FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > So called friends
So called friends
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just want to ask around to see if it's me just being 'normal'
After talking to three guys on here over the months and getting on really well, but living miles away, I wonder why when it's a sex site they're never honest or up front about what they do.
I have a great social life outside Fab and when ive asked what they have planned for the weekend, they've said ,going to the pub with mates.
Why don't they just say they're meeting or going to Swingers Clubs, rather than me seeing on the following days that they've had actually had meets .
It's not the meets that get me , it's the fact that they lie and are dim enough to post verifications and then deny meeting anyone.
What's fabsters options ? |
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"Just want to ask around to see if it's me just being 'normal'
After talking to three guys on here over the months and getting on really well, but living miles away, I wonder why when it's a sex site they're never honest or up front about what they do.
I have a great social life outside Fab and when ive asked what they have planned for the weekend, they've said ,going to the pub with mates.
Why don't they just say they're meeting or going to Swingers Clubs, rather than me seeing on the following days that they've had actually had meets .
It's not the meets that get me , it's the fact that they lie and are dim enough to post verifications and then deny meeting anyone.
What's fabsters options ? "
It's par for the course - they lie 'just in case' it might lessen their chances. I don't agree with it but it seems everyone does it and expects it.  |
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"Just want to ask around to see if it's me just being 'normal'
After talking to three guys on here over the months and getting on really well, but living miles away, I wonder why when it's a sex site they're never honest or up front about what they do.
I have a great social life outside Fab and when ive asked what they have planned for the weekend, they've said ,going to the pub with mates.
Why don't they just say they're meeting or going to Swingers Clubs, rather than me seeing on the following days that they've had actually had meets .
It's not the meets that get me , it's the fact that they lie and are dim enough to post verifications and then deny meeting anyone.
What's fabsters options ? "
I think the word friend has a different definition on the internet. I don't think you can apply the same rules nor should you have the same expectations of people you have spoken to in cyberspace who after all, can be anybody they choose for the brief time they interact with you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just want to ask around to see if it's me just being 'normal'
After talking to three guys on here over the months and getting on really well, but living miles away, I wonder why when it's a sex site they're never honest or up front about what they do.
I have a great social life outside Fab and when ive asked what they have planned for the weekend, they've said ,going to the pub with mates.
Why don't they just say they're meeting or going to Swingers Clubs, rather than me seeing on the following days that they've had actually had meets .
It's not the meets that get me , it's the fact that they lie and are dim enough to post verifications and then deny meeting anyone.
What's fabsters options ? "
Don't have friends and you can't get let down |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Just want to ask around to see if it's me just being 'normal'
After talking to three guys on here over the months and getting on really well, but living miles away, I wonder why when it's a sex site they're never honest or up front about what they do.
I have a great social life outside Fab and when ive asked what they have planned for the weekend, they've said ,going to the pub with mates.
Why don't they just say they're meeting or going to Swingers Clubs, rather than me seeing on the following days that they've had actually had meets .
It's not the meets that get me , it's the fact that they lie and are dim enough to post verifications and then deny meeting anyone.
What's fabsters options ?
I think the word friend has a different definition on the internet. I don't think you can apply the same rules nor should you have the same expectations of people you have spoken to in cyberspace who after all, can be anybody they choose for the brief time they interact with you."
I just wanted other people's takes on it... Think I may adopt the stance of others, we're not friends until we've met |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's a sex site. Why are you asking what they are doing at the weekend?
Not just me then. "
Some guys I talk to are up front and tell me which clubs they're going to, shame I'm not closer or Id go too  |
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"Just want to ask around to see if it's me just being 'normal'
After talking to three guys on here over the months and getting on really well, but living miles away, I wonder why when it's a sex site they're never honest or up front about what they do.
I have a great social life outside Fab and when ive asked what they have planned for the weekend, they've said ,going to the pub with mates.
Why don't they just say they're meeting or going to Swingers Clubs, rather than me seeing on the following days that they've had actually had meets .
It's not the meets that get me , it's the fact that they lie and are dim enough to post verifications and then deny meeting anyone.
What's fabsters options ?
I think the word friend has a different definition on the internet. I don't think you can apply the same rules nor should you have the same expectations of people you have spoken to in cyberspace who after all, can be anybody they choose for the brief time they interact with you.
I just wanted other people's takes on it... Think I may adopt the stance of others, we're not friends until we've met"
I think that's wise. For me people are acquaintances until I know them quite well. Friendship implies trust to me and that can't be established easily. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just wanted other people's takes on it... Think I may adopt the stance of others, we're not friends until we've met"
That soon? Even after you'd met I would still be cautious due to the nature of the site. |
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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago
MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire) |
Perhaps they don't feel they owe you an explanation of what they are doing?
I don't feel the need to disclose to strangers on the net where I am and what my plans are.
They might also be hedging their bets in case you don't want them meeting others. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just wanted other people's takes on it... Think I may adopt the stance of others, we're not friends until we've met
That soon? Even after you'd met I would still be cautious due to the nature of the site."
  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Why don't they just say they're meeting ......I'm baffled, they all know I don't want any drama , but rightly or wrongly I tell the truth
Rethinking that right now |
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People who lie piss me off if I've met them or not. If I was chattering to someone and making polite conversation about their weekend plans then I'd assume what they told me was true.
Plans can change and I'd probably give the benefit of the doubt unless they lied again after I knew. Then I'd kick them into touch. Honesty is important to me regardless of which website/forum/crowd I know someone from.  |
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"Why don't they just say they're meeting ......I'm baffled, they all know I don't want any drama , but rightly or wrongly I tell the truth
Rethinking that right now "
It baffles me too. People have many different agendas. |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
I do think people think differently whether they are couples or singles on here! And I know you know I am right!
A polite conversation in the getting know each other on here should be truthful and 'couples' don't really give a shit as they have each other and the single is maybe just a plaything, but for singles especially women (my opinion of course) If I am considering meeting someone new, I like to think I can trust them, so I know exactly where the OP is coming from, why lie? It is not an attractive trait at all! Especially when they are not clever enough to either back up there claims or intelligent enough to carry the lie through. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Some people find it easier to lie than to tell the truth....those people can jog the fuck on.  "
I'm so glad I'm not on my own.
We all know thata lot of men are just dogs and can't help themselves.
It must be their only form of social life |
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I do have different friends for example, people at work, hobby friend who share my pastimes and then there are friends which I hold dear as I have known them for a long time.
We have shared many experiences both good and bad and who have always been honest and shown forgiveness and have been my most fiercest critics but always had my best interests at heart.
I,m not looking for the latter on fab, but it would be nice to have a few of the former.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I do think people think differently whether they are couples or singles on here! And I know you know I am right!
A polite conversation in the getting know each other on here should be truthful and 'couples' don't really give a shit as they have each other and the single is maybe just a plaything, but for singles especially women (my opinion of course) If I am considering meeting someone new, I like to think I can trust them, so I know exactly where the OP is coming from, why lie? It is not an attractive trait at all! Especially when they are not clever enough to either back up there claims or intelligent enough to carry the lie through."
Thank you, well at least now I won't be meeting them as looking at the photos of said meets, there's not an awful lots of safe sex going on.
To me it shows a total lack of respect..... Bye boys!......or should I say woof woof |
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"Some people find it easier to lie than to tell the truth....those people can jog the fuck on.
