FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Im a bit emotional today.. sorry
Im a bit emotional today.. sorry
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I just wanted to type this out and im not even sure why im posting but heard that if you share a problem its often halfed so maybe its therapy.. i dunno
Today as you are all aware is Fathers day, and my little one just ran into me all excited 'Its Fathers Day Mummy, am i going to meet mine'.. now its not like he died or anything, just was never part of her life, his choice to be that way.
Its always been me and my daughter and at 3 and a half i thought she would just grow up knowing that this was our norm. (Just and mummy) But when i explained to her in basic terms it was just her and myself she then asks that question all 3yr olds do 'Why? My friends have daddys'.. well thats the flood gates opened even further.
I feel like a total failure, when in fact i know i should be super proud of the job i do on my own (with a little help from my grandparents) but it stick gets me in the stomach that she wont have the whole mum/dad situation.
Im feeling mad, angry and sick all because i fell for his 'loving caring father' image he gave me when i first met him, never expected to fall pregnant being on the implant. He is now very happy with his new Fiance, 3 step kids and one of his own with her. He has one of his my daughter and i just truly do not understand why a man can honestly not care or make an effort.
My own father was an alcoholic and when my parents got divorced just 8 months after they were married he made no effort to see me, we now live in the same town and he ignores me to the extent of crossing the road, my step dad of 16yrs always favoured my brother (his actual son) over me, i hand on heart can never remember a kiss or a cuddle and when my parents split 7yr ago ive not heard from him..
Sorry if youve read all this i just feel really shitty about today.
Massive credit to all men who stuck around, faced up to responsibilities and even took on other people's children. Sorry to those of you who's dads are no longer with you. xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Aww huni I am so sorry you feel this way but remember what a brilliant jib you are doing bringing up a child by yoursef. Some men are very selfish and he is the one missing precious times in her life. You are better off without him its his loss xxxx |
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Don't feel like a failure. She is young and will be taught about conventional families at nursery. They will have all been making fathers day cards etc. You can't hide her away from the fact that other people have dads.
All you can do is the best you can. If she asksabout her dad tell her what he was like . Not the fact that he doesn't want her but what he looked like etc and that he lives somewhere else. She doesn't need you to project your personal feelings towards him onto her.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just wanted to type this out and im not even sure why im posting but heard that if you share a problem its often halfed so maybe its therapy.. i dunno
Today as you are all aware is Fathers day, and my little one just ran into me all excited 'Its Fathers Day Mummy, am i going to meet mine'.. now its not like he died or anything, just was never part of her life, his choice to be that way.
Its always been me and my daughter and at 3 and a half i thought she would just grow up knowing that this was our norm. (Just and mummy) But when i explained to her in basic terms it was just her and myself she then asks that question all 3yr olds do 'Why? My friends have daddys'.. well thats the flood gates opened even further.
I feel like a total failure, when in fact i know i should be super proud of the job i do on my own (with a little help from my grandparents) but it stick gets me in the stomach that she wont have the whole mum/dad situation.
Im feeling mad, angry and sick all because i fell for his 'loving caring father' image he gave me when i first met him, never expected to fall pregnant being on the implant. He is now very happy with his new Fiance, 3 step kids and one of his own with her. He has one of his my daughter and i just truly do not understand why a man can honestly not care or make an effort.
My own father was an alcoholic and when my parents got divorced just 8 months after they were married he made no effort to see me, we now live in the same town and he ignores me to the extent of crossing the road, my step dad of 16yrs always favoured my brother (his actual son) over me, i hand on heart can never remember a kiss or a cuddle and when my parents split 7yr ago ive not heard from him..
Sorry if youve read all this i just feel really shitty about today.
Massive credit to all men who stuck around, faced up to responsibilities and even took on other people's children. Sorry to those of you who's dads are no longer with you. xxxx"
As a son and father and soon grandfather I feel for anyone who is bringing up a child on there own and have great respect for them ,you have each other and love one another don't put your self down she sounds like she has a lovely caring mother take care and love to you both xx  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Don't feel like a failure. She is young and will be taught about conventional families at nursery. They will have all been making fathers day cards etc. You can't hide her away from the fact that other people have dads.
All you can do is the best you can. If she asksabout her dad tell her what he was like . Not the fact that he doesn't want her but what he looked like etc and that he lives somewhere else. She doesn't need you to project your personal feelings towards him onto her.
"
Oh id not be horrible about him that would never achieve anything. She's aware people have dads because they often pick up their children from nursery. Just thought she would know that she doesnt have a dad who's active in her life. Really threw me when she asked 'when can i meet him' |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
Chin up, lass. Bringing a daughter up on your own is a massive credit to you and anyone else who can do it.
You've had a raw deal out of life, but from your posts on the forum you seem perfectly balanced and as normal as anyone should ever be. To have a crappy childhood and come out fine says a lot about you.  |
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"Don't feel like a failure. She is young and will be taught about conventional families at nursery. They will have all been making fathers day cards etc. You can't hide her away from the fact that other people have dads.
