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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What do you call a man with a pig on his head ??
Hammed
What do you call a man with a pig and a cow on his head ?
MooHammed
What do you call a man with a pig and a cow on his head and a vibrator up his ass ??
Sheik MooHammed   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Me and my girlfriend were sitting relaxed, having a chat when I accidently shit myself.
I'd hoped she wouldn't notice, but then it floated to the top of the bath. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've ended the friendship between my mate and I because I suspect he might be gay.
Last week when he fell asleep,I sucked his cock and he got an erection. |
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"Why the fuck do you have to have your cunt on show every time a picture is taken?" I asked
"Thank you for your email. He is the leader of the Conservative party and the country, and as such he needs to be in the pictures" Came the reply. |
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I stayed at a hotel in London and took a card from a phone box on Oxford St offering 'sorid sex and other pleasures'
Back at the hotel I rang the number.
A lady with a silky voice asks if she could be of any help.
I said "I'd like a blow job, a straight shag, then doggie style, mild bondage, a few minutes of anal and finish with a tit wank. Is that ok?"
The lady replied, "Sounds fun sir, but you might like to dial 9 for an outside line first....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.
The driver got out and he was a dwarf.
He said, "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.
The driver got out and he was a dwarf.
He said, "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?""
LMFAO |
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Apparently Pouring water straight from the kettle over your girlfriend's stomach when she's complaining of period pains, doesn't help nor does it produce hard boiled eggs.
Well I learn something new everyday. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A grizzly bear walks into a bar and says to the barman,
A pint.......................................................................of lager please.
And the barman says, why the big pause???!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Did you hear about the scarecrow that won a Nobel Prize?
He was out standing in his field.
Do you know what he said in his acceptance speech?
"Hay, it's in my jeans" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I saw my dwarf neighbour standing at the bus stop today, so I stopped and said "jump in, I'll take you home". "Fuck off ya prick!" he replied. I said "fine, suit yourself you ungrateful little bastard!". So I zipped up my rucksack and kept on walking ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fwd:
A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write." |
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I was working in Tesco, re-arranging boxes of soap powder in aisle 7, when in walks the girl I'd scored with last night.
She said "Oi.! You told me you were a stunt pilot.... you lying bastard!"
I replied "No, I told you I was part of the Ariel display team....!"
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