I'm so glad I'm not on my own.
We all know thata lot of men are just dogs and can't help themselves.
It must be their only form of social life "
Trust me women can be way worse than men in the lying streak...don't get bitter though as they are free agents but better to tell the truth but some can't |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't see it as lying. They just don't want other people knowing their business. "
Until they pop up on your updates with a big selection of photos and they're still saying they were out getting hammered with mates. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't see it as lying. They just don't want other people knowing their business.
Until they pop up on your updates with a big selection of photos and they're still saying they were out getting hammered with mates."
In that case then they are lying obviously. 
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't see it as lying. They just don't want other people knowing their business.
Until they pop up on your updates with a big selection of photos and they're still saying they were out getting hammered with mates.
In that case then they are lying obviously.
"
With not a lot between their ears, must all be between their legs |
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"I do think people think differently whether they are couples or singles on here! And I know you know I am right!
A polite conversation in the getting know each other on here should be truthful and 'couples' don't really give a shit as they have each other and the single is maybe just a plaything, but for singles especially women (my opinion of course) If I am considering meeting someone new, I like to think I can trust them, so I know exactly where the OP is coming from, why lie? It is not an attractive trait at all! Especially when they are not clever enough to either back up there claims or intelligent enough to carry the lie through."
I agree I have no idea why people lie but the fact is they do. Advising the op that they do lie and its best to operate under that understanding is sensible and preferable surely to telling her that it isnt so. We all need to interact in the world as it is not as we would like it to be. |
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By *annooWoman
over a year ago
Hastings |
On here u can be anybody and anything u tell what u wanna tell.and not other stuff...
I dnt consider anyone I met off fab a mate as such...its a diff term of mate
There a guy I met off here ot can be social or sexual but altho I consider him a friend he isn't in the friend zone my other mates are if that makes sence... |
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"I don't see it as lying. They just don't want other people knowing their business. "
Apparently I'm painfully honest so I have a poor habit of expecting the same from everyone I encounter. If someone has meet with someone else then that's great. That's generally the idea. There's no need to lie. This is a swinging site and I came here with my eyes open. I value discretion so I wouldn't need/want details.
However, to blatantly lie in case it jeopardises their chances of meeting me is dishonest and a bit lame. |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"I do think people think differently whether they are couples or singles on here! And I know you know I am right!
A polite conversation in the getting know each other on here should be truthful and 'couples' don't really give a shit as they have each other and the single is maybe just a plaything, but for singles especially women (my opinion of course) If I am considering meeting someone new, I like to think I can trust them, so I know exactly where the OP is coming from, why lie? It is not an attractive trait at all! Especially when they are not clever enough to either back up there claims or intelligent enough to carry the lie through.
Thank you, well at least now I won't be meeting them as looking at the photos of said meets, there's not an awful lots of safe sex going on.
To me it shows a total lack of respect..... Bye boys!......or should I say woof woof "
I just find it funny that it is the couples (even though they are replying on their single profiles) disagree with you or I as we only have ourselves to rely on for our own safety and lying is a big thing for us! As what the hell else are they lying about?   |
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"I don't see it as lying. They just don't want other people knowing their business.
Apparently I'm painfully honest so I have a poor habit of expecting the same from everyone I encounter. If someone has meet with someone else then that's great. That's generally the idea. There's no need to lie. This is a swinging site and I came here with my eyes open. I value discretion so I wouldn't need/want details.
However, to blatantly lie in case it jeopardises their chances of meeting me is dishonest and a bit lame. "
People do though like you say some for their own gain which is what people do. I just think let them get on with it but do it with someone else because I don't need the shit |
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"I don't see it as lying. They just don't want other people knowing their business.
Apparently I'm painfully honest so I have a poor habit of expecting the same from everyone I encounter. If someone has meet with someone else then that's great. That's generally the idea. There's no need to lie. This is a swinging site and I came here with my eyes open. I value discretion so I wouldn't need/want details.
However, to blatantly lie in case it jeopardises their chances of meeting me is dishonest and a bit lame.
People do though like you say some for their own gain which is what people do. I just think let them get on with it but do it with someone else because I don't need the shit "
Exactly!
I think my bullshitometer is pretty good though.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do think people think differently whether they are couples or singles on here! And I know you know I am right!
A polite conversation in the getting know each other on here should be truthful and 'couples' don't really give a shit as they have each other and the single is maybe just a plaything, but for singles especially women (my opinion of course) If I am considering meeting someone new, I like to think I can trust them, so I know exactly where the OP is coming from, why lie? It is not an attractive trait at all! Especially when they are not clever enough to either back up there claims or intelligent enough to carry the lie through.
Thank you, well at least now I won't be meeting them as looking at the photos of said meets, there's not an awful lots of safe sex going on.
To me it shows a total lack of respect..... Bye boys!......or should I say woof woof
I just find it funny that it is the couples (even though they are replying on their single profiles) disagree with you or I as we only have ourselves to rely on for our own safety and lying is a big thing for us! As what the hell else are they lying about? "
Who? |
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"I don't see it as lying. They just don't want other people knowing their business.
Apparently I'm painfully honest so I have a poor habit of expecting the same from everyone I encounter. If someone has meet with someone else then that's great. That's generally the idea. There's no need to lie. This is a swinging site and I came here with my eyes open. I value discretion so I wouldn't need/want details.
However, to blatantly lie in case it jeopardises their chances of meeting me is dishonest and a bit lame.
People do though like you say some for their own gain which is what people do. I just think let them get on with it but do it with someone else because I don't need the shit
Exactly!
I think my bullshitometer is pretty good though. "
Recently mine has been a bit shit I think I was blind sighted but I'm back on track |
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"I do think people think differently whether they are couples or singles on here! And I know you know I am right!
A polite conversation in the getting know each other on here should be truthful and 'couples' don't really give a shit as they have each other and the single is maybe just a plaything, but for singles especially women (my opinion of course) If I am considering meeting someone new, I like to think I can trust them, so I know exactly where the OP is coming from, why lie? It is not an attractive trait at all! Especially when they are not clever enough to either back up there claims or intelligent enough to carry the lie through.
Thank you, well at least now I won't be meeting them as looking at the photos of said meets, there's not an awful lots of safe sex going on.
To me it shows a total lack of respect..... Bye boys!......or should I say woof woof
I just find it funny that it is the couples (even though they are replying on their single profiles) disagree with you or I as we only have ourselves to rely on for our own safety and lying is a big thing for us! As what the hell else are they lying about? "
I'm part of a couple, replying from a couples profile and the gist of my response is don't trust men you meet on the net.....basic safeguarding that any woman should follow. I agree that lying is bad but in this pastime you need to assume that nobody can be taken at face value. Not sure why you feel I'm not being helpful |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not sure whg o p is bothered its just sex and theeir business how tgey conduct it is it something i agree with mo but if i am let down and tge folk am meant to meet see someone else i just accept they found other offer better i dont worry about it.
If i arrange a meet i never would arrange amother at same time i only plan meets with folk i chat with a bit here and phone so get idea what it will be like so why cancel. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Every time I've had a meet arranged from here ive made it, I said I was going to the last Heathrow social but was struck down with a lurgy, I messaged the host and told her in plenty of time, she understood and invited me to the next one. Meets for single guys here are damned hard enough to get without messing people around, just be truthful. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
It goes back to the assumption that we all want the same, mean the same thing when engaging on this or any other similar site.
