FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Do you have to be super attractive to get a message back
Do you have to be super attractive to get a message back
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey everyone, I'm just wondering what it takes to get a message back on here. I'm a young, fit and I thought quite cute guy. I'm new and when I message someone I always put a face pic and a polite message saying I like your profile and it would be great to chat if you like mine. But I'm getting no response.
I understand women get bombarded with messages. But Im starting to realise that maybe I'm actually really unattractive lol it's making me feel a little low. But what do women look for in looks on here? Do you have to look like a model?
Thanks |
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"It starts with a decent message then a decent profile...for me at least
Yes but you have a fabulous avatar, love that picture  "
Thank you. It still doesn't get me a decent message from guys 9 out of 10 times so it's easy to stand out! |
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"It starts with a decent message then a decent profile...for me at least
What would be a decent message in your eyes?"
Not hi, how are you, how's your day/weekend/life going 
Not fancy a fuck or some ridiculous sex story that you've nicked from someone else
Not a copy and paste to all ladies within a 200 mile radius
So try...
Reading someone's profile
Checking you're what they're looking for
Connect with them
Tell them a bit about what you're looking for
Send a nice pic of yours aren't public
Err on the side of caution and not send a cock pic (doesn't apply to me, I like them...well if they have pubes it's an auto delete!)
Spend the time messaging one person you'd really like to meet rather than 10 people you're just chancing your luck with and have no idea if you're what they're looking for |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It starts with a decent message then a decent profile...for me at least
What would be a decent message in your eyes?
Not hi, how are you, how's your day/weekend/life going
Not fancy a fuck or some ridiculous sex story that you've nicked from someone else
Not a copy and paste to all ladies within a 200 mile radius
So try...
Reading someone's profile
Checking you're what they're looking for
Connect with them
Tell them a bit about what you're looking for
Send a nice pic of yours aren't public
Err on the side of caution and not send a cock pic (doesn't apply to me, I like them...well if they have pubes it's an auto delete!)
Spend the time messaging one person you'd really like to meet rather than 10 people you're just chancing your luck with and have no idea if you're what they're looking for"
Thank you so much for your advice  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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And to answer your question....it cannot be just about looks.
I'm not exactly gods gift in that department....but over the years I've had way more than my share of success if the average on here is anything to go by. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No cock picture!
Be polite,
Send a polite message to someone you're genuinely intrested in meeting, rather than 30 women you're hoping to meet,
I always reply to messages , even to say no thanks, that's only polite?
Read a profile and pick out key points,
Be lucky! Chrissie xx |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
for some it will be your age and nothing to do with your profile or pics..some of us have kids your age and dont consider it appropriate xx dont be put off and get your true self known in the forms, get out and about, even to socials and trust yourself xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey everyone, I'm just wondering what it takes to get a message back on here. I'm a young, fit and I thought quite cute guy. I'm new and when I message someone I always put a face pic and a polite message saying I like your profile and it would be great to chat if you like mine. But I'm getting no response.
I understand women get bombarded with messages. But Im starting to realise that maybe I'm actually really unattractive lol it's making me feel a little low. But what do women look for in looks on here? Do you have to look like a model?
Thanks "
I've never had a message back either, I've never had a single reply to any message I have mailed first, not even a your not my type
Maybe we are just aiming to high and mailing people who are out of our league, that's what I put my failure rate to |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"for some it will be your age and nothing to do with your profile or pics..some of us have kids your age and dont consider it appropriate xx dont be put off and get your true self known in the forms, get out and about, even to socials and trust yourself xx"
I only seem to message people around my age or younger. :/ I don't know, no matter what I say, I guess everyone still has a preference (I'm mixed race) and I'm just not fitting the bill. But its okay, I guess the site is not for everyone lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nope , I do ok on here and I'm a less than average looking chap .
Sincerity goes a long when talking to people and make the messages personal to who you would like to chat to . As above , cut and paste is just rude
Hth
Gav |
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"It starts with a decent message then a decent profile...for me at least
What would be a decent message in your eyes?"