All you can do is the best you can. If she asksabout her dad tell her what he was like . Not the fact that he doesn't want her but what he looked like etc and that he lives somewhere else. She doesn't need you to project your personal feelings towards him onto her.
Oh id not be horrible about him that would never achieve anything. She's aware people have dads because they often pick up their children from nursery. Just thought she would know that she doesnt have a dad who's active in her life. Really threw me when she asked 'when can i meet him' "
It's normal for kids to be curious about these things.
My brother in law is not my nephews Real Dad but he is the only Dad he has ever knownand calls him so.
At the end of last year he came downstairs and said to his dad 'I live you but my body is not ready to accept you as my family' we have no idea where this came from and why after 7 years he said it. He decided he wanted to contact his Real Dad so my sister let him word a message that she sent to him on Facebook.
There is no doubt your daughter loves you and she is only 3 so not a lot of thought goes into what she says and how it will affect you. Just keep doing what you are doing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Chin up, lass. Bringing a daughter up on your own is a massive credit to you and anyone else who can do it.
You've had a raw deal out of life, but from your posts on the forum you seem perfectly balanced and as normal as anyone should ever be. To have a crappy childhood and come out fine says a lot about you. "
 this. You should feel very proud of yourself for bringing up your daughter single handedly. She's a very lucky girl. Hope all these good messages on here will at least make you feel a bit better. Big hugs! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Chin up, lass. Bringing a daughter up on your own is a massive credit to you and anyone else who can do it.
You've had a raw deal out of life, but from your posts on the forum you seem perfectly balanced and as normal as anyone should ever be. To have a crappy childhood and come out fine says a lot about you.
this. You should feel very proud of yourself for bringing up your daughter single handedly. She's a very lucky girl. Hope all these good messages on here will at least make you feel a bit better. Big hugs!"
Hugs from me too.
At our school they made mother's day cards but not father's day cards. 
Would her real dad never want to even meet her? She'll understand better when she gets older. Sometimes people are better off with no dad than having a crap dad. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just wanted to type this out and im not even sure why im posting but heard that if you share a problem its often halfed so maybe its therapy.. i dunno
Today as you are all aware is Fathers day, and my little one just ran into me all excited 'Its Fathers Day Mummy, am i going to meet mine'.. now its not like he died or anything, just was never part of her life, his choice to be that way.
Its always been me and my daughter and at 3 and a half i thought she would just grow up knowing that this was our norm. (Just and mummy) But when i explained to her in basic terms it was just her and myself she then asks that question all 3yr olds do 'Why? My friends have daddys'.. well thats the flood gates opened even further.
I feel like a total failure, when in fact i know i should be super proud of the job i do on my own (with a little help from my grandparents) but it stick gets me in the stomach that she wont have the whole mum/dad situation.
Im feeling mad, angry and sick all because i fell for his 'loving caring father' image he gave me when i first met him, never expected to fall pregnant being on the implant. He is now very happy with his new Fiance, 3 step kids and one of his own with her. He has one of his my daughter and i just truly do not understand why a man can honestly not care or make an effort.
My own father was an alcoholic and when my parents got divorced just 8 months after they were married he made no effort to see me, we now live in the same town and he ignores me to the extent of crossing the road, my step dad of 16yrs always favoured my brother (his actual son) over me, i hand on heart can never remember a kiss or a cuddle and when my parents split 7yr ago ive not heard from him..
Sorry if youve read all this i just feel really shitty about today.
Massive credit to all men who stuck around, faced up to responsibilities and even took on other people's children. Sorry to those of you who's dads are no longer with you. xxxx"
XXXXXXXX |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i think its different for men, some men want to get you pregnant, then when you are pregnant or have had the baby, they arent all that interested.
I was 19 and not married when i got pregnant and i didnt realy want to be pregnant, only i bonded with my baby and had feelings for it when it was growing inside of me.
to some men out of site is out of mind,
not saying they are wrong as its their life to live the way they want too.
my son hasnt got any kids but he is always saying he doesnt understand men who dont want to see their kids.
i think you have been quite lucky though having such a good mum who supports you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" Hugs from me too.
At our school they made mother's day cards but not father's day cards.
Would her real dad never want to even meet her? She'll understand better when she gets older. Sometimes people are better off with no dad than having a crap dad. X"
She had made a Happy Fathers day, to a great grandad' card.. 
Agree she is better off with no dad that a crappy dad.. im glad in some respects its just me and her and i dont have to answer to anyone else. We can do what we want and go where ever.. but yet theres something inside me that niggles and think 'its a shame she wont have mummy AND daddy' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My son and his ex girlfriend have a beautiful little girl and he has not shirked his responsibilities towards her, even to the point of staying there last night so he could be there today, though not yet one year old, he wants to make sure she knows who he is and play a part in her life.
There are lots of Dad's don't want to be a part of their lives no matter how much the mum tries but also those who want to be a part of their child's lives but cannot, there are also mum's who don't want to be either.
