Looking for some advice and thoughts.
I've been separated for almost three years now, been living in central Edinburgh and ex and kids living in ex material home. We're still on relatively good terms and I've been looking for a new flat to move nearer kids in Midlothian. Now I have somewhere, bigger than my current, but it's in the same town. Just told the ex today and she commented that I'm right on her doorstep and thought it would be uncomfortable once we move on with our personal lives. I don't have an issue, she seems to.
What are you thoughts?
I moved back to be closer to kids as I travel 3-5 times per week back and forth to see them or collect/drop them back to their mum |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Looking for some advice and thoughts.
I've been separated for almost three years now, been living in central Edinburgh and ex and kids living in ex material home. We're still on relatively good terms and I've been looking for a new flat to move nearer kids in Midlothian. Now I have somewhere, bigger than my current, but it's in the same town. Just told the ex today and she commented that I'm right on her doorstep and thought it would be uncomfortable once we move on with our personal lives. I don't have an issue, she seems to.
What are you thoughts?
I moved back to be closer to kids as I travel 3-5 times per week back and forth to see them or collect/drop them back to their mum"
It sounds to me that you are comfortable moving on in life whereas she has doubts. Maybe she still feels something? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Looking for some advice and thoughts.
I've been separated for almost three years now, been living in central Edinburgh and ex and kids living in ex material home. We're still on relatively good terms and I've been looking for a new flat to move nearer kids in Midlothian. Now I have somewhere, bigger than my current, but it's in the same town. Just told the ex today and she commented that I'm right on her doorstep and thought it would be uncomfortable once we move on with our personal lives. I don't have an issue, she seems to.
What are you thoughts?
I moved back to be closer to kids as I travel 3-5 times per week back and forth to see them or collect/drop them back to their mum
It sounds to me that you are comfortable moving on in life whereas she has doubts. Maybe she still feels something?"
Or maybe she doesn't like that you've moved on period.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
I've been separated and divorced for 12 years now. As long as you're not too close do what makes you and the kids happy. They are only young once.
Only problem I had was my ex sister in law lives in the street. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Looking for some advice and thoughts.
I've been separated for almost three years now, been living in central Edinburgh and ex and kids living in ex material home. We're still on relatively good terms and I've been looking for a new flat to move nearer kids in Midlothian. Now I have somewhere, bigger than my current, but it's in the same town. Just told the ex today and she commented that I'm right on her doorstep and thought it would be uncomfortable once we move on with our personal lives. I don't have an issue, she seems to.
What are you thoughts?
I moved back to be closer to kids as I travel 3-5 times per week back and forth to see them or collect/drop them back to their mum"
how near? Unless you can see her house it's fine for kids access |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ndykayMan
over a year ago
Falkirk |
Sounds like it's her issue not yours OP.
Point out you're closer for the kids and it's possible for them to get to your place easier.
If she's still not happy then to be honest, I'm not sure it's her choice. As long as you aren't in the same street.
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I would have no problem with my ex being in same town to spend time with kids. Sadly my ex doesn't have this type of family values like you. sounds like your ex is being arkward for her own selfish reasons |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *atmanhMan
over a year ago
bellshill |
Explain its to make life easier for all, you're not doing it to be always around
Maybe she hasn't moved on, or has and doesn't want you to know
But it's what's best for kids at the end of the day  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I separated from my husband 22yrs we never got divirced but were allways on good terms he stayed 15mns away from me and in his last 2 years of his life i was able to help and give him the support he needed If this suits you and its nearer to the kids i dont see a problem Let her know you have no intention of interfering with her life |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I would say do what is best for You and your kids and not your ex,it might feel selfish but you have a right to live a life as happy as you can make it and if it means you move to be closer to your kids then so be it. No reasonable person can fault you for wanting to be as close and as involved in your kids lives as you want to be. Live your own life the way you want to and not to suit others. Might seem selfish at 1st but remind yourself why your doing it in the 1st place. Best of luck OP |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My ex still stays with me at least one or twice a week if I'm working or have uni early just makes it easier...
