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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi folks I'm a married guy. Before I met my wife I was actively bi. Now I'm missing being bi as I'm only intimate with her. How do I tell her I miss that part of me without ruining our marriage |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Did she know about your bisexuality before you got married?
"
Yeah she knows I was bi but I just don't know how to tell her I miss that part of me we have been together 10 years |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you want to tell her that you want to start having sex, with other men or just that you miss it? "
I'm not sure really. As there are toys out there that could satisfy my appetite. Just don't know what to do as it's always on my mind |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Talk to her. It's that simple.
Telling her you miss it shouldn't detract from what you have with her. My wife knows popping on a strapon wouldn't fulfil my needs.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Talk to her. It's that simple.
Telling her you miss it shouldn't detract from what you have with her. My wife knows popping on a strapon wouldn't fulfil my needs.
"
Just got to pluck up the courage best wait till new year I think. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Talk to her. It's that simple.
Telling her you miss it shouldn't detract from what you have with her. My wife knows popping on a strapon wouldn't fulfil my needs.
Just got to pluck up the courage best wait till new year I think."
Sit down for a night watching Love Actually with face masks and Prosecco.
Flick through Cosmopolitan with her and go shopping for cushions. She'll catch the drift.
Or simply come home with a copy of Attitude magazine thinking it was just a new FHM, like I did once  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Talk to her. It's that simple.
Telling her you miss it shouldn't detract from what you have with her. My wife knows popping on a strapon wouldn't fulfil my needs.
Just got to pluck up the courage best wait till new year I think.
Sit down for a night watching Love Actually with face masks and Prosecco.
Flick through Cosmopolitan with her and go shopping for cushions. She'll catch the drift.
Or simply come home with a copy of Attitude magazine thinking it was just a new FHM, like I did once "
Lol I love it. My Cher. Tina Turner and steps obsession hasn't dropped any hints with her yet |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm afraid to say anything as, I wouldn't say she's homophobic but she doesn't like to see it on TV. When two men kiss how am I going to tell her I miss that part of me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Surely after 10 years together & your other half knowing you were actively bi before you met you should be able to talk openly to her about this.
We are both bi & any time we fancy a bit of same sex fun we discuss this then arrange some meets.
Keeps our relationship open & honest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm afraid to say anything as, I wouldn't say she's homophobic but she doesn't like to see it on TV. When two men kiss how am I going to tell her I miss that part of me"
There's a lot of bi, gay and trans stuff on the to at the mo. Put some on and use it to trigger a conversation. If she says ' yuk. Guys kissing' point out that it's something you used to enjoy and then tell her you still miss that side. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for all your advice it's been a weight off my mind just talking on here going to wait for the right moment as see how it goes
Thanks guys xx"
Marriages die if you don't communicate and keep secrets. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for all your advice it's been a weight off my mind just talking on here going to wait for the right moment as see how it goes
Thanks guys xx
Marriages die if you don't communicate and keep secrets. "
 good luck, hope the chat goes well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi folks I'm a married guy. Before I met my wife I was actively bi. Now I'm missing being bi as I'm only intimate with her. How do I tell her I miss that part of me without ruining our marriage"
I never get this argument from bi guys looking to cheat
Its no differnent from you giving up shagging other women when you get married. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi folks I'm a married guy. Before I met my wife I was actively bi. Now I'm missing being bi as I'm only intimate with her. How do I tell her I miss that part of me without ruining our marriage
I never get this argument from bi guys looking to cheat
Its no differnent from you giving up shagging other women when you get married."
I was just going to say something similar. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi folks I'm a married guy. Before I met my wife I was actively bi. Now I'm missing being bi as I'm only intimate with her. How do I tell her I miss that part of me without ruining our marriage
I never get this argument from bi guys looking to cheat
Its no differnent from you giving up shagging other women when you get married."
Apart from you give up other women and get what you got just with one woman.. Give up men for a woman and you don't. Yeah. No different at all  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi folks I'm a married guy. Before I met my wife I was actively bi. Now I'm missing being bi as I'm only intimate with her. How do I tell her I miss that part of me without ruining our marriage
I never get this argument from bi guys looking to cheat
Its no differnent from you giving up shagging other women when you get married.
