FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Getting an erection in a club
Getting an erection in a club
Jump to: Newest in thread
Hi guys,
I have a question and I'm hoping you can help, mainly directed at the men here but all opinions welcome.
My wife and I have made 2 club visits now and we've enjoyed them both very much. The first time we went we played in a room with 2 other couples present, though everybody played with their own partners. Last night we went to a club and took part in a soft swap foursome in the couples room, with A LOT of other couples playing and watching. This is the first time we've played with anyone apart from each other.
Both experiences were a lot of fun but on both occasions I've been unable to get an erection. It hasn't been a huge issue and I've been ok with it not happening, certainly not embarrassed, and prior to our club experience I've only had one isolated incident of ED a while ago.
My question is, is this normal for guys when you first start going to clubs? Have any of you struggled with this and do you have any tips for overcoming it (without using any kind of medication/tablets)? I will admit to feeling not entirely comfortable in a club setting yet as I do still find it quite overwhelming especially in playrooms. Are we possibly just moving too fast too soon?
Thanking you all in advance for sharing your thoughts 
Mr |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Nerves, sensory overload, not feeling relaxed. Also don't drink as much alcohol if you had any. All can affect it. The more you stress over it the less it will happen also |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I used to suffer the same in a club atmosphere, I think because the stress of the new overwhelms the turned on state.
I found no sex or walking for a weak, my partner in crime teasing me through the week with words or actions .. Sucking until about to cum, and stopping, frigging herself while I watch, having me eat her to a climax ... So I had full balls, a hunger and need that over rules any fears .... I take ages to cum anyway, so lots of fun with a steel hard erection to be had.
Most recently, rather stupidly, I was waking and got invited to a bukakke, my first ever. I managed a hardon, the lady was gorgeous, but I could cum ... Most embarrassing, considering everyone else was covering her in spunk ... Next time I plan to refrain from self play for at least a week before ... As a heavy dimmer perhaps I can make up for not cumming last time!
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I used to have the same issue when I used to go with my fb to chams at first. Nerves, idle thoughts (am i ugly, am i too small, will anyone fancy me etc) and open rooms were my killer..
Time helped the nerves.. confidance helped the idle thoughts and removed them from my mind and going into a locked room with a couple whom we used to say we are new and nervous and want to take things slow helped.. most couples in clubs understood this.
Good luck fella |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It's common. When we first started going, when everything was new, I had it once or twice and have seen tons of other guys the same. After that, everything has been fine and we've had dozens of fun visits since and lots of satisfaction all round. So don't think about it, the new situation can get lots of guys just the same.
Relax, don't worry, have fun.
MrB
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It is pretty common, I have experienced it most with the male half of a couple rather than single guys. Not sure if it is nerves or him not feeling entirely comfortable with having sex with another woman with his wife present.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I find that other people make mine go away just by the exaggerated noises that they make. As an example, we were at a club on friday and there was a threeway going on, but i had to look about for the porn cameras with the noises they were making lol. Maybe thats just me though lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why nearly all clubs sell Viagra, they can make a killing."
Probably the risk of someone having a heart attack etc is too high, so they may literally make a killing |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Jez what do you expect?
" I will admit to feeling not entirely comfortable in a club setting yet as I do still find it quite overwhelming" -
So of course your dick is going to respond accordingly -its brain driven just like every other guys.
Don't give yourself a phobia about it. performance/loyalty/(will partner feel jealous/(will I feel guilty) -if I do it with someone-else, anxiety. We have all felt those prangs at sometime. It's a lot to take on if you love and care about your partner.
Even experienced swingers get them sometimes both male and female
BTW performance anxiety affects all of us guys at sometime or another -its par for the course. Don't worry you cock will respond when your ready to, and your relaxed and the pressure is off you!
My advice is to continue going to clubs: Just meet and chat to people, and you will learn to relax in that environment. Things will come of their own accord when they are ready.
You have taken a VERY BIG step in the exploration of your sexlife -just chillout. Its only a bit of fun.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Jez what do you expect?
" I will admit to feeling not entirely comfortable in a club setting yet as I do still find it quite overwhelming" -
So of course your dick is going to respond accordingly -its brain driven just like every other guys.
