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The Bar is Open...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I having excellent customer service skills this evening...
So what's yours?
I ain't got no lemons/ limes so don't ask!
 "
Can I just sit here, drink tea and grope some customers?
I'm happy to make my own tea, obviously!  |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I having excellent customer service skills this evening...
So what's yours?
I ain't got no lemons/ limes so don't ask!
Can I just sit here, drink tea and grope some customers?
I'm happy to make my own tea, obviously! "
Yeah! You go for it! Make yourself at home. |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I'll have a 'Cock on the Rocks!'
Basically a celebration drink of whatever OP wants...
Celebrating Fab and Bearded's precarious position  "
Yeah? Well I'm having vodka, neat. I need to know about these celebrations?! |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I having excellent customer service skills this evening...
So what's yours?
I ain't got no lemons/ limes so don't ask!
G&T please darling  "
Coming your way! Flash of cleavage with that? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm just going to sit in the corner with my bottle of Malbec 
I was hoping that you would help me behind the bar....I forgot I don't like people! "
I've been travelling for over 24 hours so I'm fucked. I'll spill all the drinks and fall asleep on the bar  |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Can i get a rum with ice x
Bloody ice...I forgot about ice! That was lovely can i get another and one for yourself "
You trying to get me d*unk?! Cos just a warning...it takes more than one... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I having excellent customer service skills this evening...
So what's yours?
I ain't got no lemons/ limes so don't ask!
G&T please darling
Coming your way! Flash of cleavage with that? "
Well I don't come here for the lemon or lime slices  |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"cointreau and vimto for me please
Hmmm is that called something special?
Erm, I just made it up, maybe the vomit comet? "
Can you drink it in the bathroom over the toilet please. I don't do vomit. I can't even be sympathetic. |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I having excellent customer service skills this evening...
So what's yours?
I ain't got no lemons/ limes so don't ask!
G&T please darling
Coming your way! Flash of cleavage with that?
Well I don't come here for the lemon or lime slices "
Thank goodness...cos I can't be arsed with all that shite. |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"cointreau and vimto for me please
Hmmm is that called something special?
Erm, I just made it up, maybe the vomit comet?
Can you drink it in the bathroom over the toilet please. I don't do vomit. I can't even be sympathetic. "
Will you hold my hair for me?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Cherry cider please
Its sweet,fruity and bubbly,just like me
Ooh I like fruity and bubbly! You can take advantage of our bogof this evening! "
Hope bar is stocked with straws,dont want to spoil my lippy...well not just yet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I having excellent customer service skills this evening...
So what's yours?
I ain't got no lemons/ limes so don't ask!
G&T please darling
Coming your way! Flash of cleavage with that?
Well I don't come here for the lemon or lime slices
Thank goodness...cos I can't be arsed with all that shite. "
Straight to business, my kind of barlady |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Cherry cider please
Its sweet,fruity and bubbly,just like me
Ooh I like fruity and bubbly! You can take advantage of our bogof this evening!
Hope bar is stocked with straws,dont want to spoil my lippy...well not just yet "
Straws I have! Help yourself. I know how important lippy is! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Bottle of red please, with a straw
A full bottle? 
Who am I to argue...or take advantage lol "
Oooo don't argue...I usually end up naked after a full bottle |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I having excellent customer service skills this evening...
So what's yours?
I ain't got no lemons/ limes so don't ask!
G&T please darling
Coming your way! Flash of cleavage with that?
Well I don't come here for the lemon or lime slices
Thank goodness...cos I can't be arsed with all that shite.
Straight to business, my kind of barlady "
Some may say I don't give a monkeys..but yeah it's all business like! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Gin ... lime and lemonade please
.. you better go get some limes .... and lemonade ... oh and some ice
Sorry im being a little demanding "
Haha really. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I having excellent customer service skills this evening...
So what's yours?
I ain't got no lemons/ limes so don't ask!
Can I just sit here, drink tea and grope some customers?
I'm happy to make my own tea, obviously!
Yeah! You go for it! Make yourself at home. "
Sweeeeeeet
Customers, beware!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Pint of nesquick pink milk please , work early in the morning
What about one of those straws which makes the milk all strawberry like? "
Oh yes please and splendidly large a blob of vanilla ice cream please |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Cherry Brandy... Extra large please lovely.