I agree with the concept that friendship means different things to different people, varying degrees of honesty and trust are part of that - for some people a lie means the end of that "friendship" while others brush it off. No right or wrong really.. but being clear in what your boundaries and expectations are is probably helpful.
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If you assume that everyone on here is truthful you will be sorely disappointed.
If you assume that people on your friends list are real friends you will be sorely disappointed.
This is a swinging site on the world wide web, best to operate with your eyes wide open. |
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"If you assume that everyone on here is truthful you will be sorely disappointed.
If you assume that people on your friends list are real friends you will be sorely disappointed.
This is a swinging site on the world wide web, best to operate with your eyes wide open."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you assume that everyone on here is truthful you will be sorely disappointed.
If you assume that people on your friends list are real friends you will be sorely disappointed.
This is a swinging site on the world wide web, best to operate with your eyes wide open."
Sssh,I've almost got a few people from this thread to invest in my pyramid scheme. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have friends off the site....vanilla friends, ladies I sometimes "see".... ( or "meet" in fab speak). But they do know what I get up to in my "spare" time... And why not? |
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"If you assume that everyone on here is truthful you will be sorely disappointed.
If you assume that people on your friends list are real friends you will be sorely disappointed.
This is a swinging site on the world wide web, best to operate with your eyes wide open.
Sssh,I've almost got a few people from this thread to invest in my pyramid scheme."
Well obviously everything you say is the shiny, bright truth  |
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"If you assume that everyone on here is truthful you will be sorely disappointed.
If you assume that people on your friends list are real friends you will be sorely disappointed.
This is a swinging site on the world wide web, best to operate with your eyes wide open.
Sssh,I've almost got a few people from this thread to invest in my pyramid scheme.
Well obviously everything you say is the shiny, bright truth "
I'll have four dozen boxes of washing powder please. |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"I do think people think differently whether they are couples or singles on here! And I know you know I am right!
A polite conversation in the getting know each other on here should be truthful and 'couples' don't really give a shit as they have each other and the single is maybe just a plaything, but for singles especially women (my opinion of course) If I am considering meeting someone new, I like to think I can trust them, so I know exactly where the OP is coming from, why lie? It is not an attractive trait at all! Especially when they are not clever enough to either back up there claims or intelligent enough to carry the lie through.
I agree I have no idea why people lie but the fact is they do. Advising the op that they do lie and its best to operate under that understanding is sensible and preferable surely to telling her that it isnt so. We all need to interact in the world as it is not as we would like it to be."
I think my irk was more along the lines of certain couples posting as singles basically saying 'suck it up' it's all well and good saying suck it up when you have a partner to rely on! You try and being a single female and trying to decipher who to trust or not or should we just lump all in one basket and just not trust anyone? or just suck it up, buttercup? |
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"I just wanted other people's takes on it... Think I may adopt the stance of others, we're not friends until we've met
That soon? Even after you'd met I would still be cautious due to the nature of the site."
Absolutely, this is not reality, it is very ephemeral. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why don't they just say they're meeting ......I'm baffled, they all know I don't want any drama , but rightly or wrongly I tell the truth
Rethinking that right now "
I don't think that rethinking your methods is the solution as it will not solve the problem of people being dishonest/whatever with you, only add to the problems it causes in case you are sketchy with a potential meet which results in them thinking you are dishonest. The only decision to be made is whether you want to continue talks with people you feel are untruthful towards you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have friends off the site....vanilla friends, ladies I sometimes "see".... ( or "meet" in fab speak). But they do know what I get up to in my "spare" time... And why not?"
That's what I'm saying, I know it's a sex/meet site, I wouldn't have a relationship with anyone off here or anywhere else, come to think of it... so it's not a question of drama, but it would help me decide if I wanted to meet them, knowing what they do get up to |
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"I do think people think differently whether they are couples or singles on here! And I know you know I am right!
A polite conversation in the getting know each other on here should be truthful and 'couples' don't really give a shit as they have each other and the single is maybe just a plaything, but for singles especially women (my opinion of course) If I am considering meeting someone new, I like to think I can trust them, so I know exactly where the OP is coming from, why lie? It is not an attractive trait at all! Especially when they are not clever enough to either back up there claims or intelligent enough to carry the lie through.
I agree I have no idea why people lie but the fact is they do. Advising the op that they do lie and its best to operate under that understanding is sensible and preferable surely to telling her that it isnt so. We all need to interact in the world as it is not as we would like it to be.
I think my irk was more along the lines of certain couples posting as singles basically saying 'suck it up' it's all well and good saying suck it up when you have a partner to rely on! You try and being a single female and trying to decipher who to trust or not or should we just lump all in one basket and just not trust anyone? or just suck it up, buttercup? "
I think you do well to trust no one as a default position if you're a single woman. I sympathise as I wouldn't have the courage to be on here as a single but neither do I have the answer to your problem. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why don't they just say they're meeting ......I'm baffled, they all know I don't want any drama , but rightly or wrongly I tell the truth
Rethinking that right now
I don't think that rethinking your methods is the solution as it will not solve the problem of people being dishonest/whatever with you, only add to the problems it causes in case you are sketchy with a potential meet which results in them thinking you are dishonest. The only decision to be made is whether you want to continue talks with people you feel are untruthful towards you"
Ever heard of Bin 13, well that's where they are..lol.... Gone! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What gets me is the guys and girls that keep you hanging on give you a lame excuse why they cant meet and wait till something better that comes along and then post the verifications lol x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just think unless you're actually meeting someone regular and know them fairly well you aren't friends, in a true sense of the word. "
I don't think friendship is as tangible as that. It's more about the connection. Conversely, it doesn't hurt to be skeptical of relations with people no matter how well you think you know them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why don't they just say they're meeting ......I'm baffled, they all know I don't want any drama , but rightly or wrongly I tell the truth
Rethinking that right now
I don't think that rethinking your methods is the solution as it will not solve the problem of people being dishonest/whatever with you, only add to the problems it causes in case you are sketchy with a potential meet which results in them thinking you are dishonest. The only decision to be made is whether you want to continue talks with people you feel are untruthful towards you
Ever heard of Bin 13, well that's where they are..lol.... Gone! "
Lol |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"I do think people think differently whether they are couples or singles on here! And I know you know I am right!
A polite conversation in the getting know each other on here should be truthful and 'couples' don't really give a shit as they have each other and the single is maybe just a plaything, but for singles especially women (my opinion of course) If I am considering meeting someone new, I like to think I can trust them, so I know exactly where the OP is coming from, why lie? It is not an attractive trait at all! Especially when they are not clever enough to either back up there claims or intelligent enough to carry the lie through.
Thank you, well at least now I won't be meeting them as looking at the photos of said meets, there's not an awful lots of safe sex going on.
To me it shows a total lack of respect..... Bye boys!......or should I say woof woof
I just find it funny that it is the couples (even though they are replying on their single profiles) disagree with you or I as we only have ourselves to rely on for our own safety and lying is a big thing for us! As what the hell else are they lying about?
