FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > confidence
confidence
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"I think I hit my bottom yesterday" Kinky fucker! 
Seriously though, I hope you get out of it mate. You always seem very confident on here to me. Although I guess it's easy to do on a forum. Good Luck!
As for me I am so AWESOME I have never lost confidence. If I ever feel less AWESOME than I should I go to the room at work we keep all the techies and I laugh at their pale see through skin and strange OCD's. That always makes me feel better about myself. | |||
"Mmm - a rut like this hits me now and then, usually find I vanish from the online world, and sit in a daze at home for a while. Triggers can be various, Valentines day is a common one for me. How I break out, usually a good weekend out in the garden and enjoying nature and some exercise. " Conversely, I tend to hit the online world. Saves me dealing with the real one. | |||
"Im in that RUT at the moment, but cant let it get me down, things will get beeter I know, and that is what keeps me trucking on "hope you find your mojo again soon _abio x Happens to me al the time, dont think youd be human if it didnt, i think you do have to be aware though cos negative thinking can spiral into depression and be even harder to get out of. When this happens to me i do a daily list in my head of all the good things and positives in my life and i also try to do something nice for someone else everyday for some reason i found this really lifts my spirits xxx | |||
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the best thing i ever did was learn to be comfortable in my own skin and be confident in who i am as a person it was incredibly libberating
luckily all this happened a few years before we started swinging so i didn't have to cope with loosing confidence in that area of my life
i seriously hope your confidence hasn't sunk that low treacle and i hope your mojo finds its way home soon
i think the best way to judge yourself is to look around at your friends and if they are all good people then you must be too as like they say like attracts like so as i'm rather fond of you you must be amazing | |||
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"I am not sure what has happened to me in the last few weeks but my confidence had gone.. I think I hit my bottom yesterday where I sat down and thought for a couple of hours "where do I honestly go from here" so I think I have worked out a way to go and a plan ahead which I am comfortable with, but why does it take to be at a low to see these things... so.. person question time... have you ever had a crisis of confidence and how did you get out of that funk so to speak?" Not really myself but know people who have. I am lucky and have some great friends who always seem to improve my confidence but thats me I guess. | |||
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Seriously, you'll bounce back, but it's good to get it off your chest. (((Big hug))) | |||
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" don't worry.. not leaving! can't get rid of me and the social side i adore, just wonder if others had felt the same, and what pulled them out of it so to speak" Not an easy one, but life is never so very easy as we would like to believe. I can empathise, recently I "ruined" a special meeting, by consistently hammering myself into the ground.... My performance was so poor as to be laughable, purely because I kept wondering "what is this beautiful woman doing with me?" (hold on, what IS this guy saying!), honesty thats the kicker. Be honest with yourself Fabio, thats the bottom line. Is this what you want, are there other things that should take precedence? (Career, family, friends outside the "scene"). Are you lonely? Do you want a "proper" relationship but feel that because of your, ahem, "more than healthy sexual appetite", that a "vanilla" thing is too far off the wall for you? We all have moments in our lives when we believe we are not "good enough" or that we are being "used" as fucktoys (sorry for that expression, but I am a little basic today). No one can direct you, accept you, no one can give you confidence in yourself accept you. Try a "normal" date, with no sex, see if that person is interested in you for the way you laugh or smile, the stories you tell, the person you are. One off sexual encounters for singles, will eventually take their toll, the empty bed, the one cup in the sink, etc. Particularly if there are other aspects of your life where you feel you are found wanting (again career, economic situation, social awkwardness). As I say, last night I messed up something that had the potential to be a very wonderful thing. The person in question sent me a very firm message in the morning, with words to the effect, "you have rejected the possibility of anything more because of your own self loathing" and she was right, and more than that, I have learnt and have now sourced a solution. Fabio, you come across as a great guy, and I am sure you are more than just a "swinger", time to "cowboy the fuck-up" (as bruce willis once said). You are a good guy and there are 6.8 billion people in this world, half of which have to be women, by default. They wont all find you desireable, if you dont find yourself desireable. Take a break, put your house in order, and then come back (or not) brimming with confidence without arrogance, humour without ridicule, kindness without ulterior motive. All sounds rather sad and depressing (the above), but Fabio you have made a huge leap, you have recognised that something doesnt feel right, and you are actively seeking to change that rather than accept it, and that is a bloody positive thing. P | |||
