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How do you check?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Play it by ear pet

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

conversation and body language -

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By *iss.HoneyWoman over a year ago

...

Consent? If they agree to meet then they are fair game no?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them?"

Communication.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them?"

I make it clear in the correspondence prior to the meet that I will never make the first move, that way there can be no misunderstanding.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them?"
its in their eyes

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By *evaquitCouple over a year ago

Catthorpe

Social meet, play meet, date?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Seems a strange question for someone who's not a newbie to these things?

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

I ask them. "Would you like to play? What kind of thing would you like to do? Are you ok with penetration or would you prefer to avoid that? Can I do X? How about Y?"

And before I ask them I try my best to establish if they're high, d*unk, or otherwise unable to give consent?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

Merseyside

"When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them?"

1. First sight.... happy or not ?

2. First few minutes.....how are we reacting to each other.

3. Few more minutes I make my intentions clear.

4. After that ........ well number 3 was my consent to them and if they are not interested ( which incidentally has never happened ) then I take that as their consent.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

Merseyside

Number 4 just made me think tho

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By *olden RatioWoman over a year ago

Buckinghamshire

Communication. I like socials first anyway to guage if there is any chemistry, and it’s always asked “would you like to play?” (or something along those lines).

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Seems a strange question for someone who's not a newbie to these things?

I have my reasons.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Seems a strange question for someone who's not a newbie to these things?

I have my reasons."

Unless you're prepared to divulge and give context it sounds like you know the answer also.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Seems a strange question for someone who's not a newbie to these things?

I have my reasons."
did you touch someone and they gave you the one eyebrow raised look?

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By *av.x.69Man over a year ago

Callington/Liskeard

"When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them?"

Doesn’t it depends on what kind of touch you talking about? Also are you talking about the First Touch? Which I assume you are.

It’s polite when you meet a person for the first time to offer your hand to them for a handshake while saying something along the lines of You look lovely or Please to meet you etc. All neutral yet with smiles.

It’s up to them whether they’ll reciprocate by giving their hand back (for a handshake you Naughty People LOL).

If it’s like shoving your tongue down their throat as a first touch mmmm you’re probably on a shaky territory there.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I ask them may I kiss them, touch them etc....

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

I use my words and ask them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/12/17 10:24:48]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them?

Communication."

And *not* saying something is not taken as consent. The “they never said no” is not a defence. There is accountability on both people to communicate, and if one is not then that should be read as no by the other until checked out explicitly.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I ask them may I kiss them, touch them etc...."

I assume nothing. Just because it was ok yesterday, last week, last year, or 3 hours ago, doesn’t mean it is ok now. Also just because she kisses me doesn’t mean it’s ok to grope her tits, finger her or whatever.

There are plenty of times in the past where I assumed consent. I guess I was just lucky...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Consent? If they agree to meet then they are fair game no? "

Lol no

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By *alandNitaCouple over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them?"

I generally go with the idea that if they say "get off me you creep" they're probably not keen.

Cal

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By *alandNitaCouple over a year ago

Scunthorpe

but really, we always start with none intimate touches on arms and shoulders etc. AND we talk, talking is a fantastic way of communicating.

Cal

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is why I like to sit and chat with my playmate before anything happens, so o can guage whether they're still up for it or not.

Little things like move closer to them, touching their arm etc also helps and gives implied consent (in imo)

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

This isn't a piss take thread, I'm being deadly serious.

Body language.

Smiling.

Are these indications of consent?

Pulling away in a confined space may appear to be wriggling from sexual arousal.

Smiling may be a nervous reaction while wondering how the fuck to get away.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Many of the guys we've met have asked outright. When I asked one guy if it was ok if I gave him a blow job and he laughed at me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As I tend to only play in clubs I ask if they’d like to go to a room.

Once we're alone I’ll move close enough to kiss and go from there really.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them?"

I guess it depends what you mean by 'touch'. There's touching and there's touching.

A hand on an elbow or shoulder? An arm around a shoulder? Both hands on the waist is pretty much leading into a kiss in my experience and if I haven't recoiled at the first two,the third is looking good.After that,it's probably a good idea to start talking about what could happen next.

Taking things steady,in small steps is surely better than going straight in with a hand between the legs,isn't it?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Many of the guys we've met have asked outright. When I asked one guy if it was ok if I gave him a blow job and he laughed at me.

I find being asked sexy not funny. Just rarely happens

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By *icassolifelikeMan over a year ago

Luton

I think you can print off consent forms on .gov website..........but I'm not sure??

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I've removed some posts that refer to a thread that's been removed.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think you can print off consent forms on .gov website..........but I'm not sure??

Actually, completing a questionnaire of sexual activities can be a really good way to communicate and foreplay, consent is still sought in actual play but it can be a way of referencing especially if your play may be more diverse.

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By *ungBlackTopMan over a year ago

salford

"I think you can print off consent forms on .gov website..........but I'm not sure??

hahaha

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By *he incognito twoCouple over a year ago

near you

Talking would be a start?

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By *uckOfTheBayMan over a year ago

Flintshire

I get the lawyers to draw up the documents which we have to sign in triplicate

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If there is chemistry, then "Fancy a kiss" is not a bad starter??

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

Some people aren’t capable of making proper informed responsible decisions.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them?"
Depends on how they have spoken before meeting. If they've messaged each other already and stated they are gonna rip each others clothes off then I guess the answers already there . Happened to me . I answered my front door to a lady id arranged to meet and she had my cock in her hand before I closed the door

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I've removed some posts that refer to a thread that's been removed.

Apologies, I didn't know that thread had gone.

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By *oserMan over a year ago

where the wild roses grow

"I ask them. "Would you like to play? What kind of thing would you like to do? Are you ok with penetration or would you prefer to avoid that? Can I do X? How about Y?"

And before I ask them I try my best to establish if they're high, d*unk, or otherwise unable to give consent?"

Never works in a lift

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By *musedforlifeMan over a year ago

Scunthorpe

[Removed by poster at 28/12/17 10:49:20]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I get the lawyers to draw up the documents which we have to sign in triplicate

With diagrams? Pinned to the wall for ease of reference?

Whatever happened to spontaneity?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I think you can print off consent forms on .gov website..........but I'm not sure??

I learned about the 'mojo upgrade' site from the forums on here. It's a great site. You can compare 'likes' that match. If you don't match the site doesn't tell them that you're into xyz so no embarrassing moments.

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By *musedforlifeMan over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them?

I generally go with the idea that if they say "get off me you creep" they're probably not keen.

Cal"

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By *agneto.Man over a year ago

Bham

Society these days. I can't cope.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think you can print off consent forms on .gov website..........but I'm not sure??