I'm part of a couple, replying from a couples profile and the gist of my response is don't trust men you meet on the net.....basic safeguarding that any woman should follow. I agree that lying is bad but in this pastime you need to assume that nobody can be taken at face value. Not sure why you feel I'm not being helpful "
I've not said that at all, or should I say meant that, I just think some couples think they have a higher position and belittle singles because they don't have others to bounce things off! Whilst they have their partner to rely on, that is all I am saying. I have my safety parameters I would never deter from |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What gets me is the guys and girls that keep you hanging on give you a lame excuse why they cant meet and wait till something better that comes along and then post the verifications lol x"
Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy....... You hit the nail on head |
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"What gets me is the guys and girls that keep you hanging on give you a lame excuse why they cant meet and wait till something better that comes along and then post the verifications lol x
Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy....... You hit the nail on head "
They do that to couples too.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is a swingers site so I think it's reasonable to assume that people on it are doing just that, swinging. So why lie about other meets? If they'd rather not say what they're up to, then say 'I'd rather not say what I'm up to'. But lying is a big no no.
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
People do on here what they do outside of here, I think. A "liar" on here is likely to be economical with the truth off site... why should this surprise?
Why would we expect people to behave better on here than outside? Just a thought... |
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By *oxiAnneWoman
over a year ago
Not on a Hot Gin Roof :/ |
I'm not sure you can ever trust fully anyone you meet from here. Maybe if you meet up on a regular basis over a long period of time that's different.
I've been left completely baffled by one persons actions which has made me cautious about others & what they say.
As I've said many a time ~ what people say on here and what they do can be poles apart. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure you can ever trust fully anyone you meet from here. Maybe if you meet up on a regular basis over a long period of time that's different.
I've been left completely baffled by one persons actions which has made me cautious about others & what they say.
As I've said many a time ~ what people say on here and what they do can be poles apart."
My shell has suddenly become very hard, my way or the highway now springs to mind |
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I've read about a quarter of the way down.
The title of this thread suggests that you feel somehow injured that they didn't tell you what they were doing..... isn't that just the teeniest big juvenile?
You've not even met them. They are NOT your friends. To be honest I don't think even a friend has to tell you what they are up to if it doesn't concern you.
My immediate thought is that as decent swingers they are exercising discretion.
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"Just want to ask around to see if it's me just being 'normal'
After talking to three guys on here over the months and getting on really well, but living miles away, I wonder why when it's a sex site they're never honest or up front about what they do.
I have a great social life outside Fab and when ive asked what they have planned for the weekend, they've said ,going to the pub with mates.
Why don't they just say they're meeting or going to Swingers Clubs, rather than me seeing on the following days that they've had actually had meets .
It's not the meets that get me , it's the fact that they lie and are dim enough to post verifications and then deny meeting anyone.
What's fabsters options ?
I think the word friend has a different definition on the internet. I don't think you can apply the same rules nor should you have the same expectations of people you have spoken to in cyberspace who after all, can be anybody they choose for the brief time they interact with you."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why don't they just say they're meeting ......I'm baffled, they all know I don't want any drama , but rightly or wrongly I tell the truth
Rethinking that right now "
Don't let other people's mistrust and manipulations make you change. I'm like you, I'm honest with the people I talk with online as I see no point in lying. I consider them friends as I do share openly with them. If you're not going to be open and honest theres no point |
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Sometimes people I've never met but chatted to ask me what I'm doing. If I want to be polite I'll give them a generic answer like the guys have given you but it in no way accounts for my full weekend activities. Sometimes I have no wish to answer or be polite and delete the message. In my less polite moments of someone oversteps the mark I reply 'what the fucks it got to do with you'. Sets a clear boundary that one
Seriously hun you've never met them, it's nothing to do with you how they spend their weekend. Ask out of politeness if you want but don't expect them to account for their movements, they're just being polite. They may have have gone to the pub AND had meets so they're not lying! If you're not happy with a polite generic answer that doesn't and cannot account for 48 hours worth of activity then don't ask!
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"I've read about a quarter of the way down.
The title of this thread suggests that you feel somehow injured that they didn't tell you what they were doing..... isn't that just the teeniest big juvenile?
You've not even met them. They are NOT your friends. To be honest I don't think even a friend has to tell you what they are up to if it doesn't concern you.
My immediate thought is that as decent swingers they are exercising discretion.
"
Surely you can exercise discretion without telling lies though?
And really, there's not a whole lot of discretion going on when you post a verification the next day showing you weren't where you said you were gonna be. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Sometimes people I've never met but chatted to ask me what I'm doing. If I want to be polite I'll give them a generic answer like the guys have given you but it in no way accounts for my full weekend activities. Sometimes I have no wish to answer or be polite and delete the message. In my less polite moments of someone oversteps the mark I reply 'what the fucks it got to do with you'. Sets a clear boundary that one
Seriously hun you've never met them, it's nothing to do with you how they spend their weekend. Ask out of politeness if you want but don't expect them to account for their movements, they're just being polite. They may have have gone to the pub AND had meets so they're not lying! If you're not happy with a polite generic answer that doesn't and cannot account for 48 hours worth of activity then don't ask!
"
I clearly see your point, and thanks to everyone for their remarks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wonder, is anyone ever 'economic with the truth' with friends and family about where their going and what they are doing, when they are off on a meet?
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I wonder, is anyone ever 'economic with the truth' with friends and family about where their going and what they are doing, when they are off on a meet?
"
As always - succinctly put! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just want to ask around to see if it's me just being 'normal'
After talking to three guys on here over the months and getting on really well, but living miles away, I wonder why when it's a sex site they're never honest or up front about what they do.
I have a great social life outside Fab and when ive asked what they have planned for the weekend, they've said ,going to the pub with mates.
Why don't they just say they're meeting or going to Swingers Clubs, rather than me seeing on the following days that they've had actually had meets .
It's not the meets that get me , it's the fact that they lie and are dim enough to post verifications and then deny meeting anyone.
What's fabsters options ? "
#
I have had men in the past, say to me they cant meet me on a certain day, then they have posted up a meet request for the same day and/or displayed a veri for the day I asked if they were free. Thats a bit more hurtful, well it was as it was early days on here for me, would have been better if they were honest and said I wasnt their type, rather than lying |
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"I wonder, is anyone ever 'economic with the truth' with friends and family about where their going and what they are doing, when they are off on a meet?
"
This is also true but I don't feel the need to share my sex life with everyone. When you're talking to people on a swinging site I would assume (rightly or wrongly) that the people I'm chatting to are also chatting to others. It's not like it's all exclusive. I just appreciate honesty and I'm not sure there's a lot wrong with that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What's the issue, how's they lying by saying they're going to the pub with mates? I often go to the pub with mates, a packet of three, i'm not greedy.
Sadly, i always come home with a packet of three. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just want to ask around to see if it's me just being 'normal'
After talking to three guys on here over the months and getting on really well, but living miles away, I wonder why when it's a sex site they're never honest or up front about what they do.
I have a great social life outside Fab and when ive asked what they have planned for the weekend, they've said ,going to the pub with mates.
Why don't they just say they're meeting or going to Swingers Clubs, rather than me seeing on the following days that they've had actually had meets .
It's not the meets that get me , it's the fact that they lie and are dim enough to post verifications and then deny meeting anyone.
What's fabsters options ?
I think the word friend has a different definition on the internet. I don't think you can apply the same rules nor should you have the same expectations of people you have spoken to in cyberspace who after all, can be anybody they choose for the brief time they interact with you."
Spot on |
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"I wonder, is anyone ever 'economic with the truth' with friends and family about where their going and what they are doing, when they are off on a meet?