You're the 'intelligent' one - work it out. Looks to me like you thought you were gonna be knee deep in clunge, and expected your age and body would get you sex. It hasn't so far, so now that little bit of reality has bounced off your head - now what?
I'm not going to give any advice at all except to say wait more than two weeks before announcing you can't get sex because that makes you sound desperate and needy and impatient,
It's a learning curve. Reality. Life.
If whatever you're doing isn't working, then do something else.
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"for some it will be your age and nothing to do with your profile or pics..some of us have kids your age and dont consider it appropriate xx dont be put off and get your true self known in the forms, get out and about, even to socials and trust yourself xx
I only seem to message people around my age or younger. :/ I don't know, no matter what I say, I guess everyone still has a preference (I'm mixed race) and I'm just not fitting the bill. But its okay, I guess the site is not for everyone lol"
No point in blaming people for not wanting mixed race men for sex. It's bleedin' obvious that many do. Don't blame something you can't change for your lack of success. If whatever you're doing isn't working, change it.
Harsh advice but judging from your profile, I think you need it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The expression 'I like your profile and it would be great to chat' gets said rather a lot, and I always think 'but I'm not looking for random guys to chat to'.
In a first message I would look for a guy to introduce themselves and talk a bit about themselves. I can't script what they should say, but with me, either something sparks or it doesn't. If it sparks, then I message back and chat further, and if conversation flows naturally we take it further, and if conversation dries up then we leave it.
With regards to couple play, the men who do well tend to be those who really understand what swinging is, and understand the dynamics of playing with an MF couple, as it can be very complex. Any swinging couple will want to know what a man can do for them, so have a think about what you have to offer.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am far from being an 'attractive' guy for many on here, but I still do ok. I may only get a small percentage of my messages answered and an even smaller percentage of those lead to meets.
You talk about age, I'm at the opposite end of the scale, 50 or 49 seems to be a cut off point for many, so it's not really about age. Looks you talk about and I am far from conformly good looking, so it's not about that either.
I think you need to be happy in yourself, confident with who you are, but not arrogant, accept you're not going to appeal to everyone and tailor your first message. Tell people about yourself, but also take note of their profile, perhaps adding something relevant. I haven't looked at your profile, but it should be a window. A shop window, but also a window that tells others what you are about. Mine is quite long and people probably get bored before they reach the bottom, but if they do, then they are not for me either.
If it's not working for you, try a different approach. Accept what you can't change and change what you can. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Attraction is so subjective. Some peoples criteria for attraction is purely based on physical appeal. Some base their decisions on personality and some people will look for a combination of both.
Within each of those scenarios you need to understand that people find different things physically attractive or like people with certain personalities.
There is no one size fits all answer to your question. To some who only look to the physical, how you look will appeal. To those who enjoy the company of a specific personality type you may not appeal at all.
Just be yourself, be open and honest and you will find what you are looking for. It may happen today, it may happen in a few months time.
Tldr - there is no single definition for attractive. Just be the best you that you can be and let it happen naturally, dont let it get you down |
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I think your profile is okay - nicely written although I wouldn't call it an ad. Add a couple more pictures (bum shot, full length etc). You have only been on two weeks and there are hundreds of single guys on here to stand out from. I suspect the problem is the message you send people. If it literally is what you wrote in your OP then it's pretty boring and doesn't show that any thought has gone into it. Personally, I hate when people ask 'can we chat?'. Ask something interesting and we will be chatting rather than a question with a yes or no answer! |
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Well I think your profile looks good, it's well written but I personally prefer more pictures.
Why not try going to social events or visit a few clubs in your area?
Good luck OP xx
P.s Caramel guys are always cute  |
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Plenty of ladies like mixed race guys and plenty don't care about race. Your profile seems ok though do have patience, it can take weeks or even months to get anywhere. Can you get verified? Some women prefer only to talk with men who are.