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By *ink Panther.Woman over a year ago

Preston

https://youtu.be/pZwvrxVavnQ

It’s all about tea

I would say the more communication beforehand the better, simply saying let’s just see what happens is a recipe for disaster and disappointment when it comes to gaining consent when you actually meet. Likes, dislikes are also an issue when it comes to consent, discuss beforehand then there’s no confusion

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them? Depends on how they have spoken before meeting. If they've messaged each other already and stated they are gonna rip each others clothes off then I guess the answers already there . Happened to me . I answered my front door to a lady id arranged to meet and she had my cock in her hand before I closed the door

Some people may change their minds upon meeting though.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Seems a strange question for someone who's not a newbie to these things?

I have my reasons."

Everything OK ms heels?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP."

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Seems a strange question for someone who's not a newbie to these things?

I have my reasons.

Everything OK ms heels?"

Yes thank you x

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Some people may change their minds upon meeting though. "
That is true . I never make the first move anyway as I am aware I'm not a Tom Hardy lookalike

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up. "

Some of the replies on this thread are the reason im so scared to go to a club

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Personally I don't take it for granted that wanting to rip each others clothes off in messages is going to lead to even a kiss.

I send nudes on here to give them a clue as to whether they'd fancy me or not but sometimes it takes meeting in person to realise whether you are into each other.

Consent would be asking if they wanted to go further.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some people may change their minds upon meeting though. "

See I think it can still be hot as fuck, if she says “I want to grab your cock right here right now, is that ok?”

I don’t think it ruins the moment

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some people may change their minds upon meeting though.

See I think it can still be hot as fuck, if she says “I want to grab your cock right here right now, is that ok?”

I don’t think it ruins the moment "

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By *remiumChocolate_milkMan over a year ago

Milton Keynes

I always carry a printed contract on me. When it's signed and they step into my domain then the terms of the contract will apply. I also have cctv in my bedroom, just in case anything has to go to court.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up. "

I would class what you said about body language and smiling as flirting, not consent. So when you first meet someone you are looking for those signs to tell if someone is interested in you before taking if further.

However I agree what you say about people interpreting body language wrong and sometimes appearing fine in a situation when really you aren't.

And people who don't know you that well eg. at a first meet, may think that your body language means one thing, when in fact it means another

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up.

Some of the replies on this thread are the reason im so scared to go to a club

In my experience consent in clubs is a lot clearer than private meets. People specifically ask you if you want to play or go to a private room if interested and if you say no thanks then it's very clear you aren't giving consent.

There's also other people around so if someone did do something you aren't comfortable with then you can report it to the club

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up.

Some of the replies on this thread are the reason im so scared to go to a club

There's also other people around so if someone did do something you aren't comfortable with then you can report it to the club "

We have to disagree. Clubs are places where the issue of consent can easily be totally overlooked. You can be engaged in play and some people think its totally acceptable just to join in without asking.

Reporting incidents makes no difference either in some clubs.

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By *eesideMan over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

"When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them?"

Just arsk them ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This isn't a piss take thread, I'm being deadly serious.

Body language.

Smiling.

Are these indications of consent?

Pulling away in a confined space may appear to be wriggling from sexual arousal.

Smiling may be a nervous reaction while wondering how the fuck to get away.

I know some don't but I really feel meeting someone specifically for sex requires a degree of honesty and directness which is needed compared to vanilla world.

I feel in this arena I can be explicit "fancy a fuck"?

Where previously in the vanilla world I would have upset the guy and put him off.

So therefore, to answer your question i would use judging his body language first with some flirting. Then suggest shall we play?

Equally if I didn't want to play I would use direct language. A clear no. Or stop.

If I'm ballsy enough to have nsa meets then I should be ballsy enough to look after myself!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Forgot to add, meets are no place for mixed messages in my opinion!

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By *lan157Man over a year ago

a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex

It all starts with a kiss

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

If I am meeting someone for a social it's because I haven't decided yet, and I am very clear there will be no sexual activity whatsoever. I like to know why I am leaving the house.

If we meet a second time to play there will be no doubt that my consent has been given by the time we meet.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wait for the lady to make the first move.

Not the most successful tactic as I had a social meet 10 years ago, it was a fun day but no play. The lady messaged me the following day saying she understood why I hadn't made a move and wished me well. She said that if I had kissed her, we could have moved on from there but she guessed she wasn't my type. I was being polite and didn't assume anything was going to happen. Never did get the chance to meet again...

Moral of the story? Communication.

I'm still no better at it mind, I need a lady to be direct with me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wait for the lady to make the first move.

Moral of the story? Communication.

I'm still no better at it mind, I need a lady to be direct with me

Be direct too. Just ask her if she would like you to kiss her. It’s easy once you get used to it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wait for the lady to make the first move.

Moral of the story? Communication.

I'm still no better at it mind, I need a lady to be direct with me

Be direct too. Just ask her if she would like you to kiss her. It’s easy once you get used to it."

See I think it’s really hot if someone says. “I’m longing to kiss you right now, would you like that?”

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wait for the lady to make the first move.

Moral of the story? Communication.

I'm still no better at it mind, I need a lady to be direct with me

This is sad. Maybe if you'd have explained why you were the way you were she would have been understanding?

I've been in situations where I've been talking to guys on here and whenever I suggest a meet they get cagey, so I've assumed they're not as keen as I am and move on.

Only recently one guy who did this actually told me that the reason he makes excuses is because he's shy and he's worried about being Intimidated when we meet.

Us women no matter how confident when ever we're in that situation we always just assume that the guy just isn't that interested.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wait for the lady to make the first move.

Moral of the story? Communication.

I'm still no better at it mind, I need a lady to be direct with me

Be direct too. Just ask her if she would like you to kiss her. It’s easy once you get used to it."

Being asked "can I kiss you?" Reminds me a bit of being at school BUT I can appreciate where it comes from.

Would much rather someone ask than just jump in and stick their tongue down my throat

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up.

Some of the replies on this thread are the reason im so scared to go to a club

There's also other people around so if someone did do something you aren't comfortable with then you can report it to the club

Reporting incidents makes no difference either in some clubs."

This is the problem, I hear too many mixed stories

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If I don't get a kick in the balls or backhander from a casual touch then I'm generally good to go.

In reality I wait for a positive indication of interest through body language or communication before closing the gap.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

Merseyside

"This isn't a piss take thread, I'm being deadly serious.

Body language.

Smiling.

Are these indications of consent?

Pulling away in a confined space may appear to be wriggling from sexual arousal.

Smiling may be a nervous reaction while wondering how the fuck to get away.

The word NO is clear or should be. The word DON'T can be very explicit. FUCK OFF should only be used as a last resort.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wait for the lady to make the first move.

Moral of the story? Communication.

I'm still no better at it mind, I need a lady to be direct with me

Be direct too. Just ask her if she would like you to kiss her. It’s easy once you get used to it.

Being asked "can I kiss you?" Reminds me a bit of being at school BUT I can appreciate where it comes from.

Would much rather someone ask than just jump in and stick their tongue down my throat "

Ah but then I just used to say ‘Giz a kiss’

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

check if they're wet or not. if they're not, careful not to drop the soap

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wait for the lady to make the first move.

