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Never get married
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"Ohhh ya, can I become this club's leader plz...." Scond in command | |||
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"Ohhh ya, can I become this club's leader plz.... Second in command " | |||
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"If it works for both parties, marry - just alter the conventions and expectations we traditionally attach to it " Like? | |||
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"As we approach 30 years and have never been happier, we have to disagree with the original post. It's not marriage that's the problem. It's people's failure to make it work. They fail, so they blame the institution instead of themselves." Fair point. | |||
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"If it works for both parties, marry - just alter the conventions and expectations we traditionally attach to it Like?" The whole ceremony of it for a start Increasingly more for show and other people The honour and obey stuff The combined identity rather than being the two unique people you were before To me, you can be married and committed without all that | |||
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"After the recent flow of divorce threads, I’m convinced that humans shouldn’t get married " Err...so it goes like this instead. "Hey you're hot" (M) "Hey you're cool" (F) "Let's ask my cat and your dog to get married so we can live happily ever after" Lol XXX | |||
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"As we approach 30 years and have never been happier, we have to disagree with the original post. It's not marriage that's the problem. It's people's failure to make it work. They fail, so they blame the institution instead of themselves." Unfortunately, sometimes it can't be made to work. I tried for over 10yrs, nearly lost my sanity in the process. I didn't walk away from my marriage easily, I walked away to save me & my children. My parents were married for almost 50yrs before my dad died, and never a cross word, so I do believe marriage can work, but only when 2 people pull together as a team. | |||
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I've reached the stage in life now where I am going to more 2nd or 3rd weddings or divorce parties these days as pretty much everyone I know who married in their teens or 20s has split up now.
It can work beautifully know, but in my family and friendship circle there really haven't been many success stories! | |||
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"I got married, got divorced, long time ago. We still get along and I recently introduced him to Fab... "Same here although just going through divorce. Very amicable and still really good friends. He knows about my lifestyle but it’s not for him so won’t be introducing him here, haha. I would still get married again if I found a good guy.  | |||
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"First off people have a major issue with introspection and then form their views based on personal experience thats why most the replies will be logical fallacies. The fact remains that marriage is, on average, a far superior environment for raising children and that's why i did it. Personally i married a foreigner and part of the attraction to that is that i think the dominant culture in this country has toxic attitudes towards having a life partner, which is what i want. From my personal experience most people have an awful selection criteria for their spouses and therein lies the real reason for the 43% divorce rate, but as i say, ours is not a culture that promotes introspection. Personally though, happily married, never been happier and would recommend it to anyone that can find the right partner. " I was happily married. My husband wasn't, unfortunately | |||
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"I got married, got divorced, long time ago. We still get along and I recently introduced him to Fab... "You sound like perfect wifey material, oh hang on!
Him | |||
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"First off people have a major issue with introspection and then form their views based on personal experience thats why most the replies will be logical fallacies. The fact remains that marriage is, on average, a far superior environment for raising children and that's why i did it. Personally i married a foreigner and part of the attraction to that is that i think the dominant culture in this country has toxic attitudes towards having a life partner, which is what i want. From my personal experience most people have an awful selection criteria for their spouses and therein lies the real reason for the 43% divorce rate, but as i say, ours is not a culture that promotes introspection. Personally though, happily married, never been happier and would recommend it to anyone that can find the right partner. I was happily married. My husband wasn't, unfortunately "How long were you married? There are certain milestones in marriage. An alarming number of people can't even last 2 years (WTF?), then there's a divorce peak around 5 years which is the stress of young children effect but once you've been married 8 years then the probability of divorce is around ~8% i believe | |||
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"Marriage is the same as betting half of everything you own that they will stay with you forever "And half I what they own! | |||
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"Never tried it, but divorce threads aside I don't know many happily married people, so I'm unlikely to be tempted "I'm happily married. There's many a layer to any relationship. I'm happier in some layers than others is all.  | |||
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"First off people have a major issue with introspection and then form their views based on personal experience thats why most the replies will be logical fallacies. The fact remains that marriage is, on average, a far superior environment for raising children and that's why i did it. Personally i married a foreigner and part of the attraction to that is that i think the dominant culture in this country has toxic attitudes towards having a life partner, which is what i want. From my personal experience most people have an awful selection criteria for their spouses and therein lies the real reason for the 43% divorce rate, but as i say, ours is not a culture that promotes introspection. Personally though, happily married, never been happier and would recommend it to anyone that can find the right partner. I was happily married. My husband wasn't, unfortunately
How long were you married? There are certain milestones in marriage. An alarming number of people can't even last 2 years (WTF?), then there's a divorce peak around 5 years which is the stress of young children effect but once you've been married 8 years then the probability of divorce is around ~8% i believe "I was married for 20 years when I asked my husband to leave, it’s a shame as I enjoyed being married but I couldn’t get him to feel the same way, you can’t say I didn’t try marriage is only a good thing if you are both on the same page, the problems start when one wants something the other one can’t provide. I’m not sure I would ever get married again if I am honest with myself. | |||
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"After the recent flow of divorce threads, I’m convinced that humans shouldn’t get married " its not natural  | |||
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"First off people have a major issue with introspection and then form their views based on personal experience thats why most the replies will be logical fallacies. The fact remains that marriage is, on average, a far superior environment for raising children and that's why i did it. Personally i married a foreigner and part of the attraction to that is that i think the dominant culture in this country has toxic attitudes towards having a life partner, which is what i want. From my personal experience most people have an awful selection criteria for their spouses and therein lies the real reason for the 43% divorce rate, but as i say, ours is not a culture that promotes introspection. Personally though, happily married, never been happier and would recommend it to anyone that can find the right partner. I was happily married. My husband wasn't, unfortunately
How long were you married? There are certain milestones in marriage. An alarming number of people can't even last 2 years (WTF?), then there's a divorce peak around 5 years which is the stress of young children effect but once you've been married 8 years then the probability of divorce is around ~8% i believe
I was married for 20 years when I asked my husband to leave, it’s a shame as I enjoyed being married but I couldn’t get him to feel the same way, you can’t say I didn’t try marriage is only a good thing if you are both on the same page, the problems start when one wants something the other one can’t provide. I’m not sure I would ever get married again if I am honest with myself."It's hard to comment because my view would be different depending on what wasn't being provided (i.e. somethings are expected, some are reasonable requests and others aren't). But totally agree with the principle of what you said. | |||
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"Committing to staying in a relationship for life works for some people. It doesn't matter what you call it. Saying people shouldn't do it is as bad as saying they should. I think a lot of problems would never arise if both parties were honest from day one about what they want from life and that dialogue was maintained throughout the relationship. Human nature being what it is that's never going to happen." Totally, that's why i wouldn't want my children marrying young. You can't possibly know what you want until your personality is fully developed, which doesn't happen until about ~25. But then there's knowing what you want and communicating it... | |||
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"After the recent flow of divorce threads, I’m convinced that humans shouldn’t get married " So if humans shouldn't get married, which creatures do you believe should? | |||
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"First off people have a major issue with introspection and then form their views based on personal experience thats why most the replies will be logical fallacies. The fact remains that marriage is, on average, a far superior environment for raising children and that's why i did it. Personally i married a foreigner and part of the attraction to that is that i think the dominant culture in this country has toxic attitudes towards having a life partner, which is what i want. From my personal experience most people have an awful selection criteria for their spouses and therein lies the real reason for the 43% divorce rate, but as i say, ours is not a culture that promotes introspection. Personally though, happily married, never been happier and would recommend it to anyone that can find the right partner. I was happily married. My husband wasn't, unfortunately
How long were you married? There are certain milestones in marriage. An alarming number of people can't even last 2 years (WTF?), then there's a divorce peak around 5 years which is the stress of young children effect but once you've been married 8 years then the probability of divorce is around ~8% i believe
I was married for 20 years when I asked my husband to leave, it’s a shame as I enjoyed being married but I couldn’t get him to feel the same way, you can’t say I didn’t try marriage is only a good thing if you are both on the same page, the problems start when one wants something the other one can’t provide. I’m not sure I would ever get married again if I am honest with myself.