Then it comes down to the message you send. I usually introduce myself and say something specifically complimentary about the lady/couple's profile. Mentioned shared interests, for example. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey everyone, I'm just wondering what it takes to get a message back on here. I'm a young, fit and I thought quite cute guy. I'm new and when I message someone I always put a face pic and a polite message saying I like your profile and it would be great to chat if you like mine. But I'm getting no response.
I understand women get bombarded with messages. But Im starting to realise that maybe I'm actually really unattractive lol it's making me feel a little low. But what do women look for in looks on here? Do you have to look like a model?
Thanks "
I look like the back of a bus and did ok as a single guy.... Take the advice you've been given and try to stand out.... Oh and don't sound desperate!
Best of luck...
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can't speak for everyone but I can't abide being told..
"I have a long tongue and can lick for hour's - you won't be disappointed"..... Yawn!!
Don't ask if I'm fine or what I'm looking for.
You need patience on here... Good luck with your search xx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey everyone, I'm just wondering what it takes to get a message back on here. I'm a young, fit and I thought quite cute guy. I'm new and when I message someone I always put a face pic and a polite message saying I like your profile and it would be great to chat if you like mine. But I'm getting no response.
I understand women get bombarded with messages. But Im starting to realise that maybe I'm actually really unattractive lol it's making me feel a little low. But what do women look for in looks on here? Do you have to look like a model?
Thanks "
For us it would be age and seeing the year u were born in your username just a constant reminder,,,, no kids ur age but I have siblings  |
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"It starts with a decent message then a decent profile...for me at least
What would be a decent message in your eyes?
Not hi, how are you, how's your day/weekend/life going
Not fancy a fuck or some ridiculous sex story that you've nicked from someone else
Not a copy and paste to all ladies within a 200 mile radius
So try...
Reading someone's profile
Checking you're what they're looking for
Connect with them
Tell them a bit about what you're looking for
Send a nice pic of yours aren't public
Err on the side of caution and not send a cock pic (doesn't apply to me, I like them...well if they have pubes it's an auto delete!)
Spend the time messaging one person you'd really like to meet rather than 10 people you're just chancing your luck with and have no idea if you're what they're looking for"
Saved me a lot of typing...It's a shame some people don't realise it's that easy. |
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By *andJCouple
over a year ago
fun town |
I would say your its your age!!
To be honest I (J) rarely reply to messages from guys unless they have really caught my eye,
I'm only 30 but don't think I would meet a 24 year old personally!!
I also prefer to meet guys at a club
Xx |
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"I think your profile is okay - nicely written although I wouldn't call it an ad. Add a couple more pictures (bum shot, full length etc). You have only been on two weeks and there are hundreds of single guys on here to stand out from. I suspect the problem is the message you send people. If it literally is what you wrote in your OP then it's pretty boring and doesn't show that any thought has gone into it. Personally, I hate when people ask 'can we chat?'. Ask something interesting and we will be chatting rather than a question with a yes or no answer! "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your a young guy you don't need sites like this men heavily out number women on here. You could spend months getting no where... I'm sure your not short of female admirers mate. Plus there's better sites than this that work better for single men |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"for some it will be your age and nothing to do with your profile or pics..some of us have kids your age and dont consider it appropriate xx dont be put off and get your true self known in the forms, get out and about, even to socials and trust yourself xx
I only seem to message people around my age or younger. :/ I don't know, no matter what I say, I guess everyone still has a preference (I'm mixed race) and I'm just not fitting the bill. But its okay, I guess the site is not for everyone lol"
You have been here two weeks! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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the problem with this site is there are loads more single guys compared to single ladies or couples, or so I keep hearing. ive been on here now for quite a few years and had THREE meets which I got through where I work but with this sites help to be fair. most of my verifications have come from going to clubs. if I still lived in the midlands I would never use this site! get yourself to clubs and known on the scene then get the people you meet there to verify you then take it from there!!! |
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