Ooh I'll need to dust that bottle...and put some pants on if I'm reaching up to that high shelf..."
I'm sure the guys won't mind |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Pint of nesquick pink milk please , work early in the morning
What about one of those straws which makes the milk all strawberry like?
Oh yes please and splendidly large a blob of vanilla ice cream please "
Oh!
No one said anything about ice cream!
I need staff!
Apply within |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Pint of nesquick pink milk please , work early in the morning
What about one of those straws which makes the milk all strawberry like?
Oh yes please and splendidly large a blob of vanilla ice cream please "
welcome back |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm just going to sit in the corner with my bottle of Malbec
that's my normal tipple...but only if its argentinian
Mendoza
 "
Happy to share - I've got a crate |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Pint of nesquick pink milk please , work early in the morning
What about one of those straws which makes the milk all strawberry like?
Oh yes please and splendidly large a blob of vanilla ice cream please
Oh!
No one said anything about ice cream!
I need staff!
Apply within "
Move over room for me behind the bar , pooch can wear his bow tie and deliver the drinks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Pint of nesquick pink milk please , work early in the morning
What about one of those straws which makes the milk all strawberry like?
Oh yes please and splendidly large a blob of vanilla ice cream please
welcome back "
Hello and thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"American Cream Soda please pumpkin
I remember taking the bottle back to the shop and getting 10p for my effort.
We only got 5p up our way!! 
Was that north of the border? "
Yep... it just meant we had to work harder scrounging! |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Pint of nesquick pink milk please , work early in the morning
What about one of those straws which makes the milk all strawberry like?
Oh yes please and splendidly large a blob of vanilla ice cream please
Oh!
No one said anything about ice cream!
I need staff!
Apply within
Move over room for me behind the bar , pooch can wear his bow tie and deliver the drinks "
Hang on! I ain't seen your CV yet! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Can i get a rum with ice x
Bloody ice...I forgot about ice! That was lovely can i get another and one for yourself
You trying to get me d*unk?! Cos just a warning...it takes more than one... "
Noted. Can i get a refill please |
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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago
a quandary, could you change my mind? |
"I'm just going to sit in the corner with my bottle of Malbec
I was hoping that you would help me behind the bar....I forgot I don't like people! "
Good thing we aren't 'people'
I'd like something sweet and fruity what would you recommend? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Pint of nesquick pink milk please , work early in the morning
What about one of those straws which makes the milk all strawberry like?
Oh yes please and splendidly large a blob of vanilla ice cream please
Oh!
No one said anything about ice cream!
I need staff!
Apply within
Move over room for me behind the bar , pooch can wear his bow tie and deliver the drinks
Hang on! I ain't seen your CV yet! "
Hang on I will get typing but who could resist Pooch in a bow tie |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Can i get a rum with ice x
Bloody ice...I forgot about ice! That was lovely can i get another and one for yourself
You trying to get me d*unk?! Cos just a warning...it takes more than one... Noted. Can i get a refill please "
I guess. |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Pint of nesquick pink milk please , work early in the morning
What about one of those straws which makes the milk all strawberry like?
Oh yes please and splendidly large a blob of vanilla ice cream please
Oh!
No one said anything about ice cream!
I need staff!
Apply within
Move over room for me behind the bar , pooch can wear his bow tie and deliver the drinks
Hang on! I ain't seen your CV yet!
Hang on I will get typing but who could resist Pooch in a bow tie "
Depends!? Can he juggle too? |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I'm just going to sit in the corner with my bottle of Malbec
I was hoping that you would help me behind the bar....I forgot I don't like people!
Good thing we aren't 'people'
I'd like something sweet and fruity what would you recommend? "
Sex on the beach! Its my speciality! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Pint of nesquick pink milk please , work early in the morning
What about one of those straws which makes the milk all strawberry like?
Oh yes please and splendidly large a blob of vanilla ice cream please
Oh!
No one said anything about ice cream!
I need staff!
Apply within
Move over room for me behind the bar , pooch can wear his bow tie and deliver the drinks
Hang on! I ain't seen your CV yet!
Hang on I will get typing but who could resist Pooch in a bow tie
Depends!? Can he juggle too? "
He can't juggle but he can quote Shakespeare and work out Pi to seventy six decimal places |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Jd and please may as well make it a double and keep email coming
Emails?! I ain't got time for no sexy talk!
