FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Try not to judge...
Try not to judge...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Now I love fab, especially the forums...but I do find myself spending more and more time having to explain myself, my choices and my lifestyle, even my sexuality to people.
When chatting on here whether it be through messages or in the forums, are you judgemental or do you try not to be?
I like to think I'm strong minded but also very open minded, and I won't argue something I know nothing about, I'll educate myself. I may not be 100% successful all the time, but I certainly try not to judge. |
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"Now I love fab, especially the forums...but I do find myself spending more and more time having to explain myself, my choices and my lifestyle, even my sexuality to people.
When chatting on here whether it be through messages or in the forums, are you judgemental or do you try not to be?
I like to think I'm strong minded but also very open minded, and I won't argue something I know nothing about, I'll educate myself. I may not be 100% successful all the time, but I certainly try not to judge."
I love the variety of people on the forums. I don't judge, there is that old saying about walking a mile in anothers shoes isn't there?
Variety is the spice of Fab   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's very easy to judge sat behind a keyboard whether it's someone's written word, pictures or contents of their profile.
In life the majority judge. I'm heavily tattooed so most people think I'm a thug, I've actually had people cross the street from me. It's a sad judgemental society.
However, all people are different, that's what makes us human, and I hate people who use their "differences" to create an argument |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's very easy to judge sat behind a keyboard whether it's someone's written word, pictures or contents of their profile.
In life the majority judge. I'm heavily tattooed so most people think I'm a thug, I've actually had people cross the street from me. It's a sad judgemental society.
However, all people are different, that's what makes us human, and I hate people who use their "differences" to create an argument"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i think if we could see peoples faces when they read whats on here that would be fun - but im really not overly bothered by what others do - very shocked and surprised sometimes but equally happy - imagine a fab forum gogglebox  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh i judge, but generally the small minded and judgemental. I'd leave the person with the weird habits alone but will happily argue the toss with the people that judge them.
So many times I see comments and think 'you tiny minded prick!'
The weird, the off centre and the different thinkers are all fine with me. |
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"Now I love fab, especially the forums...but I do find myself spending more and more time having to explain myself, my choices and my lifestyle, even my sexuality to people.
When chatting on here whether it be through messages or in the forums, are you judgemental or do you try not to be?
I like to think I'm strong minded but also very open minded, and I won't argue something I know nothing about, I'll educate myself. I may not be 100% successful all the time, but I certainly try not to judge."
Why do you feel the need to explain yourself? There is a lot of "our way is best" in the forums it's human nature as is judging.
I think asking people not to judge is an impossible request, they always will.
Our motto is never justify, never explain. Our sexuality and preferences isn't the business of people who don't understand or agree with it.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Now I love fab, especially the forums...but I do find myself spending more and more time having to explain myself, my choices and my lifestyle, even my sexuality to people.
When chatting on here whether it be through messages or in the forums, are you judgemental or do you try not to be?
I like to think I'm strong minded but also very open minded, and I won't argue something I know nothing about, I'll educate myself. I may not be 100% successful all the time, but I certainly try not to judge.
Why do you feel the need to explain yourself? There is a lot of "our way is best" in the forums it's human nature as is judging.
I think asking people not to judge is an impossible request, they always will.
Our motto is never justify, never explain. Our sexuality and preferences isn't the business of people who don't understand or agree with it.
"
Ignorance annoys me...so I feel I need to try and educate people...not to change their mind...just to understand better. I agree with you though! Totally! |
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I judge. I judge instantly. What I don't do is voice it.
I join in discussions or give opinions if asked.
I tend to have a fairly good outlook on what to give a fuck about and what not to.
Why do you find yourself explaining ? Defence should be either the last or a very short mechanism. Don't get dragged in.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oh i judge, but generally the small minded and judgemental. I'd leave the person with the weird habits alone but will happily argue the toss with the people that judge them.
So many times I see comments and think 'you tiny minded prick!'
The weird, the off centre and the different thinkers are all fine with me."
Ditto! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now I love fab, especially the forums...but I do find myself spending more and more time having to explain myself, my choices and my lifestyle, even my sexuality to people.
When chatting on here whether it be through messages or in the forums, are you judgemental or do you try not to be?
I like to think I'm strong minded but also very open minded, and I won't argue something I know nothing about, I'll educate myself. I may not be 100% successful all the time, but I certainly try not to judge."
Why? You don't have to explain yourself to anyone, unless you choose to. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I judge. I judge instantly. What I don't do is voice it.
I join in discussions or give opinions if asked.
I tend to have a fairly good outlook on what to give a fuck about and what not to.
Why do you find yourself explaining ? Defence should be either the last or a very short mechanism. Don't get dragged in.
"
Just because ignorance annoys me...I have no issue with people disagreeing with something, no need for judgement though, I guess I hope I can make them see that... |
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"I judge. I judge instantly. What I don't do is voice it.
