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Is there anything you could find out..
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
That would completely change your perception of a loved one?!?
Is it better sometimes not to know or is full disclosure always necessary for peace of mind?!?
I’ve been found after 9 years by my ex’s mum, who I adored. I am the only person, aside from her son, who can explain what happened and what he did. She’s adamant that she needs the truth, but I honestly don’t think she could handle it.
I’ve told her that she needs to speak to him, it’s not my place, but she’s beside herself and now I feel really bad 
Is there anything you’d rather never know?!? Or could you forgive anything from a loved one? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That would completely change your perception of a loved one?!?
Is it better sometimes not to know or is full disclosure always necessary for peace of mind?!?
I’ve been found after 9 years by my ex’s mum, who I adored. I am the only person, aside from her son, who can explain what happened and what he did. She’s adamant that she needs the truth, but I honestly don’t think she could handle it.
I’ve told her that she needs to speak to him, it’s not my place, but she’s beside herself and now I feel really bad
Is there anything you’d rather never know?!? Or could you forgive anything from a loved one? "
She's putting you in a really difficult position. Why is she so beside herself to find out? After 9 years? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I think I'd rather know the truth than it be hidden but whether I could forgive, or even forget, would very much depend on what that truth was - there are certain things that are completely unforgivable.
In your situation though I think it's unfair to put you under pressure to reveal that truth given the circumstances and you're taking the right line in saying that he should be the one to tell her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That would completely change your perception of a loved one?!?
Is it better sometimes not to know or is full disclosure always necessary for peace of mind?!?
I’ve been found after 9 years by my ex’s mum, who I adored. I am the only person, aside from her son, who can explain what happened and what he did. She’s adamant that she needs the truth, but I honestly don’t think she could handle it.
I’ve told her that she needs to speak to him, it’s not my place, but she’s beside herself and now I feel really bad
Is there anything you’d rather never know?!? Or could you forgive anything from a loved one?
She's putting you in a really difficult position. Why is she so beside herself to find out? After 9 years? "
This^ it seems like she is trying to rake up something that happened years ago. Unless she has suspicions that he has done something similar again. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"That would completely change your perception of a loved one?!?
Is it better sometimes not to know or is full disclosure always necessary for peace of mind?!?
I’ve been found after 9 years by my ex’s mum, who I adored. I am the only person, aside from her son, who can explain what happened and what he did. She’s adamant that she needs the truth, but I honestly don’t think she could handle it.
I’ve told her that she needs to speak to him, it’s not my place, but she’s beside herself and now I feel really bad
Is there anything you’d rather never know?!? Or could you forgive anything from a loved one?
She's putting you in a really difficult position. Why is she so beside herself to find out? After 9 years? "
She knows something big happened and has been looking for me to ask the question.. she’s randomly come across me via a really tenuous link and believes she needs to know.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"That would completely change your perception of a loved one?!?
Is it better sometimes not to know or is full disclosure always necessary for peace of mind?!?
I’ve been found after 9 years by my ex’s mum, who I adored. I am the only person, aside from her son, who can explain what happened and what he did. She’s adamant that she needs the truth, but I honestly don’t think she could handle it.
I’ve told her that she needs to speak to him, it’s not my place, but she’s beside herself and now I feel really bad
Is there anything you’d rather never know?!? Or could you forgive anything from a loved one?
She's putting you in a really difficult position. Why is she so beside herself to find out? After 9 years?
This^ it seems like she is trying to rake up something that happened years ago. Unless she has suspicions that he has done something similar again. "
Yeah that just crossed my mind. Still isn't fair on the OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"That would completely change your perception of a loved one?!?
Is it better sometimes not to know or is full disclosure always necessary for peace of mind?!?
I’ve been found after 9 years by my ex’s mum, who I adored. I am the only person, aside from her son, who can explain what happened and what he did. She’s adamant that she needs the truth, but I honestly don’t think she could handle it.
I’ve told her that she needs to speak to him, it’s not my place, but she’s beside herself and now I feel really bad
Is there anything you’d rather never know?!? Or could you forgive anything from a loved one?