It's hard to comment because my view would be different depending on what wasn't being provided (i.e. somethings are expected, some are reasonable requests and others aren't). But totally agree with the principle of what you said."I couldn’t provide him with the same feeling that being down the pub could provide, I was a great wife, we had a good sex live but he wanted to be elsewhere it’s as simple as that  Some things can’t be sorted but I certainly wouldn’t put people off just because it didn’t work out for me, most couples can over come th hardships and some can’t. | |||
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"Committing to staying in a relationship for life works for some people. It doesn't matter what you call it. Saying people shouldn't do it is as bad as saying they should. I think a lot of problems would never arise if both parties were honest from day one about what they want from life and that dialogue was maintained throughout the relationship. Human nature being what it is that's never going to happen. Totally, that's why i wouldn't want my children marrying young. You can't possibly know what you want until your personality is fully developed, which doesn't happen until about ~25. But then there's knowing what you want and communicating it..." I've said this before but a friend who's asked his parents to find a prospective wife for him sort of interviews them and they him. It seems eminently sensible to me. | |||
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"Committing to staying in a relationship for life works for some people. It doesn't matter what you call it. Saying people shouldn't do it is as bad as saying they should. I think a lot of problems would never arise if both parties were honest from day one about what they want from life and that dialogue was maintained throughout the relationship. Human nature being what it is that's never going to happen. Totally, that's why i wouldn't want my children marrying young. You can't possibly know what you want until your personality is fully developed, which doesn't happen until about ~25. But then there's knowing what you want and communicating it..." I don't think I really knew 'me' till I was 40'ish. I'm only joking when I say marriage should be banned. I'm secretly a hopeless romantic and know that sometimes there's a connection between 2 people that's amazing. And then I think it doesn't matter whether it's a lavish 3 day wedding extravaganza or a 10 minute wedding in front of 2 strangers as witnesses.  The marriage bit is irrelevant if they are a happy couple. | |||
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"Committing to staying in a relationship for life works for some people. It doesn't matter what you call it. Saying people shouldn't do it is as bad as saying they should. I think a lot of problems would never arise if both parties were honest from day one about what they want from life and that dialogue was maintained throughout the relationship. Human nature being what it is that's never going to happen. Totally, that's why i wouldn't want my children marrying young. You can't possibly know what you want until your personality is fully developed, which doesn't happen until about ~25. But then there's knowing what you want and communicating it... I don't think I really knew 'me' till I was 40'ish. I'm only joking when I say marriage should be banned. I'm secretly a hopeless romantic and know that sometimes there's a connection between 2 people that's amazing. And then I think it doesn't matter whether it's a lavish 3 day wedding extravaganza or a 10 minute wedding in front of 2 strangers as witnesses. The marriage bit is irrelevant if they are a happy couple. "We had a registry office wedding, reception in my mum's living room and one night in a local hotel for a honeymoon. | |||
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"If I could even do half as good as what my grandparents did I'd be proud. Happily married for 65 years and died 12 days apart that is what I deem true happiness." Respect. | |||
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"Did you see my profile name... "That’s just being a sucker for punishment | |||
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"I have two ex husbands. The first was an alcoholic. Kept me short of money made my life hell for seven years. Then i changed and kicked him out.my second turned out to be gay.he got told to leave when i found out. I have a child with each ex. A daughter 28 and a son 20 and 3 granddaughters.they are the good things from two bad marriages." He couldn't have been that gay if you had a child or was it a turkey baster arrangement? | |||
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"I love watching wedding programmes and I think I’d like to be proposed to but actually getting married myself... nah, can’t see it happening!" Not if it's a life of watching wedding programmes no..lie and say you watch porn or you pass your time with anal sex or therapy for hypersexuality or whatever..then watch the proposals come in..once your married you can go back to don't tell the bride | |||
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"Never say never" You just did | |||
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"I have two ex husbands. The first was an alcoholic. Kept me short of money made my life hell for seven years. Then i changed and kicked him out.my second turned out to be gay.he got told to leave when i found out. I have a child with each ex. A daughter 28 and a son 20 and 3 granddaughters.they are the good things from two bad marriages. He couldn't have been that gay if you had a child or was it a turkey baster arrangement?" I was thinking that too, how could you be gay and have kids ? Did you discover you were gay after your kid ? Lol | |||
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Oh dear .....
I'm doomed!
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"Perhaps just like straight guys have gay sex.. Gay guys have straight sex.. Wake up its 2017!" And in 2017 words have no definitions anymore? | |||
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"I'm married over 25 years but don't even sleep in same room , stay together for kids (dissabled) but we get along ok no right or wrong answer to this but its always going to be a decision that can and probably will change" A lot of time we don't sleep in the same room either. It's not necessarily a sign of a bad marriage. | |||
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" A lot of time we don't sleep in the same room either. It's not necessarily a sign of a bad marriage." Lots of happily married couples sleep in different rooms occasionally or even regularly. Some committed couples even live in separate houses. Whatever works for them. It wouldn't work for me. I struggle to get to sleep on my own as I'm so used to sharing. Nita | |||
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" A lot of time we don't sleep in the same room either. It's not necessarily a sign of a bad marriage. Lots of happily married couples sleep in different rooms occasionally or even regularly. Some committed couples even live in separate houses. Whatever works for them. It wouldn't work for me. I struggle to get to sleep on my own as I'm so used to sharing. Nita" Our jobs create different sleep patterns so it started as a practical thing not wanting our alarms to wake each other up (i fond of the snooze button). I won't say i prefer it though (e.g. if we are on holiday and our rhythm synchronises). | |||
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"Do you think maybe ppl weren’t right for each other in the first place, that’s why their marriages fail? They haven’t actually found ‘the one’ if there is such a thing. I’ve never been married but I’ve had 2 long term relationships both failed. In hindsight I’d say in both cases we weren’t right for each. It took me a while to see it and the most recent was really destructive. No amount of working at it would have saved that relationship unless I changed beyond all recognition. " I absolutely agree with this. Maybe people get blinded by love or the idea of how it could be- but not the reality. I knew it at the time we got together but ignored it. | |||
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"Social control? " This like most things are social construct and control, but that is the world we live in built on multiple tribes and belief system. marriage is a double edge sword, on one hand, can be beautiful if you are a strong team and work through the ups and down on the other can be suffocating if one person has to overly compromise and feel their voice is not heard however I do think marriage is a beautiful thing but not interested in the ceremony beforehand. Not enough people I think discuss things like kids, career, money*(a biggy), sex habit*(very important), standard (slop/clean freak) and beliefs and nosey family members.