All you can do is do the best for her and that sounds like you are doing that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just wanted to type this out and im not even sure why im posting but heard that if you share a problem its often halfed so maybe its therapy.. i dunno
Today as you are all aware is Fathers day, and my little one just ran into me all excited 'Its Fathers Day Mummy, am i going to meet mine'.. now its not like he died or anything, just was never part of her life, his choice to be that way.
Its always been me and my daughter and at 3 and a half i thought she would just grow up knowing that this was our norm. (Just and mummy) But when i explained to her in basic terms it was just her and myself she then asks that question all 3yr olds do 'Why? My friends have daddys'.. well thats the flood gates opened even further.
I feel like a total failure, when in fact i know i should be super proud of the job i do on my own (with a little help from my grandparents) but it stick gets me in the stomach that she wont have the whole mum/dad situation.
Im feeling mad, angry and sick all because i fell for his 'loving caring father' image he gave me when i first met him, never expected to fall pregnant being on the implant. He is now very happy with his new Fiance, 3 step kids and one of his own with her. He has one of his my daughter and i just truly do not understand why a man can honestly not care or make an effort.
My own father was an alcoholic and when my parents got divorced just 8 months after they were married he made no effort to see me, we now live in the same town and he ignores me to the extent of crossing the road, my step dad of 16yrs always favoured my brother (his actual son) over me, i hand on heart can never remember a kiss or a cuddle and when my parents split 7yr ago ive not heard from him..
Sorry if youve read all this i just feel really shitty about today.
Massive credit to all men who stuck around, faced up to responsibilities and even took on other people's children. Sorry to those of you who's dads are no longer with you. xxxx"
you do an amazing job Kim and the little one is a credit to you. relationships breakdown but that's no excuse for the man to disappear from existence. love you babe, keep your chin up x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bit different but my husband died over five years ago and it was hard when the kids made fathers day cards but the school was great and the youngest ones used to make me a card instead but broke my heart as the kids really miss him but as everyone is saying better to have one parent who loves them. When your little one is a,bit older she will start to understand so try to keep your chin up knowing your doing a great job. Big hugs Xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm a little emotional today too. I'm having my 2 year old nephew for the day. My brother died 2 month ago at the age of 30.
Safe to say there will be lots of cuddles and tears. "
So sorry for your loss xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just wanted to type this out and im not even sure why im posting but heard that if you share a problem its often halfed so maybe its therapy.. i dunno
Today as you are all aware is Fathers day, and my little one just ran into me all excited 'Its Fathers Day Mummy, am i going to meet mine'.. now its not like he died or anything, just was never part of her life, his choice to be that way.
Its always been me and my daughter and at 3 and a half i thought she would just grow up knowing that this was our norm. (Just and mummy) But when i explained to her in basic terms it was just her and myself she then asks that question all 3yr olds do 'Why? My friends have daddys'.. well thats the flood gates opened even further.
I feel like a total failure, when in fact i know i should be super proud of the job i do on my own (with a little help from my grandparents) but it stick gets me in the stomach that she wont have the whole mum/dad situation.
Im feeling mad, angry and sick all because i fell for his 'loving caring father' image he gave me when i first met him, never expected to fall pregnant being on the implant. He is now very happy with his new Fiance, 3 step kids and one of his own with her. He has one of his my daughter and i just truly do not understand why a man can honestly not care or make an effort.
My own father was an alcoholic and when my parents got divorced just 8 months after they were married he made no effort to see me, we now live in the same town and he ignores me to the extent of crossing the road, my step dad of 16yrs always favoured my brother (his actual son) over me, i hand on heart can never remember a kiss or a cuddle and when my parents split 7yr ago ive not heard from him..
Sorry if youve read all this i just feel really shitty about today.
Massive credit to all men who stuck around, faced up to responsibilities and even took on other people's children. Sorry to those of you who's dads are no longer with you. xxxx"
You sound like you are doing a fantastic job with your little girl. Im sure she is better off with just you and the grandparents. I couldnt have brought up my children alone, I dont think I have the strength you obviously have. My dad has been gone 15 years now but will be "going to see him" today if that makes sense. I was a only child so was daddy's little girl. Miss him terribly so I will be on the emotional bandwagon with you and everyone today who has lost their dad. Sorry if this upsets you more but I had to share my feelings as I dont share them with my family. Keep up the good work and one day hopefully you will find a good guy who will respect you and your daughter xx |
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By *annGentMan
over a year ago
With a cracking view |
I view failure as giving up trying to succeed !
You don't sound in any way like that !
Young kids have a way of looking at the world that is black and white to them !
Can be very simplistic, but it seems to work for them.
Huge hugs to you both !  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't feel like a failure. She is young and will be taught about conventional families at nursery. They will have all been making fathers day cards etc. You can't hide her away from the fact that other people have dads.
All you can do is the best you can. If she asksabout her dad tell her what he was like . Not the fact that he doesn't want her but what he looked like etc and that he lives somewhere else. She doesn't need you to project your personal feelings towards him onto her.
"
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You are one of a kind Cute! There is little I can say to make you feel better, one has to have lived such difficult situations to know what it is like. I'll just humbly offer you friendship, hugs and a massive well done!  . Keep doing what you're doing, you're doing it so well. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Your daughter will continue to have questions and they will get more sophisticated as she grows.
