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Falling too fast
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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What do you think psychologically drives someone to fall hard and fast?
Is it something to cull, or is it wrong to build in barriers for future encounters?
(Not in terms of NSA meets, I’m talking being open to and meeting people romantically) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A chemical reaction in the brain. The need to be with another human being.
The urge to procreate maybe. "
Perhaps, yes. I’m wondering how to temper it. Or undo it. |
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I think building barriers is wrong but that's just me. I tend not to let my past experiences influence my future negatively if I can help it.
As to what makes someone fall hard and fast, I think it depends on the person, their current emotional state and their need for intimacy. I see some posts on here and think that some people make themselves extremely vulnerable to hurt by seeing only the good in a relationship from day one. However if you're in a good place emotionally and aren't looking for love in a needy way I think falling hard and fast is a good thing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think building barriers is wrong but that's just me. I tend not to let my past experiences influence my future negatively if I can help it.
As to what makes someone fall hard and fast, I think it depends on the person, their current emotional state and their need for intimacy. I see some posts on here and think that some people make themselves extremely vulnerable to hurt by seeing only the good in a relationship from day one. However if you're in a good place emotionally and aren't looking for love in a needy way I think falling hard and fast is a good thing."
That makes sense, thank you.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A chemical reaction in the brain. The need to be with another human being.
The urge to procreate maybe.
Perhaps, yes. I’m wondering how to temper it. Or undo it."
I seem to be able to do it very easily. Which is why I think it's a brain chemical reaction. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Desperation? As in needing to find someone and not feeling 'whole' as a single person. "
I know what you mean but no, if that were the case I’d fall for the ones that really like me but I don’t fancy wouldn’t I? I’m whole as a single person. But when I do encounter someone I’m attracted to then I do fall fast - what’s that about? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A chemical reaction in the brain. The need to be with another human being.
The urge to procreate maybe.
Perhaps, yes. I’m wondering how to temper it. Or undo it.
I seem to be able to do it very easily. Which is why I think it's a brain chemical reaction. "
Interesting! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I keep myself grounded by not day dreaming about what might be.
I take each day as it comes.
I may have mastered the art of not thinking. "
I’m thinking today to avoid doing something else  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I keep myself grounded by not day dreaming about what might be.
I take each day as it comes.
I may have mastered the art of not thinking.
I’m thinking today to avoid doing something else "
Thinking, to get your head sorted out, is good thinking. I believe it to be efficacious to talk to others, to make yourself think. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Desperation? As in needing to find someone and not feeling 'whole' as a single person.
I know what you mean but no, if that were the case I’d fall for the ones that really like me but I don’t fancy wouldn’t I? I’m whole as a single person. But when I do encounter someone I’m attracted to then I do fall fast - what’s that about?"
Not necessarily. You must have some self preservation stopping you from falling for ones you don't fancy.
You might be an open and trusting person. That should be a good thing but I see why you also need to be wary.
I liked your ghosting thread earlier. (The discussion, not that you'd been ghosted.) It had already closed as too full but I agreed with the people saying that sometimes people ghost when they have feelings.
Hope you're ok. x |
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"I think building barriers is wrong but that's just me. I tend not to let my past experiences influence my future negatively if I can help it.
As to what makes someone fall hard and fast, I think it depends on the person, their current emotional state and their need for intimacy. I see some posts on here and think that some people make themselves extremely vulnerable to hurt by seeing only the good in a relationship from day one. However if you're in a good place emotionally and aren't looking for love in a needy way I think falling hard and fast is a good thing."
Yup, this. Some people will idealise their chosen one and basically fall in love with a mirage.
I don't do that, but I can fall hard and fast because I deliberately let the handbrake off if it feels right, so nothing to stop me! The handbrake is about internal barriers - I don't put them up, I have the courage to be vulnerable in order to feel what I want to feel. |
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"Desperation? As in needing to find someone and not feeling 'whole' as a single person.
I know what you mean but no, if that were the case I’d fall for the ones that really like me but I don’t fancy wouldn’t I? I’m whole as a single person. But when I do encounter someone I’m attracted to then I do fall fast - what’s that about?
Not necessarily. You must have some self preservation stopping you from falling for ones you don't fancy.
You might be an open and trusting person. That should be a good thing but I see why you also need to be wary.
I liked your ghosting thread earlier. (The discussion, not that you'd been ghosted.) It had already closed as too full but I agreed with the people saying that sometimes people ghost when they have feelings.
"
Yes, I know one guy who ghosted a girl he was falling for because he said it was the kindest way to end it with her. IMO that's a justification of a grossly cowardly act. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I keep myself grounded by not day dreaming about what might be.
I take each day as it comes.
I may have mastered the art of not thinking.
I’m thinking today to avoid doing something else
Thinking, to get your head sorted out, is good thinking. I believe it to be efficacious to talk to others, to make yourself think. "
It is cathartic. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Desperation? As in needing to find someone and not feeling 'whole' as a single person.
I know what you mean but no, if that were the case I’d fall for the ones that really like me but I don’t fancy wouldn’t I? I’m whole as a single person. But when I do encounter someone I’m attracted to then I do fall fast - what’s that about?
Not necessarily. You must have some self preservation stopping you from falling for ones you don't fancy.
You might be an open and trusting person. That should be a good thing but I see why you also need to be wary.
I liked your ghosting thread earlier. (The discussion, not that you'd been ghosted.) It had already closed as too full but I agreed with the people saying that sometimes people ghost when they have feelings.
Hope you're ok. x"
Thank you xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think building barriers is wrong but that's just me. I tend not to let my past experiences influence my future negatively if I can help it.
As to what makes someone fall hard and fast, I think it depends on the person, their current emotional state and their need for intimacy. I see some posts on here and think that some people make themselves extremely vulnerable to hurt by seeing only the good in a relationship from day one. However if you're in a good place emotionally and aren't looking for love in a needy way I think falling hard and fast is a good thing.
Yup, this. Some people will idealise their chosen one and basically fall in love with a mirage.
I don't do that, but I can fall hard and fast because I deliberately let the handbrake off if it feels right, so nothing to stop me! The handbrake is about internal barriers - I don't put them up, I have the courage to be vulnerable in order to feel what I want to feel."
Absolutely agree. I took the handbrake off though and the car crashed! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I keep myself grounded by not day dreaming about what might be.
I take each day as it comes.
I may have mastered the art of not thinking.
I’m thinking today to avoid doing something else
Thinking, to get your head sorted out, is good thinking. I believe it to be efficacious to talk to others, to make yourself think.
It is cathartic. "
That's the word I was fumbling about inside my brain for |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think building barriers is wrong but that's just me. I tend not to let my past experiences influence my future negatively if I can help it.
As to what makes someone fall hard and fast, I think it depends on the person, their current emotional state and their need for intimacy. I see some posts on here and think that some people make themselves extremely vulnerable to hurt by seeing only the good in a relationship from day one. However if you're in a good place emotionally and aren't looking for love in a needy way I think falling hard and fast is a good thing.