Don't give yourself a phobia about it. performance/loyalty/(will partner feel jealous/(will I feel guilty) -if I do it with someone-else, anxiety. We have all felt those prangs at sometime. It's a lot to take on if you love and care about your partner.
Even experienced swingers get them sometimes both male and female
BTW performance anxiety affects all of us guys at sometime or another -its par for the course. Don't worry you cock will respond when your ready to, and your relaxed and the pressure is off you!
My advice is to continue going to clubs: Just meet and chat to people, and you will learn to relax in that environment. Things will come of their own accord when they are ready.
You have taken a VERY BIG step in the exploration of your sexlife -just chillout. Its only a bit of fun.
"
Yes, you talk total sense, as has everyone on here and deep down it's probably all stuff i knew anyway. I wasn't freaking out about it, i was just interested in hearing other people's experience of it as its not something i can talk about with anyone except the wife and i really wanted to hear some guys opinions. It's very reassuring, thanks guys
We'll keep going to clubs and we'll probably keep going to the same club, I'm thinking seeing familiar faces and surroundings as wellnmight help things along. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
OP I wasn't suggesting you were freaking out about it. Just didn't want you to worry about it, it quite normal. Expectations especially self-expectations and headspace are not something that often talked about, especially from the male perspective.
You sound like your on the right track, just keep talking with your partner share reservations and concerns, and learn to relax, it will all work out when it ready to.
Happy swinging. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think its quite natural for guys to big themselves up about what a stud they are. Which just adds to the nerves and performance expectation.
Better to be natural, relaxed and just be yourself.
I know that Marion likes to be charmed, flirted with and a seduced with plenty of stroking and finger, mouth and tongue action, rather than a simple wam bam fuck.
Invest in slow build up and you'll be relaxed and up for it and the lady is more likely to be too.
BTW I wouldn't worry too much - Marion tends to have a load of fun whether she has full sex or not - and then if any guys haven't followed through then she looks to me to do so and we have an awesome end to the evening. Often better than if she been sated earlier by another. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Your doing better than me I've had it happen to me a few times and got very embarrassed. I worked out it only happens to me if I get to hot. Group rooms are generally hotter so if you've only be in group situations try making sure you somewhere cool. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Nerves happen to every guy, we're not all 24/7 Energizer Bunnies with roaring hardons ready to go all the time! If you find yourself in a situation whereby your cock doesn't want to wake up for some fun, just focus more on being active orally and in foreplay with whoever you're playing with. Biggest misconception any man can have is to think that it is a must for men to fuck a woman in order to make her feel good and cum; if you're good enough with fingers and tongue the fucking is only going to be a nice bonus for her and not a necessity!
Just take it in stride, everyone has on and off days, and generally such things improve with time as you meet the same crowd or enter the same club with the same atmosphere, so your body will naturally relax and chill out which helps wonders with performance issues. And above all else find the right person you click with sexually! It's not just about jumping and fucking the first woman that crosses your path or carving a veritable trail of conquest through the club's women and couple clientele, it's about getting to know people and working out the chemistry which automatically extends to sexual compatibility in bed too. 
Chin up OP. Just take it in stride, it'll get better with time I'm sure. :D |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ay19720Man
over a year ago
Ashford kent |
I get it on meets..it has ..put a spanner in the works...which starts making it worse. ..im just progressing and being honest with couples I meet...no problemwith fb..go figure ?
Lol watching advice same as op . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Cool! Something else I may have to look forward to for our first club visit!!! 
Why can't we just want to join bingo clubs or bridge!
What the fuck is bridge anyway? Heard it mentioned loads of times but literally no clue as to what it is! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *limj93Man
over a year ago
London & Berks |
"I used to suffer the same in a club atmosphere, I think because the stress of the new overwhelms the turned on state.
I found no sex or walking for a weak, my partner in crime teasing me through the week with words or actions .. Sucking until about to cum, and stopping, frigging herself while I watch, having me eat her to a climax ... So I had full balls, a hunger and need that over rules any fears .... I take ages to cum anyway, so lots of fun with a steel hard erection to be had.