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"Social control? This like most things are social construct and control, but that is the world we live in built on multiple tribes and belief system. marriage is a double edge sword, on one hand, can be beautiful if you are a strong team and work through the ups and down on the other can be suffocating if one person has to overly compromise and feel their voice is not heard however I do think marriage is a beautiful thing but not interested in the ceremony beforehand. Not enough people I think discuss things like kids, career, money*(a biggy), sex habit*(very important), standard (slop/clean freak) and beliefs and nosey family members.
"Yup, there are so many guys that start threads on here to the tune of "my wife hasn't fucked me in ages, how do i get her into swinging to spice it up?" I often ask what expectations they discussed regarding sex before they married. None of them have ever said they set any. | |||
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"As we approach 30 years and have never been happier, we have to disagree with the original post. It's not marriage that's the problem. It's people's failure to make it work. They fail, so they blame the institution instead of themselves." Absolutely agree. Twice divorced so I know what I'm talking about. Maybe some people are just no good at that sort of thing (me being one of them) and some are,like you.
So,to say 'nobody should marry' is clearly wrong.
Maybe 'nobody should marry unless they are prepared to work at it' would be better. | |||
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"If it works for both parties, marry - just alter the conventions and expectations we traditionally attach to it " | |||
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"I love watching wedding programmes and I think I’d like to be proposed to but actually getting married myself... nah, can’t see it happening! Not if it's a life of watching wedding programmes no..lie and say you watch porn or you pass your time with anal sex or therapy for hypersexuality or whatever..then watch the proposals come in..once your married you can go back to don't tell the bride "Fuck that, if someone gets lumbered with me for life I want them to know beforehand what they are letting themselves in for | |||
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"My son had an interesting theory about marriage just the other day, His thoughts were that marriage should be more of a 'contract' that runs for say 10 years. Once you reach the 10 years you can decide whether to renew the 'contract' or terminate it. This would minimise the difficult divorce process that there is in place today. I think my son may have a valid point here." Lol, that's an old idea about how politicians should make laws. I actually agree with it politics but it's a terrible principle to apply to marriage. The problem is that people are willfully delusional about how traumatic divorce is for children. Most marriages have children, usually starting after around 2 years of being married and some would even argue the point of marriage is to have children. The idea that we should increase separations right around a child's most formative years is ill conceived. | |||
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Bun  | |||
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"My son had an interesting theory about marriage just the other day, His thoughts were that marriage should be more of a 'contract' that runs for say 10 years. Once you reach the 10 years you can decide whether to renew the 'contract' or terminate it. This would minimise the difficult divorce process that there is in place today. I think my son may have a valid point here. Lol, that's an old idea about how politicians should make laws. I actually agree with it politics but it's a terrible principle to apply to marriage. The problem is that people are willfully delusional about how traumatic divorce is for children. Most marriages have children, usually starting after around 2 years of being married and some would even argue the point of marriage is to have children. The idea that we should increase separations right around a child's most formative years is ill conceived. " Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) ." I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. | |||
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"After the recent flow of divorce threads, I’m convinced that humans shouldn’t get married " Mabey for you op but i no i want a wife | |||
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"After the recent flow of divorce threads, I’m convinced that humans shouldn’t get married Mabey for you op but i no i want a wife "Maybe, and let me talk you out of it. You will thank me later | |||
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"I disagree, I think marriage and nuclear families are still the optimum for creating strong societies. That said I'll conceed two points. Sharing your daily life, living space, and finances are not for everyone, for varying reasons, so I wont judge anyone who rules monogomy out for them - hell I ask myself that. Also I think people rush into marriage too much. Like, if youre going to have kids with this whole other human, then share all your daily intimacy with them, they better match you as perfectly as possible in character traits." People change, you can spend 10years with someone and still go different ways  | |||
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"As we approach 30 years and have never been happier, we have to disagree with the original post. It's not marriage that's the problem. It's people's failure to make it work. They fail, so they blame the institution instead of themselves." Spot on. Few like to accept that they were part of the problem...i see it so much, the blame game, human nature. Most people also are looking at the present, fun now...have it all now. Forgetting that there's a future, growing old and ultimately aloneness. Planning, building, giving, future preparing, commitment are all part of 'marriage' (that can be in different formats outside of the traditional way too) The reality is most men will still be see attractive silver foxes well into their 60s some even further and most women will not have the same luxury. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. " child with special needs takes full time care so not a clear cut answer | |||
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"As we approach 30 years and have never been happier, we have to disagree with the original post. It's not marriage that's the problem. It's people's failure to make it work. They fail, so they blame the institution instead of themselves." Agree. We've been together 16 years, and married for 11, and we're both still as in love now as we were at the start. | |||
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"After the recent flow of divorce threads, I’m convinced that humans shouldn’t get married Mabey for you op but i no i want a wife
Maybe, and let me talk you out of it. You will thank me later "You can try but it won't work | |||
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"After the recent flow of divorce threads, I’m convinced that humans shouldn’t get married Mabey for you op but i no i want a wife
Maybe, and let me talk you out of it. You will thank me later
You can try but it won't work "What will not work? | |||
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"I disagree, I think marriage and nuclear families are still the optimum for creating strong societies. That said I'll conceed two points. Sharing your daily life, living space, and finances are not for everyone, for varying reasons, so I wont judge anyone who rules monogomy out for them - hell I ask myself that. Also I think people rush into marriage too much. Like, if youre going to have kids with this whole other human, then share all your daily intimacy with them, they better match you as perfectly as possible in character traits. People change, you can spend 10years with someone and still go different ways "Yeah you are right, thats said, if you meet someone at 30 whose characteristics you find desirable and live with them happily for 10 years, those characteristics are unlikely to change. Unless the person takes up drugs or heavy drinking, or ends up with a neurodegenerative illness...but the later is largely out of our control. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. " This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child. | |||
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"Very interesting comments and more people are against it than in favour. Does anybody know the history of marriage and how it all started? Call me history guy "I can tell you that the idea you'd marry someone because you 'love' them is relatively new and a western romantic idea. I think the evidence against it is overwhelming. | |||
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"After the recent flow of divorce threads, I’m convinced that humans shouldn’t get married Mabey for you op but i no i want a wife
Maybe, and let me talk you out of it. You will thank me later
You can try but it won't work
What will not work? "Wot ever you say to try and say getting married is a bad idear | |||
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"After the recent flow of divorce threads, I’m convinced that humans shouldn’t get married Mabey for you op but i no i want a wife
Maybe, and let me talk you out of it. You will thank me later
You can try but it won't work
What will not work?