Moral of the story? Communication.

I'm still no better at it mind, I need a lady to be direct with me

This is sad. Maybe if you'd have explained why you were the way you were she would have been understanding?

I've been in situations where I've been talking to guys on here and whenever I suggest a meet they get cagey, so I've assumed they're not as keen as I am and move on.

Only recently one guy who did this actually told me that the reason he makes excuses is because he's shy and he's worried about being Intimidated when we meet.

Us women no matter how confident when ever we're in that situation we always just assume that the guy just isn't that interested. "

I like and admire a confident woman. Part of the problem is also dancing around the consent issue. I'm getting slightly better, but I tend to work on the friendship aspect nowadays and if anything follows, it is a bonus and not an objective.

The golden rule is that a first meet is a social and a second meet would be planned as a play date with the agreement of the lady.

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By *opsy RogersWoman over a year ago

London

I’m concerend more with the withdrawal of consent.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m concerend more with the withdrawal of consent."

Again, communication.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wait for the lady to make the first move.

Moral of the story? Communication.

I'm still no better at it mind, I need a lady to be direct with me

Be direct too. Just ask her if she would like you to kiss her. It’s easy once you get used to it.

See I think it’s really hot if someone says. “I’m longing to kiss you right now, would you like that?”"

We agree, this is very hot and sexy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd never ask a guy could I kiss him let alone touch him

I chat and I guess it must be something in my eyes that gives them the may I kiss you ,then I take it from there

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up.

Some of the replies on this thread are the reason im so scared to go to a club

There's also other people around so if someone did do something you aren't comfortable with then you can report it to the club

Reporting incidents makes no difference either in some clubs.

This is the problem, I hear too many mixed stories

I mainly play in private, lockable rooms so there is never an issue of others joining in without asking in those situations.

Whenever I've played more publicly I've never had an issue with this though.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m concerend more with the withdrawal of consent."

That’s why I don’t assume what was ok an hour ago is ok now.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up.

Some of the replies on this thread are the reason im so scared to go to a club

There's also other people around so if someone did do something you aren't comfortable with then you can report it to the club

Reporting incidents makes no difference either in some clubs.

This is the problem, I hear too many mixed stories

I mainly play in private, lockable rooms so there is never an issue of others joining in without asking in those situations.

Whenever I've played more publicly I've never had an issue with this though. "

We played in a couples only room with a barn type door, with the bottom half locked and the top half open. A single male reached over and unlocked the door and started touching without asking. The only safe way, especially for a single female in a club is to be in a private room with someone you know and trust, with a fully locked door, but then that does away with the voyeurism part, which is one of the reasons we go to clubs.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m concerend more with the withdrawal of consent.

That’s why I don’t assume what was ok an hour ago is ok now."

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

The golden rule is that a first meet is a social and a second meet would be planned as a play date with the agreement of the lady."

Consent can still be removed though right up until the moment you finish having sex.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd never ask a guy could I kiss him let alone touch him

I chat and I guess it must be something in my eyes that gives them the may I kiss you ,then I take it from there"

See there’s a problem with assuming stuff like that for me. I was in a situation where I was enjoying having my cock sucked and the woman I was with assumed it was ok to bite me. At that point it was no longer ok to suck my cock either....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The golden rule is that a first meet is a social and a second meet would be planned as a play date with the agreement of the lady.

Consent can still be removed though right up until the moment you finish having sex."

This

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Consent? If they agree to meet then they are fair game no? "

Duely noted

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By *iss.HoneyWoman over a year ago

...

"Consent? If they agree to meet then they are fair game no?

Duely noted

Good stuff. My mate will like you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I’m concerend more with the withdrawal of consent."

In what way?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up.

However I agree what you say about people interpreting body language wrong and sometimes appearing fine in a situation when really you aren't.

And people who don't know you that well eg. at a first meet, may think that your body language means one thing, when in fact it means another "

I agree about the flirting not being consent.

However a woman has said she uses her eyes to give consent. No words.

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By *irginieWoman over a year ago

Near Marlborough

In a club then it’s usually much more “clinical”. Shall we fuck? Is this OK? Can I kiss you? I dint usually make the first move so it’s often me being asked. If I’m fucking someone with s strap on I check often that things are still ok.

1 on 1 then it tends to me more physical, less clinical, implied consent .... flitting to kissing to touching etc. If things get more kinky then perhaps there is an actual question that requires an answer.

But now I’m thinking too.... that whole implied consent thing..... tricky huh.

V x

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

I agree about the flirting not being consent.

However a woman has said she uses her eyes to give consent. No words.

I don't believe you can give consent via eyes. Not least because many individuals don't have good emotional recognition skills and cannot tell the difference between nuanced facial expressions.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree about the flirting not being consent.

However a woman has said she uses her eyes to give consent. No words.

I don't believe you can give consent via eyes. Not least because many individuals don't have good emotional recognition skills and cannot tell the difference between nuanced facial expressions."

I’m pretty good at it. I guess that’s why I rarely get a slap across the face when I ask permission

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I agree about the flirting not being consent.

However a woman has said she uses her eyes to give consent. No words.

I don't believe you can give consent via eyes. Not least because many individuals don't have good emotional recognition skills and cannot tell the difference between nuanced facial expressions."

I agree, which is why I asked the question in the OP.

And following on from the discussion earlier today. (Thread was removed so can't mention it directly.)

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By *loswingersCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

An interesting thread , and from what I gather it seems that there are a few situations to look at .

1. Clubs .

We used to go to clubs a lot , a couple of times a week for about four years . Consent wasn’t always given , depending on the situation , but we were fully aware of the possibility that this may be the case in open rooms and group play . We would simply tell people we didn’t want to play with that we weren’t interested , or say no when they touched in group play . Sometimes it worked , other times not , so we would leave the room if it got too much . But in a group play in an open room with up to a dozen or more people involved , one expects that there may be a bit of non consensual touching , and we figured that this was normal so chose whether or not we were into it . Sometimes we were , sometimes not .

2 . A private meet .

We generally only meet for a play , but occasionally there has been no connection . This is normally clear from the off , so we make excuses and leave . If the guy or couple are not aware that we aren’t interested and make advances , we stop it there and explain we aren’t up for fun and go . I imagine this is much easier as a couoke as you have each other as back up .

3 . Consent during play .

If you start playing and change your mind this is the hardest to do without upsetting the other party . It’s haooened a few times , and generally the reason has been a lack of hygiene . Either rank breath , body odour , smeggy cock , or fishy fanny . But we always stick to our guns and immediately stop if something isn’t right . Again , as a couple it makes it easier to simply stop and leave .

4 . The first kiss .....