Apart from you give up other women and get what you got just with one woman.. Give up men for a woman and you don't. Yeah. No different at all "
I see it as you give everyone up. If someone makes a commitment to one person it would be giving up everyone else regardless of gender. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi folks I'm a married guy. Before I met my wife I was actively bi. Now I'm missing being bi as I'm only intimate with her. How do I tell her I miss that part of me without ruining our marriage
I never get this argument from bi guys looking to cheat
Its no differnent from you giving up shagging other women when you get married.
Apart from you give up other women and get what you got just with one woman.. Give up men for a woman and you don't. Yeah. No different at all "
Yep no differnt.
Unless you think every woman is simultaneously old, young, slim, curvy, dominant, submissive, intense, easy going, masculine, feminine, tall, short, big breated and pertley petite.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi folks I'm a married guy. Before I met my wife I was actively bi. Now I'm missing being bi as I'm only intimate with her. How do I tell her I miss that part of me without ruining our marriage
I never get this argument from bi guys looking to cheat
Its no differnent from you giving up shagging other women when you get married.
Apart from you give up other women and get what you got just with one woman.. Give up men for a woman and you don't. Yeah. No different at all
I see it as you give everyone up. If someone makes a commitment to one person it would be giving up everyone else regardless of gender. "
Me too.
Good luck OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex knew I was bi too : mainly cos someone she worked with told her I'd sucked him off (before we had properly gotten together).
I always remember her saying 'cheating is cheating, man or woman' and I won't put up with either.
I was totally faithful whilst we lived together but then after a fall out we had seperate houses and the relationship was 'unconventional' for a long time.
She knew I had lovers and I knew she did too.
It took me a long time to realise having my cake and eating it was a destructive force in the relationship and in the end it was me that ended things.
The fact we never had kids made the situation easier, but from personal experience I can assure you, leading two lives will get you (both) down in the end.
Better to put your cards on the table and be open and honest.
You can't put a timeline or a scenario on it though. You will know when it's right. |
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"Hi folks I'm a married guy. Before I met my wife I was actively bi. Now I'm missing being bi as I'm only intimate with her. How do I tell her I miss that part of me without ruining our marriage"
It's difficult babe but if you don't act you might always regret it ,good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi folks I'm a married guy. Before I met my wife I was actively bi. Now I'm missing being bi as I'm only intimate with her. How do I tell her I miss that part of me without ruining our marriage
I never get this argument from bi guys looking to cheat
Its no differnent from you giving up shagging other women when you get married.
Apart from you give up other women and get what you got just with one woman.. Give up men for a woman and you don't. Yeah. No different at all
I see it as you give everyone up. If someone makes a commitment to one person it would be giving up everyone else regardless of gender. "
Oh I agree to committing to just one person. The point I was making was when you stop sampling other women for one woman you still get a woman. When you give up men you don't get cock anymore, clearly.
If my wife wasn't happy for me to play with men I wouldn't. If miss it but I wouldn't cheat. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Tbh I don't want another woman and a woman obviously isn't a man being with a man is different to being with a woman and woman just can't do what a man can do that is the battle in my mind. Do I just carry on and suppress my urge or be truthful and admit to still liking men |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh I don't want another woman and a woman obviously isn't a man being with a man is different to being with a woman and woman just can't do what a man can do that is the battle in my mind. Do I just carry on and suppress my urge or be truthful and admit to still liking men "
Only you know the answer to that.
I don't want to grow old wishing I had.
I have one life so after 30 years of suppressing myself in just being me.
I'm lucky. My wife is cool with it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh I don't want another woman and a woman obviously isn't a man being with a man is different to being with a woman and woman just can't do what a man can do that is the battle in my mind. Do I just carry on and suppress my urge or be truthful and admit to still liking men "
Would you still want to tell her, if you were surpressing urges to be with other women (instead of men)? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh I don't want another woman and a woman obviously isn't a man being with a man is different to being with a woman and woman just can't do what a man can do that is the battle in my mind. Do I just carry on and suppress my urge or be truthful and admit to still liking men
Would you still want to tell her, if you were surpressing urges to be with other women (instead of men)?"
I did!
I wanted another woman. Why? Because my own was rejecting me.
Relationship ended. Then we realised how much we still wanted each other and got back together. Now I don't need any woman but her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh I don't want another woman and a woman obviously isn't a man being with a man is different to being with a woman and woman just can't do what a man can do that is the battle in my mind. Do I just carry on and suppress my urge or be truthful and admit to still liking men
Would you still want to tell her, if you were surpressing urges to be with other women (instead of men)?
