FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > sub women: a how to??
sub women: a how to??
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we continue to chat and experiment but i have no real experience of the dom role and in my internet adventures so far all i really find is women being tied from the ceiling, needle play and smack around fake rape kinda stuff........i am plenty openminded but have to say none of that is for me, a big turn off.
and so would love to hear from the people of fabland (esp sub women) for to share what they liked in the past or didnt like aswell, and in general tips and ideas to things we may like to try and should be avoided perhaps and also reconmended reading or veiwing material be very welcome also.xx
thanks in advance ppl.xx  | |||
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"Hi this is R writing J's response... Firstly, as you asking on a forum about how to be a Dom you are not one. It is very unlikely you will be able to do it. Ultimately if you want to sub this girl, get a Dom in, sit back relax and watch, (yep you be a cuckold'd my friend) There is so much wrong with your post it is hard to know where to start. Researching ? she is the research, you should be attuned to her needs then telling her what her needs are. Not asking her, and then researching the net. Maybe you could read the Shadowlands series Cherri Sinclair. (it is chick lit but it defines the male / dom role with some precision. ) J was instructed to read it. I won't read any of it in case it taints my versatile imagination. Smack around ? Wtf is that ? No Dom ever gives out a smack around. If I R ever saw a Dom giving his sub a smack around, i would intervene as J would expect me to. BDSM is about a journey of the mind, well before the body. fake rape ? again, even the choice of words is so far off, look at forced orgasms at you might be heading in the right direction. Also "edging" is an acquired skill, but subs generally go wild for it. and needle play ? you are nowhere near ready for that, please for her sake forget about that one. Suspension is serious rope work, it is a complicated restraint, you could inflict some serious injury going head first into that.... Slow down, go to some BDSM clubs, try fet life and get yourselves to a munch (a meet in a public place, vanilla dress) near you. You two could be onto a good journey together, but your post is alarming in it naivety... also research topping from the bottom... (J will check this and correct me if she thinks she needs to....she won't of course) your voice is the best tool you have, especially when your sub is fully restrained.... If some of this seems harsh, it is, suspension, really ? ?...fuck that up and you are in A and E...... If you are ever at the lodge in Gloucester, when we are there, I may give a demonstration, but J is not here to train, she is a sub in training herself.... us 2 X We only ever write together. "  | |||
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"A Dom is what you ARE not what you DO. You can learn techniques if you like, but if you don't feel deep down that this is part of your personality and deeply held desires, and are just doing it for your gf, then you are likely to end up over your head." | |||
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"I think the first thing you need to establish is if your lady friend is looking for you to assert yourself in the 'stronger' male role in the bedroom or a true BDSM journey. Huge difference. " not sure what you mean by true bdsm journey (kinda why im here i guess)
so far its mainly like roleplay in bedroom were she does what shes told to serve me (alot of which is preagreed of course) and not a 24hr lifestyle setup if you get me. well exculding random naughty text msgs
just looking for a broader understanding of the whole area and see what out of everything fits for us best. but as you can see knowledge is power!, even when its roleplay it seems | |||
"Or maybe just Role Play which is a big difference "you could well be right queenoftease, still finding out.... | |||
"hi guys n gals, here looking for some adivce on how to be dom for a girl iv been meeting and chatting to for a while now. im 27 she 24 and through "flirty" texting we starting talking about things we get turned on by and she begins to say "i like a man to take charge" sort of thing and that she liked her nipples to be squeezed hard and whe'n i asked, she like the idea of being spanked, which got my intrest to say the least!! hehe
we continue to chat and experiment but i have no real experience of the dom role and in my internet adventures so far all i really find is women being tied from the ceiling, needle play and smack around fake rape kinda stuff........i am plenty openminded but have to say none of that is for me, a big turn off.
and so would love to hear from the people of fabland (esp sub women) for to share what they liked in the past or didnt like aswell, and in general tips and ideas to things we may like to try and should be avoided perhaps and also reconmended reading or veiwing material be very welcome also.xx
thanks in advance ppl.xx "Buy ' screw the roses send me the thorns' from Amazon. This is an exceptional handbook about BDSM and in the 20 years I have been involved in the lifestyle I have not seen another publication written to as high a standard. If you need anymore websites/ links feel free to message me. And good luck! CK Xxx | |||
"Having been on the receiving end of a "Dominant" who had no idea of what he was doing; threads like this attract me. I will reiterate my point, get yourself a mentor (Dom or sub) who knows what they are doing. Someone who understands conventions and who comprehends fully what being in a D/s relationship means!" i agree totaly, thats exactly why im asking advice about the subject.x | |||
"Having been on the receiving end of a "Dominant" who had no idea of what he was doing; threads like this attract me. I will reiterate my point, get yourself a mentor (Dom or sub) who knows what they are doing. Someone who understands conventions and who comprehends fully what being in a D/s relationship means!"
