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Don’t know if to laugh or cry
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My step daughter starts senior school in September and I wanted to buy something for her to A) as her step mummy I wanted to get her a little gift and B) (it was her official school bag for reference) help her mum out a bit as it’s such and expensive time but when Ads mentioned it this evening to the mum she said ‘nah, that ain’t gonna happen’ Ads was a bit taken back and asked why ‘she ain’t her mum’ (which I know fill well and it’s not like I was saying I’ll go halves on the whole thing lol) Ads explained I just wanted to treat her to something for school and said I was her step mum and wanted to do something nice.
She then felt a bit bad but said ‘oh but she wants her name on her bag which is going to cost about £50 (god knows where she got that figure from) trying to put me off.
I was a bit angry and first and then I started to find it a bit funny the whole situation.
When my kids started school all the family all wanted to chip in and buy them something (they still do now) and wanted to carry that on. I don’t think the mum is used to people offering to help.
Just wanted to get that off my chest. I might see if I can buy her pencil case or something, or maybe treat her when she is with us the week before to ice cream in one of the nice places we have in town.
Geeky x |
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There’s no reason why you can’t buy her something. It’s a life milestone. Don’t fret for too long about it though as it’s important to you at the moment, I imagine, but come Prom day, it won’t be. |
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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago
Slough Windsor ish |
I never quite understand why people get in such a stress with with the whole step parent thing.
My ex and I divorced 16 years ago and he has had 3 partners since. Each was very different but for my kids sakes I made the effort to accept them in my childrens lives.
The ex is a complete tool but I would never want to interfere in his relationship with his kids.
He is currently in a very comlicated relationship with a new woman AND his ex/but not quite finished with fiance. My son spends one weekend home with us, the next with his dad and his new gf, the next with his dads ex fiance. His dad is not sure where he wants to be, claiming to still love and want to be with the fiance but living with the girlfriend.
Good job my son is not a child anymore! His dad is behaving like a total twat but we all just have to put up with him.
Sorry for deviating from the OP but it felt good getting all that off my chest! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I never quite understand why people get in such a stress with with the whole step parent thing.
My ex and I divorced 16 years ago and he has had 3 partners since. Each was very different but for my kids sakes I made the effort to accept them in my childrens lives.
The ex is a complete tool but I would never want to interfere in his relationship with his kids.
He is currently in a very comlicated relationship with a new woman AND his ex/but not quite finished with fiance. My son spends one weekend home with us, the next with his dad and his new gf, the next with his dads ex fiance. His dad is not sure where he wants to be, claiming to still love and want to be with the fiance but living with the girlfriend.
Good job my son is not a child anymore! His dad is behaving like a total twat but we all just have to put up with him.
Sorry for deviating from the OP but it felt good getting all that off my chest!"
Go for it! It’s nice to let go!!
Don’t get me wrong, we have an ‘ok’ relationship (well to my face anyway lol) always pleasant etc, I like to think we have a good thing going. Was just shocked (my step daughter mentioned it to her last week when I told her i’d like to buy the bag for her if mum said yes) so her mum didn’t have it just slipped into conversation, she had time to digest it.
X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Without knowing the whole story she might be feeling a bit raw after you two getting married."
Possibly, since we got married it’s all steam ahead for her wedding now and of course she is doing it bigger and better (and slagging our choice of Wedding off at every opportunity lol). I don’t mind, if she doesn’t want me too I can understand her reasons but was just a bit taken aback x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Take her out, buy a school bag shd likes and say its from her dad. All bases covered  "
I did think of that but wanted to check with her mum first it was ok and now my step daughter won’t want to go behind her mums back (she’s a very good girl) so rather not rock that boat, nearer the time I’ll speak to her mum and see what if I can help in anyway x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Without knowing the whole story she might be feeling a bit raw after you two getting married.
Possibly, since we got married it’s all steam ahead for her wedding now and of course she is doing it bigger and better (and slagging our choice of Wedding off at every opportunity lol). I don’t mind, if she doesn’t want me too I can understand her reasons but was just a bit taken aback x"
Rise above her to me it sounds like she's jealous of you both |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Without knowing the whole story she might be feeling a bit raw after you two getting married.
Possibly, since we got married it’s all steam ahead for her wedding now and of course she is doing it bigger and better (and slagging our choice of Wedding off at every opportunity lol). I don’t mind, if she doesn’t want me too I can understand her reasons but was just a bit taken aback x
Rise above her to me it sounds like she's jealous of you both "
I’d like to think she held of planning her own wedding because she wanted the kids to concentrate on our day, would have been too confusing otherwise. As long as the kids are all happy with us all x |
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"Take her out, buy a school bag shd likes and say its from her dad. All bases covered
I did think of that but wanted to check with her mum first it was ok and now my step daughter won’t want to go behind her mums back (she’s a very good girl) so rather not rock that boat, nearer the time I’ll speak to her mum and see what if I can help in anyway x"
Could it be that you're terming it helping that's the problem? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If my ex's gf wanted to buy something for my daughter for back to school then I'd let her and probably think she's doing it cos she's embarrassed that he only gives me £7 a week in maintenance. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't see why it was mentioned to her in the first place, I don't need to know about anything my ex's new partner might buy my kids unless they tell me about it themselves. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Get something small, inexpensive but nice. You've given something to show you care and maintained the peace at the same time ... these can be emotional times ... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just get her a bag but not with her name on it she'll just get the piss taken out of her.
Secondary school kids are nasty beggars. "
I said this when Ads told me, give it a week and she won’t want her name plastered all over everything lol x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't see why it was mentioned to her in the first place, I don't need to know about anything my ex's new partner might buy my kids unless they tell me about it themselves."
Because it was for school and she wanted the ‘offical’ bag, I ‘thought’ by me asking I was doing the right thing,
It’s her prerogative to say no obviously x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What about a pe bag as a compromise? 
My daughter started last year and the main bag was one of the biggest decisions she's ever made!!! "
Ooooo never thought of that, good shout x |
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
"Just get her a bag but not with her name on it she'll just get the piss taken out of her.
Secondary school kids are nasty beggars.
I said this when Ads told me, give it a week and she won’t want her name plastered all over everything lol x"
Believe me first day |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"As you're married to her dad won't the gift be from him too? "
This is where it gets a bit complicated: Ads isn’t her real dad, he brought her up from day one and has treated her as his own, he and her mum decided from the moment they split that Ads wouldn’t pay maintenance for her (he isn’t on the birth certificate) and he would pay everything for their son together, Ads wanted to get her blazer (which he is doing) and she would buy the rest. Hope that made sense x |
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