Shakes head and walks off muttering how much he hates his phone "
Lol its a good job you're a regular...here have a double...on the house. |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Pint of nesquick pink milk please , work early in the morning
What about one of those straws which makes the milk all strawberry like?
Oh yes please and splendidly large a blob of vanilla ice cream please
Oh!
No one said anything about ice cream!
I need staff!
Apply within
Move over room for me behind the bar , pooch can wear his bow tie and deliver the drinks
Hang on! I ain't seen your CV yet!
Hang on I will get typing but who could resist Pooch in a bow tie
Depends!? Can he juggle too?
He can't juggle but he can quote Shakespeare and work out Pi to seventy six decimal places "
He's hired! Cos who don't like pi? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Pint of nesquick pink milk please , work early in the morning
What about one of those straws which makes the milk all strawberry like?
Oh yes please and splendidly large a blob of vanilla ice cream please
Oh!
No one said anything about ice cream!
I need staff!
Apply within
Move over room for me behind the bar , pooch can wear his bow tie and deliver the drinks
Hang on! I ain't seen your CV yet!
Hang on I will get typing but who could resist Pooch in a bow tie
Depends!? Can he juggle too?
He can't juggle but he can quote Shakespeare and work out Pi to seventy six decimal places
He's hired! Cos who don't like pi? "
|
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Pint of nesquick pink milk please , work early in the morning
What about one of those straws which makes the milk all strawberry like?
Oh yes please and splendidly large a blob of vanilla ice cream please
Oh!
No one said anything about ice cream!
I need staff!
Apply within
Move over room for me behind the bar , pooch can wear his bow tie and deliver the drinks
Hang on! I ain't seen your CV yet!
Hang on I will get typing but who could resist Pooch in a bow tie
Depends!? Can he juggle too?
He can't juggle but he can quote Shakespeare and work out Pi to seventy six decimal places
He's hired! Cos who don't like pi?
"
I'm expecting a pic though... Of the bow tie |
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"Jd and please may as well make it a double and keep email coming
Emails?! I ain't got time for no sexy talk!
Shakes head and walks off muttering how much he hates his phone
Lol its a good job you're a regular...here have a double...on the house. "
When you see the glass empty fill it sweetness. it's been 1 of them days so Here's my card and put 1 on there for yourself |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Brecons Botanicals gin and fever tree tonic no ice and no slice
Coming up! Would you notice if I gave you Gordon's?
Wont Gordon be cross ? "
Maybe!? I reckon I can melt his anger with just a smile |
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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago
a quandary, could you change my mind? |
"I'm just going to sit in the corner with my bottle of Malbec
I was hoping that you would help me behind the bar....I forgot I don't like people!
Good thing we aren't 'people'
I'd like something sweet and fruity what would you recommend?
Sex on the beach! Its my speciality! "
I'll try some things once.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Brecons Botanicals gin and fever tree tonic no ice and no slice
Coming up! Would you notice if I gave you Gordon's?
Wont Gordon be cross ?
Maybe!? I reckon I can melt his anger with just a smile "
Probably x |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Jd and please may as well make it a double and keep email coming
Emails?! I ain't got time for no sexy talk!
Shakes head and walks off muttering how much he hates his phone
Lol its a good job you're a regular...here have a double...on the house.
When you see the glass empty fill it sweetness. it's been 1 of them days so Here's my card and put 1 on there for yourself "
I don't need your card. I'm a strong independent woman....fine I'm having a bottle of Prosecco. |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Brecons Botanicals gin and fever tree tonic no ice and no slice
Coming up! Would you notice if I gave you Gordon's?
Wont Gordon be cross ?
Maybe!? I reckon I can melt his anger with just a smile
Probably x "
Probably? |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I'm just going to sit in the corner with my bottle of Malbec
I was hoping that you would help me behind the bar....I forgot I don't like people!
Good thing we aren't 'people'
I'd like something sweet and fruity what would you recommend?
Sex on the beach! Its my speciality!
I'll try some things once.. "
Once is all you need! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ermmm... Can I see your license please madam?
Can I see your credentials please before I show my licence. Need to know you're kosha "
Sure, here you go.
*hands over his credentials*
Your license please, madam? |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Ermmm... Can I see your license please madam?