I join in discussions or give opinions if asked.
I tend to have a fairly good outlook on what to give a fuck about and what not to.
Why do you find yourself explaining ? Defence should be either the last or a very short mechanism. Don't get dragged in.
"
I agree with this. |
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"Now I love fab, especially the forums...but I do find myself spending more and more time having to explain myself, my choices and my lifestyle, even my sexuality to people.
When chatting on here whether it be through messages or in the forums, are you judgemental or do you try not to be?
I like to think I'm strong minded but also very open minded, and I won't argue something I know nothing about, I'll educate myself. I may not be 100% successful all the time, but I certainly try not to judge.
Why do you feel the need to explain yourself? There is a lot of "our way is best" in the forums it's human nature as is judging.
I think asking people not to judge is an impossible request, they always will.
Our motto is never justify, never explain. Our sexuality and preferences isn't the business of people who don't understand or agree with it.
Ignorance annoys me...so I feel I need to try and educate people...not to change their mind...just to understand better. I agree with you though! Totally!"
You have a lifetime job on your hands then |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Now I love fab, especially the forums...but I do find myself spending more and more time having to explain myself, my choices and my lifestyle, even my sexuality to people.
When chatting on here whether it be through messages or in the forums, are you judgemental or do you try not to be?
I like to think I'm strong minded but also very open minded, and I won't argue something I know nothing about, I'll educate myself. I may not be 100% successful all the time, but I certainly try not to judge.
Why do you feel the need to explain yourself? There is a lot of "our way is best" in the forums it's human nature as is judging.
I think asking people not to judge is an impossible request, they always will.
Our motto is never justify, never explain. Our sexuality and preferences isn't the business of people who don't understand or agree with it.
Ignorance annoys me...so I feel I need to try and educate people...not to change their mind...just to understand better. I agree with you though! Totally!
You have a lifetime job on your hands then "
I know  lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We all have our own personal opinions on subjects, and yes I judge people on their postings.
Am I a bad person for it?
Yup people probably think so... but each to their own. |
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"Ive been judged many a time on here and in the forams for being on fab and married but nobody ever finds out why. They just asume your cheating. Shame"
We've been judged for
Not kissing
Meeting for socials
Being soft swing.
Nobody ever finds out why because we don't tell them. You don't need to explain yourself it usually makes no difference. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I gotta say OP I judged you within seconds of looking at your photo. I mean a Crunchie!?!? Wtf is wrong with you, at least pick a decent chololate bar like a Yorkie! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Would be pretty boring if everybody agreed and followed each other like a pack of fluffy sheep."
I agree! I welcome debate and disagreements...it's the judgement on someone's character because you disagree I don't like so much. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I gotta say OP I judged you within seconds of looking at your photo. I mean a Crunchie!?!? Wtf is wrong with you, at least pick a decent chololate bar like a Yorkie!"
How very dare you?! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sadly I find I'm judged on here too. I recently met a guy, after we'd played he asked me not to verify him as his friends wouldn't like me. This is because I have a veri from someone who made it clear there were bi guys present at one meet I had.
It seems no matter how open the lifestyle, judgements will always be made
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I gotta say OP I judged you within seconds of looking at your photo. I mean a Crunchie!?!? Wtf is wrong with you, at least pick a decent chololate bar like a Yorkie!
How very dare you?! "
Are you judging me for judging you?
How very dare you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sadly I find I'm judged on here too. I recently met a guy, after we'd played he asked me not to verify him as his friends wouldn't like me. This is because I have a veri from someone who made it clear there were bi guys present at one meet I had.
It seems no matter how open the lifestyle, judgements will always be made
"
Homophobic comes to mind. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sadly I find I'm judged on here too. I recently met a guy, after we'd played he asked me not to verify him as his friends wouldn't like me. This is because I have a veri from someone who made it clear there were bi guys present at one meet I had.
It seems no matter how open the lifestyle, judgements will always be made
"
It's not nice is it hun? I've had couples message to say they won't meet me cos I'm bi and their female half is straight and scared I'd jump her... |
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"Would be pretty boring if everybody agreed and followed each other like a pack of fluffy sheep.
I agree! I welcome debate and disagreements...it's the judgement on someone's character because you disagree I don't like so much."
Ad hominem argument is usually used by people who know they've lost the argument already |
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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago
Traffic land |
Yep, I judge on what I read (it’s natural, we all do it) you won’t hear about it though. Live and let live, if you’re happy with your choices and not hurting me, good for you and explaining to anyone else isn’t necessary, unless you choose to.
You won’t catch me belittling people on the forum (or anywhere else) because they “Fab” differently to me either |
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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago
Traffic land |
"Yep, I judge on what I read (it’s natural, we all do it) you won’t hear about it though. Live and let live, if you’re happy with your choices and not hurting me, good for you and explaining to anyone else isn’t necessary, unless you choose to.