Wot ever you say to try and say getting married is a bad idear "If you wanna get married you need to be able to listen | |||
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"After the recent flow of divorce threads, I’m convinced that humans shouldn’t get married Mabey for you op but i no i want a wife
Maybe, and let me talk you out of it. You will thank me later
You can try but it won't work
What will not work?
Wot ever you say to try and say getting married is a bad idear "Seeside, marriage is terrible. Firstly you have to have lot's of sex. It's not like fab where you spend weeks arranging it, the person is just there... demanding... sex in person. On top of that, they don't even leave after sex. They hang around and do 'nice' things for you like making your favourite treats and massaging your shoulders. Most of the time i prefer sit in an empty room and stare at the paint but my fucking wife has interesting conversations with me and stimulates my mind. Honestly it's a living hell being married. | |||
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"After the recent flow of divorce threads, I’m convinced that humans shouldn’t get married Mabey for you op but i no i want a wife
Maybe, and let me talk you out of it. You will thank me later
You can try but it won't work
What will not work?
Wot ever you say to try and say getting married is a bad idear
If you wanna get married you need to be able to listen "I'm allways listening
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"After the recent flow of divorce threads, I’m convinced that humans shouldn’t get married Mabey for you op but i no i want a wife
Maybe, and let me talk you out of it. You will thank me later
You can try but it won't work
What will not work?
Wot ever you say to try and say getting married is a bad idear
Seeside, marriage is terrible. Firstly you have to have lot's of sex. It's not like fab where you spend weeks arranging it, the person is just there... demanding... sex in person. On top of that, they don't even leave after sex. They hang around and do 'nice' things for you like making your favourite treats and massaging your shoulders. Most of the time i prefer sit in an empty room and stare at the paint but my fucking wife has interesting conversations with me and stimulates my mind. Honestly it's a living hell being married. "Sounds like heaven to me | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child. "
We also adopt and learn some of the characteristics of our partner. Some are goodsome arent so good. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child.
We also adopt and learn some of the characteristics of our partner. Some are goodsome arent so good."The best way I've heard it described is that "we love in ways that are familiar to us" which is a challenge to people that assume we love others the way we want them to love us back. Unfortunately, that means that some people grow up with the implicit belief that blazing rows and shouting matches are a perfectly normal way to treat someone you love. | |||
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"The 5 love languages are very useful to learn, both about ourselves and our potential partner." Yeah we've done that, It's a thought provoking exercise. We have a spreadsheet with scores against these by month. Works for us. | |||
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"After the recent flow of divorce threads, I’m convinced that humans shouldn’t get married Mabey for you op but i no i want a wife
Maybe, and let me talk you out of it. You will thank me later
You can try but it won't work
What will not work?
Wot ever you say to try and say getting married is a bad idear
Seeside, marriage is terrible. Firstly you have to have lot's of sex. It's not like fab where you spend weeks arranging it, the person is just there... demanding... sex in person. On top of that, they don't even leave after sex. They hang around and do 'nice' things for you like making your favourite treats and massaging your shoulders. Most of the time i prefer sit in an empty room and stare at the paint but my fucking wife has interesting conversations with me and stimulates my mind. Honestly it's a living hell being married. "Nobody said you can’t have and live with your partner.. why contract is the question my love | |||
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"The 5 love languages are very useful to learn, both about ourselves and our potential partner. Yeah we've done that, It's a thought provoking exercise. We have a spreadsheet with scores against these by month. Works for us." Seriously??? Lol | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child. " It doesn't apply to me as I don't have children. Probably because I grew up in a household where my parents hated each other. So yes you do have to choose between a slap in the face and a punch in the groin. It will be a small miracle if you don't fuck them up in some way 
The happiest kids I know are the ones where their parents are happy.
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child. " Speaking from experience its very difficult when you have kids with someone and you can't stand the sight of each other any more. Me and the mother of my children spoke about it and decided it was best for all concerned if we split up. My kids are grown up now, have a good relationship with both of us and say they were happier once we split up. That situation is obviously never ideal, but I don't believe there is any one size fits all situation. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. His children maybe aren't aware. It is totally possible for 2 parents to still live together and maintain a very happy home for the children, even if one parent is cheating. People forget that people cheat on their spouse, not their children. " | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child. Speaking from experience its very difficult when you have kids with someone and you can't stand the sight of each other any more. Me and the mother of my children spoke about it and decided it was best for all concerned if we split up. My kids are grown up now, have a good relationship with both of us and say they were happier once we split up. That situation is obviously never ideal, but I don't believe there is any one size fits all situation. " Very wise words. | |||
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"After the recent flow of divorce threads, I’m convinced that humans shouldn’t get married Mabey for you op but i no i want a wife
Maybe, and let me talk you out of it. You will thank me later
You can try but it won't work
What will not work?
Wot ever you say to try and say getting married is a bad idear
Seeside, marriage is terrible. Firstly you have to have lot's of sex. It's not like fab where you spend weeks arranging it, the person is just there... demanding... sex in person. On top of that, they don't even leave after sex. They hang around and do 'nice' things for you like making your favourite treats and massaging your shoulders. Most of the time i prefer sit in an empty room and stare at the paint but my fucking wife has interesting conversations with me and stimulates my mind. Honestly it's a living hell being married.
Nobody said you can’t have and live with your partner.. why contract is the question my love "Ask yourself why we have any rite of passage? Such experiences are powerful enough to change us. | |||
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"Like everything, marriage is what you make it." Divorce | |||
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"The 5 love languages are very useful to learn, both about ourselves and our potential partner. Yeah we've done that, It's a thought provoking exercise. We have a spreadsheet with scores against these by month. Works for us. Seriously??? Lol" For real | |||
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"Like everything, marriage is what you make it. Divorce "If that's the way you see it, yeah | |||
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"After the recent flow of divorce threads, I’m convinced that humans shouldn’t get married " Whoops, too late for us. We do let one another have fuck buddies to add a bit of variety though, as well as swinging together. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child.
We also adopt and learn some of the characteristics of our partner. Some are goodsome arent so good.
The best way I've heard it described is that "we love in ways that are familiar to us" which is a challenge to people that assume we love others the way we want them to love us back. Unfortunately, that means that some people grow up with the implicit belief that blazing rows and shouting matches are a perfectly normal way to treat someone you love."My parents have been married 37 years. They've never argued. I do however think this was due to my dad simply allowing my mum to have her own way. All for a quiet life! Lol. I can't ever imagine being so domineering to a man in my life. However it seems to work for them  | |||
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"After the recent flow of divorce threads, I’m convinced that humans shouldn’t get married Mabey for you op but i no i want a wife
Maybe, and let me talk you out of it. You will thank me later
You can try but it won't work
What will not work?
Wot ever you say to try and say getting married is a bad idear
Seeside, marriage is terrible. Firstly you have to have lot's of sex. It's not like fab where you spend weeks arranging it, the person is just there... demanding... sex in person. On top of that, they don't even leave after sex. They hang around and do 'nice' things for you like making your favourite treats and massaging your shoulders. Most of the time i prefer sit in an empty room and stare at the paint but my fucking wife has interesting conversations with me and stimulates my mind. Honestly it's a living hell being married.
