont be depriving your boys of a mother while you get your ballsack emptied in some random stranger?

sorry, fella, this post is selfish! you know she has problems and all you are bothered about is emptying your balls and making sure you still have money in the bank.

take a step back and try to realise what is improtant to you

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

dont need to mention wife do i... you super swingers know that cos i cant accom!!! must be married ,.., the meet i posted ? nothing to do with symapthy , i have nt had a meet does nt mean i will , just interested to see and i dont need to justify myself to anyone dear!!!

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

"i left my hubby 5yrs ago. am now divorced and happy, i left everything when i left and have started again, dont stay just because you have kids or you will loose the security of your home etc think of you and what you want

pm sent ... thank you for this post

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

as i ve said mate , the deppresion stems back many years before she knew me... i understand the implications of being caught cheatin mate ... as i say not been there yet .

but! the reason i looked at swinging sites was the discretion and sexual attitudes i would find as opposed to shaggin some slapper down the pub or ex bird or work colleuge etc etc .. if i wanted to im sure i could get sex that way! but hardly no strings is it.. never is!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry but the way it seems to me (Daz),is that you are trying to justify your reason to join this site.

If your wife is suffering from depression and you are indeed in a sexless marriage,surely it's not the end of the world.

Have you spoken to your wife about joining fab? Maybe she would understand your reasons for joining.

If you have spoken to her and she says no, then you have big decisions to make.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don think I would like my perrsonal business hung out to dry like this is.

She suffer from depression ok how would she feel to read this off a man she loves and comitted to

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By *z ThongzWoman over a year ago

Lanarkshire

I see you mention your wifes income , so even although she has depression she is still holding down a job , very admirable of her and she must be a very strong girl to be able to do that with depression as its not an easy task.

As for the 'thought police' comment perhaps this is because you dont want to face what your planning to do which is of course 'cheat' and dont want the reminders of what this will do to your 'perfectly happy' marriage, whilst on the other hand I can understand that being in a sexless relationship is not the choice you would like after all none of us like enforced celibacy, I myself was married for 15 years and although the sex was very bad and not very often I kept with it and didnt feel the need to cheat, we make decisions which affect not only ourselves but our spouse and children , the point being , its your choice but remember its you and your 'Whole' family who pay the consequences. Good luck in whatever u choose to do.

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By *ovedupstillCouple over a year ago

mullinwire

"as i ve said mate , the deppresion stems back many years before she knew me... i understand the implications of being caught cheatin mate ... as i say not been there yet .

so you knew she had depression when you got with her and now its become a problem?

mate, i dont want to sit here and preach, but she really needs your help and understanding.

be blunt.

tell her you are missing the sex you shared. was she ever really interested in sex? was it always sporadic to say the least?

really, close your account down, dedicate ALL your spar time to your boys and helping the missus.

go to marriage counselling (she wont thank you otherwise) and, if it still doesnt work out, then you need to make tough decisions based on your life together, NOT what your dick wants.

i really do hope i dont see you on here as a single bloke, because it means you have sorted things out.

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By * n SCouple over a year ago

dundee

I used to be in a sexless marriage aswell. J went right off sex after our son was born and also quite recently after another matter I wont go in to. Now though we've stuck it out and came through the other side and apart from when we're too tired from work etc we now have a great sex life to the extent we are on here living out fantasies and adding even more spice. Patience is the key.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"it was about making set times for sex.. and teyin to stick to them for the good of eaxh other .. ok loses the spontanaity.. but the regular sex brings you closer together .. gets you in a habit.. the more you do it the more you ll want it kinda thing.."

I've read the article just now. Personal opinion is that it won't help your situation, if you were both healthy and not on medication then yes it could help. If you were both just busy running a family and working then it could help.

BUT, as you've said she's on medication it is likely that she would have no interest even with the other distractions.

As others have said, see a councilor or specialist. Yes it's embarrasing, yes it's not the "done" thing to do. But please, pull your finger out and do it!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

my thoughts are..

either you are having a hard time justifying beeing on this site to your self, and im not sure you are going to get any help on her for that....

or you looking for a sympathy shag

also no chance of much help here.

the main problem seems to be with your wifes depresion so instead of spending time on here why not spend time trying to help her get over it.

your op does sound very selfish to be honest can you not life without sex for the sake of you wife, you did say she wouldnt agree to you swinging, imagine what would happen to an already depressed peoson if she found out about you beeing on here.

sorry to be harsh but thats my 2p worth

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

To OP, you will be damned if you do.. damned if you dont..

sadly our culture doesnt seem to allow freedom of sexual desires... I mean its only just about seen as okay to admit you still have sex once kids are done.