Yup, this. Some people will idealise their chosen one and basically fall in love with a mirage.
I don't do that, but I can fall hard and fast because I deliberately let the handbrake off if it feels right, so nothing to stop me! The handbrake is about internal barriers - I don't put them up, I have the courage to be vulnerable in order to feel what I want to feel.
Absolutely agree. I took the handbrake off though and the car crashed!"
You will be fine, eventually. |
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"I think building barriers is wrong but that's just me. I tend not to let my past experiences influence my future negatively if I can help it.
As to what makes someone fall hard and fast, I think it depends on the person, their current emotional state and their need for intimacy. I see some posts on here and think that some people make themselves extremely vulnerable to hurt by seeing only the good in a relationship from day one. However if you're in a good place emotionally and aren't looking for love in a needy way I think falling hard and fast is a good thing.
Yup, this. Some people will idealise their chosen one and basically fall in love with a mirage.
I don't do that, but I can fall hard and fast because I deliberately let the handbrake off if it feels right, so nothing to stop me! The handbrake is about internal barriers - I don't put them up, I have the courage to be vulnerable in order to feel what I want to feel.
Absolutely agree. I took the handbrake off though and the car crashed!"
You can never predict that though - it's a risk we have to take, sadly a risk which increasingly includes a cowardly end which is becoming a modern trend.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Feelings are feelings. You can't control them and you can't curtail them.
I think falling fast has a lot to do with the type of person you are and there can be a number of reasons.
For me I think life is short. I find it hard to connect with people on more than a superficial level so if I felt an intensity with someone then I'd go for it. I'd much rather have a little bit of burning passion and love that fades out than a whole load of smoldering embers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Eastern mysticism suggests it may be due to an overactive heart chakra if it is happening without sufficient discernment, but usually if that is the case there are other related symptoms as well |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Eastern mysticism suggests it may be due to an overactive heart chakra if it is happening without sufficient discernment, but usually if that is the case there are other related symptoms as well"
Such as? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What do you think psychologically drives someone to fall hard and fast?
Is it something to cull, or is it wrong to build in barriers for future encounters?
(Not in terms of NSA meets, I’m talking being open to and meeting people romantically)"
Chemistry connection attraction and mind ready for it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Feelings are feelings. You can't control them and you can't curtail them.
I think falling fast has a lot to do with the type of person you are and there can be a number of reasons.
For me I think life is short. I find it hard to connect with people on more than a superficial level so if I felt an intensity with someone then I'd go for it. I'd much rather have a little bit of burning passion and love that fades out than a whole load of smoldering embers. "
Yes. I think I shall probably always be an intense burn! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm thinking it might be seeing your lover going at it hard and fast with an additional lover anticipating that you might be able to join right in and turn it long slow sensual group action"
I have no clue what you’re on about but thank you for your post. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What do you think psychologically drives someone to fall hard and fast?
Is it something to cull, or is it wrong to build in barriers for future encounters?
(Not in terms of NSA meets, I’m talking being open to and meeting people romantically)
Chemistry connection attraction and mind ready for it"
And then crash and death. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Teach yourself diversion thinking.
I have a lot going in in my life; which helps immensely. Fill the hole with something else. "
Oh that’s easy enough. I was trying to put time in for finding love! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Desperation? As in needing to find someone and not feeling 'whole' as a single person.
I know what you mean but no, if that were the case I’d fall for the ones that really like me but I don’t fancy wouldn’t I? I’m whole as a single person. But when I do encounter someone I’m attracted to then I do fall fast - what’s that about?
Not necessarily. You must have some self preservation stopping you from falling for ones you don't fancy.
You might be an open and trusting person. That should be a good thing but I see why you also need to be wary.
I liked your ghosting thread earlier. (The discussion, not that you'd been ghosted.) It had already closed as too full but I agreed with the people saying that sometimes people ghost when they have feelings.
Yes, I know one guy who ghosted a girl he was falling for because he said it was the kindest way to end it with her. IMO that's a justification of a grossly cowardly act."
Agree. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Teach yourself diversion thinking.
I have a lot going in in my life; which helps immensely. Fill the hole with something else.
Oh that’s easy enough. I was trying to put time in for finding love!"
You'll find it one day. Shake him out of your brain and cast out some bait  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I never fall fast, sometimes I wish that I did. I believe that I have lost partners because of my reluctance to put down the barriers
It's a problem for me and I wish I knew how to overcome it |
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"Teach yourself diversion thinking.
I have a lot going in in my life; which helps immensely. Fill the hole with something else.
Oh that’s easy enough. I was trying to put time in for finding love!"
I don't believe you can love someone quickly. One can be intensely attracted to a person physically and emotionally but in my opinion love takes years. |
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By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
And yet neither can define that moment when you just know...
Like being hit by a wall falling on you, where every part of you tingles at the mere thought of another when you know that the other is home where you want to be where you need to be where your life is enriched beyond measure simply because of every thought every breath every dream hope and thought is about the happiness of the other and how to help them to achieve it.
How... who knows we are all too complex we may all have a different how...
But knowing you would push them to safety out of the way of an onrushing truck at the risk of your own life without stopping to think about it...
Perhaps we do not need to know the how but instead just learn to accept that how matters less than who....
Perhaps sometimes we just know...
|
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"Desperation? As in needing to find someone and not feeling 'whole' as a single person. "
The only times it's happened to me in my life is when i was at my absolute lowest and thoroughly miserable with the way my life was. All the resulting relationships were dysfunctional as a result.
Purely anecdotal though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Teach yourself diversion thinking.
I have a lot going in in my life; which helps immensely. Fill the hole with something else.
Oh that’s easy enough. I was trying to put time in for finding love!
I don't believe you can love someone quickly. One can be intensely attracted to a person physically and emotionally but in my opinion love takes years. "
I agree. I use the term “fall for” not love. But I mean I’m the above comment that I’m open to and trying to remain open to the “finding love” as in not being so busy in life that I’m not doing things to meet people etc. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I never fall fast, sometimes I wish that I did. I believe that I have lost partners because of my reluctance to put down the barriers
It's a problem for me and I wish I knew how to overcome it "
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Desperation? As in needing to find someone and not feeling 'whole' as a single person.
The only times it's happened to me in my life is when i was at my absolute lowest and thoroughly miserable with the way my life was. All the resulting relationships were dysfunctional as a result.
Purely anecdotal though. "
Useful to hear though. And maybe you’re right. I’ve no anecdotal evidence to know when it goes right what is different so...I’m open to hearing all the input! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A chemical reaction in the brain. The need to be with another human being.
The urge to procreate maybe. "
I think it's the need to be with another human being that gets you.
When you find someone that gets you but doesn't want you - it's hard to let go even if they push you away |
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By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
Perhaps those barriers and walls we put up are the real problem.
We build walls to enclose to protect to hide behind. Walls are constructs designed to restrain.