Nobody said you can’t have and live with your partner.. why contract is the question my love
Ask yourself why we have any rite of passage? Such experiences are powerful enough to change us. "I don’t know.. you tell me | |||
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"The 5 love languages are very useful to learn, both about ourselves and our potential partner. Yeah we've done that, It's a thought provoking exercise. We have a spreadsheet with scores against these by month. Works for us. Seriously??? Lol For real" I’m not married but can I get a template for research purposes? Lol | |||
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"True we been married 6mths after live together all we do is argue & sex has dried up reason why we cum on here" That is totally the wrong reason for coming on here. You obviously have problems in your marriage. Maybe you should forget swinging until you have got your marriage back on track. Swinging won't mend a bad marriage, in the end it will break it. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child.
We also adopt and learn some of the characteristics of our partner. Some are goodsome arent so good.
The best way I've heard it described is that "we love in ways that are familiar to us" which is a challenge to people that assume we love others the way we want them to love us back. Unfortunately, that means that some people grow up with the implicit belief that blazing rows and shouting matches are a perfectly normal way to treat someone you love.
My parents have been married 37 years. They've never argued. I do however think this was due to my dad simply allowing my mum to have her own way. All for a quiet life! Lol. I can't ever imagine being so domineering to a man in my life. However it seems to work for them "So is your Dad truly happy then if he is letting your Mum have all her own way? I somehow doubt it if he was completely honest with himself. Surely marriage is about both people, not all one sided with one person doing whatever the other persons wants, just to keep the peace. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child. Speaking from experience its very difficult when you have kids with someone and you can't stand the sight of each other any more. Me and the mother of my children spoke about it and decided it was best for all concerned if we split up. My kids are grown up now, have a good relationship with both of us and say they were happier once we split up. That situation is obviously never ideal, but I don't believe there is any one size fits all situation. " There's certainly a 'most successful strategy for giving children the highest probability of good prospects' and that strategy is a two parent family where the parents treat each other well. Im just saying that if people can't execute that strategy then they should look at themselves before declaring that marriage is the problem. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, I've found myself in long-term toxic relationships so I'm not saying I'm clever, thankfully they didn't involve children. It's about the conclusions yoh draw from those experiences though. | |||
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"Like everything, marriage is what you make it." Both people have to be in agreement of what they want out of a marriage though, it's hard to 'make it' if you are on different wavelengths. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child.
We also adopt and learn some of the characteristics of our partner. Some are goodsome arent so good.
The best way I've heard it described is that "we love in ways that are familiar to us" which is a challenge to people that assume we love others the way we want them to love us back. Unfortunately, that means that some people grow up with the implicit belief that blazing rows and shouting matches are a perfectly normal way to treat someone you love.
My parents have been married 37 years. They've never argued. I do however think this was due to my dad simply allowing my mum to have her own way. All for a quiet life! Lol. I can't ever imagine being so domineering to a man in my life. However it seems to work for them "He did as he was told.. sounds like a great life | |||
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"The 5 love languages are very useful to learn, both about ourselves and our potential partner. Yeah we've done that, It's a thought provoking exercise. We have a spreadsheet with scores against these by month. Works for us. Seriously??? Lol For real I’m not married but can I get a template for research purposes? Lol" It's just the 5 languages of love with each of us scoring each other monthly, obviously you need to look at the trends. It's all about those acts of service baby, everything follows from there. | |||
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hyi9rWTPumA
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child.
We also adopt and learn some of the characteristics of our partner. Some are goodsome arent so good.
The best way I've heard it described is that "we love in ways that are familiar to us" which is a challenge to people that assume we love others the way we want them to love us back. Unfortunately, that means that some people grow up with the implicit belief that blazing rows and shouting matches are a perfectly normal way to treat someone you love.
My parents have been married 37 years. They've never argued. I do however think this was due to my dad simply allowing my mum to have her own way. All for a quiet life! Lol. I can't ever imagine being so domineering to a man in my life. However it seems to work for them
So is your Dad truly happy then if he is letting your Mum have all her own way? I somehow doubt it if he was completely honest with himself. Surely marriage is about both people, not all one sided with one person doing whatever the other persons wants, just to keep the peace. "There are a lot of implied beliefs in your question. Happiness was orginally a greek word and if you look at the original meaning and it's context then it's much closer to how people use 'achievement' today than what most people mean by being 'truly happy'. The dad has a strategy that works, which is better than one that doesn't. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child. Speaking from experience its very difficult when you have kids with someone and you can't stand the sight of each other any more. Me and the mother of my children spoke about it and decided it was best for all concerned if we split up. My kids are grown up now, have a good relationship with both of us and say they were happier once we split up. That situation is obviously never ideal, but I don't believe there is any one size fits all situation. There's certainly a 'most successful strategy for giving children the highest probability of good prospects' and that strategy is a two parent family where the parents treat each other well. Im just saying that if people can't execute that strategy then they should look at themselves before declaring that marriage is the problem. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, I've found myself in long-term toxic relationships so I'm not saying I'm clever, thankfully they didn't involve children. It's about the conclusions yoh draw from those experiences though." Indeed no one is perfect and people change over time. I see you are 32. I am 51 and am very different to how I was when I was 32. I suspect you will be too. It's all very well saying that a two parent family is ideal, but you can well have a situation where a relationship that seemed great at one point becomes awful. If you have children, at that point difficult decisions have to be made. I don't think there is a default position that parents who don't get on should stay together for the children. Sometimes that might work, often it won't. . On the whole I would say it's better for children to have two parents living apart who are happy, than two parents living together who are desperately unhappy. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child.
We also adopt and learn some of the characteristics of our partner. Some are goodsome arent so good.
The best way I've heard it described is that "we love in ways that are familiar to us" which is a challenge to people that assume we love others the way we want them to love us back. Unfortunately, that means that some people grow up with the implicit belief that blazing rows and shouting matches are a perfectly normal way to treat someone you love.
My parents have been married 37 years. They've never argued. I do however think this was due to my dad simply allowing my mum to have her own way. All for a quiet life! Lol. I can't ever imagine being so domineering to a man in my life. However it seems to work for them
So is your Dad truly happy then if he is letting your Mum have all her own way? I somehow doubt it if he was completely honest with himself. Surely marriage is about both people, not all one sided with one person doing whatever the other persons wants, just to keep the peace.