The best you can do is love her, nurture her, make her feel secure and be consistent in what you tell her. It's hard but try not to let your own experience and feelings on the lack of an adequate father figure colour how you present men. It sounds like your grandfather provides a strong and influential male figure in both of your lives.
Feeling sad and angry is normal at times like this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Let me just go on record and say to OP that guys like that piss me off.
I don't have kid's. .but I swear that I get struck down by a bolt of lightening..I would never abandon them. I just wouldn't do it.
Ben |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't ever blame yourself!!! As you know I've two little ones around the same age, since I left their father over 18 months ago he has taken them out and spent time with him only 5 times, he doesn't give and mental or financial input whatsoever, my parents are both dead  and his mother lives in Wales so they don't have them either.
I hold my head high and am proud of the job I'm doing, it gets hard yes and I don't often get a break or me time but I can look at my kids and be so proud!! It's their dad who's losing out by choosing not to be part of their lives, be proud of what you've achieved cute and don't ever feel you've failed your daughter because of this |
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Hopefully posting your OP has helped you Cute?
I salute you and your strenght to raise your daughter alone and the to post in public your woes. You're clearly a strong individual. I'm sure your little girl will grow up to be a great woman under your guidance as you seem level headed, articulate and a good communicator.
(...cute too!!!)
Next, has it helped you posting on here? Can we help cheer you up in some small way?
I can try to arrange 'drive-by arses wiggling from car windows' from all the forum posters if you think it would raise a smile?.... just a thought  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is it better to never have had than to have had something and lost?
There are fathers who don't get a choice about seeing their children. There are stepfathers who improve the lives of children who are without their biological father. There are single fathers who bring their children up alone.
Today is about fathers, dads, grandfathers. Today is a celebration of them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hopefully posting your OP has helped you Cute?
I salute you and your strenght to raise your daughter alone and the to post in public your woes. You're clearly a strong individual. I'm sure your little girl will grow up to be a great woman under your guidance as you seem level headed, articulate and a good communicator.
(...cute too!!!)
Next, has it helped you posting on here? Can we help cheer you up in some small way?
I can try to arrange 'drive-by arses wiggling from car windows' from all the forum posters if you think it would raise a smile?.... just a thought "
Good post.... But if I wiggled my arse out of a car window it'd get stuck....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cute ur doing a grand job with ur daughter she will respect u for wot u areddoing its a hard task bringing up a child on ur own wethrre girl ir boy but its the love u get bk from them at the end if the day its the unconditional love if u need a chat huni in box me ok I was minxy and max befre and u were on friend list but had to do new profile xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just remember it's not your fault, you do unfortunately have to put up with the heartache. My best mate has to go through with this with her 8 year old son and it is heartbreaking to see.
He came home from school this year having made a fathers day card... When she opened it he had drawn stuff like dead flowers and written Dad I hate you. My friend doesn't know where he lives but I said she should pass it on to someone he knows so that he receives it, she's very disorganised though so I doubt it reached him. My niece also went through this and she is now in her twenties and I would say that the bond between her and her Mum is all the more stronger for it, so it could be said that every cloud has a silver lining even if it's not immediately apparent.
Abi x |
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So, you knew there was a slight risk when the guy dumped his load in you.
You prob had 'that' conversation when you knew there was a bun in the oven.
The output of that conversation seems to have been that he didn't want to know??
It's not ideal that he doesn't want anything to do with his child but there must have been a number of times where you had choices and decisions to make and the ones you have made led you to the status quo... Therefore, you could have thought about this eventuality long ago and considered what your answer would be.
If you didn't then there's only one person to ask why not and that kind of personal reflection surely isn't best shared on a swingers forum, a good friend would have been a better option - do you think???
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"So, you knew there was a slight risk when the guy dumped his load in you.
You prob had 'that' conversation when you knew there was a bun in the oven.
The output of that conversation seems to have been that he didn't want to know??
It's not ideal that he doesn't want anything to do with his child but there must have been a number of times where you had choices and decisions to make and the ones you have made led you to the status quo... Therefore, you could have thought about this eventuality long ago and considered what your answer would be.
If you didn't then there's only one person to ask why not and that kind of personal reflection surely isn't best shared on a swingers forum, a good friend would have been a better option - do you think???
"
This always gets raised with personal reflection posts. The forum can be a source of advice, support and comfort. Those that don't think people should post are free to express that but there will be just as many offering support or a different view point. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So, you knew there was a slight risk when the guy dumped his load in you.
You prob had 'that' conversation when you knew there was a bun in the oven.
The output of that conversation seems to have been that he didn't want to know??
It's not ideal that he doesn't want anything to do with his child but there must have been a number of times where you had choices and decisions to make and the ones you have made led you to the status quo... Therefore, you could have thought about this eventuality long ago and considered what your answer would be.
If you didn't then there's only one person to ask why not and that kind of personal reflection surely isn't best shared on a swingers forum, a good friend would have been a better option - do you think???