This is also true but I don't feel the need to share my sex life with everyone. When you're talking to people on a swinging site I would assume (rightly or wrongly) that the people I'm chatting to are also chatting to others. It's not like it's all exclusive. I just appreciate honesty and I'm not sure there's a lot wrong with that."
There's nothing wrong with appreciating honesty it makes life so much easier. I don't think anyone's implying that it's a bad thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
What's the issue, how's they lying by saying they're going to the pub with mates? I often go to the pub with mates, a packet of three, i'm not greedy.
Sadly, i always come home with a packet of three. "
I thought they came in 10's or 20's, prefer rollies myself though x
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I wonder, is anyone ever 'economic with the truth' with friends and family about where their going and what they are doing, when they are off on a meet?
"
I tell them I'm going to the club... I don't tell them which club, nor what goes on there, that's not economical with the truth, just with the specifics. Being a single guy of low self esteem, I don't really do well at getting meets |
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So you're questioning the social life of other people that you've never met before and getting into a huff because they hadn't told you that they were having a meet or going to a club?
It's their business, and perhaps they don't feel the need to tell a total stranger it!
What others do or don't do is really no concern of ours and we wouldn't see it as being lied to.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just want to ask around to see if it's me just being 'normal'
After talking to three guys on here over the months and getting on really well, but living miles away, I wonder why when it's a sex site they're never honest or up front about what they do.
I have a great social life outside Fab and when ive asked what they have planned for the weekend, they've said ,going to the pub with mates.
Why don't they just say they're meeting or going to Swingers Clubs, rather than me seeing on the following days that they've had actually had meets .
It's not the meets that get me , it's the fact that they lie and are dim enough to post verifications and then deny meeting anyone.
What's fabsters options ? "
Having read the replies, just put being friends on here as meaning nothing apart from being able to see private pics x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just want to ask around to see if it's me just being 'normal'
After talking to three guys on here over the months and getting on really well, but living miles away, I wonder why when it's a sex site they're never honest or up front about what they do.
I have a great social life outside Fab and when ive asked what they have planned for the weekend, they've said ,going to the pub with mates.
Why don't they just say they're meeting or going to Swingers Clubs, rather than me seeing on the following days that they've had actually had meets .
It's not the meets that get me , it's the fact that they lie and are dim enough to post verifications and then deny meeting anyone.
What's fabsters options ?
I think the word friend has a different definition on the internet. I don't think you can apply the same rules nor should you have the same expectations of people you have spoken to in cyberspace who after all, can be anybody they choose for the brief time they interact with you."
Have you read the falling for a friend thread today ? |
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"Just want to ask around to see if it's me just being 'normal'
After talking to three guys on here over the months and getting on really well, but living miles away, I wonder why when it's a sex site they're never honest or up front about what they do.
I have a great social life outside Fab and when ive asked what they have planned for the weekend, they've said ,going to the pub with mates.
Why don't they just say they're meeting or going to Swingers Clubs, rather than me seeing on the following days that they've had actually had meets .
It's not the meets that get me , it's the fact that they lie and are dim enough to post verifications and then deny meeting anyone.
What's fabsters options ?
I think the word friend has a different definition on the internet. I don't think you can apply the same rules nor should you have the same expectations of people you have spoken to in cyberspace who after all, can be anybody they choose for the brief time they interact with you.
Have you read the falling for a friend thread today ? "
No I haven't....... I'll have a look. |
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"Why don't they just say they're meeting ......I'm baffled, they all know I don't want any drama , but rightly or wrongly I tell the truth
Rethinking that right now
Don't let other people's mistrust and manipulations make you change. I'm like you, I'm honest with the people I talk with online as I see no point in lying. I consider them friends as I do share openly with them. If you're not going to be open and honest theres no point"
Yup I feel the same, I really don't think being on a swingers site or meeting for nsa should mean I lose my manners or my honesty! 'Got much planned for the weekend?' Is common polite small talk, and I can give as much or as little information as I choose without ever having to resort to lying. I sometimes worry that people I have yet to meet might be put off by something but see no point securing a meet with dishonesty, it could totally ruin the chances of someone becoming a trusted fb or fwb which is what I hope for here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just want to ask around to see if it's me just being 'normal'
After talking to three guys on here over the months and getting on really well, but living miles away, I wonder why when it's a sex site they're never honest or up front about what they do.
I have a great social life outside Fab and when ive asked what they have planned for the weekend, they've said ,going to the pub with mates.
Why don't they just say they're meeting or going to Swingers Clubs, rather than me seeing on the following days that they've had actually had meets .
It's not the meets that get me , it's the fact that they lie and are dim enough to post verifications and then deny meeting anyone.
What's fabsters options ? "
Maybe they see meeting a woman off here for a drink as going to the pub with mates
I have to be honest though I never see the reason or need to lie about things that really do not need to be lied about
Maybe they are just liars in general I don't know
*shrugs shoulders* |
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Couple of thoughts:
1/ Perhaps they did go out but met the person afterwards and it wasn't planned.
2/ Perhaps the verifications are from old meets and it's just coincidence.
3/Perhaps they did plan to go out but got a last minute call.
4/ Maybe they just lied and said whatever they thought they could to keep you happy ie keeping their options open...Just because you are happy with them being honest doesn't mean it always works, perhaps in the past they were honest and it didn't work out. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"What gets me is the guys and girls that keep you hanging on give you a lame excuse why they cant meet and wait till something better that comes along and then post the verifications lol x"
I've been accused of this, but the very simple reason is that I have made arrangements with others that I don't wish to discuss with the person pressing me for a meet when they want to meet. Saying I'm busy and not saying WHAT I'm busy doing should be sufficient - it's none of their business - but for some they get annoyed that I have been to a club or seen someone else.
As to the friends point, I only add those who I have met and know I will meet again. I may tell those people more than the ones I have yet to meet.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I do think people think differently whether they are couples or singles on here! And I know you know I am right!
A polite conversation in the getting know each other on here should be truthful and 'couples' don't really give a shit as they have each other and the single is maybe just a plaything, but for singles especially women (my opinion of course) If I am considering meeting someone new, I like to think I can trust them, so I know exactly where the OP is coming from, why lie? It is not an attractive trait at all! Especially when they are not clever enough to either back up there claims or intelligent enough to carry the lie through.
I agree I have no idea why people lie but the fact is they do. Advising the op that they do lie and its best to operate under that understanding is sensible and preferable surely to telling her that it isnt so. We all need to interact in the world as it is not as we would like it to be.
I think my irk was more along the lines of certain couples posting as singles basically saying 'suck it up' it's all well and good saying suck it up when you have a partner to rely on! You try and being a single female and trying to decipher who to trust or not or should we just lump all in one basket and just not trust anyone? or just suck it up, buttercup? "
What couples posting as singles?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have friends off the site....vanilla friends, ladies I sometimes "see".... ( or "meet" in fab speak). But they do know what I get up to in my "spare" time... And why not?
That's what I'm saying, I know it's a sex/meet site, I wouldn't have a relationship with anyone off here or anywhere else, come to think of it... so it's not a question of drama, but it would help me decide if I wanted to meet them, knowing what they do get up to"
"Knowing what they get up to"?! 
It all becomes clear... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just want to ask around to see if it's me just being 'normal'
After talking to three guys on here over the months and getting on really well, but living miles away, I wonder why when it's a sex site they're never honest or up front about what they do.