There are a lot of implied beliefs in your question. Happiness was orginally a greek word and if you look at the original meaning and it's context then it's much closer to how people use 'achievement' today than what most people mean by being 'truly happy'. The dad has a strategy that works, which is better than one that doesn't."That works? But we still don't know if the Dad is truly happy. Surely happiness should could before something that just 'works'. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child. Speaking from experience its very difficult when you have kids with someone and you can't stand the sight of each other any more. Me and the mother of my children spoke about it and decided it was best for all concerned if we split up. My kids are grown up now, have a good relationship with both of us and say they were happier once we split up. That situation is obviously never ideal, but I don't believe there is any one size fits all situation. There's certainly a 'most successful strategy for giving children the highest probability of good prospects' and that strategy is a two parent family where the parents treat each other well. Im just saying that if people can't execute that strategy then they should look at themselves before declaring that marriage is the problem. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, I've found myself in long-term toxic relationships so I'm not saying I'm clever, thankfully they didn't involve children. It's about the conclusions yoh draw from those experiences though. Indeed no one is perfect and people change over time. I see you are 32. I am 51 and am very different to how I was when I was 32. I suspect you will be too. It's all very well saying that a two parent family is ideal, but you can well have a situation where a relationship that seemed great at one point becomes awful. If you have children, at that point difficult decisions have to be made. I don't think there is a default position that parents who don't get on should stay together for the children. Sometimes that might work, often it won't. . On the whole I would say it's better for children to have two parents living apart who are happy, than two parents living together who are desperately unhappy. " Yeah but that's a false dichotomy. You come from a culture that says you love someone so you marry them. Try and imagine how your actions would change if you decided to marry someone and then learn to love them. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child. Speaking from experience its very difficult when you have kids with someone and you can't stand the sight of each other any more. Me and the mother of my children spoke about it and decided it was best for all concerned if we split up. My kids are grown up now, have a good relationship with both of us and say they were happier once we split up. That situation is obviously never ideal, but I don't believe there is any one size fits all situation. There's certainly a 'most successful strategy for giving children the highest probability of good prospects' and that strategy is a two parent family where the parents treat each other well. Im just saying that if people can't execute that strategy then they should look at themselves before declaring that marriage is the problem. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, I've found myself in long-term toxic relationships so I'm not saying I'm clever, thankfully they didn't involve children. It's about the conclusions yoh draw from those experiences though. Indeed no one is perfect and people change over time. I see you are 32. I am 51 and am very different to how I was when I was 32. I suspect you will be too. It's all very well saying that a two parent family is ideal, but you can well have a situation where a relationship that seemed great at one point becomes awful. If you have children, at that point difficult decisions have to be made. I don't think there is a default position that parents who don't get on should stay together for the children. Sometimes that might work, often it won't. . On the whole I would say it's better for children to have two parents living apart who are happy, than two parents living together who are desperately unhappy. " This | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child.
We also adopt and learn some of the characteristics of our partner. Some are goodsome arent so good.
The best way I've heard it described is that "we love in ways that are familiar to us" which is a challenge to people that assume we love others the way we want them to love us back. Unfortunately, that means that some people grow up with the implicit belief that blazing rows and shouting matches are a perfectly normal way to treat someone you love.
My parents have been married 37 years. They've never argued. I do however think this was due to my dad simply allowing my mum to have her own way. All for a quiet life! Lol. I can't ever imagine being so domineering to a man in my life. However it seems to work for them
So is your Dad truly happy then if he is letting your Mum have all her own way? I somehow doubt it if he was completely honest with himself. Surely marriage is about both people, not all one sided with one person doing whatever the other persons wants, just to keep the peace.
There are a lot of implied beliefs in your question. Happiness was orginally a greek word and if you look at the original meaning and it's context then it's much closer to how people use 'achievement' today than what most people mean by being 'truly happy'. The dad has a strategy that works, which is better than one that doesn't."Works for who? Lol by doing the thing so you don’t want to do makes you very unhappy inside | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child. Speaking from experience its very difficult when you have kids with someone and you can't stand the sight of each other any more. Me and the mother of my children spoke about it and decided it was best for all concerned if we split up. My kids are grown up now, have a good relationship with both of us and say they were happier once we split up. That situation is obviously never ideal, but I don't believe there is any one size fits all situation. There's certainly a 'most successful strategy for giving children the highest probability of good prospects' and that strategy is a two parent family where the parents treat each other well. Im just saying that if people can't execute that strategy then they should look at themselves before declaring that marriage is the problem. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, I've found myself in long-term toxic relationships so I'm not saying I'm clever, thankfully they didn't involve children. It's about the conclusions yoh draw from those experiences though. Indeed no one is perfect and people change over time. I see you are 32. I am 51 and am very different to how I was when I was 32. I suspect you will be too. It's all very well saying that a two parent family is ideal, but you can well have a situation where a relationship that seemed great at one point becomes awful. If you have children, at that point difficult decisions have to be made. I don't think there is a default position that parents who don't get on should stay together for the children. Sometimes that might work, often it won't. . On the whole I would say it's better for children to have two parents living apart who are happy, than two parents living together who are desperately unhappy. Yeah but that's a false dichotomy. You come from a culture that says you love someone so you marry them. Try and imagine how your actions would change if you decided to marry someone and then learn to love them. " Learn to love? That's an interesting concept, not one we would wish to try out. Personally we 'fall in love'. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child.
We also adopt and learn some of the characteristics of our partner. Some are goodsome arent so good.
The best way I've heard it described is that "we love in ways that are familiar to us" which is a challenge to people that assume we love others the way we want them to love us back. Unfortunately, that means that some people grow up with the implicit belief that blazing rows and shouting matches are a perfectly normal way to treat someone you love.
My parents have been married 37 years. They've never argued. I do however think this was due to my dad simply allowing my mum to have her own way. All for a quiet life! Lol. I can't ever imagine being so domineering to a man in my life. However it seems to work for them
So is your Dad truly happy then if he is letting your Mum have all her own way? I somehow doubt it if he was completely honest with himself. Surely marriage is about both people, not all one sided with one person doing whatever the other persons wants, just to keep the peace.
There are a lot of implied beliefs in your question. Happiness was orginally a greek word and if you look at the original meaning and it's context then it's much closer to how people use 'achievement' today than what most people mean by being 'truly happy'. The dad has a strategy that works, which is better than one that doesn't.
That works? But we still don't know if the Dad is truly happy. Surely happiness should could before something that just 'works'."The dad has been married for 37 years and these days thats an achievement. As i say, the intended meaning of happiness is closer to achievement than what i think you are implying. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child.
We also adopt and learn some of the characteristics of our partner. Some are goodsome arent so good.
The best way I've heard it described is that "we love in ways that are familiar to us" which is a challenge to people that assume we love others the way we want them to love us back. Unfortunately, that means that some people grow up with the implicit belief that blazing rows and shouting matches are a perfectly normal way to treat someone you love.
My parents have been married 37 years. They've never argued. I do however think this was due to my dad simply allowing my mum to have her own way. All for a quiet life! Lol. I can't ever imagine being so domineering to a man in my life. However it seems to work for them
So is your Dad truly happy then if he is letting your Mum have all her own way? I somehow doubt it if he was completely honest with himself. Surely marriage is about both people, not all one sided with one person doing whatever the other persons wants, just to keep the peace.
There are a lot of implied beliefs in your question. Happiness was orginally a greek word and if you look at the original meaning and it's context then it's much closer to how people use 'achievement' today than what most people mean by being 'truly happy'. The dad has a strategy that works, which is better than one that doesn't.