"
I found out i was pregnant at 33 weeks..
I had an implant and thought i was safe in regards to pregnancy.
I love my daughter with every beat of my heart. Do not regret having her, was a shock and never planned to be a single parent. I just feel bad that she wont grown up with a mum and a dad.
Thanks for the view anyway |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Sorry to be a broken record but today is Father's Day not Single Mother's Day.
Mother's Day is in March"
I know what day it is Ruby, that's why im emotional about it. Ive already given credit to those men who step up and take responsibilities, but sadly not all fathers do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry to be a broken record but today is Father's Day not Single Mother's Day.
Mother's Day is in March"
My girls have already wished me happy Father's Day |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry to be a broken record but today is Father's Day not Single Mother's Day.
Mother's Day is in March
I know what day it is Ruby, that's why im emotional about it. Ive already given credit to those men who step up and take responsibilities, but sadly not all fathers do. "
I'm not disputing you are upset, I'm just saying today is about fathers and there's plenty of people without them and plenty of people missing them today. There's plenty of people who have never had them.
Its a very profound thing for a little one to say, that must have hurt. But, if your ex was violent surely bringing her up on your own means she won't be brought up with violence.
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Definitions:
Mothering means nurturing and rearing
Fathering means impregnating
Being a parent is a whole different game.
Father's Day is about recognising the important and difficult job of being a father not the act of impregnation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The OP has posted her very emotional and honest thought and feelings. Is there really any need to criticise her situation or her decisions?  "
agreed...very well said x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I brought both my daughters up without their father. 22 n 19 now, and both have texted me wishing me a happy father day! That to me tell me I did OK by them and they didn't miss out on not having their father around! |
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If you're posting on an open forum you're asking for opinions so, yes - you get people's opinions.
Life is about choices, if you didn't 'realize' until 33 weeks gone then some degree of self awareness might have benefitted the situation?
I'm very much follow the ethos of, make your bed - you lay in it.
This is about choices in life and the implications of those choices, actions and reactions.
As a voyeur of this, it just seems sad... A series of bad choices and decisions and there's a little one now getting alittle confused.
If I ever become a father, the day i find out is the last day I am ever on this site as I won't have time to fuck about. That child will be my entire universe and nothing will sway that until I stop breathing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you're posting on an open forum you're asking for opinions so, yes - you get people's opinions.
Life is about choices, if you didn't 'realize' until 33 weeks gone then some degree of self awareness might have benefitted the situation?
I'm very much follow the ethos of, make your bed - you lay in it.
This is about choices in life and the implications of those choices, actions and reactions.
As a voyeur of this, it just seems sad... A series of bad choices and decisions and there's a little one now getting alittle confused.
If I ever become a father, the day i find out is the last day I am ever on this site as I won't have time to fuck about. That child will be my entire universe and nothing will sway that until I stop breathing."
You're a little ray of sunshine aren't you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you're posting on an open forum you're asking for opinions so, yes - you get people's opinions.
Life is about choices, if you didn't 'realize' until 33 weeks gone then some degree of self awareness might have benefitted the situation?
I'm very much follow the ethos of, make your bed - you lay in it.
This is about choices in life and the implications of those choices, actions and reactions.
As a voyeur of this, it just seems sad... A series of bad choices and decisions and there's a little one now getting alittle confused.
If I ever become a father, the day i find out is the last day I am ever on this site as I won't have time to fuck about. That child will be my entire universe and nothing will sway that until I stop breathing."
can u just explain the self awareness bit please? i wasnt in denial i genuinely had no clue i was pregnant.
im glad you would step up and be a great dad |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Definitions:
Mothering means nurturing and rearing
Fathering means impregnating
Being a parent is a whole different game.
Father's Day is about recognising the important and difficult job of being a father not the act of impregnation."
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"Hopefully posting your OP has helped you Cute?
I salute you and your strenght to raise your daughter alone and the to post in public your woes. You're clearly a strong individual. I'm sure your little girl will grow up to be a great woman under your guidance as you seem level headed, articulate and a good communicator.
(...cute too!!!)
Next, has it helped you posting on here? Can we help cheer you up in some small way?
I can try to arrange 'drive-by arses wiggling from car windows' from all the forum posters if you think it would raise a smile?.... just a thought
Good post.... But if I wiggled my arse out of a car window it'd get stuck.... "
Looks like it's just us two anyway. Arses at the ready... WIGGLE!!!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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dont feel a failure.
you just need to explain that not all families need a mummy and a daddy and that some children are raised by grandparents, uncles, aunts, family friends. explain that it makes no difference as everyone of those children have someone who loves them and cares for them.
A family is tied by love not blood inm alot of cases.
Be honest and tell her how her dad at the moment doesnt know how to be a daddy, but thats fine maybe one day she will meet him, just not for now. Remind her of how she has you and your grandparents and how lucky she is as alot fo children dont have grandparents either.. how we are all different but she is no less loved than her friends with dads.
my sons dad has had nothing to do with him either and my son is 6 and has made a fathers day card at school which we are going to give to my dad. my parents are extremely close to my son as is my brother and we dont need his dad or his dads family and he knows this.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you're posting on an open forum you're asking for opinions so, yes - you get people's opinions.