I have a great social life outside Fab and when ive asked what they have planned for the weekend, they've said ,going to the pub with mates.
Why don't they just say they're meeting or going to Swingers Clubs, rather than me seeing on the following days that they've had actually had meets .
It's not the meets that get me , it's the fact that they lie and are dim enough to post verifications and then deny meeting anyone.
What's fabsters options ? "
Tell them straight. If they are actually a friend they will take it on board. And have an open discussion. If not move on xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have friends off the site....vanilla friends, ladies I sometimes "see".... ( or "meet" in fab speak). But they do know what I get up to in my "spare" time... And why not?
That's what I'm saying, I know it's a sex/meet site, I wouldn't have a relationship with anyone off here or anywhere else, come to think of it... so it's not a question of drama, but it would help me decide if I wanted to meet them, knowing what they do get up to
"Knowing what they get up to"?!
It all becomes clear..."
One would think that the veri's she's complaining of would actually be very helpful and enlightening in this respect. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Just want to ask around to see if it's me just being 'normal'
After talking to three guys on here over the months and getting on really well, but living miles away, I wonder why when it's a sex site they're never honest or up front about what they do.
I have a great social life outside Fab and when ive asked what they have planned for the weekend, they've said ,going to the pub with mates.
Why don't they just say they're meeting or going to Swingers Clubs, rather than me seeing on the following days that they've had actually had meets .
It's not the meets that get me , it's the fact that they lie and are dim enough to post verifications and then deny meeting anyone.
What's fabsters options ?
Maybe they see meeting a woman off here for a drink as going to the pub with mates
I have to be honest though I never see the reason or need to lie about things that really do not need to be lied about
Maybe they are just liars in general I don't know
*shrugs shoulders*"
I agree, it shows them in their true light |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have friends off the site....vanilla friends, ladies I sometimes "see".... ( or "meet" in fab speak). But they do know what I get up to in my "spare" time... And why not?
That's what I'm saying, I know it's a sex/meet site, I wouldn't have a relationship with anyone off here or anywhere else, come to think of it... so it's not a question of drama, but it would help me decide if I wanted to meet them, knowing what they do get up to
"Knowing what they get up to"?!
It all becomes clear...
One would think that the veri's she's complaining of would actually be very helpful and enlightening in this respect. "
They have been very enlightening and probably saved me risking my health on more than one occasion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have friends off the site....vanilla friends, ladies I sometimes "see".... ( or "meet" in fab speak). But they do know what I get up to in my "spare" time... And why not?
That's what I'm saying, I know it's a sex/meet site, I wouldn't have a relationship with anyone off here or anywhere else, come to think of it... so it's not a question of drama, but it would help me decide if I wanted to meet them, knowing what they do get up to
"Knowing what they get up to"?!
It all becomes clear...
One would think that the veri's she's complaining of would actually be very helpful and enlightening in this respect.
They have been very enlightening and probably saved me risking my health on more than one occasion"
What do you mean? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I wouldn't lie. If I didn't want you to know I'd either say none of your business or simply I don't know yet. Saying that if I'd asked you first I'd then not be too surprised if you asked back and would then probably tell you I was off to a club. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I can't understand why you're bothered about it OP. Who and when other people meet is nothing to do with you.
These guys have the right to discretion just as you do. They obviously don't want to share with you their swinging exploits and I agree with them.
Clearly you are marking territory with them as you wouldn't be searching for the verifications to find out what they've been doing.
Just stop checking up on them and chat as normal on here when they message. |
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"I can't understand why you're bothered about it OP. Who and when other people meet is nothing to do with you.
These guys have the right to discretion just as you do. They obviously don't want to share with you their swinging exploits and I agree with them.
Clearly you are marking territory with them as you wouldn't be searching for the verifications to find out what they've been doing.
Just stop checking up on them and chat as normal on here when they message. "
I disagree, there is plenty of activity on fabs that affects sexual health risk and I would like to know what kind of risk that is before making my decision whether to meet or not. If someone who asks to meet me likes to go to bareback gangbangs for instance I feel that IS my business in that context! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I wouldn't lie. If I didn't want you to know I'd either say none of your business or simply I don't know yet. Saying that if I'd asked you first I'd then not be too surprised if you asked back and would then probably tell you I was off to a club."
What are you doing this weekend? Tell me NOW!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can't understand why you're bothered about it OP. Who and when other people meet is nothing to do with you.
These guys have the right to discretion just as you do. They obviously don't want to share with you their swinging exploits and I agree with them.
Clearly you are marking territory with them as you wouldn't be searching for the verifications to find out what they've been doing.
Just stop checking up on them and chat as normal on here when they message.
I disagree, there is plenty of activity on fabs that affects sexual health risk and I would like to know what kind of risk that is before making my decision whether to meet or not. If someone who asks to meet me likes to go to bareback gangbangs for instance I feel that IS my business in that context!"
There's a world outside Fab. If they don't post a veri from a bareback gangbang... you know they don't do them?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I can't understand why you're bothered about it OP. Who and when other people meet is nothing to do with you.
These guys have the right to discretion just as you do. They obviously don't want to share with you their swinging exploits and I agree with them.
Clearly you are marking territory with them as you wouldn't be searching for the verifications to find out what they've been doing.
Just stop checking up on them and chat as normal on here when they message.
I disagree, there is plenty of activity on fabs that affects sexual health risk and I would like to know what kind of risk that is before making my decision whether to meet or not. If someone who asks to meet me likes to go to bareback gangbangs for instance I feel that IS my business in that context!
There's a world outside Fab. If they don't post a veri from a bareback gangbang... you know they don't do them? "
I wasn't checking upon them, when people are on your friends list, it automatically tells you if they have posted verifications recently, so it can't be avoided |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can't understand why you're bothered about it OP. Who and when other people meet is nothing to do with you.
These guys have the right to discretion just as you do. They obviously don't want to share with you their swinging exploits and I agree with them.
Clearly you are marking territory with them as you wouldn't be searching for the verifications to find out what they've been doing.
Just stop checking up on them and chat as normal on here when they message.
I disagree, there is plenty of activity on fabs that affects sexual health risk and I would like to know what kind of risk that is before making my decision whether to meet or not. If someone who asks to meet me likes to go to bareback gangbangs for instance I feel that IS my business in that context!
There's a world outside Fab. If they don't post a veri from a bareback gangbang... you know they don't do them? "
Or just have a quick one behind the pub , ultimately they could be into anything outside fab . Which is more likely to be far more risky !
You alone are responsible for your sexual health and relying on veris , previous meets etc ..... Is , I'm afraid , no indicator at all . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have one best friend on here who I've known over 3 years the rest I don't class as friends just people I chat to as with friendship comes trust and if you don't know these people just chat with them and have never met, then I canny see how you would class them as friends.
Now these guys not telling you they aren't meeting maybe one of many options , they just may not want to tell you , they are keeping their options open with you, the list is endless. It does seem to have bothered you though. So if something bothered me and I wasn't happy I'd take that someone or something out of the equation and move on. But that's just me. |
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It all just acts as another layer of filters for finding those you are compatible with.
As can be seen from the responses, everyone has a different _iew on this, for me though there is a difference between being discreet and maintaining your privacy and just plain lying.