You won’t catch me belittling people on the forum (or anywhere else) because they “Fab” differently to me either "
In my first paragraph I mean “you” in the broader sense, it’s not directed at you OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sadly I find I'm judged on here too. I recently met a guy, after we'd played he asked me not to verify him as his friends wouldn't like me. This is because I have a veri from someone who made it clear there were bi guys present at one meet I had.
It seems no matter how open the lifestyle, judgements will always be made
"
He didn't have to show the veri did he?
I know this may sound oxymoronic but having an open lifestyle on one aspect of Fab doesn't mean they won't have a closed viewpoint on an other, unfortunately people can be hypocritical.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It looks like judging but i think, in reality, people like to have their own opinions confirmed.
When others disagree or hold different points of view the "less well educated" attack the person not the message because they cannot see alternatives.
In the end you can only be true to yourself but do consider the ideas of others carefully or you risk becoming closed minded like them.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yep, I judge on what I read (it’s natural, we all do it) you won’t hear about it though. Live and let live, if you’re happy with your choices and not hurting me, good for you and explaining to anyone else isn’t necessary, unless you choose to.
You won’t catch me belittling people on the forum (or anywhere else) because they “Fab” differently to me either
In my first paragraph I mean “you” in the broader sense, it’s not directed at you OP "
I agree with all you said |
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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago
Traffic land |
"Yep, I judge on what I read (it’s natural, we all do it) you won’t hear about it though. Live and let live, if you’re happy with your choices and not hurting me, good for you and explaining to anyone else isn’t necessary, unless you choose to.
You won’t catch me belittling people on the forum (or anywhere else) because they “Fab” differently to me either
In my first paragraph I mean “you” in the broader sense, it’s not directed at you OP
I agree with all you said "
It never fails to amuse me that often those who claim to be most open minded here often out themselves on the forum as the most judgemental, small minded and petty |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Now I love fab, especially the forums...but I do find myself spending more and more time having to explain myself, my choices and my lifestyle, even my sexuality to people.
When chatting on here whether it be through messages or in the forums, are you judgemental or do you try not to be?
I like to think I'm strong minded but also very open minded, and I won't argue something I know nothing about, I'll educate myself. I may not be 100% successful all the time, but I certainly try not to judge."
cos everyone seems to want to judge in forums and second guess there intentions instead of chilling out. good post |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yep, I judge on what I read (it’s natural, we all do it) you won’t hear about it though. Live and let live, if you’re happy with your choices and not hurting me, good for you and explaining to anyone else isn’t necessary, unless you choose to.
You won’t catch me belittling people on the forum (or anywhere else) because they “Fab” differently to me either
In my first paragraph I mean “you” in the broader sense, it’s not directed at you OP
I agree with all you said
It never fails to amuse me that often those who claim to be most open minded here often out themselves on the forum as the most judgemental, small minded and petty "
I think we all form judgements...that's totally natural. But when someone is so adamant that one aspect of someone's life makes them a bad person it's bloody annoying! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We try hard not to judge though we think everyone does to a certain degree.
We are open minded enough to try and understand situations from different angles as we believe the majority of situations and events that happen people's lives are rarely ever black and white.
We will listen to peoples reasonings and are interested in other peoples opinions in the forums, as long as they aren't coming across as angry, bitter and argumentative. When posts are like that, they make us feel sad for that person. |
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"Yep, I judge on what I read (it’s natural, we all do it) you won’t hear about it though. Live and let live, if you’re happy with your choices and not hurting me, good for you and explaining to anyone else isn’t necessary, unless you choose to.
You won’t catch me belittling people on the forum (or anywhere else) because they “Fab” differently to me either
In my first paragraph I mean “you” in the broader sense, it’s not directed at you OP
I agree with all you said
It never fails to amuse me that often those who claim to be most open minded here often out themselves on the forum as the most judgemental, small minded and petty
I think we all form judgements...that's totally natural. But when someone is so adamant that one aspect of someone's life makes them a bad person it's bloody annoying!"
It takes a long time to fix ignorant. Spend your time doing other things. You haven't got long enough on the planet to fix others. They need life experience for that. Now go and fuck who you want to fuck and don't give a fuck if others give a fuck about who you've fucked. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Yep, I judge on what I read (it’s natural, we all do it) you won’t hear about it though. Live and let live, if you’re happy with your choices and not hurting me, good for you and explaining to anyone else isn’t necessary, unless you choose to.
You won’t catch me belittling people on the forum (or anywhere else) because they “Fab” differently to me either
In my first paragraph I mean “you” in the broader sense, it’s not directed at you OP
I agree with all you said
It never fails to amuse me that often those who claim to be most open minded here often out themselves on the forum as the most judgemental, small minded and petty
I think we all form judgements...that's totally natural. But when someone is so adamant that one aspect of someone's life makes them a bad person it's bloody annoying!