"I am not sure what has happened to me in the last few weeks but my confidence had gone.. I think I hit my bottom yesterday where I sat down and thought for a couple of hours "where do I honestly go from here" so I think I have worked out a way to go and a plan ahead which I am comfortable with, but why does it take to be at a low to see these things... so.. person question time... have you ever had a crisis of confidence and how did you get out of that funk so to speak?" To be honest I think happens to most peeps in their life at some point and yes it has happened in mine also, for me change is the only cure, what ever is causing you to feel this way needs to be addressed and change it. Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom before you can move forward with your life good luck xxx | |||
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"i think in both life and in swinging... life has been hard, some things that I have had to come to terms and make my peace with and the redundancy didn't help.. but hopefully that should pick up soon and life should start working for me as opposed to against me the swinging thing is harder... I am just going thru a phase of "meh" I think.. don't get me wrong its not a moan at all, I think I am going thru a phase of "why on earth would people want to meet me" and I think that is the thing I am finding hardest to get out of at the mo it could be a mindset thing.. a crisis of confidence... don't worry.. not leaving! can't get rid of me and the social side i adore, just wonder if others had felt the same, and what pulled them out of it so to speak" reckon not working is denting your confidence all round. If you can't see work on the horizon shortly, go for some voluntary work to give you a sense of direction and value. (my penneth) | |||
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"The past 2 yr has been quite shitty for me, paid off boxing day after an accident at work (week before xmas- still waiting on the compensation money)- unable to work due to the injuries for over a year, emergency operations with poor aftercare,constantly skint and due companies money as just not enough coming in to live off on the benefits,car accident then the loss of my Mum. Started college now to retrain with possible business venture maybe a yr down the line so have something to focus on. though must say I doubt I'd have gotten through all this and maintain what sanity I have without the help of my fab friends. " good luck with college Rhona, you remain one for the nicest most genuine ladies x | |||
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"I am not sure what has happened to me in the last few weeks but my confidence had gone.. I think I hit my bottom yesterday where I sat down and thought for a couple of hours "where do I honestly go from here" so I think I have worked out a way to go and a plan ahead which I am comfortable with, but why does it take to be at a low to see these things... so.. person question time... have you ever had a crisis of confidence and how did you get out of that funk so to speak?" Yes I have a few if I'm honest, would say that most people have had their share too at some point or another. Life is full of up and downs and sometimes it can seem if it's all down. Having a bit of a tough time ourselves at the moment as everything seems to be going wrong at once. Think your doing the right thing by talking about it and making a plan of action. Hope everything works out for you as you come across as a nice level headed guy in your posts. x | |||
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"Its human to experience doubt and a lowering of self esteem Fabio...you know this... I`m generally a very positive and happy sort of fella however I`ve had many such experiences..some dreadful lows...I endured them to be honest, as I was younger..and didn`t really understand myself or life... However during the latter half of my life working my way out of them has become easier... My bottom line is I don`t beat myself up, whilst I`m low or having low self esteem.....its the most important of all my tactics, its sometimes a challenge to remember the instant a negative thought enters my mind...but constant practise has trained my mind ...a little... A saying I`m fond of is..I`m not responsible for the first thought that enters my stream of consciousness, but am, for the one that follows it..cosequently..I have to challenge my thoughts that say...life shouldn`t be like this...possibly there is constuctive things we can do to help ourselves...sometimes it takes a while..whatever the case or stage...accepting that things are kinda cool...even if the shit is hitting the fan..keeps me bouyant, until the season changes.. Acceptance that my spiritual life ebbs and wanes is my saviour....I accept the less desirable emotions with impartiality....its just a season in my life...it`ll pass...things are as they should be...this acceptance leads to a profound peace of mind.....its not a STRUGGLE.. I`m a bit knackered, and can`t spend the time trying to articulate myself properly ...sorry..hope the above is clear enough... Don`t knock yerself Sean..accept yer season.. Do some regular, strenous exercise as well.....those happy endorphins will start flowing and your mood will change...always has fer me...worth the effort... Good thread btw people...very constructive advice....most of it descriptive in nature s`well.. Latly and most importantly.... Bravo fer sharing yer vunerability with us...takes courage, and I always respect it.." Great post - I cant add anything to that without diluting this great post. | |||
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Do what you can and once you know you are doing all you can then trust that it will come. Being patient is the hardest part but it WILL come... | |||