Life is about choices, if you didn't 'realize' until 33 weeks gone then some degree of self awareness might have benefitted the situation?
I'm very much follow the ethos of, make your bed - you lay in it.
This is about choices in life and the implications of those choices, actions and reactions.
As a voyeur of this, it just seems sad... A series of bad choices and decisions and there's a little one now getting alittle confused.
If I ever become a father, the day i find out is the last day I am ever on this site as I won't have time to fuck about. That child will be my entire universe and nothing will sway that until I stop breathing."
wow i wanted to get pregnant for years but with PCOS was told the chances of concieving naturally would be very slim.. so imagine the shock when i found out i was pregnant! over the moon, delighted.. i knew then that the father was a piece of shit and should of been just a fling and that one day i would be bringing my child up alone. but that didnt stop me or deter me in anyway and i ask of nothing from the father..
i do everything for my son and i do so happily and with great joy, its an honour.
so the comment of your bed and lay in it i find shocking really.
i see so many couples get married and have children cos they believe thats what society expects of them.. thats hwo life goes.. but they have much less interest in the children and just carry on rolling with life and doing as expected.
as i said children dont need a mother and a father.. they just need an adult/s that care and love for them |
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"Definitions:
Mothering means nurturing and rearing
Fathering means impregnating
Being a parent is a whole different game.
Father's Day is about recognising the important and difficult job of being a father not the act of impregnation.
"
Might I guide you to your nearest library where one can consult a good dictionary or thesaurus?
Your post is a fine example of ignorance and a one sided point of view...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mothers day or Fathers day can be a emotional day if they are no longer with us .My mam walked out on my Dad and left him with 6 of us . Ages . 1 .3 7 10 13 15 .My Dad was 44 and brought us all up . I must admit when i look back we had a really hard upbringing with very little money but not many men in this world could bring 6 of us up like my dad did . He died when he was 75 .He was and still is the best dad in the world xx happy fathers day dad xxx |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Definitions:
Mothering means nurturing and rearing
Fathering means impregnating
Being a parent is a whole different game.
Father's Day is about recognising the important and difficult job of being a father not the act of impregnation.
Might I guide you to your nearest library where one can consult a good dictionary or thesaurus?
Your post is a fine example of ignorance and a one sided point of view...
The first definition of fathering is that of sperm uniting with egg. The second is of raising and caring. Please don't suggest I consult dictionary. I am happy for you to state you think my post is ignorant and one sided as I do not lay out all of my thoughts in posts on here. What I went on to state is that parenting is what is important.
There are good and bad mothers and fathers. Some are better able to step up to the job of being a parent, others aren't. We judge but we don't know what anyone is feeling or the circumstances that determine their decisions.
Good luck when you become a father.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you're posting on an open forum you're asking for opinions so, yes - you get people's opinions.
Life is about choices, if you didn't 'realize' until 33 weeks gone then some degree of self awareness might have benefitted the situation?
I'm very much follow the ethos of, make your bed - you lay in it.
This is about choices in life and the implications of those choices, actions and reactions.
As a voyeur of this, it just seems sad... A series of bad choices and decisions and there's a little one now getting alittle confused.
If I ever become a father, the day i find out is the last day I am ever on this site as I won't have time to fuck about. That child will be my entire universe and nothing will sway that until I stop breathing."
Empathy isn't your middle name is it? |
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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago
In Your Bush |
"
If I ever become a father, the day i find out is the last day I am ever on this site as I won't have time to fuck about. That child will be my entire universe and nothing will sway that until I stop breathing."
Good luck finding someone.
Get a silver site supporters pass it lasts longer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
If I ever become a father, the day i find out is the last day I am ever on this site as I won't have time to fuck about. That child will be my entire universe and nothing will sway that until I stop breathing.
Good luck finding someone.
Get a silver site supporters pass it lasts longer. "
Very Subtle |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hopefully posting your OP has helped you Cute?
I salute you and your strenght to raise your daughter alone and the to post in public your woes. You're clearly a strong individual. I'm sure your little girl will grow up to be a great woman under your guidance as you seem level headed, articulate and a good communicator.
(...cute too!!!)
Next, has it helped you posting on here? Can we help cheer you up in some small way?
I can try to arrange 'drive-by arses wiggling from car windows' from all the forum posters if you think it would raise a smile?.... just a thought
Good post.... But if I wiggled my arse out of a car window it'd get stuck....
Looks like it's just us two anyway. Arses at the ready... WIGGLE!!!
"
Who's driving...!!!  |
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My sister has a similar problem, but it's not just fathers day she struggles with. She was married and had a daughter with her husband. He left her and she managed to get herself knocked up by some guy she met on the internet.
Her son is this mans only child, he has since married, denies the child and has never seen him and he's five! She gets upset when her ex comes for his daughter and her ex is annoyed her son has his name.