I feel sorry for anyone in a relationship where no matter what you try, the other party isnt interested in sex.. I know.. been there done that..

to be honest it is soul destroying and Men and women have been having affairs forever.. I wish people would see that sex with others doesnt mean you love your life partner any less.. and you know divorce rates would go down.

If my Partner was caught cheating I would take a good hard look at where I had let them down.. as its rarely a one way thing..( Say rarely as some will cheat regardless as they need the thrill)

I think that its everyones right to be happy in everyway and that includes sexually... and for some that means no sex... for others lots of...

I to be honest prefer married men for stuff except the fact that they are not always free when i need..

Not a popular view but I feel that anyone for whatever reason denying a partner sex for years(months even) is going to have to accept that he is going to get it somewhere.. or that they atleast need to both make an effort to work it out.

I ahve worked with couples where the man has been to everything and the woman just doesnt want to try.. there are reasons people go off sex... but like with anyone suffering from anything.. you have to want to get help.

Good luck to the original poster...

Cali

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"my thoughts are..

either you are having a hard time justifying beeing on this site to your self, and im not sure you are going to get any help on her for that....

or you looking for a sympathy shag

also no chance of much help here.

the main problem seems to be with your wifes depresion so instead of spending time on here why not spend time trying to help her get over it.

sorry to be harsh but thats my 2p worth

That was what I was trying to say.

You are more eloquent than me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

there is such a thing as sex therapy, where you can be seen together, something simple may help, like hormones checking, or back to basics stuff rather than just wanting to shag, start off simple with a nice cuddle

then again what do i know, i haven't had sex for ages!

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By *john121Man over a year ago

staffs

"If you are married or in a relationship you should be faithful to eachother, you owe it to each other! What would you do if you found out she was having nsa fun with other guys?

The only exception is if you are both in agreement with each other to play with other people.

Just imagine what Jeremy Kyle would say!

Strange advice as being faithful to her contradicts swinging does it not?

When you take your marriage vows some will have said forsaking all others and yet happily swing and even more readily criticsise those who in their eyes cheat!

The criticism/observation re his priorities for not divorcing seem a little harsh as all he's looking for is sex, something that is in our faces every which way we turn and is clearly something that all 'swingers' want, don't forget that at least one of you in every relationship has fucked someone else or wanted to try something different to what you had in your mind before taking the risk and discussing swinging, and don't BS that you haven't or didn't!

So at some point we've all been unfaithful and it's how you've chosen and decided to take the next step.

Some will be able to discuss with their partner who may have been thinking along the same lines and others won't. Some are risk adverse and there's nothing wrong in that.

When

People get divorced its not just the couple who are affected.

Some cheat all the time in their minds. It's not specific to either sex.

Yes he should try to delicately bring up the subject of their sex life without alienating his spouse and try to work through it but sometimes it isn't going to happen and why if everything else in the marriage is good as he suggests should he end it!

You/we can't speak for her and her thoughts without a conversation being had! She may be glad that sex is no longer happening, just as she may be getting it else where or perhaps she's at that tipping point to go either way.

It's not an easy fix and as someone who was 'cheated' on yes hurt when I found out but wasn't just sex in the end which I now realise I could have accepted. But as we know shit happens!

Best advice don't look for it here, use your own judgment and make a choice

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i have a partner of 16 years and i have swung (or as some would see it, played around) for 10 or so of those years.

but i do find your attitude / excuses a little concerning.

my partner comes before me irregardless of the situation - in this case a sexual one

yes, she knows i am bi-sexual

yes, she knows i use websites to meet other people for sex

would she be happier if i didn't ?

more than likely

did my sexual desires affect our relationship ?

definately

did i face up to facts and risk losing the 1 person i have ever truly loved by bearing all ?

yes, it was unfair to us both, but her especially not to

but here's the thing.