It takes a long time to fix ignorant. Spend your time doing other things. You haven't got long enough on the planet to fix others. They need life experience for that. Now go and fuck who you want to fuck and don't give a fuck if others give a fuck about who you've fucked. "
Always do |
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"Yep, I judge on what I read (it’s natural, we all do it) you won’t hear about it though. Live and let live, if you’re happy with your choices and not hurting me, good for you and explaining to anyone else isn’t necessary, unless you choose to.
You won’t catch me belittling people on the forum (or anywhere else) because they “Fab” differently to me either
In my first paragraph I mean “you” in the broader sense, it’s not directed at you OP
I agree with all you said
It never fails to amuse me that often those who claim to be most open minded here often out themselves on the forum as the most judgemental, small minded and petty "
I think they're the ones who are most insecure about their own motives and actions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Now I love fab, especially the forums...but I do find myself spending more and more time having to explain myself, my choices and my lifestyle, even my sexuality to people.
When chatting on here whether it be through messages or in the forums, are you judgemental or do you try not to be?
I like to think I'm strong minded but also very open minded, and I won't argue something I know nothing about, I'll educate myself. I may not be 100% successful all the time, but I certainly try not to judge."
how can you avoid judging if somebody says something you totally disagree with ,I mean I saw a thread earlier I didn't comment on but title read ' who else has fucked their step son ' other than the obvious step daughter woody allen who or why would you not judge ?  |
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It's one of the things I love about the forum here (and the blog on the previous site I inhabited), as a whole, people are far less judgemental and accepting of others than in the "real world"..
It's kind of refreshing.. |
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It’s bloody hard not to judge as each and every one of us will often think our way is the right way , and depending on ones mood at the time , we will say as much .
If we really don’t think that we are correct in our choices , ways , etc..... and never suggest that this is so , we must have little or no confidence in our chosen path .
So there’s politics , religion , sport , and no end of non sexual potential discussions which will lead to a judgement on those who think differently . On these subjects I often judge others on their opinions .
On a sexual level , I only judge those who may have a directly opposite opinion or choice to mine , and make a huge song and dance about it . I guess I figure that by doing so , they are belittling or having a dig about my opinions and choices .
Generally , I don’t care what anyone else chooses to do with anyone else , and will happily engage in reasoned discussion about pretty much any sexually related topic without being too judgemental .
|
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"It’s bloody hard not to judge as each and every one of us will often think our way is the right way , and depending on ones mood at the time , we will say as much .
If we really don’t think that we are correct in our choices , ways , etc..... and never suggest that this is so , we must have little or no confidence in our chosen path .
So there’s politics , religion , sport , and no end of non sexual potential discussions which will lead to a judgement on those who think differently . On these subjects I often judge others on their opinions .
On a sexual level , I only judge those who may have a directly opposite opinion or choice to mine , and make a huge song and dance about it . I guess I figure that by doing so , they are belittling or having a dig about my opinions and choices .
Generally , I don’t care what anyone else chooses to do with anyone else , and will happily engage in reasoned discussion about pretty much any sexually related topic without being too judgemental .
"
This! |
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"Now I love fab, especially the forums...but I do find myself spending more and more time having to explain myself, my choices and my lifestyle, even my sexuality to people.
When chatting on here whether it be through messages or in the forums, are you judgemental or do you try not to be?
I like to think I'm strong minded but also very open minded, and I won't argue something I know nothing about, I'll educate myself. I may not be 100% successful all the time, but I certainly try not to judge.how can you avoid judging if somebody says something you totally disagree with ,I mean I saw a thread earlier I didn't comment on but title read ' who else has fucked their step son ' other than the obvious step daughter woody allen who or why would you not judge ? "
Judge the title not the person. Reply only if you 'have' as that is what the title asked.
Sigh. So simple to be pure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Now I love fab, especially the forums...but I do find myself spending more and more time having to explain myself, my choices and my lifestyle, even my sexuality to people.
When chatting on here whether it be through messages or in the forums, are you judgemental or do you try not to be?
I like to think I'm strong minded but also very open minded, and I won't argue something I know nothing about, I'll educate myself. I may not be 100% successful all the time, but I certainly try not to judge.how can you avoid judging if somebody says something you totally disagree with ,I mean I saw a thread earlier I didn't comment on but title read ' who else has fucked their step son ' other than the obvious step daughter woody allen who or why would you not judge ?
Judge the title not the person. Reply only if you 'have' as that is what the title asked.
Sigh. So simple to be pure. "
see you judged me ha |
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"Now I love fab, especially the forums...but I do find myself spending more and more time having to explain myself, my choices and my lifestyle, even my sexuality to people.
When chatting on here whether it be through messages or in the forums, are you judgemental or do you try not to be?