Works for who? Lol by doing the thing so you don’t want to do makes you very unhappy inside "Not true, it's reciprocal. There's nothing odd about sacrificing some of your individuality for a reciprocal benefit from someone else doing the same. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child. Speaking from experience its very difficult when you have kids with someone and you can't stand the sight of each other any more. Me and the mother of my children spoke about it and decided it was best for all concerned if we split up. My kids are grown up now, have a good relationship with both of us and say they were happier once we split up. That situation is obviously never ideal, but I don't believe there is any one size fits all situation. There's certainly a 'most successful strategy for giving children the highest probability of good prospects' and that strategy is a two parent family where the parents treat each other well. Im just saying that if people can't execute that strategy then they should look at themselves before declaring that marriage is the problem. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, I've found myself in long-term toxic relationships so I'm not saying I'm clever, thankfully they didn't involve children. It's about the conclusions yoh draw from those experiences though. Indeed no one is perfect and people change over time. I see you are 32. I am 51 and am very different to how I was when I was 32. I suspect you will be too. It's all very well saying that a two parent family is ideal, but you can well have a situation where a relationship that seemed great at one point becomes awful. If you have children, at that point difficult decisions have to be made. I don't think there is a default position that parents who don't get on should stay together for the children. Sometimes that might work, often it won't. . On the whole I would say it's better for children to have two parents living apart who are happy, than two parents living together who are desperately unhappy. Yeah but that's a false dichotomy. You come from a culture that says you love someone so you marry them. Try and imagine how your actions would change if you decided to marry someone and then learn to love them. Learn to love? That's an interesting concept, not one we would wish to try out. Personally we 'fall in love'." I think your language constrains your thinking. You use the word love like its a well defined term we can all agree on. The greeks had 3 words that translate to love, it's worth pondering why. | |||
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"Some of you are missing the point You can fall in love and live together for 37 Years but why get married? " Financial reasons. Wills and such. I have friends that have been together 30+ years but are now getting married because they are concerned about financial implications if/ when one of them dies. | |||
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"Some of you are missing the point You can fall in love and live together for 37 Years but why get married? " Cos its a sine of carmitmount to eatch other. And ses you are together forever and forever | |||
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"Some of you are missing the point You can fall in love and live together for 37 Years but why get married? Financial reasons. Wills and such. I have friends that have been together 30+ years but are now getting married because they are concerned about financial implications if/ when one of them dies. " Exactly, also depending on where you live, you may not have rights as a next of kin. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child.
We also adopt and learn some of the characteristics of our partner. Some are goodsome arent so good.
The best way I've heard it described is that "we love in ways that are familiar to us" which is a challenge to people that assume we love others the way we want them to love us back. Unfortunately, that means that some people grow up with the implicit belief that blazing rows and shouting matches are a perfectly normal way to treat someone you love.
My parents have been married 37 years. They've never argued. I do however think this was due to my dad simply allowing my mum to have her own way. All for a quiet life! Lol. I can't ever imagine being so domineering to a man in my life. However it seems to work for them
So is your Dad truly happy then if he is letting your Mum have all her own way? I somehow doubt it if he was completely honest with himself. Surely marriage is about both people, not all one sided with one person doing whatever the other persons wants, just to keep the peace.
There are a lot of implied beliefs in your question. Happiness was orginally a greek word and if you look at the original meaning and it's context then it's much closer to how people use 'achievement' today than what most people mean by being 'truly happy'. The dad has a strategy that works, which is better than one that doesn't.
Works for who? Lol by doing the thing so you don’t want to do makes you very unhappy inside
Not true, it's reciprocal. There's nothing odd about sacrificing some of your individuality for a reciprocal benefit from someone else doing the same. "If the other person loves you unconditionally though, surely you shouldn't have to sacrifice who you are for them. You should be able to live your life as your true self. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child.
We also adopt and learn some of the characteristics of our partner. Some are goodsome arent so good.
The best way I've heard it described is that "we love in ways that are familiar to us" which is a challenge to people that assume we love others the way we want them to love us back. Unfortunately, that means that some people grow up with the implicit belief that blazing rows and shouting matches are a perfectly normal way to treat someone you love.
My parents have been married 37 years. They've never argued. I do however think this was due to my dad simply allowing my mum to have her own way. All for a quiet life! Lol. I can't ever imagine being so domineering to a man in my life. However it seems to work for them
So is your Dad truly happy then if he is letting your Mum have all her own way? I somehow doubt it if he was completely honest with himself. Surely marriage is about both people, not all one sided with one person doing whatever the other persons wants, just to keep the peace.
There are a lot of implied beliefs in your question. Happiness was orginally a greek word and if you look at the original meaning and it's context then it's much closer to how people use 'achievement' today than what most people mean by being 'truly happy'. The dad has a strategy that works, which is better than one that doesn't.
Works for who? Lol by doing the thing so you don’t want to do makes you very unhappy inside
Not true, it's reciprocal. There's nothing odd about sacrificing some of your individuality for a reciprocal benefit from someone else doing the same.
If the other person loves you unconditionally though, surely you shouldn't have to sacrifice who you are for them. You should be able to live your life as your true self."Both partners should be accepting of who each other are. No one should have to make sacrif about being the true themselves. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child.
We also adopt and learn some of the characteristics of our partner. Some are goodsome arent so good.
The best way I've heard it described is that "we love in ways that are familiar to us" which is a challenge to people that assume we love others the way we want them to love us back. Unfortunately, that means that some people grow up with the implicit belief that blazing rows and shouting matches are a perfectly normal way to treat someone you love.
My parents have been married 37 years. They've never argued. I do however think this was due to my dad simply allowing my mum to have her own way. All for a quiet life! Lol. I can't ever imagine being so domineering to a man in my life. However it seems to work for them
So is your Dad truly happy then if he is letting your Mum have all her own way? I somehow doubt it if he was completely honest with himself. Surely marriage is about both people, not all one sided with one person doing whatever the other persons wants, just to keep the peace.
There are a lot of implied beliefs in your question. Happiness was orginally a greek word and if you look at the original meaning and it's context then it's much closer to how people use 'achievement' today than what most people mean by being 'truly happy'. The dad has a strategy that works, which is better than one that doesn't.
Works for who? Lol by doing the thing so you don’t want to do makes you very unhappy inside
Not true, it's reciprocal. There's nothing odd about sacrificing some of your individuality for a reciprocal benefit from someone else doing the same.
