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Domination confused
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm the male half of this profile. My partner seems to have lost her labido. Although we are very much in love I've had to back off temporarily to avoid putting pressure on her. I fully understand why shes temporarily lost interest and its not something I want to go into on here.
A couple of nights ago we decided to play a truth or dare game we downloaded.
She was asked what does your partner do that instantly turns you on.
She response was she loves it when I'm dominant and take control.
I have no issues in playing a dom role and took the opportunity to make a move needless to say my advances were rejected. I know when shes in the mood she sometimes likes to be bratty and wants me to push those initial boundaries.
I pushed passed her initial rejection and tried respectfully to continue to make a play. I was rejected again.
It was clear she was clearly not in the mood and it was not the right time to push further.
The issue
It would appear that she wants me to make the first move but their isn't any signal or green light to give me the go ahead.
How do I balence this issue I want to meet her sexual desires and be the dom she craves. However if my advances are meet with friction and hostility 75% of the time. I dont want us to fall out or have to deal with the rejection and the feelings of not being wanted. Some might say man up but I'm sure if a man rejects a womans advances over 50% of the time it would affect her self confidence and esteem.
Ive tried to discuss this with her but its meet with little response.
Any ideas anyone?? |
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She likes being dominated but still has to be in the mood for sex to start with. If she doesn’t want sex and you try and force it that’s a different thing.
So when she wants to play that’s when you can dominate.
My advice would be teasing and flirting but that’s it.
Squeeze her bum as you walk past but nothing else. When I don’t want sex I find guys hitting on me makes me skin crawl but a cheeky act with nothing else can be nice. The more of those that have no follow through hopefully the more relaxed she will feel.
But keep talking with her about it.
Good luck to you both 
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I hear you frustrations and I’m hearing you want physical connection....
I’m wondering how is the mental connection, fun starts in the mind....
I’m confused though, your profile is only showing as a female with an empty male side |
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These things are difficult to discuss but you say you know she's lost her libido and why so you're not completely in the dark. I wonder why knowing that she was likely to be uninterested you made advances though.
I don't know what you do if someone won't discuss something. You're left in a kind of limbo of knowing there's a problem and in your case why but not knowing how or when it will be resolved. All I can suggest is that you patiently wait it out.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I hear you frustrations and I’m hearing you want physical connection....
I’m wondering how is the mental connection, fun starts in the mind....
I’m confused though, your profile is only showing as a female with an empty male side "
.
It was her profile originally from before we got together. As for the mental connection its good when she in the mood and its okay when shes not |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tricky one, dude. I get your predicament. You're always going to be running the risk of pushing when she really really doesn't want it, so consent gets a bit iffy.
The thing that immediately springs to mind is an honest chat about when it's okay to push and when it's not okay. Some kind of agreement, maybe even a safe word for when she can't get in the right space for it.
If she's suddenly lost her libido there could be other stuff that needs to be addressed, starting off with a trip to the doctors (i'm mentioning this just in case she hasn't done this already).
If loss of libido isn't medical/hormonal and you're getting nowhere after a talk, perhaps a few couples' sex counselling sessions could help.
Good luck with it all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Does she read the forums ?"
I stopped reading the forums, partly because of your comments on people's posts. Dammit, I thought you'd stopped.
I'm out again. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Does she read the forums ?"
Not usually but their isnt anything I've said that I'd hide from her. I probably tell her ive posted this so she can see for herself |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
It was her profile originally from before we got together.
The verifications are for her as a single woman so should you be using the profile ? "
We both agreed to continue using her existing profile she gave me access to it and knows i have access + we did amend the name to playful couple |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"She likes being dominated but still has to be in the mood for sex to start with. If she doesn’t want sex and you try and force it that’s a different thing.
So when she wants to play that’s when you can dominate.
My advice would be teasing and flirting but that’s it.
Squeeze her bum as you walk past but nothing else. When I don’t want sex I find guys hitting on me makes me skin crawl but a cheeky act with nothing else can be nice. The more of those that have no follow through hopefully the more relaxed she will feel.
But keep talking with her about it.