I know, for me, where the lines are between those distinctions and I act accordingly to what is right for me
That's all you can do op |
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"I've read about a quarter of the way down.
The title of this thread suggests that you feel somehow injured that they didn't tell you what they were doing..... isn't that just the teeniest big juvenile?
You've not even met them. They are NOT your friends. To be honest I don't think even a friend has to tell you what they are up to if it doesn't concern you.
My immediate thought is that as decent swingers they are exercising discretion.
Surely you can exercise discretion without telling lies though?
And really, there's not a whole lot of discretion going on when you post a verification the next day showing you weren't where you said you were gonna be. "
What lies were told ? I think only the O.P. assumes lies.
If I told you now that I was staying in all day and then later I went out. Isn't that just a change of intention?
If I omit to tell you that i'm shagging the bloke next door - isn't that just cos it's no one elses business ?
If I say I'm just nipping down to the shops but go into the bank and withdraw a huge dollop of dosh for my hols - is that a lie or just safeguarding my own interests ?
Sometimes I get itchy with the clinginess and demands by people who think a bloke 20 miles away you've never met and who has joined a swinging site to meet people who want sex is your friend and needs to confide all in you. |
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"I've read about a quarter of the way down.
The title of this thread suggests that you feel somehow injured that they didn't tell you what they were doing..... isn't that just the teeniest big juvenile?
You've not even met them. They are NOT your friends. To be honest I don't think even a friend has to tell you what they are up to if it doesn't concern you.
My immediate thought is that as decent swingers they are exercising discretion.
Surely you can exercise discretion without telling lies though?
And really, there's not a whole lot of discretion going on when you post a verification the next day showing you weren't where you said you were gonna be.
What lies were told ? I think only the O.P. assumes lies.
If I told you now that I was staying in all day and then later I went out. Isn't that just a change of intention?
If I omit to tell you that i'm shagging the bloke next door - isn't that just cos it's no one elses business ?
If I say I'm just nipping down to the shops but go into the bank and withdraw a huge dollop of dosh for my hols - is that a lie or just safeguarding my own interests ?
Sometimes I get itchy with the clinginess and demands by people who think a bloke 20 miles away you've never met and who has joined a swinging site to meet people who want sex is your friend and needs to confide all in you. "
If you change your intention and go out and then the person who you'd told you were staying in, says 'oh, I saw you out yesterday go any where nice? '
Would you still respond with what you had originally told them, that you stayed in, or confirm that they had indeed seem you out?
Because that fits more about what the op has stated.
|
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"I've read about a quarter of the way down.
The title of this thread suggests that you feel somehow injured that they didn't tell you what they were doing..... isn't that just the teeniest big juvenile?
You've not even met them. They are NOT your friends. To be honest I don't think even a friend has to tell you what they are up to if it doesn't concern you.
My immediate thought is that as decent swingers they are exercising discretion.
Surely you can exercise discretion without telling lies though?
And really, there's not a whole lot of discretion going on when you post a verification the next day showing you weren't where you said you were gonna be.
What lies were told ? I think only the O.P. assumes lies.
If I told you now that I was staying in all day and then later I went out. Isn't that just a change of intention?
If I omit to tell you that i'm shagging the bloke next door - isn't that just cos it's no one elses business ?
If I say I'm just nipping down to the shops but go into the bank and withdraw a huge dollop of dosh for my hols - is that a lie or just safeguarding my own interests ?
Sometimes I get itchy with the clinginess and demands by people who think a bloke 20 miles away you've never met and who has joined a swinging site to meet people who want sex is your friend and needs to confide all in you. "
Haha... agree with all of that.
The rest of my posts were after a quarter of the way down. Plans can of course change and that's maybe what happened, the three sided story only shows one side in this thread though so that was the point of _iew I answered.
I can't be arsed with clingy shit either but I'd rather have a little honesty from prospective meets. I don't need/want details but nor do I expect lies from any of my mates regardless of which area they appear.
I assume on a swinging site that everyone is shagging everyone else. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've read about a quarter of the way down.
The title of this thread suggests that you feel somehow injured that they didn't tell you what they were doing..... isn't that just the teeniest big juvenile?
You've not even met them. They are NOT your friends. To be honest I don't think even a friend has to tell you what they are up to if it doesn't concern you.
My immediate thought is that as decent swingers they are exercising discretion.
Surely you can exercise discretion without telling lies though?
And really, there's not a whole lot of discretion going on when you post a verification the next day showing you weren't where you said you were gonna be.
What lies were told ? I think only the O.P. assumes lies.
If I told you now that I was staying in all day and then later I went out. Isn't that just a change of intention?
If I omit to tell you that i'm shagging the bloke next door - isn't that just cos it's no one elses business ?
If I say I'm just nipping down to the shops but go into the bank and withdraw a huge dollop of dosh for my hols - is that a lie or just safeguarding my own interests ?
Sometimes I get itchy with the clinginess and demands by people who think a bloke 20 miles away you've never met and who has joined a swinging site to meet people who want sex is your friend and needs to confide all in you.
If you change your intention and go out and then the person who you'd told you were staying in, says 'oh, I saw you out yesterday go any where nice? '
Would you still respond with what you had originally told them, that you stayed in, or confirm that they had indeed seem you out?
Because that fits more about what the op has stated.
"
|
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"I've read about a quarter of the way down.
The title of this thread suggests that you feel somehow injured that they didn't tell you what they were doing..... isn't that just the teeniest big juvenile?
You've not even met them. They are NOT your friends. To be honest I don't think even a friend has to tell you what they are up to if it doesn't concern you.
My immediate thought is that as decent swingers they are exercising discretion.
Surely you can exercise discretion without telling lies though?
And really, there's not a whole lot of discretion going on when you post a verification the next day showing you weren't where you said you were gonna be.
What lies were told ? I think only the O.P. assumes lies.
If I told you now that I was staying in all day and then later I went out. Isn't that just a change of intention?
If I omit to tell you that i'm shagging the bloke next door - isn't that just cos it's no one elses business ?
If I say I'm just nipping down to the shops but go into the bank and withdraw a huge dollop of dosh for my hols - is that a lie or just safeguarding my own interests ?
Sometimes I get itchy with the clinginess and demands by people who think a bloke 20 miles away you've never met and who has joined a swinging site to meet people who want sex is your friend and needs to confide all in you.
If you change your intention and go out and then the person who you'd told you were staying in, says 'oh, I saw you out yesterday go any where nice? '
Would you still respond with what you had originally told them, that you stayed in, or confirm that they had indeed seem you out?
Because that fits more about what the op has stated.
"
Nope. I've read the O.P's O.P. and that is not what the O.P. stated.
Enough said about it now in my case. |
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"I've read about a quarter of the way down.
Nope. I've read the O.P's O.P. and that is not what the O.P. stated.
Enough said about it now in my case. "
Fair enough, had you read more of the thread though you may have had a different response because more context was given.
You also might not have.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've read about a quarter of the way down.
The title of this thread suggests that you feel somehow injured that they didn't tell you what they were doing..... isn't that just the teeniest big juvenile?
You've not even met them. They are NOT your friends. To be honest I don't think even a friend has to tell you what they are up to if it doesn't concern you.
My immediate thought is that as decent swingers they are exercising discretion.
Surely you can exercise discretion without telling lies though?
And really, there's not a whole lot of discretion going on when you post a verification the next day showing you weren't where you said you were gonna be.