what goes on in that relationship is only the business of myself or my OH and that relationship or its content do not justify me being here - for that, i have to stand beside my need to express my sexuality

but getting back to the point i made earlier, sex and fab don't come anywhere close in importance to me of ensuring that our relationship endures another 16 years or more

i would say your time is better spent sorting out the differences / problems in your relationship than finding extra curricular sex

if the relationship is as 'great' as you proclaim it to be, then broaching the subject of sex (or a lack of it) with the person you love, whilst not easy, is well within the realms of do-ability.

you mention lifestyles and children - would you risk both for the sake of a couple of sexual encounters with strangers, when an adult discussion and hard work to resolve your problems and support your family, may well negate your need to be here at all ?

i apologise if you feel i am dealing double standards but from what i have read, i think there are concerning elements in your life that require addressing before you look at addressing a carnal desire

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Have you any idea why she has gone off sex? According to your profile you are 35,

rob thanks for this input.. as it happens shes ten years younger .. she is on medication yes , for depression ( not due to me) ..

its not always been like this no!

but its gettin hard to cope with , i came on this site out of curiosity .. and have nt done anythin other than post or chat ...

That will be a major influence. The drugs fella. Check out the side effects leaflet that comes with it. I am willing to bet it effects sex drive and emotions. Being an AD it certainly will. Stick in there fella.

Get down the gym take up a new hobby divert your attention from sex if you can.

Good Luck

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By *john121Man over a year ago

staffs

"To OP, you will be damned if you do.. damned if you dont..

sadly our culture doesnt seem to allow freedom of sexual desires... I mean its only just about seen as okay to admit you still have sex once kids are done.

I feel sorry for anyone in a relationship where no matter what you try, the other party isnt interested in sex.. I know.. been there done that..

If my Partner was caught cheating I would take a good hard look at where I had let them down.. as its rarely a one way thing..( Say rarely as some will cheat regardless as they need the thrill)

I think that its everyones right to be happy in everyway and that includes sexually... and for some that means no sex... for others lots of...

I to be honest prefer married men for stuff except the fact that they are not always free when i need..

Good luck to the original poster...

Cali"

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By *john121Man over a year ago

staffs

pm sent ... thank you for this post"

So was it that he just didn't want sex with you anymore?

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

I will say exactly what I said in the other thread doing the rounds at the moment...

actually i have slightly changed my mind on the subject....

see... if someone went out of a saturday night and had in effect a one night stand... i may... may buy the excuse of drink and alcohol.. and being caught up in the atmosphere with the flirting.. and bodily bits thinking instead of brain in head and going further than you would normally do so...

but... to come onto a swinging site and do it shows cold, calculated and methodical thinking... and that is where i lose a lot of respect for people

I have been cheated on... its not nice, and ripped me up inside for a long time... but hey what it shows is that if you think the risk of being caught is worth the reward of getting said leg over, then I suppose what it shows is how little one thinks of their relationship..

harsh.... yep... fair...absolutely, and don't tell me otherwise other you would have had that conversation and been as "genuine" and "honest" with them... and you seem to be trying to do with us...

but heck... you decision in the end..... load your gun and hope no one gets shot in the crossfire...

I HAVE seen the ultimate pain in that a person found out their partner was swinging after they died... they were on their way back from a swinging party when it happen.... people will be able to vouch for this as they were at said party

no one knew he was single... i was shock when i got the phone call...

and then she found the website.....

and the pain, venom and anguish that she let out on the swinging site when they found out is something that will stick with me for a long... long... long time....

not so easy to say "not my problem, not my issue" then.......

so please in all the fawning, the "there, there, there's" the justifications and the "good lucks" lets not forget the people who are the true innocents here...

the people sat at home not knowing.... the people who could have their whole world shattered if they find out.....

like i said... if the risk of getting caught and potentially destroying and hurting the one person the profess to love more in the world is worth the reward of getting a fuck...... then they don't love that person quite as much as we would like to believe...

flame away if you want..... give it ya best shot.....

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

When I read comments like "she's just gone off sex".... I always seem to think it's missing "with me" on the end.

It's a rare thing to see someone who has tried every avenue to resolve whatever the problem is, and whilst there are a lot of medical and biological reasons at the core to many problems, many partners who seek to cheat seem to have difficulty in realising they are part of the reason.