Maybe fewer walls and more trust could change all our lives... |
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falling hard? it's mostly gravity that does it for me...
on a serious note- I don't open up emotionally easily so if I do and it doesn't work out I really struggle. mostly people have to proof to me that they are genuine friends or more. |
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"Teach yourself diversion thinking.
I have a lot going in in my life; which helps immensely. Fill the hole with something else.
Oh that’s easy enough. I was trying to put time in for finding love!
I don't believe you can love someone quickly. One can be intensely attracted to a person physically and emotionally but in my opinion love takes years.
I agree. I use the term “fall for” not love. But I mean I’m the above comment that I’m open to and trying to remain open to the “finding love” as in not being so busy in life that I’m not doing things to meet people etc. "
I understand. I noted that you used "fall for" .
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A chemical reaction in the brain. The need to be with another human being.
The urge to procreate maybe.
I think it's the need to be with another human being that gets you.
When you find someone that gets you but doesn't want you - it's hard to let go even if they push you away "
I can let go. But yes, finding a spark is intoxicating. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Perhaps those barriers and walls we put up are the real problem.
We build walls to enclose to protect to hide behind. Walls are constructs designed to restrain.
Maybe fewer walls and more trust could change all our lives..."
And yet my thread is about not having walls leading to problems. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Eastern mysticism suggests it may be due to an overactive heart chakra if it is happening without sufficient discernment, but usually if that is the case there are other related symptoms as well
Such as?"
Trouble defining appropriate boundaries in friendships and intimate relationships
Tolerating too much from others to the point of neglecting emotional self-care
Acceptance of others without sufficient discernment
Losing your sense of identity
Giving to others or to a cause without sufficient restraints
Saying yes too often, particularly when it does not benefit you
Tendencies towards codependence |
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"Desperation? As in needing to find someone and not feeling 'whole' as a single person.
The only times it's happened to me in my life is when i was at my absolute lowest and thoroughly miserable with the way my life was. All the resulting relationships were dysfunctional as a result.
Purely anecdotal though.
Useful to hear though. And maybe you’re right. I’ve no anecdotal evidence to know when it goes right what is different so...I’m open to hearing all the input! "
What do you imagine doing with these people?
From experience I'd say that if you dream of them whisking you away to a trance where you feel no negative emotions - then that's not love. If you dream of getting better tiles for the bathroom that you share, or dare i say; a heated towl rail - that's love. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"falling hard? it's mostly gravity that does it for me...
on a serious note- I don't open up emotionally easily so if I do and it doesn't work out I really struggle. mostly people have to proof to me that they are genuine friends or more."
Yes, I appreciate this thread makes it sound like I’m not guarded or discerning at all, which is not the case - I’m talking about when things just feel right and then you do fall hard and fast - and perhaps that’s not a good thing. I don’t know. I’m thinking out loud! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Teach yourself diversion thinking.
I have a lot going in in my life; which helps immensely. Fill the hole with something else.
Oh that’s easy enough. I was trying to put time in for finding love!
I don't believe you can love someone quickly. One can be intensely attracted to a person physically and emotionally but in my opinion love takes years.
I agree. I use the term “fall for” not love. But I mean I’m the above comment that I’m open to and trying to remain open to the “finding love” as in not being so busy in life that I’m not doing things to meet people etc.
I understand. I noted that you used "fall for" .
"
I think you’re absolutely right that love takes time  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Eastern mysticism suggests it may be due to an overactive heart chakra if it is happening without sufficient discernment, but usually if that is the case there are other related symptoms as well
Such as?
Trouble defining appropriate boundaries in friendships and intimate relationships
Tolerating too much from others to the point of neglecting emotional self-care
Acceptance of others without sufficient discernment
Losing your sense of identity
Giving to others or to a cause without sufficient restraints
Saying yes too often, particularly when it does not benefit you
Tendencies towards codependence"
I wonder if my analysis of myself is accurate or not? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Desperation? As in needing to find someone and not feeling 'whole' as a single person.
The only times it's happened to me in my life is when i was at my absolute lowest and thoroughly miserable with the way my life was. All the resulting relationships were dysfunctional as a result.
Purely anecdotal though.
Useful to hear though. And maybe you’re right. I’ve no anecdotal evidence to know when it goes right what is different so...I’m open to hearing all the input!
What do you imagine doing with these people?
From experience I'd say that if you dream of them whisking you away to a trance where you feel no negative emotions - then that's not love. If you dream of getting better tiles for the bathroom that you share, or dare i say; a heated towl rail - that's love. "
That's co-habiting. You don't have to be in love to furnish and decorate a house. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Desperation? As in needing to find someone and not feeling 'whole' as a single person.
The only times it's happened to me in my life is when i was at my absolute lowest and thoroughly miserable with the way my life was. All the resulting relationships were dysfunctional as a result.
Purely anecdotal though.
Useful to hear though. And maybe you’re right. I’ve no anecdotal evidence to know when it goes right what is different so...I’m open to hearing all the input!
What do you imagine doing with these people?
From experience I'd say that if you dream of them whisking you away to a trance where you feel no negative emotions - then that's not love. If you dream of getting better tiles for the bathroom that you share, or dare i say; a heated towl rail - that's love. "
Oh much more the latter. I’m a grounded romantic. |
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Why are people so keen to look for it?
Surely it finds you, and if it does who is anyone to imply the rate at which you should fall?
I suppose you have to balance the hesition and fear of allowing someone in?
Like I said, I don't know.
|
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"Desperation? As in needing to find someone and not feeling 'whole' as a single person.
The only times it's happened to me in my life is when i was at my absolute lowest and thoroughly miserable with the way my life was. All the resulting relationships were dysfunctional as a result.
Purely anecdotal though.
Useful to hear though. And maybe you’re right. I’ve no anecdotal evidence to know when it goes right what is different so...I’m open to hearing all the input!
What do you imagine doing with these people?
From experience I'd say that if you dream of them whisking you away to a trance where you feel no negative emotions - then that's not love. If you dream of getting better tiles for the bathroom that you share, or dare i say; a heated towl rail - that's love.
That's co-habiting. You don't have to be in love to furnish and decorate a house. "
You need to be in love otherwise the tiles, carpets and curtains will never align. It shows you're thinking about the future and not skimping on costs because you expect to be moving out sooner or later. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why are people so keen to look for it?
Surely it finds you, and if it does who is anyone to imply the rate at which you should fall?
I suppose you have to balance the hesition and fear of allowing someone in?
Like I said, I don't know.
"
Why are people keen to look for it? Really?
I’m not looking in terms of hunting, I mean looking in terms of remaining open to it and not bitter and closed off and hurt by circumstances.
If you question why someone would want to look for it then you really don’t know.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Eastern mysticism suggests it may be due to an overactive heart chakra if it is happening without sufficient discernment, but usually if that is the case there are other related symptoms as well
Such as?