This is always the start of the fun , and reading when the time is right to make that first move is usually very straightforward . Eyes meet , tummy flips , and lips meet . This is why we truly don’t get the people who don’t kiss on meets . How can you tell if someone is into you if you don’t kiss ? Anyway that’s another subject . So , every play starts with a kiss , and goes from there . And never once has going for the kiss not been reciprocated - either way . And we are talking a lot of kisses ! I think if someone just went straight for a grab , without first kissing , that would be more likely to be non consensual . We would find this disrespectful and lewd behaviour .

Anyway , a long reply , and I’m sorry if I haven’t got the gist of the thread , but that’s our take on consent .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up.

Some of the replies on this thread are the reason im so scared to go to a club

There's also other people around so if someone did do something you aren't comfortable with then you can report it to the club

Reporting incidents makes no difference either in some clubs.

This is the problem, I hear too many mixed stories

I mainly play in private, lockable rooms so there is never an issue of others joining in without asking in those situations.

Whenever I've played more publicly I've never had an issue with this though.

I sometimes play in lockable rooms with windows to keep the voyeurism part or one club I go to has a room with a door on a latch chain so people can peep in but not unlock.

I guess it depends on the rooms and facilities at individual clubs, I've never been to any your way so can't comment on what they are like.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up.

Some of the replies on this thread are the reason im so scared to go to a club

There's also other people around so if someone did do something you aren't comfortable with then you can report it to the club

Reporting incidents makes no difference either in some clubs.

This is the problem, I hear too many mixed stories

I mainly play in private, lockable rooms so there is never an issue of others joining in without asking in those situations.

Whenever I've played more publicly I've never had an issue with this though. "

If I go to a club as a single women being an a locked room with a complete stranger isn't safe either though?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"An interesting thread , and from what I gather it seems that there are a few situations to look at .

1. Clubs .

2 . A private meet .

3 . Consent during play .

4 . The first kiss .....

Anyway , a long reply , and I’m sorry if I haven’t got the gist of the thread , but that’s our take on consent .

I'm glad you've posted, I find you interesting.

I agree it's very different as a couple- you have 'back up' and it's much easier as a couple to leave a situation.

I like your point about clubs. I think consent goes both ways. As in both people should confirm. Your point about touching being likely in an open room- many people are happy with this, many are not. I agree in that if I wasn't happy for someone touching me I'd either be very aware of my surrounding and ready to say "no" or I'd move to a private room. When I went as a couple I knew he'd watch out for me. On my own I'd behave very differently.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up.

Some of the replies on this thread are the reason im so scared to go to a club

There's also other people around so if someone did do something you aren't comfortable with then you can report it to the club

Reporting incidents makes no difference either in some clubs.

This is the problem, I hear too many mixed stories

I mainly play in private, lockable rooms so there is never an issue of others joining in without asking in those situations.

Whenever I've played more publicly I've never had an issue with this though.

If I go to a club as a single women being an a locked room with a complete stranger isn't safe either though?"

It's the same as any other situation- house, car or hotel meet. In a club there's other people around who you could call to for help.

It's really not as bad as it can appear.

I do think you need to be confident in yourself to go alone.

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By *ikeC81Man over a year ago

harrow

Whilst the law on consent is clear

I think in the swinging world it has always been a bit grey. All clubs say no means no, which yes that’s true but do clubs advise has consent been given.

Now I have been in open rooms when play has been very close to me, I didn’t ask to touch and therefore didn’t because it would have didsturbed situation however after the female said you would have been more than welcome to touch, now some couples want to be asked some want guys to take the lead

Now a similar situation where I have consent to someone to grab my cock so she started wanking it, fine, I went to touch her and she said no, which I was fine with also.

Like I think Estella has said communication is key, I would add on to that verbal and non verbal, so example maybe watch and look and read the signs. then maybe a subtle nod or is this ok? If touching try to be non sexual, if a couple is playing but you would like to join in

It’s not easy and I have seen both singles and couples misread the signs of you get it wrong also apologise

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up.

Some of the replies on this thread are the reason im so scared to go to a club

There's also other people around so if someone did do something you aren't comfortable with then you can report it to the club

Reporting incidents makes no difference either in some clubs.

This is the problem, I hear too many mixed stories

I mainly play in private, lockable rooms so there is never an issue of others joining in without asking in those situations.

Whenever I've played more publicly I've never had an issue with this though.

If I go to a club as a single women being an a locked room with a complete stranger isn't safe either though?"

I've never had any issues and if you do then there are club staff to report it to.

Have you ever been back to someone's house/had someone back to yours as a one night stand? Same principle really but your in a building surrounded by other people who you can report any unwanted behaviour to.

I wouldn't go into a room with someone if I didn't feel completely safe with them either and I've never had any issues when I've said no to something.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Consent? If they agree to meet then they are fair game no? "

No one is fair game!

If I've agreed to meet it's probably a social so NO your not touching me!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up.

Some of the replies on this thread are the reason im so scared to go to a club

There's also other people around so if someone did do something you aren't comfortable with then you can report it to the club

Reporting incidents makes no difference either in some clubs.

This is the problem, I hear too many mixed stories

I mainly play in private, lockable rooms so there is never an issue of others joining in without asking in those situations.

Whenever I've played more publicly I've never had an issue with this though.

If I go to a club as a single women being an a locked room with a complete stranger isn't safe either though?

It's the same as any other situation- house, car or hotel meet. In a club there's other people around who you could call to for help.

It's really not as bad as it can appear.

I do think you need to be confident in yourself to go alone. "

Ah yeah when you say it like that I guess it is the same

I am confident but due to past experiences I'm really wary of certaib situations

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By *ikeC81Man over a year ago

harrow

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up.

Some of the replies on this thread are the reason im so scared to go to a club

There's also other people around so if someone did do something you aren't comfortable with then you can report it to the club

Reporting incidents makes no difference either in some clubs.

This is the problem, I hear too many mixed stories

I mainly play in private, lockable rooms so there is never an issue of others joining in without asking in those situations.

Whenever I've played more publicly I've never had an issue with this though.

If I go to a club as a single women being an a locked room with a complete stranger isn't safe either though?

I've never had any issues and if you do then there are club staff to report it to.

I wouldn't go into a room with someone if I didn't feel completely safe with them either and I've never had any issues when I've said no to something."

Also I would say, if I am going to a private room with a single lady, I will say is there anything you don’t like, and also say if your uncomfy let me know. I have had it mid play when a couple wasn’t happy and I was asked to leave (group fun). Now I still don’t know if they were unhappy with a single guy being in room or a single guy touching (years ago this was)

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

In a club environment surely chatting and asking is absolutely paramount. It's a very in the moment scenario and dangerously easily to get signals wrong.

With regards to private meets from fab. You have hopefully exchanged messages and established what all parties want within reason. When meeting it's just a case of someone making the first move. If someone meets up and decides no it's not for me, just say so.

In both the above situations one would hope everyone is adult enough to know there is no time for messing about.

In a pub or other similar establishment it is a lot trickier to start with. But again use your gob. As in talk.

Iv'e been thinking over what to reply here for a little while. I can't see any other way of going about it other than using what nature gave us humans as an advantage over other animals. Communication skills. If you lack them. Learn them.

