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Live to Regret, or Regrets to Live
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Top Five Regrets of the Dying
A nurse has recorded the most common regrets of the dying, and among the top ones is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'. What would your biggest regret be if this was your last day of life?
There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.
Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."
Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it."
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."
What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In the words of the great Piaf, and sung with such feeling ....
Non, je ne regrette rien
Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
Ni le bien qu'on m'a fait
Ni le mal; tout ça m'est bien égal !
Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
C'est payé, balayé, oublié
Je me fous du passé !
Avec mes souvenirs
J'ai allumé le feu
Mes chagrins, mes plaisirs
Je n'ai plus besoin d'eux !
Balayées les amours
Et tous leurs trémolos
Balayés pour toujours
Je repars à zéro
Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
Ni le bien qu'on m'a fait
Ni le mal; tout ça m'est bien égal !
Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
Car ma vie, car mes joies
Aujourd'hui, ça commence avec toi
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFRuLFR91e4 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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here it is roughly interpreted into English
No, nothing at all
No! I regret nothing at all
Not the good, done to me
Not the bad, it's all the same to me!
No, nothing at all
No! I regret nothing at all
It's paid, it’s removed, all forgot,
I don’t care about the past!
With my memories
I lit the fire
My sad thought, my pleasures
I don't need them anymore
Swept away are the loves
and all of their quivers
Swept away for always
I start again from swinging
No, nothing at all
No! I regret nothing at all
Not the good, done to me
Not the bad, it's all the same to me!
No, nothing at all
No! I regret nothing at all!
Because my life, and all my joys
Today it begins with you.
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By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago
from a town near you |
i cant realy say i regret anything,even the bad times,because it makes you stronger you learn, or should from your mistakes,and it makes you the person you are today,maybe a few missed opportunities but thats all
i quite like the me i am today |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think perhaps my only real regret is that I didn't work harder at school, perhaps have found it a littl easier to progress in work had I had more qualifications, but then I would not have lander my current profesion so.... things usualy have a way of working out for the best.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think perhaps my only real regret is that I didn't work harder at school, perhaps have found it a littl easier to progress in work had I had more qualifications, but then I would not have lander my current profesion so.... things usualy have a way of working out for the best.... "
yer right ya know. think of a regret there is always something an outcome to counter it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would regret that i didnt have more sex, because thats all i think about, most of the time."
What, you honestly think that that is all you will regret? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think perhaps my only real regret is that I didn't work harder at school, perhaps have found it a littl easier to progress in work had I had more qualifications, but then I would not have lander my current profesion so.... things usualy have a way of working out for the best.... "
I find my self the same, I was pretty much a straight A student at GCSE level, dropped out of my A-levels because of the pressure my parentsput me under and subsequently never went to uni and I do wonder where that route would have taken me. But 20 years on I've found myself in a fascinating job that I genuinely love so it has worked out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would regret that i didnt have more sex, because thats all i think about, most of the time.
What, you honestly think that that is all you will regret? "
Yes i say it like it is, am quite happy with the things in my life.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i cant realy say i regret anything,even the bad times,because it makes you stronger you learn, or should from your mistakes,and it makes you the person you are today,maybe a few missed opportunities but thats all
i quite like the me i am today"
Good for you.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wasn't meant to be a world leader or a multi-millionaire businessman because if I was I already would be. I am exactly what and where I was always supposed to be and my children are testament to that fact. Had I made a single decision in the past differently they wouldn't be here today. I can live with that, and be happy with it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think perhaps my only real regret is that I didn't work harder at school, perhaps have found it a littl easier to progress in work had I had more qualifications, but then I would not have lander my current profesion so.... things usualy have a way of working out for the best....
I find my self the same, I was pretty much a straight A student at GCSE level, dropped out of my A-levels because of the pressure my parentsput me under and subsequently never went to uni and I do wonder where that route would have taken me. But 20 years on I've found myself in a fascinating job that I genuinely love so it has worked out."
I wish my old man had had my way......I passed A Level Physics when I was 13, there was talk of me going to a 'special' school, but my mam wouldn't have it.....caused ructions for a while.... hey ho, I love myjob and wouldn't change it for the world.......
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