Can I see your credentials please before I show my licence. Need to know you're kosha
Sure, here you go.
*hands over his credentials*
Your license please, madam?"
*tucks two crisp £50 notes into the trouser pocket of geezer asking for licence*
The * denotes that this is a true scenario.
|
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Oh! We are still open!
JD and Coke for me and one for yourself
Full fat ? Cos that's all I got!
That's ok, I like to live dangerously "
Yeah? How dangerously? You free running over to mine then? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm just going to sit in the corner with my bottle of Malbec
that's my normal tipple...but only if its argentinian
Mendoza
Happy to share - I've got a crate "
 |
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By *workoutMan
over a year ago
Cradley Heath |
"Oh! We are still open!
JD and Coke for me and one for yourself
Full fat ? Cos that's all I got!
That's ok, I like to live dangerously
Yeah? How dangerously? You free running over to mine then? "
It doesn't look like you're that far, I'd give it a go |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Large Highland Park please.
Have some complimentary space invaders!
I'm still waiting for my tempranillo  "
Because I am saving the expensive bar snacks for that customer waiting on the tempranillo. |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Oh! We are still open!
JD and Coke for me and one for yourself
Full fat ? Cos that's all I got!
That's ok, I like to live dangerously
Yeah? How dangerously? You free running over to mine then?
It doesn't look like you're that far, I'd give it a go "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Large Highland Park please.
Have some complimentary space invaders!
I'm still waiting for my tempranillo
Because I am saving the expensive bar snacks for that customer waiting on the tempranillo. "
oohhhh great save! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Large Highland Park please.
Have some complimentary space invaders!
I'm still waiting for my tempranillo
Pffft my Malbec not good enough. "
after the tempranillo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ermmm... Can I see your license please madam?
Can I see your credentials please before I show my licence. Need to know you're kosha
Sure, here you go.
*hands over his credentials*
Your license please, madam?
*tucks two crisp £50 notes into the trouser pocket of geezer asking for licence*
The * denotes that this is a true scenario.
"
You've still got your hand in my pocket. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Large Highland Park please.
Have some complimentary space invaders!
I'm still waiting for my tempranillo
Pffft my Malbec not good enough.
after the tempranillo "
I'll open another bottle then but might not be able to keep my eyes open - jet lag kicking in |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Ermmm... Can I see your license please madam?
Can I see your credentials please before I show my licence. Need to know you're kosha
Sure, here you go.
*hands over his credentials*
Your license please, madam?
*tucks two crisp £50 notes into the trouser pocket of geezer asking for licence*
The * denotes that this is a true scenario.
You've still got your hand in my pocket. "
I'ts been there for 10 minutes |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Another JD and Coke over here please, and something to nibble on too if you don't mind!"
Look! I've already got someone with credentials sniffing about without you advertising a 'lock in'
Coming up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Large Highland Park please.
Have some complimentary space invaders!
I must think too literally because don't understand.
"
Penny may have dropped, suppose you mean those crappy kids crisps? |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Large Highland Park please.
Have some complimentary space invaders!
I must think too literally because don't understand.
Penny may have dropped, suppose you mean those crappy kids crisps?"
The beef ones are best. In my opinion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Large Highland Park please.
Have some complimentary space invaders!
I must think too literally because don't understand.
Penny may have dropped, suppose you mean those crappy kids crisps?
The beef ones are best. In my opinion "
Each to their own. |
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By *workoutMan
over a year ago
Cradley Heath |
"Another JD and Coke over here please, and something to nibble on too if you don't mind!
Look! I've already got someone with credentials sniffing about without you advertising a 'lock in'
Coming up "
It'll be our little secret then, and make it a double? |
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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Another JD and Coke over here please, and something to nibble on too if you don't mind!
Look! I've already got someone with credentials sniffing about without you advertising a 'lock in'
Coming up
It'll be our little secret then, and make it a double?"
A double? Are you sure? |
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By *workoutMan
over a year ago
Cradley Heath |
"Another JD and Coke over here please, and something to nibble on too if you don't mind!
Look! I've already got someone with credentials sniffing about without you advertising a 'lock in'
Coming up
It'll be our little secret then, and make it a double?
A double? Are you sure? "
Absolutely, have another for yourself too |
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