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"If touching try to be non sexual, if a couple is playing but you would like to join in

Ask - don't touch.

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By *lanemikeMan over a year ago

Bolton

Have your solicitor draw up a contract, both parties sign it....!!! (Joke)!!

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

I'll offer my hand for kisses and it follows from there. We don't stop talking once together, so pretty much all is verbally agreed - and I think it's good to communicate well before the meet too. A very shy, withdrawn person can be tougher, which is partly why I prefer someone who is a good communicator, relaxed and fairly confident.

I also think it's important to know how you would say 'no' or limit things, should you find it wrong.

And remember to organize your safety protocol for all meets, including others knowing where you are and who you are meeting plus safety checks on how things are.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up.

Some of the replies on this thread are the reason im so scared to go to a club

There's also other people around so if someone did do something you aren't comfortable with then you can report it to the club

Reporting incidents makes no difference either in some clubs.

This is the problem, I hear too many mixed stories

I mainly play in private, lockable rooms so there is never an issue of others joining in without asking in those situations.

Whenever I've played more publicly I've never had an issue with this though.

If I go to a club as a single women being an a locked room with a complete stranger isn't safe either though?"

No it isn't. It's never risk free for a single female if you are meeting strangers. Nature of the beast. Best thing you can do is to take calculated risks and rely on your own gut instinct.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When it comes to a meet, whether in a club or a private meet, we tend to just ask outright. It's a bit clinical, I suppose, but that feeling quickly fades once things get going.

I especially don't like in clubs when people touch without asking or talking first - especially when I'm mid-play with others. I know it's done quite often to signal interest, but it doesn't sit well with me and I always say no, even if I'd otherwise like the person/people.

I think consent in swinging is a lot easier than consent in dating, because being explicit and straight forward is somewhat expected (rather than a mood killer). It's part of what I like about swinging in general. But I imagine it would be a bit different for singles (somewhere between swinging and dating, which could get hard to read, I'd imagine).

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd hate for someone to stop every time we moved from kissing to touching to oral etc to ask if it was ok to do that. General vanilla sex relies on chemistry and reading body language. If you can't tell if someone is enjoying what you're doing you shouldn't be doing it.

Anything other than vanilla requires excellent communication before during and after.

But above all for vanilla or kinky trust is key. I would never sleep with someone I didn't have some trust in (which is why I refuse to do instant meets).

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree about the flirting not being consent.

However a woman has said she uses her eyes to give consent. No words.

I don't believe you can give consent via eyes. Not least because many individuals don't have good emotional recognition skills and cannot tell the difference between nuanced facial expressions.

I agree, which is why I asked the question in the OP.

And following on from the discussion earlier today. (Thread was removed so can't mention it directly.)"

I wonder if same person would indicate non-consent solely through eyes though.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Consent? If they agree to meet then they are fair game no? "

Love this x

Fair game lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I agree about the flirting not being consent.

However a woman has said she uses her eyes to give consent. No words.

I don't believe you can give consent via eyes. Not least because many individuals don't have good emotional recognition skills and cannot tell the difference between nuanced facial expressions.

I agree, which is why I asked the question in the OP.

And following on from the discussion earlier today. (Thread was removed so can't mention it directly.)

I wonder if same person would indicate non-consent solely through eyes though. "

Good point. Maybe I should do another thread asking about non-consent.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree about the flirting not being consent.

However a woman has said she uses her eyes to give consent. No words.

I don't believe you can give consent via eyes. Not least because many individuals don't have good emotional recognition skills and cannot tell the difference between nuanced facial expressions.

I agree, which is why I asked the question in the OP.

And following on from the discussion earlier today. (Thread was removed so can't mention it directly.)

I wonder if same person would indicate non-consent solely through eyes though.

Good point. Maybe I should do another thread asking about non-consent. "

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *izzy.Woman over a year ago

Stoke area

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up.

Some of the replies on this thread are the reason im so scared to go to a club

There's also other people around so if someone did do something you aren't comfortable with then you can report it to the club

Reporting incidents makes no difference either in some clubs.

This is the problem, I hear too many mixed stories

I mainly play in private, lockable rooms so there is never an issue of others joining in without asking in those situations.

Whenever I've played more publicly I've never had an issue with this though.

If I go to a club as a single women being an a locked room with a complete stranger isn't safe either though?

No it isn't. It's never risk free for a single female if you are meeting strangers. Nature of the beast. Best thing you can do is to take calculated risks and rely on your own gut instinct."

But playing as a single female in a club is a lot safer than in a private house or hotel. In a club , if a female shouts stop or help. The regulars will soon step in and grab the bloke and take him to the club owner and he will be asked to leave. The bloke will be banned. The lady given hugs and reassured. By doing this, the club keeps it's reputation as being a safe friendly person. The lady hopefully returns and has a great time. But consent and clear verbal communication is needed at all times.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them?"

Im sure others have said this and haven't read any of the responses.

I assume ur asking for someone else or for a particular reason as you're no newbie on here.

If its a fab social then touching should be an issues... But need to guage it by their body language. If its in a club id say be more careful.... For a guy, ask first, if its a woman then its her message to say she's happy for a bit of teasing. I always wait for the woman to make the first move. There's so much criticism on the forums of single guys bad inapropriate behaviour especially at clubs that's its a nigtmare. Better safe on this issue than get labeled.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up.

Some of the replies on this thread are the reason im so scared to go to a club

There's also other people around so if someone did do something you aren't comfortable with then you can report it to the club

Reporting incidents makes no difference either in some clubs.

This is the problem, I hear too many mixed stories

I mainly play in private, lockable rooms so there is never an issue of others joining in without asking in those situations.

Whenever I've played more publicly I've never had an issue with this though.

If I go to a club as a single women being an a locked room with a complete stranger isn't safe either though?

No it isn't. It's never risk free for a single female if you are meeting strangers. Nature of the beast. Best thing you can do is to take calculated risks and rely on your own gut instinct."

The reasons given above are the reasons I do not go to clubs. Too many mixed messages in an environment where the lady can shout inappropriate for any reason she like legitimate or not legitimate and the guy gets reported and thrown out and banned. He could genuinely have misread the signals and suddenly he's castigated.

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"The reasons given above are the reasons I do not go to clubs. Too many mixed messages in an environment where the lady can shout inappropriate for any reason she like legitimate or not legitimate and the guy gets reported and thrown out and banned. He could genuinely have misread the signals and suddenly he's castigated. "

You know, that could happen anywhere. Including in your home. Except with the police rather than club owners. Best not ever have sex again.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Communication is the key. Then a gentle touch on the arm and go from there.

Hope you're ok OP.

Yes I'm ok thank you. x It's a general question.

Consent has been discussed today. People have different views on it. In a club some like to be pawed at by many men with no talking. Some prefer a long chat first.

I made an example on body language and smiling further up.