I did!
I wanted another woman. Why? Because my own was rejecting me.
Relationship ended. Then we realised how much we still wanted each other and got back together. Now I don't need any woman but her. "
You're very lucky. I know you know that.  x |
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"Tbh I don't want another woman and a woman obviously isn't a man being with a man is different to being with a woman and woman just can't do what a man can do that is the battle in my mind. Do I just carry on and suppress my urge or be truthful and admit to still liking men "
I would say not, afterall it's only your mind that you're going to be messing with in the forthcoming years. So you have told your missus so much, but are you really happy? Come out to her openly and then see how your relationship develops?
As others have said, a marriage is a two way street and should be treated as such in my opinion.
Best of luck in whatever you decide OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh I don't want another woman and a woman obviously isn't a man being with a man is different to being with a woman and woman just can't do what a man can do that is the battle in my mind. Do I just carry on and suppress my urge or be truthful and admit to still liking men "
But you have on your profile for the past 11 months that you'd like to meet a woman.
So you dont want another woman but have been actively looking for one for nearly a year? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Tbh I don't want another woman and a woman obviously isn't a man being with a man is different to being with a woman and woman just can't do what a man can do that is the battle in my mind. Do I just carry on and suppress my urge or be truthful and admit to still liking men
But you have on your profile for the past 11 months that you'd like to meet a woman.
So you dont want another woman but have been actively looking for one for nearly a year?"
Yes my profile does say that I need to update it. When I made this account I didn't know what I wanted I was searching for like minded people it has took this long for me to admit to myself what I truly want and how I feel this hasn't been easy and it's just the start but I need for my own sanity to live my life and stop pretending. Thanks everyone for your comments they have all helped me tonight. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm afraid to say anything as, I wouldn't say she's homophobic but she doesn't like to see it on TV. When two men kiss how am I going to tell her I miss that part of me"
If she doesnt like seeing it on tv I cant see her saying hey thats cool you go suck some cock. Id say either do it on the sly, leave her and find somebody more accepting or just accept you made your choice and now have to live with it. Theres no happy ever after in telling her sorry. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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has she any idea you are on here ?
i would go mental if a partner was on here and i didnt know .
i would think she would go a bit mad if she has no idea altho you might be lucky she might be well up for it lol
i am luckily a pretty open girly so i dont mind a partner who is into swinging and i think some bi fun would deffo be a fun thing too , but only if i knew about it and was involved x
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"has she any idea you are on here ?
i would go mental if a partner was on here and i didnt know .
i would think she would go a bit mad if she has no idea altho you might be lucky she might be well up for it lol
i am luckily a pretty open girly so i dont mind a partner who is into swinging and i think some bi fun would deffo be a fun thing too , but only if i knew about it and was involved x
"
I feel guilty talking about on here and not to her but I don't want to loose her. I think I should commit to the choice I made with her and stick to it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You wanting to suck a cock every once in a while will never change. You're either going to have to tell her and hope she realizes that she shouldn't be jealous because it's nothing you would leave her for... Or do it behind her back (bad idea) ... Or simply find someone that is more open.
Just gonna have to talk to her about it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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not knowing how you and her are together and whats passed ovr the years i would be surprised if she was shocked if you fessed up - knowing you were actively bi pre marriage and all that - unless you have protested that you were no longer feeling that way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ah as usual the white Knights and all round good guys rush out to slate the OP for being here while married whilst at the same time making it perfectly clear to the rest of the site what jolly good and decent moralistic eggs they are compared to the evil cheating bounder that the OP is.
In fact the OP has been open and asked for support and advice from the community, he's obviously been suppressing these thoughts and urges for ten years and asked a perfectly legitimate question.
Yes of course we all understand lots of people on here find cheating abhorrent and I respect their opinions and _iews on that - but in this case the OP didn't ask for a critique on why he's on the site he asked for advice on how best to approach his wife and be honest with her. Having a dig isn't helpful at all is it, but if I guess if it helps to raise other people's stock on here by having a go at someone else then it all seems to be fair game.
Good luck OP - I hope you find the methods and means to have an honest and frank discussion with your wife about your feelings and that you get a productive outcome |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks everyone for your help and advice. I have read all posts and thought long and hard about this. I'm still unsure what to do. There is never going to be the right moment to bring thus up but maybe I should just pick the best moment to try and talk about this. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ah as usual the white Knights and all round good guys rush out to slate the OP for being here while married whilst at the same time making it perfectly clear to the rest of the site what jolly good and decent moralistic eggs they are compared to the evil cheating bounder that the OP is.