Cheating seems to be the easier option, the quicker route to resolving one person's problem rather than both.... which also says a lot.... as long as I get mine I'm alright Jack!

By the way 'every anvenue' is not buying flowers and a neck massage.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Talk to your wife about the sexual side of your relationship.

Don't mention swinging, talk about how you would like more sex with her, be more intimate with her.

Do you find your wife sexually attractive?

Does she find you sexually appealing?

You won't know unless you talk with her and discuss both of your feelings for one another honestly.

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

well i cant say theres not lots of food for thought ... good points raised on both sides . glad that i got posts from guys who are swinging outside a marriage .. i would like to say NO SHE DIDNT SUFFER DEPRESSION BEFORE WE MET , BUT IT STEMS FROM THINGS LONG BEFORE.. we did have a great sex life

as for delete your account etx etc..ill look at what ever i like on the web thanks , my phones mine and she could nt find this site in a million years. you think its bookmarked with facebook ...

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

"Talk to your wife about the sexual side of your relationship.

Don't mention swinging, talk about how you would like more sex with her, be more intimate with her.

Do you find your wife sexually attractive?

Does she find you sexually appealing?

You won't know unless you talk with her and discuss both of your feelings for one another honestly."

thank you .. think ill have to bite the bullet n take that advice

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

i would also like to say cheers for the messages of support ... some even made me laugh!!

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

It takes 2 people to have sex and two people to not have sex. this has been done to death, do we really need another poor me i cant be bothered to sort my life out thread.

Today cj= children are dying from lack of clean water, the fact you wont talk openly and honestly to the person you are supposed to love isnt a problem, its a whine full of self pity.

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

"It takes 2 people to have sex and two people to not have sex. this has been done to death, do we really need another poor me i cant be bothered to sort my life out thread.

Today cj= children are dying from lack of clean water, the fact you wont talk openly and honestly to the person you are supposed to love isnt a problem, its a whine full of self pity."

er thanks for that.. very constructive!!! about as much use as a one legged man in an arse kickin contest

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

i must say this... how many of these swinging couples .. are swingers because its something that they both wanted ? hmm how many of you do it to keep the other happy or to stop them straying with members of the opposite sex . or same sex come to that !! how many of you "single swingers" . (loose term that ) are "swinging"cos its the only chance ya get at a fuck!!

lot of hypocrites here i feel?? ... lot if "im right your wrong"

thanks for the pms tho . you know who u r

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

" ...and she could nt find this site in a million years. "

At least you hope she doesn't.... even though many do.

You like many others will continue to put your needs first before those of your partner, whether that is because you want to maintain a lifestyle or because somewhere in the selfish beating heart you do actually feel something for her... even if you do imply she's thick.

And like many others who make the mistake of thinking they are clever and cover their tracks, one day you may truely be able to reflect and decide if it was really worth it.

Having started this post I would have thought you'd also be a little more open about your situation on your profile to allow people a choice at stage 1... but no, you don't even do that do you...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"i must say this... how many of these swinging couples .. are swingers because its something that they both wanted ? hmm how many of you do it to keep the other happy or to stop them straying with members of the opposite sex . or same sex come to that !! how many of you "single swingers" . (loose term that ) are "swinging"cos its the only chance ya get at a fuck!!

lot of hypocrites here i feel?? ... lot if "im right your wrong"

thanks for the pms tho . you know who u r"

we swing because we enjoy doing it together, we dont play alone and yes its something we both want to do, seeing your loved one getting pleasure from someone else is on of the most eroyic things ever, and beeing able to join in even better.

isnt that what swinging is??????

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mate, did you honestly expect a different response on here? From what I've picked up swinging is all about honesty between all involved - sadly people in your situation do tend to come over as being dishonest by going behind your partner's back.

Only you and your wife can make this work or fail, decide what is the most important thing to you and work for it. Ball's in your court, I only hope you make the right decision.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

lot of hypocrites here i feel?? ... lot if "im right your wrong"

thanks for the pms tho . you know who u r"

It really is a sign of desperation if your best defence for your own choices is to divert the attention somewhere else.

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

try scrollin up to the post by "artfull dodger" (its not far ) and see my reply to that very kind helpful post!!