Some of the replies on this thread are the reason im so scared to go to a club

There's also other people around so if someone did do something you aren't comfortable with then you can report it to the club

Reporting incidents makes no difference either in some clubs.

This is the problem, I hear too many mixed stories

I mainly play in private, lockable rooms so there is never an issue of others joining in without asking in those situations.

Whenever I've played more publicly I've never had an issue with this though.

If I go to a club as a single women being an a locked room with a complete stranger isn't safe either though?

No it isn't. It's never risk free for a single female if you are meeting strangers. Nature of the beast. Best thing you can do is to take calculated risks and rely on your own gut instinct.

This reaction depends on the club and the people there. Unfortunately not all clubs are like this. It is safer in a hotel room with one person than in a club where there could be more than one person taking advantage.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I just say "giz a kiss" n if they're not running/turning away by then I'll assume they're happy to swap spit with me.

I'll always ask though unless it's totally obvious.... Signal s can be subtle n too easily missed or taken the wrong way imo

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You know, that could happen anywhere. Including in your home. Except with the police rather than club owners. Best not ever have sex again."

Were talking about those on a sex site looking for sexual fun in all form of varieties ( and the police can get involced in these clubs too). The places these people frequent are places that most are looking for sexual fun, some its purely social but they are in a minority. So the premise for meeting someone from here is different than purely a vanilla meet.

On that basis and as with many comments above like the one I replied to, I choose not to go to play clubs. I've been to a couple of them and what I saw and experienced wasn't a comfortable place for a single guy. I have said id return but not as a single guy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

One way would be to turn up with a clipboard with a ticky box system of things you consent to or don't, and both sign and date it.

It's so sad that this is the way things are heading, in a time where in a court of law you have to be able to prove that the person did give consent.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them?

Im sure others have said this and haven't read any of the responses.

I assume ur asking for someone else or for a particular reason as you're no newbie on here.

I was asking because there was a discussion. A man and woman met for a social and he touched her but she didn't want him to. She didn't speak the word "no" and tried to appear ok with the situation. Hence the question how would he know she had -or had not- consented.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

might put a hand on the knee and if they move hand or leg away , id know its a NO

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them?

Im sure others have said this and haven't read any of the responses.

I assume ur asking for someone else or for a particular reason as you're no newbie on here.

She had told him before the meet that there was to be no play. So in a court of law, the touch would be non consensual as he went against her word.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them?

Im sure others have said this and haven't read any of the responses.

I assume ur asking for someone else or for a particular reason as you're no newbie on here.

The circumstances of their meeting would certainly be taken into account in an enquiry, as I tried to explain earlier about being a vanilla or non vanilla meet. As far as that situation you mentioned, it would be hard to prove inappropriate if she did not say no and tried to act as if it was still OK. Its one reason I do not go to play clubs, on here single men have got a bad rep particularly from couples, and a lady can call for assistance for whatever reason and the single guy will automatically be removed and banned. Then it gets round on the fab Chinese whispers and he's now suddenly a rapist. When you read on the forums how many women cannot see if someone is flirting or not it does make one very weary in taking the next step.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them?

Im sure others have said this and haven't read any of the responses.

I assume ur asking for someone else or for a particular reason as you're no newbie on here.

She had told him before the meet that there was to be no play. So in a court of law, the touch would be non consensual as he went against her word."

Why did she even meet him?

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By *egasus NobMan over a year ago

London

grab them by the pussy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them?

Im sure others have said this and haven't read any of the responses.

I assume ur asking for someone else or for a particular reason as you're no newbie on here.

She had told him before the meet that there was to be no play. So in a court of law, the touch would be non consensual as he went against her word.

Why did she even meet him?"

For a social perhaps, like a lot of people do

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

God in his wisdom gave us one mouth and two ears.....use them in proportion...you won’t go far wrong!

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By *imiUKMan over a year ago

Newbury

"So; fancy a shag then, or what?"

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By *iss.HoneyWoman over a year ago

...

""So; fancy a shag then, or what?""

Yes.

Now do you throw me over your shoulder?

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By *imiUKMan over a year ago

Newbury

""So; fancy a shag then, or what?"

Yes.

Now do you throw me over your shoulder?"

Something like that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If we're in the bedroom it's usually a given.

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By *atelotmanMan over a year ago

Chatham

"When you meet someone, how do you check for consent before you touch them?

Communication."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I prefer spontaneity. But to be sure that all parties are consensual there must be clear body language. I don’t think it necessarily needs to be verbal. If am playing with someone, I don’t have a conversation about the dos and don’ts, and if don’t like something I’ll just say no or move their hand away.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I couldn't sit with someone and fill out a consent form. It would kill the monent. What if you suddenly change your mind? Do they wave the consent form in front of your face?

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By *ob198XaMan over a year ago

teleford

"I get the lawyers to draw up the documents which we have to sign in triplicate

Even if something was signed it wouldn't be worth the paper it is written on... both parties are free to reject consent at anytime, the consent signature would only be meaningful for a split second...

Best to just livestream and record all encounters, having a video removes much of the risk of one party changing their consent after the event having already happened..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I kind of read the body language then just come out with "so are we going to play/fuck" (whichever seems more appropriate at the time) x

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By *londieddWoman over a year ago

fife

"Seems a strange question for someone who's not a newbie to these things?

there was a thread this morning which tore some poor guy a new arse hole, it was so bad it got deleted!

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By *hubaysiWoman over a year ago

Leeds

"This isn't a piss take thread, I'm being deadly serious.

Body language.

Smiling.

Are these indications of consent?

Pulling away in a confined space may appear to be wriggling from sexual arousal.

Smiling may be a nervous reaction while wondering how the fuck to get away.

Verbal communication - that way you both discuss and agree. It’s the only way! No point guessing body language if maybe you don’t know the other person.

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By *loswingersCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

"This isn't a piss take thread, I'm being deadly serious.

Body language.

Smiling.

Are these indications of consent?

Pulling away in a confined space may appear to be wriggling from sexual arousal.

Smiling may be a nervous reaction while wondering how the fuck to get away.

Verbal communication - that way you both discuss and agree. It’s the only way! No point guessing body language if maybe you don’t know the other person. "

I’m guessing a guy net a women for a social meet . She said it was to be a non sexual social , and he inappropriately touched her . I don’t know where , or how inappropriate it was , where they were , what signals he misread or anything really , but the upshot is that the op was asking how do you know what’s ok and what’s not . What are the signals ?

Some people are naturally touchy feely , others hate their personal space being invaded . Opposite ends of the spectrum .....

Do we know the whole story ?

Was he well out of order , or was she giving off the wrong signals . Did he misread the situation ?

Fact is , she would have said no , he should have stopped and apologised , and all’s well that ends well .

As I said , I don’t know the whole story ... but that’s my take in what I’m guessing happened .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This isn't a piss take thread, I'm being deadly serious.

Body language.

Smiling.

Are these indications of consent?