In fact the OP has been open and asked for support and advice from the community, he's obviously been suppressing these thoughts and urges for ten years and asked a perfectly legitimate question.
Yes of course we all understand lots of people on here find cheating abhorrent and I respect their opinions and _iews on that - but in this case the OP didn't ask for a critique on why he's on the site he asked for advice on how best to approach his wife and be honest with her. Having a dig isn't helpful at all is it, but if I guess if it helps to raise other people's stock on here by having a go at someone else then it all seems to be fair game.
Good luck OP - I hope you find the methods and means to have an honest and frank discussion with your wife about your feelings and that you get a productive outcome "
I guess you skipped most of the posts on this thread. There has been surprisingly little digging. Mostly support and advice to talk to his wife and people pointing out that you can't be truly happy and hide this kind of urge away.
One life. Live it. |
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"Ah as usual the white Knights and all round good guys rush out to slate the OP for being here while married whilst at the same time making it perfectly clear to the rest of the site what jolly good and decent moralistic eggs they are compared to the evil cheating bounder that the OP is.
In fact the OP has been open and asked for support and advice from the community, he's obviously been suppressing these thoughts and urges for ten years and asked a perfectly legitimate question.
Yes of course we all understand lots of people on here find cheating abhorrent and I respect their opinions and _iews on that - but in this case the OP didn't ask for a critique on why he's on the site he asked for advice on how best to approach his wife and be honest with her. Having a dig isn't helpful at all is it, but if I guess if it helps to raise other people's stock on here by having a go at someone else then it all seems to be fair game.
Good luck OP - I hope you find the methods and means to have an honest and frank discussion with your wife about your feelings and that you get a productive outcome
I guess you skipped most of the posts on this thread. There has been surprisingly little digging. Mostly support and advice to talk to his wife and people pointing out that you can't be truly happy and hide this kind of urge away.
One life. Live it. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ah as usual the white Knights and all round good guys rush out to slate the OP for being here while married whilst at the same time making it perfectly clear to the rest of the site what jolly good and decent moralistic eggs they are compared to the evil cheating bounder that the OP is.
In fact the OP has been open and asked for support and advice from the community, he's obviously been suppressing these thoughts and urges for ten years and asked a perfectly legitimate question.
Yes of course we all understand lots of people on here find cheating abhorrent and I respect their opinions and _iews on that - but in this case the OP didn't ask for a critique on why he's on the site he asked for advice on how best to approach his wife and be honest with her. Having a dig isn't helpful at all is it, but if I guess if it helps to raise other people's stock on here by having a go at someone else then it all seems to be fair game.
Good luck OP - I hope you find the methods and means to have an honest and frank discussion with your wife about your feelings and that you get a productive outcome
I guess you skipped most of the posts on this thread. There has been surprisingly little digging. Mostly support and advice to talk to his wife and people pointing out that you can't be truly happy and hide this kind of urge away.
One life. Live it. "
I was thinking the same thing  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ah as usual the white Knights and all round good guys rush out to slate the OP for being here while married whilst at the same time making it perfectly clear to the rest of the site what jolly good and decent moralistic eggs they are compared to the evil cheating bounder that the OP is.
In fact the OP has been open and asked for support and advice from the community, he's obviously been suppressing these thoughts and urges for ten years and asked a perfectly legitimate question.
Yes of course we all understand lots of people on here find cheating abhorrent and I respect their opinions and _iews on that - but in this case the OP didn't ask for a critique on why he's on the site he asked for advice on how best to approach his wife and be honest with her. Having a dig isn't helpful at all is it, but if I guess if it helps to raise other people's stock on here by having a go at someone else then it all seems to be fair game.
Good luck OP - I hope you find the methods and means to have an honest and frank discussion with your wife about your feelings and that you get a productive outcome
I guess you skipped most of the posts on this thread. There has been surprisingly little digging. Mostly support and advice to talk to his wife and people pointing out that you can't be truly happy and hide this kind of urge away.
One life. Live it. "
No I've read them all. And you're right at first mostly supportive but a few digs came in later ... I wasn't aiming my comments at everyone to be clear |
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