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Moral Dilemma

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Me and my ex are still great friends, and although I'll always love him, I'm not attracted to him anymore.

We meet up every so often for dinner or just to watch films, but I know he wants something more. He's very inexperienced, practically a virgin, as we never had sex when we were together. He said he understands I don't want a relationship but he'd be happy to just have that one special time with me.

I don't think I'd enjoy it in the slightest, but if it makes him happy then I'm willing to do it.

Any advise? Would you give him a sympathy shag if you were me, or should I just not go there?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i wouldnt sleep with anyone i wasnt attracted too

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

Dont...he clearly has feelings for u , it would be wrong to do it as he might read more into it.NSA isnt what he is looking for.

And im not even going into having sex u dont enjoy...ffs woman wait till u are married for that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Personally id leave the past in the past

Good luck whatever ya decide xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Me and my ex are still great friends, and although I'll always love him, I'm not attracted to him anymore.

I don't think I'd enjoy it in the slightest, but if it makes him happy then I'm willing to do it.

Any advise? Would you give him a sympathy shag if you were me, or should I just not go there?"

I would say know, because you have already stated "you know he wants more"

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By *un_JuiceCouple over a year ago

Nr Chester

If you couldn't possibly enjoy it then no, definately not.

There's no doubt you taking his virginity is what he'd want but it'd perhaps give him false hope that more could be gained through doing it.

Sounds like it has run it's course, friends only but if he can't handle it then you better let him go.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How the devil do you have an ex without ever having had sex with him?

And why would you consider it now, when he wasn't good enough for you before while you were still 'together' (can't even type that without laughing).

You need to leave this poor sap alone and let him get on with his life without you.

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By *appy101Woman over a year ago

Telford

nothing comes good from a sympathy shag..

sounds like hes still well into you, if you sympathy shag him, it may give him mixed signals, he may feel its not just a one off thing...and make things so much worse for both you and him...just talk to him and be straight tell him how you feel,and that you perfer it just being friends..if he still wants to shag,then at least he knows how things are..dunno if that helps any.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

"How the devil do you have an ex without ever having had sex with him?

And why would you consider it now, when he wasn't good enough for you before while you were still 'together' (can't even type that without laughing).

You need to leave this poor sap alone and let him get on with his life without you. "

erm because they didnt fuck...

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I don't see the dilemma... you either want to fuck him or you don't.... and you have said you don't.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"How the devil do you have an ex without ever having had sex with him?

And why would you consider it now, when he wasn't good enough for you before while you were still 'together' (can't even type that without laughing).

You need to leave this poor sap alone and let him get on with his life without you. "

Because he wasn't ready at the time and put off by my experience! We did everything else but that just never happened.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I was thinking I probably shouldn't, but wasn't sure if that was me just bein boring!

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By *lam rockerMan over a year ago

Tain

don't!

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By *layfullsamMan over a year ago

Solihull

"Me and my ex are still great friends, and although I'll always love him, I'm not attracted to him anymore.

I don't think I'd enjoy it in the slightest, but if it makes him happy then I'm willing to do it.

Any advise? Would you give him a sympathy shag if you were me, or should I just not go there?"
might be a good idea to sympathy shag me just to see how you cope with meaningless sex, its a tough job but i am willing to sacrifise myself

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By *mma peelWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

He's gay. Enjoy your friendship..... That's it.

Em x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Me and my ex are still great friends, and although I'll always love him, I'm not attracted to him anymore.

I don't think I'd enjoy it in the slightest, but if it makes him happy then I'm willing to do it.

Any advise? Would you give him a sympathy shag if you were me, or should I just not go there? might be a good idea to sympathy shag me just to see how you cope with meaningless sex, its a tough job but i am willing to sacrifise myself"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree with Wishy, the time to have explored sex together was when you were together and not now.

You know he wants more and you don't, therefore the likelihood is it would get complicated, why make it so?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Once the door has been opened, will he expect to move in? (analogy)

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By *carletnsparksMan over a year ago

halifax

I'd say if you guys never managed to get round to it while you were together then thats where it should stay hun, if you do give in and 'shag' him then he will think its back on and cause you a host of new problems imho (sparks).

"i wouldnt sleep with anyone i wasnt attracted too"

So why are you on here if you couldnt sleep with some other than your partner??????? isnt that the whole idea of swinging??????

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"i wouldnt sleep with anyone i wasnt attracted too

So why are you on here if you couldnt sleep with some other than your partner??????? isnt that the whole idea of swinging??????"

lol you serious? I can be attracted to people i just dont have to be dating them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd say if you guys never managed to get round to it while you were together then thats where it should stay hun, if you do give in and 'shag' him then he will think its back on and cause you a host of new problems imho (sparks).

i wouldnt sleep with anyone i wasnt attracted too

So why are you on here if you couldnt sleep with some other than your partner??????? isnt that the whole idea of swinging??????"

ROFL!

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Don't do it.