Unfortunately there's nothing she can do but be there for her son. People make mistakes, don't beat yourself up. |
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"If you're posting on an open forum you're asking for opinions so, yes - you get people's opinions.
Life is about choices, if you didn't 'realize' until 33 weeks gone then some degree of self awareness might have benefitted the situation?
I'm very much follow the ethos of, make your bed - you lay in it.
This is about choices in life and the implications of those choices, actions and reactions.
As a voyeur of this, it just seems sad... A series of bad choices and decisions and there's a little one now getting alittle confused.
If I ever become a father, the day i find out is the last day I am ever on this site as I won't have time to fuck about. That child will be my entire universe and nothing will sway that until I stop breathing."
So every parent in here is a bad parent for WangNguyen their own Fun are they? It's not like the OP has a revolving door in her house and leaves the child to fend For herself!!
You seem to not believe that someone doesn't know they are pregnant until very far into their pregnancy. I know a couple of people who only knew they were pregnant for a couple of months. The human body is a wonderful thing and can mask a multitude if things.
The parenting skills and choices of the OP are not the issue here. How to deal with an inquisitive 3 year old is what she is after. Just because opinions are sought doesn't mean everyone's should be aired, little thing called tact comes into play. |
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"The OP has posted her very emotional and honest thought and feelings. Is there really any need to criticise her situation or her decisions? "
Just because someone has a differing view it's not critical. In life we make mistakes, sometimes it comes back and bites us.
We're entitled to our public pity parties if we so wish, doesn't mean all the public will be hanging out the bunting with us! |
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"If you're posting on an open forum you're asking for opinions so, yes - you get people's opinions.
Life is about choices, if you didn't 'realize' until 33 weeks gone then some degree of self awareness might have benefitted the situation?
I'm very much follow the ethos of, make your bed - you lay in it.
This is about choices in life and the implications of those choices, actions and reactions.
As a voyeur of this, it just seems sad... A series of bad choices and decisions and there's a little one now getting alittle confused.
If I ever become a father, the day i find out is the last day I am ever on this site as I won't have time to fuck about. That child will be my entire universe and nothing will sway that until I stop breathing.
wow i wanted to get pregnant for years but with PCOS was told the chances of concieving naturally would be very slim.. so imagine the shock when i found out i was pregnant! over the moon, delighted.. i knew then that the father was a piece of shit and should of been just a fling and that one day i would be bringing my child up alone. but that didnt stop me or deter me in anyway and i ask of nothing from the father..
i do everything for my son and i do so happily and with great joy, its an honour.
so the comment of your bed and lay in it i find shocking really.
i see so many couples get married and have children cos they believe thats what society expects of them.. thats hwo life goes.. but they have much less interest in the children and just carry on rolling with life and doing as expected.
as i said children dont need a mother and a father.. they just need an adult/s that care and love for them"
So it's reasonable for you to criticise people who marry and have kids, "no interest" your bold claim, but take props for being a single parent.
Okie dokie! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do wish those that seem to enjoy provoking a response, or belittle someones post would have the decentcy to stay away from this type of thread.
The op is clearly having a bad day, and rightly or wrongly has opened up to her fellow forum users.
Its a little hypocritical that some people post their woes all over the forums, but won't let someone else do the same.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The OP has posted her very emotional and honest thought and feelings. Is there really any need to criticise her situation or her decisions?
Just because someone has a differing view it's not critical. In life we make mistakes, sometimes it comes back and bites us.
We're entitled to our public pity parties if we so wish, doesn't mean all the public will be hanging out the bunting with us! "
very true. |
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"The OP has posted her very emotional and honest thought and feelings. Is there really any need to criticise her situation or her decisions?
Just because someone has a differing view it's not critical. In life we make mistakes, sometimes it comes back and bites us.
We're entitled to our public pity parties if we so wish, doesn't mean all the public will be hanging out the bunting with us! "
True but social decorum would probably be to pass on by without trying to make and already emotional person feel worse. Just because it's online doesn't mean social etiquette goes out the window. |
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dont feel too bad about the father of your child taking such a negative stand with your child... perhaps its best that he does not have anything to do with him... i bet your a lovely mother and like a lot of single mums your doing a wonderful job. better to have one loving parent than to be a pawn in a family where the parents are always rowing and the father resents your presence |
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im abit emotional too cos ive just come home after clearing out loads of my fathers junk he left when he passed away at christmas . im just cleared the second skip load and i think there is at least one more to do |
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"The OP has posted her very emotional and honest thought and feelings. Is there really any need to criticise her situation or her decisions?
Just because someone has a differing view it's not critical. In life we make mistakes, sometimes it comes back and bites us.
We're entitled to our public pity parties if we so wish, doesn't mean all the public will be hanging out the bunting with us!
True but social decorum would probably be to pass on by without trying to make and already emotional person feel worse. Just because it's online doesn't mean social etiquette goes out the window. "
I'm just imagining some unknown guy posting that their kid had asked a similar sensitive type question... and wondering just how big a new arsehole he would have had ripped out of him for the amount of attention the internet was getting rather than the kid. |
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"The OP has posted her very emotional and honest thought and feelings. Is there really any need to criticise her situation or her decisions?