this is what prompted our response | |||
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"Pseudo Doms are extremely dangerous. There is so much information out there on BDSM sites, is a swingers site really the best place to start?" You know some of the best conversations I have had about BDSM have been on here. There are some amazing couples who are into both lifestyles. Education and communication don't necessarily come from the places you expect them. | |||
"Another good read is 'SM101' by Jay Wiseman. And watch out for the wannabes who will give you all sorts of advice about things you haven't asked about "thanks stevendebs will look it up for sure. might just a tidy little library for myself by end of thread
thanks again will keep a sharp eye out for them. lolx .....why haters gotta hate?? idk | |||
"Pseudo Doms are extremely dangerous. There is so much information out there on BDSM sites, is a swingers site really the best place to start?" for me i think it is as i get access to a broader range of experiences and intrests. tho bdsm fourms are definatily to be checked out aswell, if you a recomendation pm me cos a info goes the more the merrier i say. | |||
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"Maybe you both should read some of the novels available that have the topic as the theme and then discuss which buts you liked and which you didn't. I will probably get lots of groans for this but 50 shades or the Story of O would probably be a good start. " and you did haha.x never of story of O so i'll go see what thats about, and yeah thats essential to talk (and part of the fun too) and this is just getting ideas from peoples own experences and kinda and idea cloud and work out or change it up a lil a see what suits in the end.xx im sure you agree if everyone involed not having fun,then no-one is having fun.xx | |||
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"If you want a lobe story read 50 shades, if you want a fairly hard to read book about a woman sent to a chateau to learn submission without her knowledge read the story of o. Neither are great tomes for learning about actual BDSM stuff in my eyes. As you can see there are lots of divided opinions on this subject. The best you can do is pick your way through and see what resonates best with you both. " exactly me intentions are to get info on the whole spectrum and take away elements if they are enjoyable, for example mite enjoy some pain but not hulmilliation or indeed otherway round. they all get put into the idea cloud and see what mix we like.x | |||
"Whilst I am Sub, there are many many different levels to bdsm and all to often people jump on the band wagon of Master/slave relationship, which is not at all what I am into. I am sub in the bedroom only however, I am also very lucky to have met someone who can meet my needs both mentally and physically and knows exactly how and when to push my boundaries long before I even know! The mind is a very powerful tool "i agree completely, live your life the way you enjoy it.x | |||
"Part of the issue with BDSM is that some people have quite strong feelings about it and then will tell you whether you're doing it wrong or right based on how they perceive it to be. Many doms and subs are very subtle in their play but by the more hardcore they're seen as amateurs and don't know what they're talking about. However, the one thing that I think everyone agrees about is that this is about trust. that means if you go beyond light spanking and blindfolds you need to be comfortable with boundaries and make sure you know when to stop. If at any point one of you is not enjoying it, then stop. BTW when people say you aren't a Dom if you have to ask these questions are missing out on the fact that people often don't discover their true sexuality until they're absolutely comfortable with themselves. This means exploration and questions galore, never feel stupid for asking a question and if people tell you that, ignore them." | |||
thanks again guys.
its not just bdsm scene its everywhere, if your not doing it their way then its wrong kinda thing.
looked up home brewing or beer and low and behold they appeared, talking down to people and condasending comments about people not being true home-brewers cos they not doing it "right" becos didnt buy best equipment and not careing of the subtle of taste and just want cheap beer!!!
your finding the parallels here! lol.x
nearly 100% positive thread tho so they not worrying me.x
thanks again.xxx | |||
"As a Dom and not extreme feel free to PM me will advise you the best I can and well done for researching this " adivsed that to get a mentor be good idea........MENTOR FOUND!! haha she helpful kinky and a sexy redhead!! seriously you guys i think i love this bitch!.... sorry its mistress, i love this mistress ..... mwah.xxx lol.x | |||
"Another good read is 'SM101' by Jay Wiseman. And watch out for the wannabes who will give you all sorts of advice about things you haven't asked about ". thank you for reiterating our point about psuedo Doms your acknowledgement of it is appreciated | |||
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"Well this thread certainly went on a different tack quickly didn't it. Aggression and Domination do not work well together." i know, they must be trolls. and trolls do be trolling.x it was irony so....... who else believes that? should of used (~) symbol anyway guys this thread has been hijacked so if you have any helpful advice or suggestions please pm or respond here still if you like but beware of trolls...... they'll get ya!! haha | |||
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"Has she said she is looking for a Dom or that she is a sub? I like my men taking charge but I am FAR from being a sub!" yeah unsure at this stage as the subject is only come up in past few weeks so dont know what it will end up being as the experimenting is ongoing.x and also she hasnt used any of those terms yet but its feeling that it could be something like it.x and just asking about the whole area and see what happens, never know where we end up.xxx | |||
"i dont know ruby that last msg by them was nothing but an agurementive stance and only looking to cause bad feeling and "get back at"...... its very similar to trolls all their msg to OP (me) only had a negetive tone if you look back on thread.x thanks for previous advice again.xxx" I think there's a stance that some people in the scene take (and I hold my hands up to being one of them) to being wary of people who are green playing as a green couple. I played as a green couple and I was left in a horrendous state, the tip of the iceberg was a black eye. The way I see it (and I've written about this online) is that people in the scene have a duty to educate people who are green (I am by NO stretch of the imagination experienced but I've educated myself online and through my last Dominant) Don't forget when you type on a computer you can't hear tone of voice or see people's facial expressions. I don't believe the couple are trolls. As for the advice, any time, like I said education is the way to improve and succeed. | |||
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"A Dom is what you ARE not what you DO. You can learn techniques if you like, but if you don't feel deep down that this is part of your personality and deeply held desires, and are just doing it for your gf, then you are likely to end up over your head." Exactly, you either have it in you or you do not. | |||
"hi guys n gals, here looking for some adivce on how to be dom for a girl iv been meeting and chatting to for a while now. im 27 she 24 and through "flirty" texting we starting talking about things we get turned on by and she begins to say "i like a man to take charge" sort of thing and that she liked her nipples to be squeezed hard and when i asked, she like the idea of being spanked, which got my intrest to say the least!! hehe
we continue to chat and experiment but i have no real experience of the dom role and in my internet adventures so far all i really find is women being tied from the ceiling, needle play and smack around fake rape kinda stuff........i am plenty openminded but have to say none of that is for me, a big turn off.