Pulling away in a confined space may appear to be wriggling from sexual arousal.

Smiling may be a nervous reaction while wondering how the fuck to get away.

Verbal communication - that way you both discuss and agree. It’s the only way! No point guessing body language if maybe you don’t know the other person. "

I find that kills the passion for me. Would much rather get on with it and just let him know (or vice versa) if a certain play activity needs to be stopped.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is something I've considered a few times, especially with recent stories in the press. Thinking back I don't think I've ever expressly given verbal consent for sex. I've agreed to 'go upstairs' or 'have some fun' but I don't ever remember saying yes I'm good to have sex, or even kiss, but I have said no when I haven't wanted to. Rightly or wrongly my consent must have always been implied so I don't honestly know how I've directly communicated it, but I've never had any issues so I must have done somehow

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I remember one of our very early meets, and the first guy I fucked as a married woman. We told him it was a social but we liked flirtation and seduction. He was super confident and knew just how to get me going. Uninvited and out of the blue he confidently put his hand on my thigh in front of my husband. The excitement was through the roof for both of us. Should he have asked first? Others have asked, and it’s not as exciting when they ask. And as my husband and I are here to meet our fantasies, that suited me fine. What would I have don’t if hadn’t wanted his hand on my thigh? I would have removed it.

Mrs

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By *oiluvfunMan over a year ago

Penrith

"conversation and body language - "

^^ This, and then I politely ask

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By *loswingersCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

"I remember one of our very early meets, and the first guy I fucked as a married woman. We told him it was a social but we liked flirtation and seduction. He was super confident and knew just how to get me going. Uninvited and out of the blue he confidently put his hand on my thigh in front of my husband. The excitement was through the roof for both of us. Should he have asked first? Others have asked, and it’s not as exciting when they ask. And as my husband and I are here to meet our fantasies, that suited me fine. What would I have don’t if hadn’t wanted his hand on my thigh? I would have removed it.

Mrs"

Spot on , and we remember well our first few meets . If it had been about talking about it , seeking consent etc.... we wouldn’t have done anything and never even started swinging .

A similar scenario occurred for us , the guy put his hand on my wife’s thigh , leaned toward her and they kissed . There was no asking , it just happened , and we were so glad it went like it did . We never looked back and look at us now

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By *ikeC81Man over a year ago

harrow

"If touching try to be non sexual, if a couple is playing but you would like to join in

Ask - don't touch."

Hold on if you are going to quote me a would rather you actually quote the paragraph rather taking a sentence of context

I said the following

It’s not easy and I have seen both singles and couples misread the signs of you get it wrong also apologise

I have been more often on the side of couples saying after a group session, why did you not join in. I said I didn’t ask they said we didn’t want you to as it was of interrupted the scenario.

I have also seen a man touch a woman non sexually and been told to remove hand. I also went on to admit it is not easy.

Personally I do ask, and that is my preferred way of communication. However i have learnt over years that this doesn’t work for everyone. So I have flexed that to touch no sexually, with say back of hand, on arm, with a nod. Example the lady is getting fucked, and she has a cock in mouth can I ask, to touch her arm non sexually.....

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By *he incognito twoCouple over a year ago

near you

difficult subject...we understand what you mean .....i think most couples and also most single males know when its a no......most couples (women) gently push away unwanted contact and most men understand that ...we are al different and not attracted to all

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"difficult subject...we understand what you mean .....i think most couples and also most single males know when its a no......most couples (women) gently push away unwanted contact and most men understand that ...we are al different and not attracted to all "

It's interesting how many different reactions/ replies there's been. Perhaps people 'assume' consent due to the nature of the site.

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"If touching try to be non sexual, if a couple is playing but you would like to join in

Ask - don't touch.

Hold on if you are going to quote me a would rather you actually quote the paragraph rather taking a sentence of context

I said the following

It’s not easy and I have seen both singles and couples misread the signs of you get it wrong also apologise

I have been more often on the side of couples saying after a group session, why did you not join in. I said I didn’t ask they said we didn’t want you to as it was of interrupted the scenario.

I have also seen a man touch a woman non sexually and been told to remove hand. I also went on to admit it is not easy.

As I said - ask, don't touch.

If I'm having sex with someone in a club, almost *every* touch from another human is sexual. If someone touched my hand or my arm I'd interrupt my sex and tell them to get away. If someone said "may I?" Then I would be far more polite about it.

You're never going to offend anyone by asking. You might miss out on an opportunity or two, but equally you're not going to non-consensually touch someone either!

And btw - I highlighted the bit I was replying to. The rest of your post was irrelevant to my point which was why I cut it out.

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"If we're in the bedroom it's usually a given."

It's still ok to withdraw consent when you're in the bedroom.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think you can print off consent forms on .gov website..........but I'm not sure??

Yea my last master did it on our first play meet and it was such a good way to stop me feeling nervous and to kinda ask ok what do I like what don’t I. What have I done and not done but would like to do

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By *.A.MGUY55Man over a year ago

littleborough

Rest your hand on there leg an slowly go higher

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By *ikeC81Man over a year ago

harrow

"If touching try to be non sexual, if a couple is playing but you would like to join in

Ask - don't touch.

Hold on if you are going to quote me a would rather you actually quote the paragraph rather taking a sentence of context

I said the following

It’s not easy and I have seen both singles and couples misread the signs of you get it wrong also apologise

I have been more often on the side of couples saying after a group session, why did you not join in. I said I didn’t ask they said we didn’t want you to as it was of interrupted the scenario.

I have also seen a man touch a woman non sexually and been told to remove hand. I also went on to admit it is not easy.

As I said - ask, don't touch.

You're never going to offend anyone by asking. You might miss out on an opportunity or two, but equally you're not going to non-consensually touch someone either!

And btw - I highlighted the bit I was replying to. The rest of your post was irrelevant to my point which was why I cut it out."

You will be supprised actually people do get offended by asking, you have asked and interrupted their play, you have asked the husband but not the wife, you have asked the wife but not the husband, or you haven’t asked both. I have been in club scene over 14 years in and off and scene it loads

I used to hold the stead fast view that you should ask and to an extant still do, I was trying to make the point that there is a grey area where there is an inferred consent. For example someone is having a gangbang, you put a condom on, the husband nods as an ok to have sex with lady. Technically the lady hasn’t given consent but the husband has.

A scenario I was in the lady was blindfolded and wanted to have sex, she didn’t know what I looked like her partner gave the consent to have sex, so I did, but when the blindfold was off and after she was happy with me m. It could have easily been the other way round that she wasn’t

Technically both scenarios consent was not given by the lady.

It is clear that there is a line that what is consent is known but also there is a non verbal inferred consent line that I think is more prevalent in our scene.

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By *hubaysiWoman over a year ago

Leeds

"If touching try to be non sexual, if a couple is playing but you would like to join in

Ask - don't touch.