I like to think I'm strong minded but also very open minded, and I won't argue something I know nothing about, I'll educate myself. I may not be 100% successful all the time, but I certainly try not to judge.how can you avoid judging if somebody says something you totally disagree with ,I mean I saw a thread earlier I didn't comment on but title read ' who else has fucked their step son ' other than the obvious step daughter woody allen who or why would you not judge ?
Judge the title not the person. Reply only if you 'have' as that is what the title asked.
Sigh. So simple to be pure. see you judged me ha "
Point out where I judged you ?
I clearly haven't. I will shortly tho |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Now I love fab, especially the forums...but I do find myself spending more and more time having to explain myself, my choices and my lifestyle, even my sexuality to people.
When chatting on here whether it be through messages or in the forums, are you judgemental or do you try not to be?
I like to think I'm strong minded but also very open minded, and I won't argue something I know nothing about, I'll educate myself. I may not be 100% successful all the time, but I certainly try not to judge.how can you avoid judging if somebody says something you totally disagree with ,I mean I saw a thread earlier I didn't comment on but title read ' who else has fucked their step son ' other than the obvious step daughter woody allen who or why would you not judge ?
Judge the title not the person. Reply only if you 'have' as that is what the title asked.
Sigh. So simple to be pure. see you judged me ha
Point out where I judged you ?
I clearly haven't. I will shortly tho"
ok you pre judged me before I typed my message .....cmon you know I'm right |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I judge. Not intentionally nor maliciously but sometimes people say things which form an opinion of them. It may not be a correct one based on a small bit of info but its all i have.
Im more than happy to engage in discussion though and have my opinion changed.
Sexually im intrigued by others. I love people who are open with their kinks and i love talking with them and trying to understand their motivation.
If someone judges me im happy to explain myself and try to prove or disprove their opinion but if it doesnt go my way i dont mind. Strangers on an internet site dont factor into my real life until i meet them. |
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"Now I love fab, especially the forums...but I do find myself spending more and more time having to explain myself, my choices and my lifestyle, even my sexuality to people.
When chatting on here whether it be through messages or in the forums, are you judgemental or do you try not to be?
I like to think I'm strong minded but also very open minded, and I won't argue something I know nothing about, I'll educate myself. I may not be 100% successful all the time, but I certainly try not to judge.how can you avoid judging if somebody says something you totally disagree with ,I mean I saw a thread earlier I didn't comment on but title read ' who else has fucked their step son ' other than the obvious step daughter woody allen who or why would you not judge ?
Judge the title not the person. Reply only if you 'have' as that is what the title asked.
Sigh. So simple to be pure. see you judged me ha
Point out where I judged you ?
I clearly haven't. I will shortly thook you pre judged me before I typed my message .....cmon you know I'm right "
I can state - in all scincerity - that i'm not capable of giving you afterthought let alone pre conception.
So I am afraid I cannot ascribe truth to your claims.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd like to think I don't judge, I try to be open minded. I've had messages about various kinks and often, even if I'm not into it I'll ask questions. An education is important lol x
I have noticed, especially around the forums people are very judgemental, alot of 'my sexlife is acceptable but what you choose to do is not"
Crazy given the site we're members of. Just live your life and fuck to what anyone else thinks xxx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Now I love fab, especially the forums...but I do find myself spending more and more time having to explain myself, my choices and my lifestyle, even my sexuality to people.
When chatting on here whether it be through messages or in the forums, are you judgemental or do you try not to be?
I like to think I'm strong minded but also very open minded, and I won't argue something I know nothing about, I'll educate myself. I may not be 100% successful all the time, but I certainly try not to judge.how can you avoid judging if somebody says something you totally disagree with ,I mean I saw a thread earlier I didn't comment on but title read ' who else has fucked their step son ' other than the obvious step daughter woody allen who or why would you not judge ?
Judge the title not the person. Reply only if you 'have' as that is what the title asked.
Sigh. So simple to be pure. see you judged me ha
Point out where I judged you ?
I clearly haven't. I will shortly thook you pre judged me before I typed my message .....cmon you know I'm right
I can state - in all scincerity - that i'm not capable of giving you afterthought let alone pre conception.
So I am afraid I cannot ascribe truth to your claims.
"
ha after thought oh my I'm cut to the quick |
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"I judge. Not intentionally nor maliciously but sometimes people say things which form an opinion of them. It may not be a correct one based on a small bit of info but its all i have.
Im more than happy to engage in discussion though and have my opinion changed.
Sexually im intrigued by others. I love people who are open with their kinks and i love talking with them and trying to understand their motivation.
If someone judges me im happy to explain myself and try to prove or disprove their opinion but if it doesnt go my way i dont mind. Strangers on an internet site dont factor into my real life until i meet them. "
Would you accept that it is your mind that forms the opinion you hold , based on what another has said and that a third party may not form the same opinons and judgements as your mind does ? |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
The whole world judges Swingers for their choices and Swingers judge others for their choices but it’s not about whether or not you’re a Swingers, it’s simply a case of human nature. If you’re the type of person to judge then that’s how you are. The difference is in how you choose to deal with it. Silently or vocally.