She's putting you in a really difficult position. Why is she so beside herself to find out? After 9 years?
This^ it seems like she is trying to rake up something that happened years ago. Unless she has suspicions that he has done something similar again.
Yeah that just crossed my mind. Still isn't fair on the OP"
I totally agree. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I think I'd rather know the truth than it be hidden but whether I could forgive, or even forget, would very much depend on what that truth was - there are certain things that are completely unforgivable.
In your situation though I think it's unfair to put you under pressure to reveal that truth given the circumstances and you're taking the right line in saying that he should be the one to tell her."
It’s not my truth to tell. I honestly think it would damage her dreadfully. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I would tell her that you’ve moved on and healed and only he has the relationship with her to share that and you hope she’s well. If you’ve healed, this could be bad for you. You don’t owe her the explanation.
This is not very fair of her. - Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Begs the question what would she do with the information anyway. You're doing the right thing I say. Sounds like you're the victim here. You don't owe anything to anyone by the sound of it... |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"That would completely change your perception of a loved one?!?
Is it better sometimes not to know or is full disclosure always necessary for peace of mind?!?
I’ve been found after 9 years by my ex’s mum, who I adored. I am the only person, aside from her son, who can explain what happened and what he did. She’s adamant that she needs the truth, but I honestly don’t think she could handle it.
I’ve told her that she needs to speak to him, it’s not my place, but she’s beside herself and now I feel really bad
Is there anything you’d rather never know?!? Or could you forgive anything from a loved one?
She's putting you in a really difficult position. Why is she so beside herself to find out? After 9 years?
This^ it seems like she is trying to rake up something that happened years ago. Unless she has suspicions that he has done something similar again. "
I don’t get the impression he has.. and I don’t think she’d ever see it.. I think she’s just seen my face and it’s all come to the forefront again.. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I think I'd rather know the truth than it be hidden but whether I could forgive, or even forget, would very much depend on what that truth was - there are certain things that are completely unforgivable.
In your situation though I think it's unfair to put you under pressure to reveal that truth given the circumstances and you're taking the right line in saying that he should be the one to tell her.
It’s not my truth to tell. I honestly think it would damage her dreadfully. "
Exactly that - my first paragraph and second weren't linked as such - the second is the more relevant to your situation  |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I would tell her that you’ve moved on and healed and only he has the relationship with her to share that and you hope she’s well. If you’ve healed, this could be bad for you. You don’t owe her the explanation.
This is not very fair of her. - Mrs "
Yes I’m done.. I feel bad she’s not. But don’t think the truth will help her as she thinks.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would tell her that you’ve moved on and healed and only he has the relationship with her to share that and you hope she’s well. If you’ve healed, this could be bad for you. You don’t owe her the explanation.
This is not very fair of her. - Mrs "
I agree |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"The short answer to that is; yes, there definitely is.
Love is based on trust and respect, if either of those is broken then you're on shaky ground "
Agreed. I cut people out of my life for very good reasons! It’s self preservation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would tell her that you’ve moved on and healed and only he has the relationship with her to share that and you hope she’s well. If you’ve healed, this could be bad for you. You don’t owe her the explanation.
This is not very fair of her. - Mrs
Yes I’m done.. I feel bad she’s not. But don’t think the truth will help her as she thinks.. "
Good call, no point essentially putting yourself through something you probably don't want to re-live even in its rendition.
You've moved on and the other person should respect that . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Declining her request is the kindest and best action all round OP. Good call.
The dynamic between a mother and son is a dangerous place to venture. There are at least two sides to every story and often the person telling the truth is blackened by the aggressor who tries to cover their tracks.
In any case it's not a fair request on that lady's part. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Declining her request is the kindest and best action all round OP. Good call.
The dynamic between a mother and son is a dangerous place to venture. There are at least two sides to every story and often the person telling the truth is blackened by the aggressor who tries to cover their tracks.
In any case it's not a fair request on that lady's part."