Trouble defining appropriate boundaries in friendships and intimate relationships
Tolerating too much from others to the point of neglecting emotional self-care
Acceptance of others without sufficient discernment
Losing your sense of identity
Giving to others or to a cause without sufficient restraints
Saying yes too often, particularly when it does not benefit you
Tendencies towards codependence
I wonder if my analysis of myself is accurate or not?"
In what way? Feel free to take this private if you wish. |
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|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Eastern mysticism suggests it may be due to an overactive heart chakra if it is happening without sufficient discernment, but usually if that is the case there are other related symptoms as well
Such as?
Trouble defining appropriate boundaries in friendships and intimate relationships
Tolerating too much from others to the point of neglecting emotional self-care
Acceptance of others without sufficient discernment
Losing your sense of identity
Giving to others or to a cause without sufficient restraints
Saying yes too often, particularly when it does not benefit you
Tendencies towards codependence
I wonder if my analysis of myself is accurate or not?
In what way? Feel free to take this private if you wish."
There are people I’ve tolerated for far too long! |
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"Why are people so keen to look for it?
Surely it finds you, and if it does who is anyone to imply the rate at which you should fall?
I suppose you have to balance the hesition and fear of allowing someone in?
Like I said, I don't know.
Why are people keen to look for it? Really?
I’m not looking in terms of hunting, I mean looking in terms of remaining open to it and not bitter and closed off and hurt by circumstances.
If you question why someone would want to look for it then you really don’t know.
"
So, for instance, I know someone who is so fearful of being alone that she is a serial dater, she wants all the stuff and she goes from relationship to relationship.
That is what I meant but looking for it.
Seeking out something for fear of having nothing.
I wasn't questioning the need to be loved, perhaps just the motives behind it.
We all have circumstances which could prevent us from allowing ourselves to feel,to let someone 'in', I wasn't implying you to be bitter nor closed off.
I was making a general statement on a subject which I clearly know nothing about. |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Eastern mysticism suggests it may be due to an overactive heart chakra if it is happening without sufficient discernment, but usually if that is the case there are other related symptoms as well
Such as?
Trouble defining appropriate boundaries in friendships and intimate relationships
Tolerating too much from others to the point of neglecting emotional self-care
Acceptance of others without sufficient discernment
Losing your sense of identity
Giving to others or to a cause without sufficient restraints
Saying yes too often, particularly when it does not benefit you
Tendencies towards codependence
I wonder if my analysis of myself is accurate or not?
In what way? Feel free to take this private if you wish.
There are people I’ve tolerated for far too long! "
Those clingy little buggers that you can't shake off. |
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|
By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
"Perhaps those barriers and walls we put up are the real problem.
We build walls to enclose to protect to hide behind. Walls are constructs designed to restrain.
Maybe fewer walls and more trust could change all our lives...
And yet my thread is about not having walls leading to problems."
Maybe I just look at the world differently.
Does not having walls create all the confusions and uncertainties in our lives or relationships? Do they prevent us taking chances believing in another and hoping for that connection?
Is being open honest trusting hopeful better than hiding and creating barriers even if by doing so we may get hurt or a little broken?
Or like your thread yesterday about ghosting and the reasons people may do it, just another example of how we consciously or otherwise put up barriers of whatever form that are inherently artificial and maybe even a little dishonest because we use those walls to hide behind to whatever degree?
|
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|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Why are people so keen to look for it?
Surely it finds you, and if it does who is anyone to imply the rate at which you should fall?
I suppose you have to balance the hesition and fear of allowing someone in?
Like I said, I don't know.
Why are people keen to look for it? Really?
I’m not looking in terms of hunting, I mean looking in terms of remaining open to it and not bitter and closed off and hurt by circumstances.
If you question why someone would want to look for it then you really don’t know.
So, for instance, I know someone who is so fearful of being alone that she is a serial dater, she wants all the stuff and she goes from relationship to relationship.
That is what I meant but looking for it.
Seeking out something for fear of having nothing.
I wasn't questioning the need to be loved, perhaps just the motives behind it.
We all have circumstances which could prevent us from allowing ourselves to feel,to let someone 'in', I wasn't implying you to be bitter nor closed off.
I was making a general statement on a subject which I clearly know nothing about."
It’s good to clarify. It helps people when you do. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Why are people so keen to look for it?
Surely it finds you, and if it does who is anyone to imply the rate at which you should fall?
I suppose you have to balance the hesition and fear of allowing someone in?
Like I said, I don't know.
Why are people keen to look for it? Really?
I’m not looking in terms of hunting, I mean looking in terms of remaining open to it and not bitter and closed off and hurt by circumstances.
If you question why someone would want to look for it then you really don’t know.
So, for instance, I know someone who is so fearful of being alone that she is a serial dater, she wants all the stuff and she goes from relationship to relationship.
That is what I meant but looking for it.
Seeking out something for fear of having nothing.
I wasn't questioning the need to be loved, perhaps just the motives behind it.
We all have circumstances which could prevent us from allowing ourselves to feel,to let someone 'in', I wasn't implying you to be bitter nor closed off.
I was making a general statement on a subject which I clearly know nothing about.
It’s good to clarify. It helps people when you do. "
Sometimes, I suppose. |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It only ever happened once. I wasn’t looking for it. My eyes met his and I was gone. The damage was done. I can only hope it happens again in more favourable circumstances when I’m at least half ready for it. The feeling especially when mutual is phenomenal. |
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|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Eastern mysticism suggests it may be due to an overactive heart chakra if it is happening without sufficient discernment, but usually if that is the case there are other related symptoms as well
Such as?
Trouble defining appropriate boundaries in friendships and intimate relationships
Tolerating too much from others to the point of neglecting emotional self-care
Acceptance of others without sufficient discernment
Losing your sense of identity
Giving to others or to a cause without sufficient restraints
Saying yes too often, particularly when it does not benefit you
Tendencies towards codependence
I wonder if my analysis of myself is accurate or not?
In what way? Feel free to take this private if you wish.
There are people I’ve tolerated for far too long!
Those clingy little buggers that you can't shake off. "
Nah, more letting people be cunts. And then forgiving them but they’re still cunts. When someone has been asked and they still act like a cunt then no. No more. |
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"Eastern mysticism suggests it may be due to an overactive heart chakra if it is happening without sufficient discernment, but usually if that is the case there are other related symptoms as well
Such as?
Trouble defining appropriate boundaries in friendships and intimate relationships
Tolerating too much from others to the point of neglecting emotional self-care
Acceptance of others without sufficient discernment
Losing your sense of identity
Giving to others or to a cause without sufficient restraints
Saying yes too often, particularly when it does not benefit you
Tendencies towards codependence"
Some well-expressed points, but several of the above are OK if both are/feel the same.
|
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|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Why are people so keen to look for it?
Surely it finds you, and if it does who is anyone to imply the rate at which you should fall?
I suppose you have to balance the hesition and fear of allowing someone in?
Like I said, I don't know.
Why are people keen to look for it? Really?