Just because someone has a differing view it's not critical. In life we make mistakes, sometimes it comes back and bites us.
We're entitled to our public pity parties if we so wish, doesn't mean all the public will be hanging out the bunting with us!
True but social decorum would probably be to pass on by without trying to make and already emotional person feel worse. Just because it's online doesn't mean social etiquette goes out the window.
I'm just imagining some unknown guy posting that their kid had asked a similar sensitive type question... and wondering just how big a new arsehole he would have had ripped out of him for the amount of attention the internet was getting rather than the kid."
That's an odd thing to wonder on a Sunday |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've watched (and helped at times) a lot of my friends bring up their children alone, and it's hard work, so hats off to you for that! Kids are curious, and although hard to deal with, these type of questions will no doubt keep coming up, my advice would be to be honest without diminishing her father's character. From the sounds of it, your little girl has a loving mum who can give her what she needs, that's what matters! Keep your chin up cute, sure it may not be what you imagined for your kids, but I don't doubt you're doing a great job!
As for being sceptical about wether or not it's possible to be pregnant and not know about it....I found out I was pregnant with twins at 28 weeks! It does happen!
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By * Jay69Man
over a year ago
Bridgwater - Somerset |
Difficult situation, you have to be as honest as you can and as detailed as your daughter can understand.
Admittedly, this may be merely be: -
Mummy loves you. Mummy will always be here for you.
Daddy has another family to look after.
I'll explain it all when you're old enough to understand.
Less than ideal. Not your fault, not your failure. How can you explain to a young child that their daddy doesn't love them?
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The OP has posted her very emotional and honest thought and feelings. Is there really any need to criticise her situation or her decisions?
Just because someone has a differing view it's not critical. In life we make mistakes, sometimes it comes back and bites us.
We're entitled to our public pity parties if we so wish, doesn't mean all the public will be hanging out the bunting with us!
True but social decorum would probably be to pass on by without trying to make and already emotional person feel worse. Just because it's online doesn't mean social etiquette goes out the window.
I'm just imagining some unknown guy posting that their kid had asked a similar sensitive type question... and wondering just how big a new arsehole he would have had ripped out of him for the amount of attention the internet was getting rather than the kid."
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
I am going to go against the grain here and say....you have to stop living in the past about the casual relationship you had with your childs father and concentrate on your daughters questions.
She will be asking these type of questions a lot in the coming years and although it will be hard for you to answer it is something that has to be done.
There are a lot of single mums about who can probably give you advice of what type of things to say and there are also lots of mums websites where you might get answers too.
Good luck. |
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"I am going to go against the grain here and say....you have to stop living in the past about the casual relationship you had with your childs father and concentrate on your daughters questions.
She will be asking these type of questions a lot in the coming years and although it will be hard for you to answer it is something that has to be done.
There are a lot of single mums about who can probably give you advice of what type of things to say and there are also lots of mums websites where you might get answers too.
Good luck."
Very good advice ruggers
I think my sister used some websites when my nephew was asking about his real Dad x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Any parent who chooses not to have a relationship with their young child is the failure not the parent who loves and looks after them.
My daughter touched me a little before when she asked where her brothers were...and that it wasn't fair their dad died but its ok cause she doesn't mind sharing hers
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you're posting on an open forum you're asking for opinions so, yes - you get people's opinions.
Life is about choices, if you didn't 'realize' until 33 weeks gone then some degree of self awareness might have benefitted the situation?
I'm very much follow the ethos of, make your bed - you lay in it.
This is about choices in life and the implications of those choices, actions and reactions.
As a voyeur of this, it just seems sad... A series of bad choices and decisions and there's a little one now getting alittle confused.
If I ever become a father, the day i find out is the last day I am ever on this site as I won't have time to fuck about. That child will be my entire universe and nothing will sway that until I stop breathing.
wow i wanted to get pregnant for years but with PCOS was told the chances of concieving naturally would be very slim.. so imagine the shock when i found out i was pregnant! over the moon, delighted.. i knew then that the father was a piece of shit and should of been just a fling and that one day i would be bringing my child up alone. but that didnt stop me or deter me in anyway and i ask of nothing from the father..
i do everything for my son and i do so happily and with great joy, its an honour.
so the comment of your bed and lay in it i find shocking really.
i see so many couples get married and have children cos they believe thats what society expects of them.. thats hwo life goes.. but they have much less interest in the children and just carry on rolling with life and doing as expected.
as i said children dont need a mother and a father.. they just need an adult/s that care and love for them
So it's reasonable for you to criticise people who marry and have kids, "no interest" your bold claim, but take props for being a single parent.
Okie dokie! "
U have read completely wrong into what I was saying.
I was replying to a post where the guy is saying a father should be needed. I am then pointing out that not all families with a married mother and father creates a perfect parenthood for children. Same as there are plenty of good marriages and plenty of good and bad single parents..
I was merely pointing out that it isn't all about a mother and father being there for a child but about the child having someone to class as a parent.
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