and so would love to hear from the people of fabland (esp sub women) for to share what they liked in the past or didnt like aswell, and in general tips and ideas to things we may like to try and should be avoided perhaps and also reconmended reading or veiwing material be very welcome also.xx
thanks in advance ppl.xx "needle play? smack around? fake rape? what the hell,i don t like the sound of tht at all!!whats wrong with giving each other pleasure without the pain and violence??  | |||
" needle play? smack around? fake rape? what the hell,i don t like the sound of tht at all!!whats wrong with giving each other pleasure without the pain and violence?? "Sweetheart we all play differently and to different levels. | |||
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"i hope your not suggesting that im like to give anyone a black eye? (i dnt think you are btw) look i have only being asking about the area here is becos all i found was extreme smack around/fake rape stuff which, to be fair, i said clearly was a big turn off for me and so i ask here becos i thought id get more realistic advice and experinces.x sorry if you had bad experince, but im not, as i said at the start, into inflicting pain, rem i get turned off by it and for you to suggest (even unwittingly) that i am anything like, or at risk of being like, anyone that would at best cause unwanted injury or at worst force someone to do something they didnt want to do if find truly offensive and objectionable." You've totally misunderstood what I said, I've actually tried to help you on this thread. I was merely giving you an experience I went through when someone hadn't educated themselves. As I've said previously, I think you've done the right thing in posting a thread on here. You need to read what I wrote again I think. | |||
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"sorry ruby as i said i had a feeling i did misunderstand.xxx just its something i really dont like, and was concerned about being labelled in anyway.x i still like you lots tho "Glad that has been cleared up. | |||
i didnt know there were workshops you could attend! (thread sucess haha )
tell me more plz | |||
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"I've never read the story of O. But 50 shades is not how D/s really works. " Im quite aware of that. Was just trying to give some easy to find general fiction that is loosely based on D/s which the OP could use as a basis of discussion on what they both want. All D/s relstionships are unique journey's. | |||
"In BDSM a social is called a munch and there are fet nights too. Munches tend to be social with some displays and some without play at all." heard of them b4 and didnt no wat they really about, cheers.x | |||
"If your a Dom or want to be...I think the 'domly' thing would be to do your own research instead of getting shirty with people who have responded" | |||
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"Please remember that a Dom is not: - A bully - An abusive partner - Somebody who practices sexual assault - Some one who does as he or she pleases - Someone who manipulates other "weaker" characters Being Dom or Top does come naturally even though in my interaction with others in daily life am not particularly Dominant. Certain women have a way of "teasing" it out of me whilst I am mutually and strongly attracted to them. Meeting others in the scene broadens this latent aspect out. The desire becomes manifest in possibilities, experience and pleasure. Such situations do require self discipline, humor, awareness and grace of all concerned otherwise things can get out of hand." summed it up perfecly there i think and i totally agree with you!!
good call coming here for some real and sane advice and info!
thanks again all.xxx | |||
"Please remember that a Dom is not: - A bully - An abusive partner - Somebody who practices sexual assault - Some one who does as he or she pleases - Someone who manipulates other "weaker" characters Being Dom or Top does come naturally even though in my interaction with others in daily life am not particularly Dominant. Certain women have a way of "teasing" it out of me whilst I am mutually and strongly attracted to them. Meeting others in the scene broadens this latent aspect out. The desire becomes manifest in possibilities, experience and pleasure. Such situations do require self discipline, humor, awareness and grace of all concerned otherwise things can get out of hand." what a great post. Well done to original poster for asking... Even experienced people sometimes need to learn or ask questions..
yes I do believe it's a natural thing.. but you still need guidance.
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nice profile btw | |||