I agree. He’s golden balls.. best it stays that way in her mind.. |
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"I think I'd rather know the truth than it be hidden but whether I could forgive, or even forget, would very much depend on what that truth was - there are certain things that are completely unforgivable.
In your situation though I think it's unfair to put you under pressure to reveal that truth given the circumstances and you're taking the right line in saying that he should be the one to tell her.
It’s not my truth to tell. I honestly think it would damage her dreadfully. "
I had this with my ex and his mum. I stuck to my guns and told her to speak to him, wasn’t my place to tell her and I never did |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I think I'd rather know the truth than it be hidden but whether I could forgive, or even forget, would very much depend on what that truth was - there are certain things that are completely unforgivable.
In your situation though I think it's unfair to put you under pressure to reveal that truth given the circumstances and you're taking the right line in saying that he should be the one to tell her.
It’s not my truth to tell. I honestly think it would damage her dreadfully.
I had this with my ex and his mum. I stuck to my guns and told her to speak to him, wasn’t my place to tell her and I never did "
It’s shit isn’t it?! I don’t think I could get the words out. They’d never help anyone.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You did the right thing  
Funny place to talk about it though if it's what I think it is..... 
Thanks for your opinion.
No conversation required though thanks. "
That's what I meant, it's a public forum..... and YW |
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"I think I'd rather know the truth than it be hidden but whether I could forgive, or even forget, would very much depend on what that truth was - there are certain things that are completely unforgivable.
In your situation though I think it's unfair to put you under pressure to reveal that truth given the circumstances and you're taking the right line in saying that he should be the one to tell her.
It’s not my truth to tell. I honestly think it would damage her dreadfully.
I had this with my ex and his mum. I stuck to my guns and told her to speak to him, wasn’t my place to tell her and I never did
It’s shit isn’t it?! I don’t think I could get the words out. They’d never help anyone.. "
It is shit yes, you don’t need that pressure. I’m lucky he answered the question himself, indirectly, when he got engaged 3 days after I moved out and was married 6 months later |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"You did the right thing
Funny place to talk about it though if it's what I think it is.....
Thanks for your opinion.
No conversation required though thanks.
That's what I meant, it's a public forum..... and YW"
And you’re blocked. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You did the right thing
Funny place to talk about it though if it's what I think it is.....
Thanks for your opinion.
No conversation required though thanks.
That's what I meant, it's a public forum..... and YW"
It is but there are rules. If someone has blocked you, you cannot use the forums to get round that. For example! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You did the right thing
Funny place to talk about it though if it's what I think it is.....
Thanks for your opinion.
No conversation required though thanks.
That's what I meant, it's a public forum..... and YW
It is but there are rules. If someone has blocked you, you cannot use the forums to get round that. For example! "
I know that very well thanks. And yes certain ppl have been blocked, by me, for a while.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ignorence is bliss
My thoughts exactly!  "
Thing is she obviously has her suspicions otherwise she would not be digging. Otherwise I would totally agree. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"You did the right thing
Funny place to talk about it though if it's what I think it is.....
Thanks for your opinion.
No conversation required though thanks.
That's what I meant, it's a public forum..... and YW
It is but there are rules. If someone has blocked you, you cannot use the forums to get round that. For example! "
He didn't, he answered a post, that is allowed |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"You did the right thing
Funny place to talk about it though if it's what I think it is.....
Thanks for your opinion.
No conversation required though thanks.
That's what I meant, it's a public forum..... and YW
And you’re blocked. "
It is probably best to ignore each other now please |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Declining her request is the kindest and best action all round OP. Good call.
The dynamic between a mother and son is a dangerous place to venture. There are at least two sides to every story and often the person telling the truth is blackened by the aggressor who tries to cover their tracks.
In any case it's not a fair request on that lady's part.
I agree. He’s golden balls.. best it stays that way in her mind.."
Why protect him? If she really wants to know why not tell her? |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Declining her request is the kindest and best action all round OP. Good call.
The dynamic between a mother and son is a dangerous place to venture. There are at least two sides to every story and often the person telling the truth is blackened by the aggressor who tries to cover their tracks.