I’m not looking in terms of hunting, I mean looking in terms of remaining open to it and not bitter and closed off and hurt by circumstances.
If you question why someone would want to look for it then you really don’t know.
So, for instance, I know someone who is so fearful of being alone that she is a serial dater, she wants all the stuff and she goes from relationship to relationship.
That is what I meant but looking for it.
Seeking out something for fear of having nothing.
I wasn't questioning the need to be loved, perhaps just the motives behind it.
We all have circumstances which could prevent us from allowing ourselves to feel,to let someone 'in', I wasn't implying you to be bitter nor closed off.
I was making a general statement on a subject which I clearly know nothing about.
It’s good to clarify. It helps people when you do.
Sometimes, I suppose."
I think if someone asked for clarity but another refused to give it then they’ve made a choice and they should live by it. |
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|
By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
"And yet neither can define that moment when you just know...
Like being hit by a wall falling on you, where every part of you tingles at the mere thought of another when you know that the other is home where you want to be where you need to be where your life is enriched beyond measure simply because of every thought every breath every dream hope and thought is about the happiness of the other and how to help them to achieve it.
How... who knows we are all too complex we may all have a different how...
But knowing you would push them to safety out of the way of an onrushing truck at the risk of your own life without stopping to think about it...
Perhaps we do not need to know the how but instead just learn to accept that how matters less than who....
Perhaps sometimes we just know...
"
You pull my heart strings with everything you say. |
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|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Perhaps those barriers and walls we put up are the real problem.
We build walls to enclose to protect to hide behind. Walls are constructs designed to restrain.
Maybe fewer walls and more trust could change all our lives...
And yet my thread is about not having walls leading to problems.
Maybe I just look at the world differently.
Does not having walls create all the confusions and uncertainties in our lives or relationships? Do they prevent us taking chances believing in another and hoping for that connection?
Is being open honest trusting hopeful better than hiding and creating barriers even if by doing so we may get hurt or a little broken?
Or like your thread yesterday about ghosting and the reasons people may do it, just another example of how we consciously or otherwise put up barriers of whatever form that are inherently artificial and maybe even a little dishonest because we use those walls to hide behind to whatever degree?
"
I can’t follow your post. |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why are people so keen to look for it?
Surely it finds you, and if it does who is anyone to imply the rate at which you should fall?
I suppose you have to balance the hesition and fear of allowing someone in?
Like I said, I don't know.
Why are people keen to look for it? Really?
I’m not looking in terms of hunting, I mean looking in terms of remaining open to it and not bitter and closed off and hurt by circumstances.
If you question why someone would want to look for it then you really don’t know.
"
But then how do you knock the barriers down? I feel and believe that I am open until it actually starts to happen and the barriers immediately go up... And I have no idea how to overcome this *shrug*
Maybe it is why I seek encounters through this site than a regular dating site... Men on this site won't become a life partner so it's not an issue and I can just enjoy it for what it is xx |
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|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It only ever happened once. I wasn’t looking for it. My eyes met his and I was gone. The damage was done. I can only hope it happens again in more favourable circumstances when I’m at least half ready for it. The feeling especially when mutual is phenomenal. "
|
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|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Why are people so keen to look for it?
Surely it finds you, and if it does who is anyone to imply the rate at which you should fall?
I suppose you have to balance the hesition and fear of allowing someone in?
Like I said, I don't know.
Why are people keen to look for it? Really?
I’m not looking in terms of hunting, I mean looking in terms of remaining open to it and not bitter and closed off and hurt by circumstances.
If you question why someone would want to look for it then you really don’t know.
But then how do you knock the barriers down? I feel and believe that I am open until it actually starts to happen and the barriers immediately go up... And I have no idea how to overcome this *shrug*
Maybe it is why I seek encounters through this site than a regular dating site... Men on this site won't become a life partner so it's not an issue and I can just enjoy it for what it is xx"
Oh don’t listen to me! I haven’t a clue. |
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|
By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
"Perhaps those barriers and walls we put up are the real problem.
We build walls to enclose to protect to hide behind. Walls are constructs designed to restrain.
Maybe fewer walls and more trust could change all our lives...
And yet my thread is about not having walls leading to problems.
Maybe I just look at the world differently.
Does not having walls create all the confusions and uncertainties in our lives or relationships? Do they prevent us taking chances believing in another and hoping for that connection?
Is being open honest trusting hopeful better than hiding and creating barriers even if by doing so we may get hurt or a little broken?
Or like your thread yesterday about ghosting and the reasons people may do it, just another example of how we consciously or otherwise put up barriers of whatever form that are inherently artificial and maybe even a little dishonest because we use those walls to hide behind to whatever degree?
I can’t follow your post."
Your suggesting it's not having walls that create the problems.
I'm simply suggesting the walls we errect may be the problem.
Helpful? Even if you don't necessarily agree with the premise? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Why are people so keen to look for it?
Surely it finds you, and if it does who is anyone to imply the rate at which you should fall?
I suppose you have to balance the hesition and fear of allowing someone in?
Like I said, I don't know.
Why are people keen to look for it? Really?
I’m not looking in terms of hunting, I mean looking in terms of remaining open to it and not bitter and closed off and hurt by circumstances.
If you question why someone would want to look for it then you really don’t know.
So, for instance, I know someone who is so fearful of being alone that she is a serial dater, she wants all the stuff and she goes from relationship to relationship.
That is what I meant but looking for it.
Seeking out something for fear of having nothing.
I wasn't questioning the need to be loved, perhaps just the motives behind it.
We all have circumstances which could prevent us from allowing ourselves to feel,to let someone 'in', I wasn't implying you to be bitter nor closed off.
I was making a general statement on a subject which I clearly know nothing about.
It’s good to clarify. It helps people when you do.
Sometimes, I suppose.
I think if someone asked for clarity but another refused to give it then they’ve made a choice and they should live by it. "
Or they could just have other things which take priority |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Eastern mysticism suggests it may be due to an overactive heart chakra if it is happening without sufficient discernment, but usually if that is the case there are other related symptoms as well
Such as?
Trouble defining appropriate boundaries in friendships and intimate relationships
Tolerating too much from others to the point of neglecting emotional self-care
Acceptance of others without sufficient discernment
Losing your sense of identity
Giving to others or to a cause without sufficient restraints
Saying yes too often, particularly when it does not benefit you
Tendencies towards codependence
I wonder if my analysis of myself is accurate or not?
In what way? Feel free to take this private if you wish.
There are people I’ve tolerated for far too long!
Those clingy little buggers that you can't shake off.
Nah, more letting people be cunts. And then forgiving them but they’re still cunts. When someone has been asked and they still act like a cunt then no. No more."
|
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or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Perhaps those barriers and walls we put up are the real problem.
We build walls to enclose to protect to hide behind. Walls are constructs designed to restrain.
Maybe fewer walls and more trust could change all our lives...
And yet my thread is about not having walls leading to problems.
Maybe I just look at the world differently.