I do judge but not on sexual preferences, I don’t care what others do in that sense, it may not be my choice but each to their own I say.
What I do judge people on is their behaviour and manners. Just because you may never meet a person there is no excuse for bad manners and poor behaviour, whatever you may feel is justifiable.... it isn’t.
Not ‘you’ OP, just generally |
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"It’s bloody hard not to judge as each and every one of us will often think our way is the right way , and depending on ones mood at the time , we will say as much .
If we really don’t think that we are correct in our choices , ways , etc..... and never suggest that this is so , we must have little or no confidence in our chosen path .
So there’s politics , religion , sport , and no end of non sexual potential discussions which will lead to a judgement on those who think differently . On these subjects I often judge others on their opinions .
On a sexual level , I only judge those who may have a directly opposite opinion or choice to mine , and make a huge song and dance about it . I guess I figure that by doing so , they are belittling or having a dig about my opinions and choices .
Generally , I don’t care what anyone else chooses to do with anyone else , and will happily engage in reasoned discussion about pretty much any sexually related topic without being too judgemental .
"
Perhaps you are doing yourself a disservice by suggesting you are judgemental, I would suggest you consider others opinions at face value which is reasonable and what the vast majority of us do..
Too be judgemental, you would not consider the facts or take a narrow minded opinion based upon a form of intolerance by being disparaging, deprecating, negative, overcritical or scathing.
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"It’s bloody hard not to judge as each and every one of us will often think our way is the right way , and depending on ones mood at the time , we will say as much .
If we really don’t think that we are correct in our choices , ways , etc..... and never suggest that this is so , we must have little or no confidence in our chosen path .
So there’s politics , religion , sport , and no end of non sexual potential discussions which will lead to a judgement on those who think differently . On these subjects I often judge others on their opinions .
On a sexual level , I only judge those who may have a directly opposite opinion or choice to mine , and make a huge song and dance about it . I guess I figure that by doing so , they are belittling or having a dig about my opinions and choices .
Generally , I don’t care what anyone else chooses to do with anyone else , and will happily engage in reasoned discussion about pretty much any sexually related topic without being too judgemental .
Perhaps you are doing yourself a disservice by suggesting you are judgemental, I would suggest you consider others opinions at face value which is reasonable and what the vast majority of us do..
Too be judgemental, you would not consider the facts or take a narrow minded opinion based upon a form of intolerance by being disparaging, deprecating, negative, overcritical or scathing.
"
I think I may have done some of those things over the years on here 
I was pulled up recently for having a supposed narrow minded opinion of guys who swing when they can’t get an erection as an example . On reflection , I was a bit judgemental at the time , as I said they shouldn’t be on a swinging site . I later retracted that statement and said as long as they don’t meet us , and choose those who are happy to meet guys who don’t get hard , they shouldn’t leave .
That’s just one example . I’ve made many statements over the years which have led to me being judged ( I’m not even going there ) , and stick by them .
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"It’s bloody hard not to judge as each and every one of us will often think our way is the right way , and depending on ones mood at the time , we will say as much .
If we really don’t think that we are correct in our choices , ways , etc..... and never suggest that this is so , we must have little or no confidence in our chosen path .
So there’s politics , religion , sport , and no end of non sexual potential discussions which will lead to a judgement on those who think differently . On these subjects I often judge others on their opinions .
On a sexual level , I only judge those who may have a directly opposite opinion or choice to mine , and make a huge song and dance about it . I guess I figure that by doing so , they are belittling or having a dig about my opinions and choices .
Generally , I don’t care what anyone else chooses to do with anyone else , and will happily engage in reasoned discussion about pretty much any sexually related topic without being too judgemental .
Perhaps you are doing yourself a disservice by suggesting you are judgemental, I would suggest you consider others opinions at face value which is reasonable and what the vast majority of us do..
Too be judgemental, you would not consider the facts or take a narrow minded opinion based upon a form of intolerance by being disparaging, deprecating, negative, overcritical or scathing.
I think I may have done some of those things over the years on here
I was pulled up recently for having a supposed narrow minded opinion of guys who swing when they can’t get an erection as an example . On reflection , I was a bit judgemental at the time , as I said they shouldn’t be on a swinging site . I later retracted that statement and said as long as they don’t meet us , and choose those who are happy to meet guys who don’t get hard , they shouldn’t leave .
That’s just one example . I’ve made many statements over the years which have led to me being judged ( I’m not even going there ) , and stick by them .
"
Why blush ? The fact that you can evaluate and change if you think it's necessary demonstrates a thinking intelligence with regard for others. It's only me that was born perfect  |
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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
We all make judgements. Its the way we base decisions and choicrs about who we message, converse with, meet or play with.