In any case it's not a fair request on that lady's part.
I agree. He’s golden balls.. best it stays that way in her mind..
Why protect him? If she really wants to know why not tell her?"
I’m not protecting him, more protecting her. It’s not my secret to tell.. it can only cause damage. |
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I've had similar Saff......
Personally....I need to know the full truth....I'm a logical person and I need to know full details of what happened in order to understand and accept it and allow myself to move on!!
When I found out about my ex's affair, I needed all the details personally....but on the other hand...the guys wife who wanted all the details from me...I couldn't actually bring myself to tell her what had happened and how long things had been going on between her husband and my partner behind ours backs...because I knew it would break her!!!   |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I've had similar Saff......
Personally....I need to know the full truth....I'm a logical person and I need to know full details of what happened in order to understand and accept it and allow myself to move on!!
When I found out about my ex's affair, I needed all the details personally....but on the other hand...the guys wife who wanted all the details from me...I couldn't actually bring myself to tell her what had happened and how long things had been going on between her husband and my partner behind ours backs...because I knew it would break her!!! "
This is the problem.. I’d want to know.. but I know this is too big to hand her.. and I can’t be part of that. |
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This is the problem.. I’d want to know.. but I know this is too big to hand her.. and I can’t be part of that. "
I totally agree, I couldn't tell his wife what the pair of cheating fuckers were up to.....I told her that she needed to badger him to get the truth and I also told him if he didn't come clean....that I would tell her everything and it would be worse coming from me and is make sure it was too....
Maybe force that agenda instead....the bad truth should not come from you if you feel it would destroy the person!!! |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"
This is the problem.. I’d want to know.. but I know this is too big to hand her.. and I can’t be part of that.
I totally agree, I couldn't tell his wife what the pair of cheating fuckers were up to.....I told her that she needed to badger him to get the truth and I also told him if he didn't come clean....that I would tell her everything and it would be worse coming from me and is make sure it was too....
Maybe force that agenda instead....the bad truth should not come from you if you feel it would destroy the person!!! "
I’m sorry that’s proper shitty!!
She’s asked me to speak to him but there’s no way I’m hell im doing that!! Told her to make out I’d spill.. but I honestly don’t think I ever can. |
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"
I’m sorry that’s proper shitty!!
She’s asked me to speak to him but there’s no way I’m hell im doing that!! Told her to make out I’d spill.. but I honestly don’t think I ever can. "
Nah, don't worry Saff, no need to be sorry....some people are just Cunts and deserve each other I suppose.... 
Yeah, I can imagine after the amount of time you wouldn't want to speak to him....you need to force her to question him....it shouldn't come from you I don't think!!
Maybe give her something none descript....a place...a date...or something else that's down at go in to detail that she can say to him to force him in to confessing.... |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"
I’m sorry that’s proper shitty!!
She’s asked me to speak to him but there’s no way I’m hell im doing that!! Told her to make out I’d spill.. but I honestly don’t think I ever can.
Nah, don't worry Saff, no need to be sorry....some people are just Cunts and deserve each other I suppose....
Yeah, I can imagine after the amount of time you wouldn't want to speak to him....you need to force her to question him....it shouldn't come from you I don't think!!
Maybe give her something none descript....a place...a date...or something else that's down at go in to detail that she can say to him to force him in to confessing.... "
Never a truer sentence uttered...
That’s a good idea.. might be enough to force his hand.
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"
Never a truer sentence uttered...
That’s a good idea.. might be enough to force his hand.
"
Yeah, keep it none descript, that's what I did with his wife as I told her I didn't want to give her all the details it needed to come from him not me....so I gave her some none descript times, dates and places for her to question him on to get the truth!!! |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"
Never a truer sentence uttered...
That’s a good idea.. might be enough to force his hand.
Yeah, keep it none descript, that's what I did with his wife as I told her I didn't want to give her all the details it needed to come from him not me....so I gave her some none descript times, dates and places for her to question him on to get the truth!!! "
You’re a genius done. |
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