Does not having walls create all the confusions and uncertainties in our lives or relationships? Do they prevent us taking chances believing in another and hoping for that connection?
Is being open honest trusting hopeful better than hiding and creating barriers even if by doing so we may get hurt or a little broken?
Or like your thread yesterday about ghosting and the reasons people may do it, just another example of how we consciously or otherwise put up barriers of whatever form that are inherently artificial and maybe even a little dishonest because we use those walls to hide behind to whatever degree?
I can’t follow your post.
Your suggesting it's not having walls that create the problems.
I'm simply suggesting the walls we errect may be the problem.
Helpful? Even if you don't necessarily agree with the premise?"
Oh no, I agree the walls are a problem. I wanted to discuss if not having walls was also a problem. |
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|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Why are people so keen to look for it?
Surely it finds you, and if it does who is anyone to imply the rate at which you should fall?
I suppose you have to balance the hesition and fear of allowing someone in?
Like I said, I don't know.
Why are people keen to look for it? Really?
I’m not looking in terms of hunting, I mean looking in terms of remaining open to it and not bitter and closed off and hurt by circumstances.
If you question why someone would want to look for it then you really don’t know.
So, for instance, I know someone who is so fearful of being alone that she is a serial dater, she wants all the stuff and she goes from relationship to relationship.
That is what I meant but looking for it.
Seeking out something for fear of having nothing.
I wasn't questioning the need to be loved, perhaps just the motives behind it.
We all have circumstances which could prevent us from allowing ourselves to feel,to let someone 'in', I wasn't implying you to be bitter nor closed off.
I was making a general statement on a subject which I clearly know nothing about.
It’s good to clarify. It helps people when you do.
Sometimes, I suppose.
I think if someone asked for clarity but another refused to give it then they’ve made a choice and they should live by it.
Or they could just have other things which take priority "
Absolutely. I don’t disagree. It’s done though, the choice was made, and no communication is a lot of communication. |
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|
By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
"Why are people so keen to look for it?
Surely it finds you, and if it does who is anyone to imply the rate at which you should fall?
I suppose you have to balance the hesition and fear of allowing someone in?
Like I said, I don't know.
Why are people keen to look for it? Really?
I’m not looking in terms of hunting, I mean looking in terms of remaining open to it and not bitter and closed off and hurt by circumstances.
If you question why someone would want to look for it then you really don’t know.
So, for instance, I know someone who is so fearful of being alone that she is a serial dater, she wants all the stuff and she goes from relationship to relationship.
That is what I meant but looking for it.
Seeking out something for fear of having nothing.
I wasn't questioning the need to be loved, perhaps just the motives behind it.
We all have circumstances which could prevent us from allowing ourselves to feel,to let someone 'in', I wasn't implying you to be bitter nor closed off.
I was making a general statement on a subject which I clearly know nothing about.
It’s good to clarify. It helps people when you do.
Sometimes, I suppose.
I think if someone asked for clarity but another refused to give it then they’ve made a choice and they should live by it.
Or they could just have other things which take priority "
The circle of deceit just starts again... |
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or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Why are people so keen to look for it?
Surely it finds you, and if it does who is anyone to imply the rate at which you should fall?
I suppose you have to balance the hesition and fear of allowing someone in?
Like I said, I don't know.
Why are people keen to look for it? Really?
I’m not looking in terms of hunting, I mean looking in terms of remaining open to it and not bitter and closed off and hurt by circumstances.
If you question why someone would want to look for it then you really don’t know.
So, for instance, I know someone who is so fearful of being alone that she is a serial dater, she wants all the stuff and she goes from relationship to relationship.
That is what I meant but looking for it.
Seeking out something for fear of having nothing.
I wasn't questioning the need to be loved, perhaps just the motives behind it.
We all have circumstances which could prevent us from allowing ourselves to feel,to let someone 'in', I wasn't implying you to be bitter nor closed off.
I was making a general statement on a subject which I clearly know nothing about.
It’s good to clarify. It helps people when you do.
Sometimes, I suppose.
I think if someone asked for clarity but another refused to give it then they’ve made a choice and they should live by it.
Or they could just have other things which take priority
The circle of deceit just starts again..."
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Why are people so keen to look for it?
Surely it finds you, and if it does who is anyone to imply the rate at which you should fall?
I suppose you have to balance the hesition and fear of allowing someone in?
Like I said, I don't know.
Why are people keen to look for it? Really?
I’m not looking in terms of hunting, I mean looking in terms of remaining open to it and not bitter and closed off and hurt by circumstances.
If you question why someone would want to look for it then you really don’t know.
So, for instance, I know someone who is so fearful of being alone that she is a serial dater, she wants all the stuff and she goes from relationship to relationship.
That is what I meant but looking for it.
Seeking out something for fear of having nothing.
I wasn't questioning the need to be loved, perhaps just the motives behind it.
We all have circumstances which could prevent us from allowing ourselves to feel,to let someone 'in', I wasn't implying you to be bitter nor closed off.
I was making a general statement on a subject which I clearly know nothing about.
It’s good to clarify. It helps people when you do.
Sometimes, I suppose.
I think if someone asked for clarity but another refused to give it then they’ve made a choice and they should live by it.
Or they could just have other things which take priority
Absolutely. I don’t disagree. It’s done though, the choice was made, and no communication is a lot of communication."
Now, that isn't entirely correct is it.  |
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or View forums list | |
"Why are people so keen to look for it?
Surely it finds you, and if it does who is anyone to imply the rate at which you should fall?
I suppose you have to balance the hesition and fear of allowing someone in?
Like I said, I don't know.
Why are people keen to look for it? Really?
I’m not looking in terms of hunting, I mean looking in terms of remaining open to it and not bitter and closed off and hurt by circumstances.
If you question why someone would want to look for it then you really don’t know.
So, for instance, I know someone who is so fearful of being alone that she is a serial dater, she wants all the stuff and she goes from relationship to relationship.
That is what I meant but looking for it.
Seeking out something for fear of having nothing.
I wasn't questioning the need to be loved, perhaps just the motives behind it.
We all have circumstances which could prevent us from allowing ourselves to feel,to let someone 'in', I wasn't implying you to be bitter nor closed off.
I was making a general statement on a subject which I clearly know nothing about.
It’s good to clarify. It helps people when you do.
Sometimes, I suppose.
I think if someone asked for clarity but another refused to give it then they’ve made a choice and they should live by it.
Or they could just have other things which take priority
The circle of deceit just starts again..."
It never ends, this place is great for it |
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|
By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
"Perhaps those barriers and walls we put up are the real problem.
We build walls to enclose to protect to hide behind. Walls are constructs designed to restrain.
Maybe fewer walls and more trust could change all our lives...
And yet my thread is about not having walls leading to problems.
Maybe I just look at the world differently.
Does not having walls create all the confusions and uncertainties in our lives or relationships? Do they prevent us taking chances believing in another and hoping for that connection?
Is being open honest trusting hopeful better than hiding and creating barriers even if by doing so we may get hurt or a little broken?