Most recently, rather stupidly, I was waking and got invited to a bukakke, my first ever. I managed a hardon, the lady was gorgeous, but I could cum ... Most embarrassing, considering everyone else was covering her in spunk ... Next time I plan to refrain from self play for at least a week before ... As a heavy dimmer perhaps I can make up for not cumming last time!
"
I agree 100%!
I never have a problem getting an erection or staying erect for hours either without pills but if I've been wanking/ having sex recently then it's much harder to cum. And it's especially hard if the sex is rather vanilla... it helps to stimulate your own mind a little bit. It's disappointing when you can't finish and it's not feasible to keep pounding away all day regardless.
If only we all had the luxury of a partner to fluff us and tease us all week long before letting our pressurised balls unload  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *w214Couple
over a year ago
Merseyside |
I find condoms and the thought of stopping to put one on a real head fuck, but it's purely mental. We're going to start using them one on one to get better practiced. Also general fatigue plays a part. Often we're our own worst enemy but practice makes perfect. I also agree with the comment about being _oo hot, I hate overheating, starts to feel like a chore. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Just relax it happens to us all .just try not to think about it . I use to be the same being naked around people , now when I get to clubs I get naked in play areas as soon as I can , no problem getting hard now especially when wife starts getting horny with other guys , let's the other females know I'm raring to go , so just chill and let things take there course |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I don't think the word "relax" can be said enough in this situation. Luckily it didn't happen to me, but heard plenty it has. Chill out, chat, maybe have a quick play amongst yourselves. Just have fun
B x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Biggest misconception any man can have is to think that it is a must for men to fuck a woman in order to make her feel good and cum; if you're good enough with fingers and tongue the fucking is only going to be a nice bonus for her and not a necessity!"
It's not just about getting the job done though is it. This is totally my line of response when my boyfriend is dealing with performance issues, and it never helps him one bit to hear this. An erection is *also* about displaying power, manliness, desire, and providing what is inherently expected, even by those that say it matters not.
Your post is well-timed for us OP, we were also in a group situation at the local spa over the weekend. It was an intense session and I could see that everyone was into it mentally. But out of the four men present only one managed a steady erection, the other three stayed soft or drifted in and out of various degrees of hardness. Plot twist - the man with the hard-on admitted it was chemically enhanced. Now my conclusion was that it is "natural" not to sport a raging hard-on in this amazingly arousing but also extremely distracting setup. But my boyfriend's conclusion was that he now wants to try ED medication himself. Reading this discussion with great interest. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"I find condoms and the thought of stopping to put one on a real head fuck, but it's purely mental. We're going to start using them one on one to get better practiced. Also general fatigue plays a part. Often we're our own worst enemy but practice makes perfect. I also agree with the comment about being _oo hot, I hate overheating, starts to feel like a chore."
Fatigue I find is my killer....if I am tired then little man goes walkies |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *inups99Couple
over a year ago
manchester |
It's an interesting one and something we have experienced in clubs and party situations.
Having said that when my wife and I have a threesome with our regular friend, the erections of both guys are no issue. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Some people just can't get it up being watched or on display.
Personally I like to be watched and that turns me on, but if there's no sexual chemistry in the first place, then it just won't happen. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"If you don't get a stiffie, are you really turned on? "
Well, on the second occasion I started off just watching my wife with another women, lots of kissing and stroking, which the other woman's fella soon joined in with. I found this extremely arousing and started to get twitches down below. Then the other women (who i found very attractive) asked my wife if she could kiss me, the wife says yes and we start kissing. She was a great kisser but I just went totally limp. We all soft played for another 15 minutes before we left the room. Had I been in a room on my own with that women and been kissed like that, I've no doubt I would have been able to get and maintain an erection.
I suppose tiredness is a factor I hadn't considered. I never refuse sex even if I'm tired, only if I'm ill (even then its 50/50!  ) and i never struggle with erections but in an unfamiliar environment its possible tiredness was a factor as I hadn't slept well for a couple of nights beforehand. I had about a third a bottle of wine and a bottle of beer as well so I could cut down on that, stick to water to keep me cool. I'll also not come for a few days beforehand and stay out of the open playrooms!