Sounds a bit like she doesn't maybe want to see you with someone else maybe try to reassure her and be aware of it? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I would say do what is best for You and your kids and not your ex,it might feel selfish but you have a right to live a life as happy as you can make it and if it means you move to be closer to your kids then so be it. No reasonable person can fault you for wanting to be as close and as involved in your kids lives as you want to be. Live your own life the way you want to and not to suit others. Might seem selfish at 1st but remind yourself why your doing it in the 1st place. Best of luck OP"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Maybe she has moved on, and is seeing someone and finds it awkward now you are in the same town, and doesn't want tongues to start wagging for the children's sake. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
like most on here im seperated 6 years and live 5 minutes away from my kids . and wouldnt have it any other way .
christ at the minute i am working with her new fella
we are all adults and respect that things change but the kids are my main priority |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Been separated 6 years come summer, I moved to be nearer my ex so we could split childcare responsibilities. It works well he has our wee one 3 or 4 nights a week which allows me to work full time at my job.
My wee one not at stage he can go to dads himself yet but not far off, we stay about a 10- 15 min walk away and it works.
Don't think I'd like him living right next door to me, but round the corner or next street I'd have no issue. As others have pointed out it seems to be her issue maybe if you find out what that is then it can be resolved. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think your attitude is very reasonable and commendable... Where you live and the convince it allows you and your childrens relationship to progress has absolutely nothing to do with your ex, I admire you for considering her feeling, however if she don't like it...Tough! It's about her children and what is good and right for them...Not her...If she is offended or upset then she needs to get a grip if it and accept that is what is best for your children. Good luck mate, hope all goes well. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The key thing is shes your ex. She cant tell you where to live or what to do. If she makes a constant issue then divorce her, sell the marital home & take the kids as youve stated you have a bigger home & see the kids regularly. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Never use children (kids have respect) as pawn or trophy in your battles they deserve more from you both after all you have broken up their family home and security.
Be adults discuss it together not on social media with people who really do not care about you or your children.
Suggest you sit down with mother of your children agree with respect for children and yourselves of what is best for them... not you two.
Then stick to what you agree children's life's is reality not a game and you brought them into life now do what is best for them.
Then you can come back to fab and start shagging the world knowing your children are happy contented and safe as is the mother if your beautiful children.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My ex still stays the odd night and lives 5 minutes away, it's really helped the kids adjust to the separation and meant that we can still be a family for them.
Can you explain to your ex that you're not close to keep an eye on her or that you have any interest in what she does with her life, your priority is your kids and living close is convenient for them.
She should appreciate everything you've done and how dedicated you are as a father! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My ex still stays the odd night and lives 5 minutes away, it's really helped the kids adjust to the separation and meant that we can still be a family for them.
Can you explain to your ex that you're not close to keep an eye on her or that you have any interest in what she does with her life, your priority is your kids and living close is convenient for them.
She should appreciate everything you've done and how dedicated you are as a father!"
Totally agree Buzz x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My ex still stays the odd night and lives 5 minutes away, it's really helped the kids adjust to the separation and meant that we can still be a family for them.
Can you explain to your ex that you're not close to keep an eye on her or that you have any interest in what she does with her life, your priority is your kids and living close is convenient for them.
She should appreciate everything you've done and how dedicated you are as a father!
Totally agree Buzz x"
Haha Santa it's a while since anyone's called me Buzz
She's moaning over nothing, at the end of the day you're a fantastic dad and that's all that matters! Xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My ex still stays the odd night and lives 5 minutes away, it's really helped the kids adjust to the separation and meant that we can still be a family for them.
Can you explain to your ex that you're not close to keep an eye on her or that you have any interest in what she does with her life, your priority is your kids and living close is convenient for them.
She should appreciate everything you've done and how dedicated you are as a father!
Totally agree Buzz x
Haha Santa it's a while since anyone's called me Buzz
She's moaning over nothing, at the end of the day you're a fantastic dad and that's all that matters! Xx"
That's babe x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
OP, you're looking to be in the same town for the right reason. Your kids. It will be as good for them, as it is you to have easy and frequent access to the little ones. If things are quite amicable between you, you could always ask why she'd see you being "on her doorstep" as such a big issue? If it was to stop tongues wagging, then she needs to worry less about what others think.
Hope you get it all worked out. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"OP, you're looking to be in the same town for the right reason. Your kids. It will be as good for them, as it is you to have easy and frequent access to the little ones. If things are quite amicable between you, you could always ask why she'd see you being "on her doorstep" as such a big issue? If it was to stop tongues wagging, then she needs to worry less about what others think.
Cheers bud
Hope you get it all worked out. "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