Or like your thread yesterday about ghosting and the reasons people may do it, just another example of how we consciously or otherwise put up barriers of whatever form that are inherently artificial and maybe even a little dishonest because we use those walls to hide behind to whatever degree?
I can’t follow your post.
Your suggesting it's not having walls that create the problems.
I'm simply suggesting the walls we errect may be the problem.
Helpful? Even if you don't necessarily agree with the premise?
Oh no, I agree the walls are a problem. I wanted to discuss if not having walls was also a problem."
On occassion has been for me
But then I don't believe running hiding or building barriers ever really changes who we are; just how we present to others.
|
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
Actions are more revealing of one's true character since it is easy to say things or make promises, but it takes effort to do things and follow through. ...Actions speak louder than words, after all.
|
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"Honey, live and let live."
Fear not, recent events have taught me that life is for living and some things just aren't worth fretting over. You can't control what happens, I have given up trying.
One day at a time. |
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"Actions are more revealing of one's true character since it is easy to say things or make promises, but it takes effort to do things and follow through. ...Actions speak louder than words, after all.
"
Yes, correct. |
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|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Honey, live and let live.
Fear not, recent events have taught me that life is for living and some things just aren't worth fretting over. You can't control what happens, I have given up trying.
One day at a time."
Absolutely. You look after you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think building barriers is wrong but that's just me. I tend not to let my past experiences influence my future negatively if I can help it.
As to what makes someone fall hard and fast, I think it depends on the person, their current emotional state and their need for intimacy. I see some posts on here and think that some people make themselves extremely vulnerable to hurt by seeing only the good in a relationship from day one. However if you're in a good place emotionally and aren't looking for love in a needy way I think falling hard and fast is a good thing.
Yup, this. Some people will idealise their chosen one and basically fall in love with a mirage.
I don't do that, but I can fall hard and fast because I deliberately let the handbrake off if it feels right, so nothing to stop me! The handbrake is about internal barriers - I don't put them up, I have the courage to be vulnerable in order to feel what I want to feel."
I like the bit about idealising a chosen one. A person can want someone so much, that they make them out to be what it is they want, rather than who they actually are.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think building barriers is wrong but that's just me. I tend not to let my past experiences influence my future negatively if I can help it.
As to what makes someone fall hard and fast, I think it depends on the person, their current emotional state and their need for intimacy. I see some posts on here and think that some people make themselves extremely vulnerable to hurt by seeing only the good in a relationship from day one. However if you're in a good place emotionally and aren't looking for love in a needy way I think falling hard and fast is a good thing.
Yup, this. Some people will idealise their chosen one and basically fall in love with a mirage.
I don't do that, but I can fall hard and fast because I deliberately let the handbrake off if it feels right, so nothing to stop me! The handbrake is about internal barriers - I don't put them up, I have the courage to be vulnerable in order to feel what I want to feel.
I like the bit about idealising a chosen one. A person can want someone so much, that they make them out to be what it is they want, rather than who they actually are.
"
It’s so true isn’t it?! I like the idea of letting off the handbrake too. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Perhaps those barriers and walls we put up are the real problem.
We build walls to enclose to protect to hide behind. Walls are constructs designed to restrain.
Maybe fewer walls and more trust could change all our lives...
And yet my thread is about not having walls leading to problems.
Maybe I just look at the world differently.
Does not having walls create all the confusions and uncertainties in our lives or relationships? Do they prevent us taking chances believing in another and hoping for that connection?
Is being open honest trusting hopeful better than hiding and creating barriers even if by doing so we may get hurt or a little broken?
Or like your thread yesterday about ghosting and the reasons people may do it, just another example of how we consciously or otherwise put up barriers of whatever form that are inherently artificial and maybe even a little dishonest because we use those walls to hide behind to whatever degree?
I can’t follow your post.
Your suggesting it's not having walls that create the problems.
I'm simply suggesting the walls we errect may be the problem.
Helpful? Even if you don't necessarily agree with the premise?
Oh no, I agree the walls are a problem. I wanted to discuss if not having walls was also a problem.
On occassion has been for me
But then I don't believe running hiding or building barriers ever really changes who we are; just how we present to others.
"
That makes sense |
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"I think building barriers is wrong but that's just me. I tend not to let my past experiences influence my future negatively if I can help it.
As to what makes someone fall hard and fast, I think it depends on the person, their current emotional state and their need for intimacy. I see some posts on here and think that some people make themselves extremely vulnerable to hurt by seeing only the good in a relationship from day one. However if you're in a good place emotionally and aren't looking for love in a needy way I think falling hard and fast is a good thing.
Yup, this. Some people will idealise their chosen one and basically fall in love with a mirage.
I don't do that, but I can fall hard and fast because I deliberately let the handbrake off if it feels right, so nothing to stop me! The handbrake is about internal barriers - I don't put them up, I have the courage to be vulnerable in order to feel what I want to feel.
I like the bit about idealising a chosen one. A person can want someone so much, that they make them out to be what it is they want, rather than who they actually are.
"
Yup. They fall in love with their own fantasy.
But I do also believe one can genuinely love rapidly, even if it matures over time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ads and I fell quite hard for each other very quickly, infact the next day after we met we both said we were feeling something that we’ve never felt before and well you know the rest!
Geeky x |
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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago
Slough Windsor ish |
Took us a full year of fucking around.
I was absolutely certain i didnt want anything more than lots of fwb. He was married and happy having a couple of fwb.
One day it just clicked
Decisions after that were made quite quickly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think building barriers is wrong but that's just me. I tend not to let my past experiences influence my future negatively if I can help it.
As to what makes someone fall hard and fast, I think it depends on the person, their current emotional state and their need for intimacy. I see some posts on here and think that some people make themselves extremely vulnerable to hurt by seeing only the good in a relationship from day one. However if you're in a good place emotionally and aren't looking for love in a needy way I think falling hard and fast is a good thing.
Yup, this. Some people will idealise their chosen one and basically fall in love with a mirage.
I don't do that, but I can fall hard and fast because I deliberately let the handbrake off if it feels right, so nothing to stop me! The handbrake is about internal barriers - I don't put them up, I have the courage to be vulnerable in order to feel what I want to feel.
I like the bit about idealising a chosen one. A person can want someone so much, that they make them out to be what it is they want, rather than who they actually are.
Yup. They fall in love with their own fantasy.
But I do also believe one can genuinely love rapidly, even if it matures over time. "
Yes, if they're falling in love with the reality of that person and not the person they want them to be. |
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"Eastern mysticism suggests it may be due to an overactive heart chakra if it is happening without sufficient discernment, but usually if that is the case there are other related symptoms as well"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ads and I fell quite hard for each other very quickly, infact the next day after we met we both said we were feeling something that we’ve never felt before and well you know the rest!
Geeky x"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Took us a full year of fucking around.
I was absolutely certain i didnt want anything more than lots of fwb. He was married and happy having a couple of fwb.