What lies were told ? I think only the O.P. assumes lies.
If I told you now that I was staying in all day and then later I went out. Isn't that just a change of intention?
If I omit to tell you that i'm shagging the bloke next door - isn't that just cos it's no one elses business ?
If I say I'm just nipping down to the shops but go into the bank and withdraw a huge dollop of dosh for my hols - is that a lie or just safeguarding my own interests ?
Sometimes I get itchy with the clinginess and demands by people who think a bloke 20 miles away you've never met and who has joined a swinging site to meet people who want sex is your friend and needs to confide all in you. "
I totally agree with this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I find it incredulous too that people use verifications and profiles to make decisions over sexual health.
Just because people state safe sex on their profiles, does not actually mean they always do this.
Just because you can't see a gangbang bareback meet on the veris, does not mean he's never played bareback.
If people spend more time than New Scotland Yard in investigating whose played with whom by trawling through countless profiles, then don't swing.
The only thing you can trust is the man rolling a condom on in front of you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've read about a quarter of the way down.
The title of this thread suggests that you feel somehow injured that they didn't tell you what they were doing..... isn't that just the teeniest big juvenile?
You've not even met them. They are NOT your friends. To be honest I don't think even a friend has to tell you what they are up to if it doesn't concern you.
My immediate thought is that as decent swingers they are exercising discretion.
Surely you can exercise discretion without telling lies though?
And really, there's not a whole lot of discretion going on when you post a verification the next day showing you weren't where you said you were gonna be.
What lies were told ? I think only the O.P. assumes lies.
If I told you now that I was staying in all day and then later I went out. Isn't that just a change of intention?
If I omit to tell you that i'm shagging the bloke next door - isn't that just cos it's no one elses business ?
If I say I'm just nipping down to the shops but go into the bank and withdraw a huge dollop of dosh for my hols - is that a lie or just safeguarding my own interests ?
Sometimes I get itchy with the clinginess and demands by people who think a bloke 20 miles away you've never met and who has joined a swinging site to meet people who want sex is your friend and needs to confide all in you. "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I find it incredulous too that people use verifications and profiles to make decisions over sexual health.
Just because people state safe sex on their profiles, does not actually mean they always do this.
Just because you can't see a gangbang bareback meet on the veris, does not mean he's never played bareback.
If people spend more time than New Scotland Yard in investigating whose played with whom by trawling through countless profiles, then don't swing.
The only thing you can trust is the man rolling a condom on in front of you. "
Apart from the last sentence... You can trust what he's doing, but not the person. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I have friends off the site....vanilla friends, ladies I sometimes "see".... ( or "meet" in fab speak). But they do know what I get up to in my "spare" time... And why not?
That's what I'm saying, I know it's a sex/meet site, I wouldn't have a relationship with anyone off here or anywhere else, come to think of it... so it's not a question of drama, but it would help me decide if I wanted to meet them, knowing what they do get up to"
so what would put you off meeting them? Them having meets of a weekend?
For us, we don't ask questions and if someone asked us we wouldn't tell.
What we do when we are not meeting with that person is nothing to do with anyone else...however, we wouldn't lie, we would just ignore the question or say we are busy.
Having said that, this is the net, we don't trust anyone on it so I am surprised anyone does as you don't actually know the person totally even if you have met them. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I wonder, is anyone ever 'economic with the truth' with friends and family about where their going and what they are doing, when they are off on a meet?
"
We don't discuss our sex life with family so we wouldn't discuss any swinging either. |
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"I can't understand why you're bothered about it OP. Who and when other people meet is nothing to do with you.
These guys have the right to discretion just as you do. They obviously don't want to share with you their swinging exploits and I agree with them.
Clearly you are marking territory with them as you wouldn't be searching for the verifications to find out what they've been doing.
Just stop checking up on them and chat as normal on here when they message.
I disagree, there is plenty of activity on fabs that affects sexual health risk and I would like to know what kind of risk that is before making my decision whether to meet or not. If someone who asks to meet me likes to go to bareback gangbangs for instance I feel that IS my business in that context!
There's a world outside Fab. If they don't post a veri from a bareback gangbang... you know they don't do them? "
You don't, obviously, but I use all the information that *IS* available to me on here and will turn people down if I have concerns. I'm my opinion it is foolish to rely solely on a condom to keep you safe. |
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"We don't discuss our sex life with family so we wouldn't discuss any swinging either.."
We wouldn't feel the need to justify our private lives with strangers on the net either.
Anyway OP, thank you for giving me a wry smile when, having spent far too long reading about your problems with other people's dishonesty, I discovered that you lie about your age on your profile.
Mr ddc |
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"I can't understand why you're bothered about it OP. Who and when other people meet is nothing to do with you.
These guys have the right to discretion just as you do. They obviously don't want to share with you their swinging exploits and I agree with them.
Clearly you are marking territory with them as you wouldn't be searching for the verifications to find out what they've been doing.
Just stop checking up on them and chat as normal on here when they message.
I disagree, there is plenty of activity on fabs that affects sexual health risk and I would like to know what kind of risk that is before making my decision whether to meet or not. If someone who asks to meet me likes to go to bareback gangbangs for instance I feel that IS my business in that context!
There's a world outside Fab. If they don't post a veri from a bareback gangbang... you know they don't do them?
You don't, obviously, but I use all the information that *IS* available to me on here and will turn people down if I have concerns. I'm my opinion it is foolish to rely solely on a condom to keep you safe. "
And furthermore obvious lying is a big turn off to me too, if someone is obviously lying to me about something inconsequential I would not trust them not to lie about important things like their taste for bareback gangbangs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We don't discuss our sex life with family so we wouldn't discuss any swinging either..
We wouldn't feel the need to justify our private lives with strangers on the net either.
Anyway OP, thank you for giving me a wry smile when, having spent far too long reading about your problems with other people's dishonesty, I discovered that you lie about your age on your profile.
Mr ddc"
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By *oxiAnneWoman
over a year ago
Not on a Hot Gin Roof :/ |
"We don't discuss our sex life with family so we wouldn't discuss any swinging either..
We wouldn't feel the need to justify our private lives with strangers on the net either.
Anyway OP, thank you for giving me a wry smile when, having spent far too long reading about your problems with other people's dishonesty, I discovered that you lie about your age on your profile.
Mr ddc"
uh oh....  |
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"We don't discuss our sex life with family so we wouldn't discuss any swinging either..
We wouldn't feel the need to justify our private lives with strangers on the net either.
Anyway OP, thank you for giving me a wry smile when, having spent far too long reading about your problems with other people's dishonesty, I discovered that you lie about your age on your profile.
Mr ddc"
like I said on the net you can be anyone you want to be. Priceless! |
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"We don't discuss our sex life with family so we wouldn't discuss any swinging either..
We wouldn't feel the need to justify our private lives with strangers on the net either.
Anyway OP, thank you for giving me a wry smile when, having spent far too long reading about your problems with other people's dishonesty, I discovered that you lie about your age on your profile.
Mr ddc
like I said on the net you can be anyone you want to be. Priceless!"
Tonight Matthew I am going to be .......... ten years younger |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
Just to add ref: verifications turning up for "unavailable" times...if I'm negotiating a meet, the time that I'm planning to use is unavailable to anyone else until freed up by being declined.
So I could have "no meet arranged", not be available, and end up with a meet perfectly fairly. |
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