However I like to think I'm a decent person and I'm open minded enough to accept others opinions and views. I may have a different point of view but I never go out of my way to hurt, insult or belittle anyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find that people do judge from the first second, or based on previous experiences - I guess we all do to some extent - its natural.
I try to get to know someone first, or at least give them a chance - but I guess it takes all sorts! |
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In some answers the concept of 'judging' is being confused with 'openly condemning.'
I judge instantly. Condemnation comes later and unless necessary condemnation is never voiced.
( i am talking in general not just here )
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I think it's nearly impossible not to judge.. We all have an initial thought process when we see a pic/profile, within seconds we do our own Pre analysis check; society stereotypes mold/alter these judgments. Assumptions are natural & fine as long as you're willing to be open to the contrary should it present itself. |
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Human beings need to be immediately judgemental. It's what stops you taking sweeties from a stranger, walking down a dark alley when the shady person with a hoody is following you and getting in the car with a per by stranger. This obviously extends in to areas of life it doesn't actually need to but as has been said just because mentally we judge people to be other than what we would like them to be (usually just like ourselves) doesn't mean we need to voice it. |
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"per by ? I know quite a few perbs."
It's a new phrase doncha know. Only I'm not willing to tell you what it means as I've judged you not worthy
I meant pervy but my darn tablet autocorrected. I'm going to spelling jail aren't I |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Now I love fab, especially the forums...but I do find myself spending more and more time having to explain myself, my choices and my lifestyle, even my sexuality to people.
When chatting on here whether it be through messages or in the forums, are you judgemental or do you try not to be?
I like to think I'm strong minded but also very open minded, and I won't argue something I know nothing about, I'll educate myself. I may not be 100% successful all the time, but I certainly try not to judge.
Why do you feel the need to explain yourself? There is a lot of "our way is best" in the forums it's human nature as is judging.
I think asking people not to judge is an impossible request, they always will.
Our motto is never justify, never explain. Our sexuality and preferences isn't the business of people who don't understand or agree with it.
"
I like your motto. I may adopt it this year |
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"per by ? I know quite a few perbs.
It's a new phrase doncha know. Only I'm not willing to tell you what it means as I've judged you not worthy
I meant pervy but my darn tablet autocorrected. I'm going to spelling jail aren't I "
Spelling jail is only the beginning ! |
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"Dang! I mocked openly! Im going to give myself in .... who's in charge ?
I thought you were. Being the oldest ,n'all."
I think the oldest gets put in the corner and fed worthers but we are allowed to shake sticks and people think it's cute. |
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Sometimes I feel a bit like Alan partridge on here but that’s life I will always fight my corner and apologise if I’m out of order. There’s always people you clash heads with on here I’ve been blocked by a few so what I wouldn’t be friends with them in real life anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is a difference between making a judgement and being judgemental. Making a judgement could save your life; being judgmental could get you a punch on the nose. |
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"Now I love fab, especially the forums...but I do find myself spending more and more time having to explain myself, my choices and my lifestyle, even my sexuality to people.
When chatting on here whether it be through messages or in the forums, are you judgemental or do you try not to be?
I like to think I'm strong minded but also very open minded, and I won't argue something I know nothing about, I'll educate myself. I may not be 100% successful all the time, but I certainly try not to judge.
Why do you feel the need to explain yourself? There is a lot of "our way is best" in the forums it's human nature as is judging.
I think asking people not to judge is an impossible request, they always will.
Our motto is never justify, never explain. Our sexuality and preferences isn't the business of people who don't understand or agree with it.
I like your motto. I may adopt it this year "
Be our guest. I suspect we've misquoted someone else I've got a dim recollection of John Wayne or Dorothy Parker or some such. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I expect to be judged. I judge. I never feel the need to justify myself though. I can't be arse explaining myself to the narrow minded. What forum folk think is of no significance to me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I judge the law.. Because it's legal doesn't make it right!"
You'd be amazed at how many people allow the law to dictate to them what they should and shouldn't do though. |
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"I judge the law.. Because it's legal doesn't make it right!
You'd be amazed at how many people allow the law to dictate to them what they should and shouldn't do though."
The Clash .... I fought the law and the law won ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been judged sometimes extremely harshly but as has been said many times it will never stop me I am going to have fun and it's nobody else's business |
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"I judge the law.. Because it's legal doesn't make it right!
You'd be amazed at how many people allow the law to dictate to them what they should and shouldn't do though.
The Clash .... I fought the law and the law won ..."
I shot the sherrif........... |
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"I judge the law.. Because it's legal doesn't make it right!
You'd be amazed at how many people allow the law to dictate to them what they should and shouldn't do though.
The Clash .... I fought the law and the law won ...