One day it just clicked
Decisions after that were made quite quickly."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think we have any control over it. For me it's a very rare occurrence. Obviously the worst situation to find yourself in is if it's not reciprocated. I'd rather be open and able to trust blindly from the off than be bitter, closed off and forever hurt by past circumstances.
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"Ads and I fell quite hard for each other very quickly, infact the next day after we met we both said we were feeling something that we’ve never felt before and well you know the rest!
Geeky x"
You guys make me sick (in a good way) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't think we have any control over it. For me it's a very rare occurrence. Obviously the worst situation to find yourself in is if it's not reciprocated. I'd rather be open and able to trust blindly from the off than be bitter, closed off and forever hurt by past circumstances.
"
Yes, when you phrase it like that, yes |
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"I don't think we have any control over it. For me it's a very rare occurrence. Obviously the worst situation to find yourself in is if it's not reciprocated. I'd rather be open and able to trust blindly from the off than be bitter, closed off and forever hurt by past circumstances.
"
I agree with that. Except the trust blindly bit. I think it's possible to trust with intelligence and intuition. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't think we have any control over it. For me it's a very rare occurrence. Obviously the worst situation to find yourself in is if it's not reciprocated. I'd rather be open and able to trust blindly from the off than be bitter, closed off and forever hurt by past circumstances.
I agree with that. Except the trust blindly bit. I think it's possible to trust with intelligence and intuition. "
Trust is an amazing topic in itself. And betrayal of trust. |
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"I think building barriers is wrong but that's just me. I tend not to let my past experiences influence my future negatively if I can help it.
As to what makes someone fall hard and fast, I think it depends on the person, their current emotional state and their need for intimacy. I see some posts on here and think that some people make themselves extremely vulnerable to hurt by seeing only the good in a relationship from day one. However if you're in a good place emotionally and aren't looking for love in a needy way I think falling hard and fast is a good thing.
Yup, this. Some people will idealise their chosen one and basically fall in love with a mirage.
I don't do that, but I can fall hard and fast because I deliberately let the handbrake off if it feels right, so nothing to stop me! The handbrake is about internal barriers - I don't put them up, I have the courage to be vulnerable in order to feel what I want to feel.
I like the bit about idealising a chosen one. A person can want someone so much, that they make them out to be what it is they want, rather than who they actually are.
Yup. They fall in love with their own fantasy.
But I do also believe one can genuinely love rapidly, even if it matures over time.
Yes, if they're falling in love with the reality of that person and not the person they want them to be. "
Yes or the person they pretend to be - that's another whole subject, falling for a deception!  |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
I think a lot of guys come on here to fill the gaps between having a gf in rl.
If 2 people fall for each other on here I think they're incredibly lucky.
Keep your standards high and your expectations low!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me it takes a long time to find someone whom I'm attracted to;enough to want to have sex with them. I place a lot of emphasis on the physical attributes of the guy. They've had to be tall and extremely handsome with slightly arrogant personalities.
There was one in 2014 that I fell hard for after meeting for 5 months and there was another one I met the end of November last year. The most recent one was beautiful, I met him and then the next day he had to go to the middle east with work for almost 3 weeks. During that time we messaged everyday and by the time he came back I'd already built him up in my head and had kind of convinced myself that we would be exclusive to each other. We met another 6 times and I fell for him more each time we met. The fact that he made me feel like shit afterwards didn't matter, it was always me initiating contact and asking to meet and him not being available just makes me want him more! |
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I think falling fast for someone is something we have little control over. You see some people who have a string of relationships and they fall hard every time, whilst others meet people they like but just don't end up feeling that way about. Personally I don't fall for people easily but I did fall for one girl years ago within about a month of seeing each other, she just made me feel something nobody else had and the chemistry was off the scale! Shame everything was stacked against it in the long run |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think we have any control over it. For me it's a very rare occurrence. Obviously the worst situation to find yourself in is if it's not reciprocated. I'd rather be open and able to trust blindly from the off than be bitter, closed off and forever hurt by past circumstances.
I agree with that. Except the trust blindly bit. I think it's possible to trust with intelligence and intuition. "
Sometimes both my intelligence and intuition let me down |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think a lot of guys come on here to fill the gaps between having a gf in rl.
If 2 people fall for each other on here I think they're incredibly lucky.
Keep your standards high and your expectations low!!! "
Yes. I think Courtney summed it up well on a different thread. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"For me it takes a long time to find someone whom I'm attracted to;enough to want to have sex with them. I place a lot of emphasis on the physical attributes of the guy. They've had to be tall and extremely handsome with slightly arrogant personalities.
There was one in 2014 that I fell hard for after meeting for 5 months and there was another one I met the end of November last year. The most recent one was beautiful, I met him and then the next day he had to go to the middle east with work for almost 3 weeks. During that time we messaged everyday and by the time he came back I'd already built him up in my head and had kind of convinced myself that we would be exclusive to each other. We met another 6 times and I fell for him more each time we met. The fact that he made me feel like shit afterwards didn't matter, it was always me initiating contact and asking to meet and him not being available just makes me want him more!"
. Yes it’s not often I find someone I’d want to invest in. But when I do, I fall. I can’t help it. |
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Psychology is not my area of expertise and until recently love wasn’t on my radar, therefore I went to have a little read around the subject. It seems falling in love is complicated who knew? Although I came across something that may account for why ppl fall hard and fast.
‘The more you want to be in a relationship, the lower your self-esteem and the more likely you are to fall in love’
The original source I believe is Aron et al. (1989) “Experiences of Falling in Love”, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships August 6, 3: 243-257, but the referencing is a bit sketchy throughout the article I was reading |
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"What do you think psychologically drives someone to fall hard and fast?
Is it something to cull, or is it wrong to build in barriers for future encounters?
(Not in terms of NSA meets, I’m talking being open to and meeting people romantically)"
Woah! I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself. You haven't even opened my date offer message yet. Calm down Mrs  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Psychology is not my area of expertise and until recently love wasn’t on my radar, therefore I went to have a little read around the subject. It seems falling in love is complicated who knew? Although I came across something that may account for why ppl fall hard and fast.
‘The more you want to be in a relationship, the lower your self-esteem and the more likely you are to fall in love’
The original source I believe is Aron et al. (1989) “Experiences of Falling in Love”, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships August 6, 3: 243-257, but the referencing is a bit sketchy throughout the article I was reading "
Interesting. So give up and it all gets sorted? Well, I’ve given up. I’ll report back. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I fell too hard once he was around my house everyday only to dump me on a night out never ever again "
Rejection hurts. But if someone isn’t in to us, they’re only doing the best they can too. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What do you think psychologically drives someone to fall hard and fast?
Is it something to cull, or is it wrong to build in barriers for future encounters?
(Not in terms of NSA meets, I’m talking being open to and meeting people romantically)
Woah! I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself. You haven't even opened my date offer message yet. Calm down Mrs "
I hadn’t seen it! |
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