If the other person loves you unconditionally though, surely you shouldn't have to sacrifice who you are for them. You should be able to live your life as your true self."Unconditional love? So there is absolutely nothing that your partner could do that would cause an end to loving them? | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child. Speaking from experience its very difficult when you have kids with someone and you can't stand the sight of each other any more. Me and the mother of my children spoke about it and decided it was best for all concerned if we split up. My kids are grown up now, have a good relationship with both of us and say they were happier once we split up. That situation is obviously never ideal, but I don't believe there is any one size fits all situation. There's certainly a 'most successful strategy for giving children the highest probability of good prospects' and that strategy is a two parent family where the parents treat each other well. Im just saying that if people can't execute that strategy then they should look at themselves before declaring that marriage is the problem. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, I've found myself in long-term toxic relationships so I'm not saying I'm clever, thankfully they didn't involve children. It's about the conclusions yoh draw from those experiences though. Indeed no one is perfect and people change over time. I see you are 32. I am 51 and am very different to how I was when I was 32. I suspect you will be too. It's all very well saying that a two parent family is ideal, but you can well have a situation where a relationship that seemed great at one point becomes awful. If you have children, at that point difficult decisions have to be made. I don't think there is a default position that parents who don't get on should stay together for the children. Sometimes that might work, often it won't. . On the whole I would say it's better for children to have two parents living apart who are happy, than two parents living together who are desperately unhappy. Yeah but that's a false dichotomy. You come from a culture that says you love someone so you marry them. Try and imagine how your actions would change if you decided to marry someone and then learn to love them. Learn to love? That's an interesting concept, not one we would wish to try out. Personally we 'fall in love'. I think your language constrains your thinking. You use the word love like its a well defined term we can all agree on. The greeks had 3 words that translate to love, it's worth pondering why. " Maybe there in lies the problem if one persons idea of what love means is different to another. As far as we are concerned, our thinking isn't constrained in the slightest. We know what love means, love is love. Yes there are different types, i.e love for a partner is different to the love for your children, but we strongly believe we know and thoroughly understand the true meqning of love. | |||
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"Update to some of the comments Children are probably not aware as we still do all the things as a family as we always have , I agree not everyone is the same and different factors come in to it . Good luck to those that go for it " Well said. We are in agreement that not everyone is the same hence some of us won't always agree on these type threads. We've said our input so off now to do some Christmas wrapping. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child.
We also adopt and learn some of the characteristics of our partner. Some are goodsome arent so good.
The best way I've heard it described is that "we love in ways that are familiar to us" which is a challenge to people that assume we love others the way we want them to love us back. Unfortunately, that means that some people grow up with the implicit belief that blazing rows and shouting matches are a perfectly normal way to treat someone you love."That's what the 5 love languages try to address. We can only truly love another in its true form if we love ourselves first. To do that we need to understand how we see love, how,we receive love. If we understand that in ourselves we can usually spot the confusing love signals we give off to others, which really are more about how we want love to be shown to us. Learn each others love languages and suddenly a light is,swutched on. Then we have something to genuinely offer to a relationship which is unconditional...otherwise it is mostly taking which only depletes and empties the jar. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child. Speaking from experience its very difficult when you have kids with someone and you can't stand the sight of each other any more. Me and the mother of my children spoke about it and decided it was best for all concerned if we split up. My kids are grown up now, have a good relationship with both of us and say they were happier once we split up. That situation is obviously never ideal, but I don't believe there is any one size fits all situation. There's certainly a 'most successful strategy for giving children the highest probability of good prospects' and that strategy is a two parent family where the parents treat each other well. Im just saying that if people can't execute that strategy then they should look at themselves before declaring that marriage is the problem. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, I've found myself in long-term toxic relationships so I'm not saying I'm clever, thankfully they didn't involve children. It's about the conclusions yoh draw from those experiences though. Indeed no one is perfect and people change over time. I see you are 32. I am 51 and am very different to how I was when I was 32. I suspect you will be too. It's all very well saying that a two parent family is ideal, but you can well have a situation where a relationship that seemed great at one point becomes awful. If you have children, at that point difficult decisions have to be made. I don't think there is a default position that parents who don't get on should stay together for the children. Sometimes that might work, often it won't. . On the whole I would say it's better for children to have two parents living apart who are happy, than two parents living together who are desperately unhappy. Yeah but that's a false dichotomy. You come from a culture that says you love someone so you marry them. Try and imagine how your actions would change if you decided to marry someone and then learn to love them. Learn to love? That's an interesting concept, not one we would wish to try out. Personally we 'fall in love'. I think your language constrains your thinking. You use the word love like its a well defined term we can all agree on. The greeks had 3 words that translate to love, it's worth pondering why. Maybe there in lies the problem if one persons idea of what love means is different to another. As far as we are concerned, our thinking isn't constrained in the slightest. We know what love means, love is love. Yes there are different types, i.e love for a partner is different to the love for your children, but we strongly believe we know and thoroughly understand the true meqning of love. " All langauges constrain thinking. Your view of love is broadly called romanticism and it's a relatively new idea and not how marriage has been practised throughout history. I think fundamentally you probably believe, implicitly or explicitly, that human nature is good. I think the opposite which is known as the hobbesian view, which is the the dominant belief in our culture. In that view, nothing could really be worse than people running around being true to themselves because your true nature is selfish, murderous and impossible to allow in any wider society format. | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child.
We also adopt and learn some of the characteristics of our partner. Some are goodsome arent so good.
The best way I've heard it described is that "we love in ways that are familiar to us" which is a challenge to people that assume we love others the way we want them to love us back. Unfortunately, that means that some people grow up with the implicit belief that blazing rows and shouting matches are a perfectly normal way to treat someone you love.
That's what the 5 love languages try to address. We can only truly love another in its true form if we love ourselves first. To do that we need to understand how we see love, how,we receive love. If we understand that in ourselves we can usually spot the confusing love signals we give off to others, which really are more about how we want love to be shown to us. Learn each others love languages and suddenly a light is,swutched on. Then we have something to genuinely offer to a relationship which is unconditional...otherwise it is mostly taking which only depletes and empties the jar."So you have a spreadsheet too? | |||
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" I think your language constrains your thinking. You use the word love like its a well defined term we can all agree on. The greeks had 3 words that translate to love, it's worth pondering why. " 7 main ones actually of which we use 5 today. But your reasoning still stands. | |||
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" I think your language constrains your thinking. You use the word love like its a well defined term we can all agree on. The greeks had 3 words that translate to love, it's worth pondering why. 7 main ones actually of which we use 5 today. But your reasoning still stands." Everyday is a school day | |||
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" Children hence why I stay married if they were not there I wouldn't but as I said earlier at least we get on ( most of the time) . I get it. But I find the notion of having to stay with someone and ending up on here cheating really depressing. Far more depressing than being single ( which at times is pretty depressing!) Surely kids would be better off growing up in a household where their parents aren't together just for them? I would resent it. This logic comes up a lot which is why i said a lot of people are willfully delusional about the negative consequences of divorce. Your basically saying "surely a child would prefer a kick to the groin than a slap to the face?". A lot of how we chose our own spouses comes from the example our parents set so act to your spouse how you want your childs spouse to treat your child.
We also adopt and learn some of the characteristics of our partner. Some are goodsome arent so good.
The best way I've heard it described is that "we love in ways that are familiar to us" which is a challenge to people that assume we love others the way we want them to love us back. Unfortunately, that means that some people grow up with the implicit belief that blazing rows and shouting matches are a perfectly normal way to treat someone you love.
That's what the 5 love languages try to address. We can only truly love another in its true form if we love ourselves first. To do that we need to understand how we see love, how,we receive love. If we understand that in ourselves we can usually spot the confusing love signals we give off to others, which really are more about how we want love to be shown to us. Learn each others love languages and suddenly a light is,swutched on. Then we have something to genuinely offer to a relationship which is unconditional...otherwise it is mostly taking which only depletes and empties the jar.
So you have a spreadsheet too? "I guess it maybe depends on how serious you value what you have and could loose. Some take it serious enough to learn and want to change...others don't and only want to change the other person. | |||
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