I shot the sherrif........... "
But I did not shoot the deputy ..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why would you care what anyone else thinks OP? Why explain anything about you? If they don't understand just smile and move on. "
nobody likes to get negative vibes we're all trying to fit in with the beautiful people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Folk can jump to conclusions, but you don't have to take notice of them. And if they persist, use it as a filter and either ignore them or block! Job done |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Folk can jump to conclusions, but you don't have to take notice of them. And if they persist, use it as a filter and either ignore them or block! Job done "
that's the stock answer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why would you care what anyone else thinks OP? Why explain anything about you? If they don't understand just smile and move on. nobody likes to get negative vibes we're all trying to fit in with the beautiful people "
I don't fit in anywhere. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why would you care what anyone else thinks OP? Why explain anything about you? If they don't understand just smile and move on. nobody likes to get negative vibes we're all trying to fit in with the beautiful people
I don't fit in anywhere. "
that's because we are special |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would be pretty boring if everybody agreed and followed each other like a pack of fluffy sheep.
I agree! I welcome debate and disagreements...it's the judgement on someone's character because you disagree I don't like so much."
If you are hoping the entire world will agree with you and always think nice thoughts, life will be an unhappy time.
Care what they think, yes, but don't let it affect you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I could rid these forums - and the rest of the Internet - is bullying keyboard warriors - I've had a lot of nastiness from male and female contributors in here both publicly and privately
I would love to meet these folks face to face though... I bet they wouldn't dare look me in the face and spout their venom...
I try not to judge... Although I'm sure from time to time I do but I NEVER bully from behind the keyboard... I try to be nice all of the time xxx |
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"Folk can jump to conclusions, but you don't have to take notice of them. And if they persist, use it as a filter and either ignore them or block! Job done "
I don't block or ignore usually. It takes all sorts of people to make a community and everyone has a skill of some sort.
I don't get entrenched in trying to change people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't judge people's choices. If you are happy, it's legal and no one is getting hurt then all is well.
I do judge the judgemental, the deliberately offensive and the bullies.
Be you, be happy. "
So much this!!  |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
I never judge but I will question. I don't think there is any harm in trying to find out why a person likes a certain thing or has a certain opinion. Just as much as there is no harm in any one telling me to mind my own business if I ask I guess. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't judge people's choices. If you are happy, it's legal and no one is getting hurt then all is well.
I do judge the judgemental, the deliberately offensive and the bullies.
Be you, be happy. "
Agreed, well said.
However I don't judge the bullies anymore because some of them have it really difficult on here so they lash out... that is no excuse, but blocking them does not always work either because they find ways around that.
Always be happy and enjoy your Fab journey regardless of what else goes on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Folk can jump to conclusions, but you don't have to take notice of them. And if they persist, use it as a filter and either ignore them or block! Job done
I don't block or ignore usually. It takes all sorts of people to make a community and everyone has a skill of some sort.
I don't get entrenched in trying to change people. "
me neither very noble mind |
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By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
"Now I love fab, especially the forums...but I do find myself spending more and more time having to explain myself, my choices and my lifestyle, even my sexuality to people.
When chatting on here whether it be through messages or in the forums, are you judgemental or do you try not to be?
I like to think I'm strong minded but also very open minded, and I won't argue something I know nothing about, I'll educate myself. I may not be 100% successful all the time, but I certainly try not to judge.
Why do you feel the need to explain yourself? There is a lot of "our way is best" in the forums it's human nature as is judging.
I think asking people not to judge is an impossible request, they always will.
Our motto is never justify, never explain. Our sexuality and preferences isn't the business of people who don't understand or agree with it.
I like your motto. I may adopt it this year
Be our guest. I suspect we've misquoted someone else I've got a dim recollection of John Wayne or Dorothy Parker or some such. "
Never apologise. Never explain.
I have said it here in the forums in the past and elsewhere.
Maybe I should add never judge but we all to that. It's in the nature of making desicions. They are always a judgement.
But then the decisions others make are for them alone and agree or disagree we should accept and respect the choices of others with a measure of tolerance if they don't accord with our own judgments. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't tend to defend my views. If people don't understand me or my ways, that's fine. We are all wired differently and not everyone will agree with my preferences. I'm sure I've been judged on numerous occasions, but I'm not going to try and change the minds of people. They are within their rights to have their views, as am I. It doesn't always need to be voiced though. It's when peopLe try to shame you for your choices or make passive aggressive digs, that a line is crossed, in my opinion. Those are the ones I just don't engage with in the forums... And there are a few |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think we all judge, and I certainly know I do in here.
Sometimes that's governed by content, the way something is articulated, a ridiculously narrow minded approach and a variety of other reasons.
But my reaction to judging is what's important. |
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By *D835Man
over a year ago
London |
"I don't judge people's choices. If you are happy, it's legal and no one is getting hurt then all is well.
I do judge the judgemental, the deliberately offensive and the bullies.
Be you, be happy. "
This. |
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