Cheers guys |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Biggest misconception any man can have is to think that it is a must for men to fuck a woman in order to make her feel good and cum; if you're good enough with fingers and tongue the fucking is only going to be a nice bonus for her and not a necessity!
It's not just about getting the job done though is it. This is totally my line of response when my boyfriend is dealing with performance issues, and it never helps him one bit to hear this. An erection is *also* about displaying power, manliness, desire, and providing what is inherently expected, even by those that say it matters not.
Your post is well-timed for us OP, we were also in a group situation at the local spa over the weekend. It was an intense session and I could see that everyone was into it mentally. But out of the four men present only one managed a steady erection, the other three stayed soft or drifted in and out of various degrees of hardness. Plot twist - the man with the hard-on admitted it was chemically enhanced. Now my conclusion was that it is "natural" not to sport a raging hard-on in this amazingly arousing but also extremely distracting setup. But my boyfriend's conclusion was that he now wants to try ED medication himself. Reading this discussion with great interest."
That's a very interesting viewpoint. A couple we met the first time we went to a club, who were more experienced than us. said that the majority of guys in clubs were on something to help them maintain erection and most clubs were happy to sell these aids, but obviously they don't advertise the fact.
I've no idea how true that is though as I've no desire to go down that route. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Hi guys,
I have a question and I'm hoping you can help, mainly directed at the men here but all opinions welcome.
My wife and I have made 2 club visits now and we've enjoyed them both very much. The first time we went we played in a room with 2 other couples present, though everybody played with their own partners. Last night we went to a club and took part in a soft swap foursome in the couples room, with A LOT of other couples playing and watching. This is the first time we've played with anyone apart from each other.
Both experiences were a lot of fun but on both occasions I've been unable to get an erection. It hasn't been a huge issue and I've been ok with it not happening, certainly not embarrassed, and prior to our club experience I've only had one isolated incident of ED a while ago.
My question is, is this normal for guys when you first start going to clubs? Have any of you struggled with this and do you have any tips for overcoming it (without using any kind of medication/tablets)? I will admit to feeling not entirely comfortable in a club setting yet as I do still find it quite overwhelming especially in playrooms. Are we possibly just moving too fast too soon?
Thanking you all in advance for sharing your thoughts
Mr"
Hi, from the comments it is normal. I had the same problem in my first orgy and honestly any time I have group play when not having played for a while. It is the same issues (nerves, sensory overload, etc) as been mentioned before on this thread. I think it will pass the more often you go to clubs or indulge in club -like situations. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It sounds to me that it's your problem is to do with your sub conscious. It could be fear or embarrassment or worries.
To overcome this then try to find something that really gets you going or calms / relaxes you.
For me to get my passion going I do like passionate kissing and my neck being kissed is a weakness.
I can guarantee that once you find your on switch then you will be rocking the world |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Then the other women (who i found very attractive) asked my wife if she could kiss me, the wife says yes and we start kissing. She was a great kisser but I just went totally limp. We all soft played for another 15 minutes before we left the room."
Oh so *now* I get why it's called soft play!  
I don't believe that the majority of men in clubs take pills, however I am sure many do and I guess this skews perception/expectations. All of my more experienced friends do mention using them on occasion. I am also confident that the more you get exposed to this type of stimulus the more it gets normalised and becomes a comfortable setup. The question is, how many boneless foursomes/moresomes could a man endure to find this out for himself! I can see why the instant solution of meds is so appealing. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
you might feel relaxed and ok with it but your probably nervous and it shows by you not getting hard . the more you play with other people the easier it will get |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Not sure if it's already been mentioned but doing kegels could help
It's an excercise that can strengthen your erection, so even if the problem is all in your mind it can still help by making you more confident in your boner power
If your not sure how to do them a quick Google will bring up a ton of stuff, they're dead easy to do , I'm doing mine right now |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We all do our kegels here. Kegels can help you have a harder erection and maintain that erection, but they can't help when you can't get hard in the first place! Thanks to his exercising my boyfriend has excellent erections and good control - when it's just the two of us and on our regular threesomes. It's when you throw new and/or more people in the mix that his fellow won't rise to the occasion!
Does jelking help you get an erection? How do you know they are using specific techniques? To me it just all looks like people tugging on their semis |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
So, we had another soft swap on Saturday and happy to report that I got and maintained an erection and then managed to come as well!