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"try scrollin up to the post by "artfull dodger" (its not far ) and see my reply to that very kind helpful post!! "

I did... just before reading your 'meet today' post

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

no not really .. i did say thanks to those who have been incitefull helpful and helped me decide where to go from here ... as for the "cheat haters" i just think they should take a look in the mirror

ps i aint got round to changin my profile yet..... but thanks.. what does tell us exactly?? your a picky bird with feet ??

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"no not really .. i did say thanks to those who have been incitefull helpful and helped me decide where to go from here ... as for the "cheat haters" i just think they should take a look in the mirror

ps i aint got round to changin my profile yet..... but thanks.. what does tell us exactly?? your a picky bird with feet ?? "

I am a cheat hater as you put it... and I can look in the mirror every day and know I am not lying or breaking a bond of trust ... so what is it I am meant to see?

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

"try scrollin up to the post by "artfull dodger" (its not far ) and see my reply to that very kind helpful post!!

I did... just before reading your 'meet today' post

then you will have noticed which one was posted first.. like i said some helpful people here have given me good advice ! sadly most of it away from this forum!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Masturbate more. You won't be cheating on your wife then."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

there is alot of good stuff in this thread for you but if you choose not to see it then fine

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

"Mate, did you honestly expect a different response on here? From what I've picked up swinging is all about honesty between all involved - sadly people in your situation do tend to come over as being dishonest by going behind your partner's back.

Only you and your wife can make this work or fail, decide what is the most important thing to you and work for it. Ball's in your court, I only hope you make the right decision."

no guess not but some good advice went in,cheers 2u mate . and others

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

"there is alot of good stuff in this thread for you but if you choose not to see it then fine"

see above post

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"there is alot of good stuff in this thread for you but if you choose not to see it then fine

see above post

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

"Masturbate more. You won't be cheating on your wife then.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"try scrollin up to the post by "artfull dodger" (its not far ) and see my reply to that very kind helpful post!!

I did... just before reading your 'meet today' post

then you will have noticed which one was posted first.. "

Over half an hour later and it's still there though.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"as i ve said mate , the deppresion stems back many years before she knew me... i understand the implications of being caught cheatin mate ... as i say not been there yet .

It would be best to quote the people you are answering.

To your OP and following posts I will say.

I don't care what people do with their lives and if marrieds want to look elsewhere for sex it is up to them...BUT what I do find distasteful is for you to come onto a swinging site discussing the wife you say you love in detail, including illness...maybe have more respect for the person you married.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Audiguy, if you ask for advice on a touchy subject you will get replies that you will agree with and disagree with.

If you ask for an individuals' oppinion you will get exactly that.

We all have an idea how people should behave and how people should live their lives but we are all different with different morals so you will not a definitive answer from anyone here.

The answers lie at home with your wife.

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

"I am not lying or breaking a bond of trust ... so what is it I am meant to see?"

you need me to spell it out???

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I am not lying or breaking a bond of trust ... so what is it I am meant to see?

you need me to spell it out??? "

please do im lost here also

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"I am not lying or breaking a bond of trust ... so what is it I am meant to see?

you need me to spell it out??? "

Yes I do. You said we should look in the mirror and I don't understand what it is you expect me to see.

I don't hide important information on my profile and I don't look for sex behind anyone's back... so please do spell it out.

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By *john121Man over a year ago

staffs

" ...and she could nt find this site in a million years.

At least you hope she doesn't.... even though many do.

And like many others who make the mistake of thinking they are clever and cover their tracks, one day you may truely be able to reflect and decide if it was really worth it.

Having started this post I would have thought you'd also be a little more open about your situation on your profile to allow people a choice at stage 1... but no, you don't even do that do you...

Haha! So she finds the site and signs up and then views the forums and singles,fems, cpls etc guys caus that's what she's looking for!

Oh and just how many people think I wonder if my partner would like to fuck others just for their benefit with no interest for them selves one day out of the blue!

I mean come on! Sex is a selfish act hopefully shared! But be real it's not shared by all!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

While I do understand ur plight, I do feel meeting

On here behind ur wifes back a bad idea. Mainly

Because any kind of deceit in a relationship is

Destructive. The fact ur wife is suffering from depression makes the whole thing worse.