Hold on if you are going to quote me a would rather you actually quote the paragraph rather taking a sentence of context

I said the following

It’s not easy and I have seen both singles and couples misread the signs of you get it wrong also apologise

I have been more often on the side of couples saying after a group session, why did you not join in. I said I didn’t ask they said we didn’t want you to as it was of interrupted the scenario.

I have also seen a man touch a woman non sexually and been told to remove hand. I also went on to admit it is not easy.

As I said - ask, don't touch.

You're never going to offend anyone by asking. You might miss out on an opportunity or two, but equally you're not going to non-consensually touch someone either!

And btw - I highlighted the bit I was replying to. The rest of your post was irrelevant to my point which was why I cut it out.

Technically both scenarios consent was not given by the lady.

It is clear that there is a line that what is consent is known but also there is a non verbal inferred consent line that I think is more prevalent in our scene. "

You relied upon the Husband to give you consent for you to have sex with his wife, therefore she did not give her consent to the act! No offence and not judging but it’s the woman’s body!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If touching try to be non sexual, if a couple is playing but you would like to join in

Ask - don't touch.

Hold on if you are going to quote me a would rather you actually quote the paragraph rather taking a sentence of context

I said the following

It’s not easy and I have seen both singles and couples misread the signs of you get it wrong also apologise

I have been more often on the side of couples saying after a group session, why did you not join in. I said I didn’t ask they said we didn’t want you to as it was of interrupted the scenario.

I have also seen a man touch a woman non sexually and been told to remove hand. I also went on to admit it is not easy.

As I said - ask, don't touch.

You're never going to offend anyone by asking. You might miss out on an opportunity or two, but equally you're not going to non-consensually touch someone either!

And btw - I highlighted the bit I was replying to. The rest of your post was irrelevant to my point which was why I cut it out.

Technically both scenarios consent was not given by the lady.

It is clear that there is a line that what is consent is known but also there is a non verbal inferred consent line that I think is more prevalent in our scene.

You relied upon the Husband to give you consent for you to have sex with his wife, therefore she did not give her consent to the act! No offence and not judging but it’s the woman’s body!

If she were blindfolded and having sex with guys she didn’t know, it’s likely she would have consented to her partner making a decision on her behalf. It probably would have spoilt their fantasy for him to ask her personally.

Mrs

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By *eavenscentitCouple over a year ago

barnstaple

I am very clear with men my do's and dont's. Ms

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By *ikeC81Man over a year ago

harrow

No offence taken and yes the woman technically hadn’t said yes, but if she had said no or stop I would have

These are just two of my personal examples of situations. On both occasions the husband had given consent. Does that make me a bad swinger or a bad person clearly from my veris no!

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By *llie_worcMan over a year ago

bristol

If you ever found yourself on a sticky wicket your messages on here between each other could well demonstrate consent unless a very firm no was given at your physical meet

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By *ikeC81Man over a year ago

harrow

I am going to play devils advocate

I am playing with a couple, consent has been given the male then sucks my cock, I go mental. He says but you have your consent to play with us. We are fully bi they say

Who is to blame, did I not set out my boundaries, did they not ask. Technically consent was given just not for a particularly act....

Just saying like

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’ve had guys touch me after flirtation, eye contact and encouragement. They don’t ask me first. and I don’t want them to ask me as it would spoil the spontaneity. If they do something I don’t want them to I just say no or move their hand, no harm done. I’ve also had guys touch me when there has been no eye contact or flirtation. That I don’t appreciate, and regard it that they have crashed in uninvited. In a club situation where people are having group sex, I do think their needs to be an indication of consent though. Having said that I’ve never asked asked a guy if I may suck his cock - if appropriate to the situation I just do it. Admittedly it had never occurred to me that I should gain his consent first, but I guess I should.

Mrs

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By *hubaysiWoman over a year ago

Leeds

"No offence taken and yes the woman technically hadn’t said yes, but if she had said no or stop I would have

These are just two of my personal examples of situations. On both occasions the husband had given consent. Does that make me a bad swinger or a bad person clearly from my veris no!

I can’t say if you are a bad person/swinger as I don’t know you and I repeat I mean no offence.

I still stay with the fact that the lady you were with did not give consent to you. You accepted consent from her husband who’s body it was not.

Can of worms isn’t this on the Forums.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I am going to play devils advocate

I am playing with a couple, consent has been given the male then sucks my cock, I go mental. He says but you have your consent to play with us. We are fully bi they say

Who is to blame, did I not set out my boundaries, did they not ask. Technically consent was given just not for a particularly act....

Just saying like

I think male to male cock sucking does require a slightly more ‘formal’ consent.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No offence taken and yes the woman technically hadn’t said yes, but if she had said no or stop I would have

These are just two of my personal examples of situations. On both occasions the husband had given consent. Does that make me a bad swinger or a bad person clearly from my veris no!

I can’t say if you are a bad person/swinger as I don’t know you and I repeat I mean no offence.

I still stay with the fact that the lady you were with did not give consent to you. You accepted consent from her husband who’s body it was not.

Can of worms isn’t this on the Forums."

So what would be the better way for Mike to deal with this situation, given that it is likely the lady asked her partner to consent on her behalf and may not have wanted anybody to speak to her while blindfolded?

Mrs

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By *ikeC81Man over a year ago

harrow

Actually this is a can of worms but I think it is stimulating a good discussion

Mrs classy if you sucked my cock in a group play I wouldn’t have expected you to ask

If you had in a more social area I probably would have and would probably brought it up with you, I just say cheekily you didn’t ask to suck my cock but bloody hell carry on or something along those lines

People would ask what is the difference, and it is the scenario that is happening that is the key!

Also actually this raises a point - how it is perceived it is ok for a lady to touch without asking but at Man then hell have no fury.

How many of you would go ape if a man touched but a women you wouldn’t say anything

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By *ikeC81Man over a year ago

harrow

"Actually this is a can of worms but I think it is stimulating a good discussion

Mrs classy if you sucked my cock in a group play I wouldn’t have expected you to ask

People would ask what is the difference, and it is the scenario that is happening that is the key!

Also actually this raises a point - how it is perceived it is ok for a lady to touch without asking but at Man then hell have no fury.

How many of you would go ape if a man touched but a women you wouldn’t say anything

Mrs classy that was hypothetically sucked cock by the way

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Actually this is a can of worms but I think it is stimulating a good discussion

Mrs classy if you sucked my cock in a group play I wouldn’t have expected you to ask

People would ask what is the difference, and it is the scenario that is happening that is the key!

Also actually this raises a point - how it is perceived it is ok for a lady to touch without asking but at Man then hell have no fury.

How many of you would go ape if a man touched but a women you wouldn’t say anything

There have been threads about women touching in clubs without asking. Women getting offended when someone asked them not to touch. Men being groped by women.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Say " hi darling is it ok if I grab your nuts I'm horny ?"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh and dont forget to say ' please '

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh and dont forget to say ' please '

the club thing is a bitch because once you're in the throws of passion you can't always know who's there

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