I think it was a combination of things that helped. It was the first time we'd gone back to a club we'd been to before (we even used the same playrooms) we REALLY clicked with the other couple who were hot, and we took things very slowly re. foreplay. All of which made me very relaxed. I'd had a few vodkas (wasnt even tipsy though, so they may have helped) and was very tired before heading out but thankfully those factors didn't effect things too much, if at all.
So yes, we're much more looking forward to club encounters now! I know it may well happen again but knowing I've managed it once and that i genuinely enjoy those situations is a big step for me
Going to look into these kegels and jelking that some of you we're talking about too, thanks a lot guys for all the thoughts and advice
Mr |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *otty69Couple
over a year ago
bedford |
Think its more then likely nerves...remember the 1st time we went to a party/club and Mr Totty literally came in a min of being inside me...it was all down to nerves and being overly excited, and thats the only time thats ever happenned , so dont worry and just enjoy it a few more visits and itl all be the normal. x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Think its more then likely nerves...remember the 1st time we went to a party/club and Mr Totty literally came in a min of being inside me...it was all down to nerves and being overly excited, and thats the only time thats ever happenned , so dont worry and just enjoy it a few more visits and itl all be the normal. x"
This also happened to me on my first club visit. A very nice young lady gave me oral and I lasted less than a minute. It was rather embarrassing, but she laughed it off, and another couple were very helpful saying that they had seen this, and lack of erection regularly with guys who were new to the club scene and it was nothing to worry about. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It's not something to worry about. Sometimes it just happens, it can just be an odd mood that ruins it.
Trust me you can goto clubs for years getting it up like a rock every time, but now and again in a new club, different room or just someone in there that makes it all feel off and boom little fella gets all shy. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi guys,
I have a question and I'm hoping you can help, mainly directed at the men here but all opinions welcome.
My wife and I have made 2 club visits now and we've enjoyed them both very much. The first time we went we played in a room with 2 other couples present, though everybody played with their own partners. Last night we went to a club and took part in a soft swap foursome in the couples room, with A LOT of other couples playing and watching. This is the first time we've played with anyone apart from each other.
Both experiences were a lot of fun but on both occasions I've been unable to get an erection. It hasn't been a huge issue and I've been ok with it not happening, certainly not embarrassed, and prior to our club experience I've only had one isolated incident of ED a while ago.
My question is, is this normal for guys when you first start going to clubs? Have any of you struggled with this and do you have any tips for overcoming it (without using any kind of medication/tablets)? I will admit to feeling not entirely comfortable in a club setting yet as I do still find it quite overwhelming especially in playrooms. Are we possibly just moving too fast too soon?
Thanking you all in advance for sharing your thoughts
Mr"
This happens to Mr6262 too....doesn't stop us from having lots of fun though.....being relaxed and staying off alcohol helps alot |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Ok all of the above is good advise, but if u think about it most of these lovely ladies spend a lot time effort and money making them selves look their best for us guys with hair make-up waxing nails sexy under-ware shoes and even dresses for social meets, so if u think u maybe gonna experience an ED which has happend to nearly all of the best of us lol so surely it would be nice to pay back and respect all ladies with a good time and lots of sexy action so always carry some form of viagra in you pocket/wallet for emergency action and once u have conqered your demons just throw them away lol xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I tried one of these on weekend just for a laugh.. Wow talk about a load of hype.
Made no difference, my little fella was up as normal and I saw no difference.
Tbh of mini me doesn't want to get up, I don't care how much effort some lady put into her attire, I'm not going to take a pill to change it. .
Sometimes it just isn't ment to be. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *D835Man
over a year ago
London |
"Ok all of the above is good advise, but if u think about it most of these lovely ladies spend a lot time effort and money making them selves look their best for us guys with hair make-up waxing nails sexy under-ware shoes and even dresses for social meets, so if u think u maybe gonna experience an ED which has happend to nearly all of the best of us lol so surely it would be nice to pay back and respect all ladies with a good time and lots of sexy action so always carry some form of viagra in you pocket/wallet for emergency action and once u have conqered your demons just throw them away lol xx"
Lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