Can u imagine how upset she'd b if she

Discovered what ur doing? Do u think it wud help

her health?? My advice wud b 2 talk 2 her & as others hav said revise her meds. Put ur energies

In2 lookin after ur relationship. I'm not a hater, just find it so sad wen cpls can't b open. Wish u the best

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Haha! So she finds the site and signs up and then views the forums and singles,fems, cpls etc guys caus that's what she's looking for!

No, not at all.... but nothing stopping her talking to other people and asking where she should look if she thought he was shagging around behind her back.

Partners may not be savvy.... but can anyone be sure their friends are not.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"try scrollin up to the post by "artfull dodger" (its not far ) and see my reply to that very kind helpful post!!

I did... just before reading your 'meet today' post

then you will have noticed which one was posted first..

Over half an hour later and it's still there though."

Over an hour now.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Sadly, going off sex is not always because of meds, sometimes it is because the man is rubbish and won't take a hint or two to change things.

Also sometimes women just don't want sex, and it has nothing to do with anything else but that they don't want sex and no amount of asking questions or trying different things will make them want it.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"try scrollin up to the post by "artfull dodger" (its not far ) and see my reply to that very kind helpful post!!

I did... just before reading your 'meet today' post

then you will have noticed which one was posted first..

Over half an hour later and it's still there though.

Over an hour now."

Ok, dog and bone springs to mind

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"try scrollin up to the post by "artfull dodger" (its not far ) and see my reply to that very kind helpful post!!

I did... just before reading your 'meet today' post

then you will have noticed which one was posted first..

Over half an hour later and it's still there though.

Over an hour now.

Ok, dog and bone springs to mind

I'm not wanking over this thread

I'm just sat with me popcorn n a brew

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"try scrollin up to the post by "artfull dodger" (its not far ) and see my reply to that very kind helpful post!!

I did... just before reading your 'meet today' post

then you will have noticed which one was posted first..

Over half an hour later and it's still there though.

Over an hour now.

Ok, dog and bone springs to mind

It may well do... I state a fact nonetheless.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I completely get that 2, but if that is the case I think b open wit ur partner that u need a sexual

relationship. The hurt from lies wud b far worse.

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

"try scrollin up to the post by "artfull dodger" (its not far ) and see my reply to that very kind helpful post!!

I did... just before reading your 'meet today' post

then you will have noticed which one was posted first..

Over half an hour later and it's still there though.

Over an hour now."

sorry busy answering messages from real people

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ok well maybe if it is just sex you are after maybe a swinger site is not for you as this is a community have you thought about paying for sex if it is just sex you want. I would rather my partner see a call girl than have a full blown affair with added emotions and feeling. Or maybe just visit a swingers club again annonimity is the key if it is just sex that you are after.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Be a man and sit her down and tell her ..... you need sex and it missing from your life ... and you could end up doing things behind her back and you wish to be open ...... now it takes gutts to do this .... but she would think more of you if you did . If this is all thats wronge it can be fixed but it takes two , jo xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

why not go to a club, have some fun with people you'll not meet again with no risk of forming an attachment

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Has she always had a low sex drive or was it after you was married and had children yes priorites change. If you say the relationship is great then just be open about your needs talking about it may help.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"Ok well maybe if it is just sex you are after maybe a swinger site is not for you as this is a community have you thought about paying for sex if it is just sex you want. I would rather my partner see a call girl than have a full blown affair with added emotions and feeling. Or maybe just visit a swingers club again annonimity is the key if it is just sex that you are after."

Yeah great idea... point them in the direction of a swinging club

If you think a swinging site is not for him because it is a community... who do you think goes to swinging clubs?

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"try scrollin up to the post by "artfull dodger" (its not far ) and see my reply to that very kind helpful post!!

I did... just before reading your 'meet today' post

then you will have noticed which one was posted first..

Over half an hour later and it's still there though.

Over an hour now.

sorry busy answering messages from real people"

So your priority is not to remove the meet today which will mislead people reading it?