1. You don't fancy him.

2. It won't help him if he has feelings for you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Never return to a firework once lit.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you have sex with him your going to end up with the puppy syndrome and will only be able to get rid of him by being blunt and nasty with him

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By *ath-N-DelCouple over a year ago

Glasgow area

"i wouldnt sleep with anyone i wasnt attracted too

So why are you on here if you couldnt sleep with some other than your partner??????? isnt that the whole idea of swinging??????

lol you serious? I can be attracted to people i just dont have to be dating them."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"i wouldnt sleep with anyone i wasnt attracted too

So why are you on here if you couldnt sleep with some other than your partner??????? isnt that the whole idea of swinging??????

lol you serious? I can be attracted to people i just dont have to be dating them."

did you read it is 'attatched' too... cos that might explain your response

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By *ath-N-DelCouple over a year ago

Glasgow area

"i wouldnt sleep with anyone i wasnt attracted too

So why are you on here if you couldnt sleep with some other than your partner??????? isnt that the whole idea of swinging??????

lol you serious? I can be attracted to people i just dont have to be dating them.

did you read it is 'attatched' too... cos that might explain your response"

Think they might have...would explain reference to "your partner"....

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By *ovedupstillCouple over a year ago

mullinwire

must say, by going round and having meals/watching films you are already giving him false hope.

being close friends with ex's, especially ones that still have feelings for you, will NEVER work. when you find someone special you want to be with again they will not be as understanding as you hope with having your ex around all the time (and would possibly feel YOU still have feelings also).

best thing to do is cut him out of your life completely, imo, as he obviously thinks there is still a chance, and you are perpetuating the myth.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

We usually only meet up when I happen to be going to Newcastle anyway, which is only a few times a year, so I rarely go just to see him.

He knows the score and has genuinely been happy for me bein in relationships after him, like I have with him.

Once again, thanks for everyones input xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"being close friends with ex's, especially ones that still have feelings for you, will NEVER work. when you find someone special you want to be with again they will not be as understanding as you hope with having your ex around all the time (and would possibly feel YOU still have feelings also).

sorry but totally disagree with that. in my experpience wrong on every point

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

I wouldnt as its clear he still has feelings. When my ex husband and i split up we still had sex for a couple of years but both knew it was just sex

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

up untill a few years ago my x and i would fuck regular ,it was fine i am not atracted to her mind but she was a randy kinky sex pot ,but the more we fucked the more serous she was getting and started to encrotch on my new relationship of 8 years ,it was sat to dump her but i had too ,so nope past should stay there

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"up untill a few years ago my x and i would fuck regular ,it was fine i am not atracted to her mind but she was a randy kinky sex pot ,but the more we fucked the more serous she was getting and started to encrotch on my new relationship of 8 years ,it was sat to dump her but i had too ,so nope past should stay there"

is the problem here not that you were cheating on your new partner for 5 years?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you have to seek advice on a forum over it then its a big NO. If you really feel that sorry for him then set him up with a friend who may like him instead.

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By *thwalescplCouple over a year ago

brecon

i wouldnt sleep with anyone i wasnt attracted too

So why are you on here if you couldnt sleep with some other than your partner??????? isnt that the whole idea of swinging??????"

I'm married to the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with (yeah, all together now, awwwwwwwww!!!).

However, I (Martin) could never have sex with someone I wasnt attracted to, and I would hope that, ideally, this feeling was mutual where the other person is concerned.

We didnt get into swinging for meaningless, emotionless sex.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

i wouldnt sleep with anyone i wasnt attracted too

So why are you on here if you couldnt sleep with some other than your partner??????? isnt that the whole idea of swinging??????

I'm married to the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with (yeah, all together now, awwwwwwwww!!!).

However, I (Martin) could never have sex with someone I wasnt attracted to, and I would hope that, ideally, this feeling was mutual where the other person is concerned.

We didnt get into swinging for meaningless, emotionless sex.

i did

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By *landPeggyCouple over a year ago

Holland !

i did

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Me and my ex are still great friends, and although I'll always love him, I'm not attracted to him anymore.

I don't think I'd enjoy it in the slightest, but if it makes him happy then I'm willing to do it.

Any advise? Would you give him a sympathy shag if you were me, or should I just not go there?"

I had the same experience myself a few years ago, our friendship has grown stronger this is clear definition of the boundaries and whats on offer friendship should remain friendship it takes feelings on both sides for there to be anything else

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Wowww you have amazing boobs

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By *thwalescplCouple over a year ago

brecon

i wouldnt sleep with anyone i wasnt attracted too

So why are you on here if you couldnt sleep with some other than your partner??????? isnt that the whole idea of swinging??????

I'm married to the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with (yeah, all together now, awwwwwwwww!!!).

However, I (Martin) could never have sex with someone I wasnt attracted to, and I would hope that, ideally, this feeling was mutual where the other person is concerned.

We didnt get into swinging for meaningless, emotionless sex.

i did

So, just playing devils advocat (as its just gone xmas lol)...

If you didnt like someone, you could still have sex with them?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Wowww you have amazing boobs

And that was aimed at...?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Wowww you have amazing boobs

And that was aimed at...?"