Good luck to you both
"
I'm really not a pushy person my thrill come from her enjoyment I really am a pleaser.
However there have been sinarios why shes claimed to be uninterested so i respectfully back off. Then she'd complain that I didn't push further. She seems to get the kick from me not being able to resist.
But only when shes in that mind set.
I feel as though my biggest failing in not being psychic. |
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"I'm the male half of this profile. My partner seems to have lost her labido. Although we are very much in love I've had to back off temporarily to avoid putting pressure on her. I fully understand why shes temporarily lost interest and its not something I want to go into on here.
A couple of nights ago we decided to play a truth or dare game we downloaded.
She was asked what does your partner do that instantly turns you on.
She response was she loves it when I'm dominant and take control.
I have no issues in playing a dom role and took the opportunity to make a move needless to say my advances were rejected. I know when shes in the mood she sometimes likes to be bratty and wants me to push those initial boundaries.
I pushed passed her initial rejection and tried respectfully to continue to make a play. I was rejected again.
It was clear she was clearly not in the mood and it was not the right time to push further.
The issue
It would appear that she wants me to make the first move but their isn't any signal or green light to give me the go ahead.
How do I balence this issue I want to meet her sexual desires and be the dom she craves. However if my advances are meet with friction and hostility 75% of the time. I dont want us to fall out or have to deal with the rejection and the feelings of not being wanted. Some might say man up but I'm sure if a man rejects a womans advances over 50% of the time it would affect her self confidence and esteem.
Ive tried to discuss this with her but its meet with little response.
Any ideas anyone?? "
The messages you say you're getting from your OH.
Her libido is low / iffy.
She wants you to dominate me.
She won't tell you when is the right time to initiate sex.
If that's the case it sounds difficult to get the balance right between initiating and respecting her low libido.
For what my advice is worth, really really talk about what you both want and come up with some 'rules' around how and when you both initiate / have sex.
Good Luck to you both. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm the male half of this profile. My partner seems to have lost her labido. Although we are very much in love I've had to back off temporarily to avoid putting pressure on her. I fully understand why shes temporarily lost interest and its not something I want to go into on here.
A couple of nights ago we decided to play a truth or dare game we downloaded.
She was asked what does your partner do that instantly turns you on.
She response was she loves it when I'm dominant and take control.
I have no issues in playing a dom role and took the opportunity to make a move needless to say my advances were rejected. I know when shes in the mood she sometimes likes to be bratty and wants me to push those initial boundaries.
I pushed passed her initial rejection and tried respectfully to continue to make a play. I was rejected again.
It was clear she was clearly not in the mood and it was not the right time to push further.
The issue
It would appear that she wants me to make the first move but their isn't any signal or green light to give me the go ahead.
How do I balence this issue I want to meet her sexual desires and be the dom she craves. However if my advances are meet with friction and hostility 75% of the time. I dont want us to fall out or have to deal with the rejection and the feelings of not being wanted. Some might say man up but I'm sure if a man rejects a womans advances over 50% of the time it would affect her self confidence and esteem.
Ive tried to discuss this with her but its meet with little response.
Any ideas anyone??
The messages you say you're getting from your OH.
Her libido is low / iffy.
She wants you to dominate me.
She won't tell you when is the right time to initiate sex.
If that's the case it sounds difficult to get the balance right between initiating and respecting her low libido.
For what my advice is worth, really really talk about what you both want and come up with some 'rules' around how and when you both initiate / have sex.
Good Luck to you both. "
Thanks I'll try that |
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Sounds like you’ve made the first big step with the truth or dare game. I suggest you keep talking, sharing what turns you both in and what doesn’t. Then ask/agree how to make those ideas a realty and enjoy exploring and connecting together. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
Personally I think this has nothing to do with domination. To me it seems the same situation as thinking swinging will save a relationship. In fact in both D/S and swinging the underlying relationship has to be sound.
Despite what is shown in the media, even an experienced dominant is not a relationship expert let alone an inexperienced one.
I think talking about and working on the relationship with professional and possibly medical help is required. Then, if and when you have a working relationship return to the domination.
Good luck. |
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