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

"Be a man and sit her down and tell her ..... you need sex and it missing from your life ... and you could end up doing things behind her back and you wish to be open ...... now it takes gutts to do this .... but she would think more of you if you did . If this is all thats wronge it can be fixed but it takes two , jo xx"

thats the plan babe x cheers i got into this way of thinkin earlier .. dunno how long ask the timekeeper with the shoes

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

absolutely spot on...take this advice and talk to your wife , before you make any decisions that you regret OP. I wish you the best of luck.. xx

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

yea cos swingin clubs are for single girls , with no man and shoes

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

absolutely spot on...take this advice and talk to your wife , before you make any decisions that you regret OP. I wish you the best of luck.. xx"

thank you darlin x x

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I'm still waiting for the spelling it out bit.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yeah great idea... point them in the direction of a swinging club

If you think a swinging site is not for him because it is a community... who do you think goes to swinging clubs?"
friday at chams loads of single men there and i bet half are married playing away . lol Thay would think your weird if asked to see some sort of ID , LOL Some would say single if married theres no telling .

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

So your priority is not to remove the meet today which will mislead people reading it?"

seems like your the only one readin it .. in "witch" case .. nope

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You are very welcome. I know by experience how important it is. My hubby sat me down about 4 years ago ,and told me that our sex life was at best virtually non existent and he was unhappy. We talked it out and have NEVER looked back. We are extremely happy , and we will be celebrating our 21st wedding anniversary in May. Oh and ps...at it like rabbits most days..so he usually walks around with a huge smile on his face nowadays..lol.so don't give up.xxxx

absolutely spot on...take this advice and talk to your wife , before you make any decisions that you regret OP. I wish you the best of luck.. xx

thank you darlin x x "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

People change, relationships change. More often than not, people drift apart because their needs and expectations no longer match.

That's life. It's not wrong, it's just the way it is.

You can both try to make it work, but sex is a major part of a marriage or a steady relationship, and an inbalance of both your sex drives may well mean that your relationship can't be revitalised.

The place to start though, isn't here in a forum on a sex site, in my opinion. It's between you and your lady.

You will get mixed views here, some will say cheating is a "no go", others might say, "well what she don't know ....."

Hope you sort it mate

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

It's still there thought isn't it.

I'm not so sure talking to your wife is a good idea... I would normally advise it, but the more you type the more I can understand her point of view.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some good advice on here. I do feel sorry for you though, i think you should tell her that you need to have more sex, its very important part of marriage, if your not having sex then its not a proper marriage, that just how i feel anyway. Tell her that you will divorce her if she wont have sex with you, then see what she says.

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple over a year ago

Bolton

I haven't had time to read all the thread but can I ask one question? How do you know she has gone off sex? She may have gone off having sex with you but having a whale of a time on a swinging site! Z

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

im on it trixi n jo..... x x x x

" ill get you my pretty you and ya little toto too..."

" oh no its the wickid witch of the web , its swinging spinster"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"People change, relationships change. More often than not, people drift apart because their needs and expectations no longer match.

That's life. It's not wrong, it's just the way it is.

You can both try to make it work, but sex is a major part of a marriage or a steady relationship, and an inbalance of both your sex drives may well mean that your relationship can't be revitalised.

The place to start though, isn't here in a forum on a sex site, in my opinion. It's between you and your lady.

You will get mixed views here, some will say cheating is a "no go", others might say, "well what she don't know ....."

Hope you sort it mate "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

thats the plan babe x cheers i got into this way of thinkin earlier .. dunno how long ask the timekeeper with the shoes

"
You make some time for both of you ..... make a date ? Tell her you wish to take her out on a date and she need to make a evening free and when your chating just say look i love you and need to be open for this to all work ..... say your missing feeling close to her and the sex ... just think of how things was .. when it was good .

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By *udiguy OP Man over a year ago

harrogate

yea cheers again for the good advice

on that note !! goodnight

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple over a year ago

Bolton

"I haven't had time to read all the thread but can I ask one question? How do you know she has gone off sex? She may have gone off having sex with you but having a whale of a time on a swinging site! Z"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

exact thoughts of mine... i guess most men still think they are the top of the food chain with a selfish prespective of most things, especially when it comes to sex...

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple over a year ago

Bolton

exact thoughts of mine... i guess most men still think they are the top of the food chain with a selfish prespective of most things, especially when it comes to sex...

I thought it was just me thinking this! Quite an arrogant attitude really! Z

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

exact thoughts of mine... i guess most men still think they are the top of the food chain with a selfish prespective of most things,

username is a clue

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Ok, attacking the poster is getting away from what the question was.

This has run it's course now.

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