I see so many times on here people say they wont/dont want to fall in love again. My question is why? Surely we have all had our heartbroken at some time in our lives. But what makes some people move on and some adamant against falling in love.
Im talking about love itself, not being in destructive relationships as i dont believe that that is love. Personally i think we stay in destructive relationships for various reasons.
Think we can change them
They will change automatically
We are obsessed by the person
and other reasons.
Love to me is being happy, content, doing silly things together and just loving being together. Sometimes it fails but isnt the fact that you can have such wonderful times make you happy that youve been in love?
This is just of the back of another thread |
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I have moved on, completely..It isn't anyone else I don't trust, it is me.
In my case I would never be able to trust my judgement again on whether to trust him. I had no idea what was going on and I should have. Not that signs were there but it was a situation I should never have put myself in, in the first place
That isn't fair to put anyone through that so I won't put me or him in that position. I think I am being wise.
I love my life.....I don't have anything missing that love could bring.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Probably loads of reasons, we're all different. For some I think love is probably about security and trust, once you've learned how easily it can fade away it doesn't feel secure any more. |
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I'm very wary now as the last bloke I was in love with was the father of my boy. We've been apart nearly a year and now my son is 2 anyone I accept into my life I automatically (after a little while of course) would bring into his life as well. I don't want him to get attached to people then for them to leave again. Maybe that's me being too overprotective and also for a little bit of self preservation as the break up was very hard for me.
So for now I'm not looking for love, I'm happy meeting from here occasionally and having fun and concentrating on my son. If it happens in the future then so be it but I'm actively avoiding it at the moment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have been single for 4 years now and I never intend on being in another relationship, some people seem to find a new partner as soon as their last relationship ends as I feel some people have the need to be with someone and be loved while others don't, I don't feel the need to have someone special in my life and I don't feel the need to love and be loved, im quite happy as I am
People ask me all the time if i've found anyone yet and look really shocked when I keep saying no, its almost like they expect me to be looking for a new partner, which im not |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Because I've had such negative experiences of Love and I don't want any more of them. I love my friends but I will never love a man again. When someone says they love you after they've broken another of your ribs or they love you and they are having an affair at the same time then you don't want to put yourself in that position again. |
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I think it's not a case of a person falling in love, but of love falling into you.
I've seen so many times people say, 'not looking for love' and so many times, they have found it.
I think love comes at you when you least expect it and from the most unusual places and/or situations |
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"I have been single for 4 years now and I never intend on being in another relationship, some people seem to find a new partner as soon as their last relationship ends as I feel some people have the need to be with someone and be loved while others don't, I don't feel the need to have someone special in my life and I don't feel the need to love and be loved, im quite happy as I am
People ask me all the time if i've found anyone yet and look really shocked when I keep saying no, its almost like they expect me to be looking for a new partner, which im not"
I have always been a bit like that. Went from one quickly on to the next (although each lasted a few years) but this time I'm just not bothered. X |
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"Because I've had such negative experiences of Love and I don't want any more of them. I love my friends but I will never love a man again. When someone says they love you after they've broken another of your ribs or they love you and they are having an affair at the same time then you don't want to put yourself in that position again. "
Totally know where your coming from with this!!! |
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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
"LOVE? Wedding?
I am just allergic to those 2 words
Now hang on...nobody mentioned the word wedding..BACK AWAY....lol..  "
oooosppp sowwwyyyyyyyyyyyy
hahahaha
Am just adding the reason why love is dead ages ago  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm very wary now as the last bloke I was in love with was the father of my boy. We've been apart nearly a year and now my son is 2 anyone I accept into my life I automatically (after a little while of course) would bring into his life as well. I don't want him to get attached to people then for them to leave again. Maybe that's me being too overprotective and also for a little bit of self preservation as the break up was very hard for me.
"
I understand that totally, I have a 12 year old daughter and theres no way im bringing anyone else into her life
You have no idea how long a relationship will last and how many 'step dads' do you introduce into your childs life before you find the right one? I don't want my daughter to look back on her childhood and remember loads of different men there |
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Also, do you think some give their heart to quickly, im not saying whether its right or wrong. Im just really interested from another point of _iew as ive never been one to fall in love quickly (twice in my life) or when you look back was it real love or lust(been in lust plenty) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would also like to point out the reason I don't want another relationship is not because ive had bad experiences in the past, we all have shit in our lifes we have to put that behind us and move on, its simply because I just don't feel like I want or need anyone to share my life with, im happy as I am so why change it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also, do you think some give their heart to quickly, im not saying whether its right or wrong. Im just really interested from another point of _iew as ive never been one to fall in love quickly (twice in my life) or when you look back was it real love or lust(been in lust plenty)"
I did this in the past. I also am guilty of staying in a relationship because of my heart. I give across quite a hard nosed bitch front (although J says I'm not) because I have to protect my heart. There's only so many times it can be broken and damaged. I never really recovered from my relationship breaking down and Dad dying 2 months later. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"think a few women onhere have been unlucky in love. sometimes you need to take a look in the mirror tho
and would you care to elaborate on that point?"
I think hes trying to say if a relationship goes tits up its the womans fault lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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haha im so not sayin that!
just used women as an example because im a guy  if you keep fallin for guys that do you wrong you need to look in the mirror sometimes |
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"I see so many times on here people say they wont/dont want to fall in love again. My question is why? Surely we have all had our heartbroken at some time in our lives. But what makes some people move on and some adamant against falling in love.
Im talking about love itself, not being in destructive relationships as i dont believe that that is love. Personally i think we stay in destructive relationships for various reasons.
Think we can change them
They will change automatically
We are obsessed by the person
and other reasons.
Love to me is being happy, content, doing silly things together and just loving being together. Sometimes it fails but isnt the fact that you can have such wonderful times make you happy that youve been in love?
This is just of the back of another thread"
we split up a few years ago for about 6 months before getting nack together.
I (mr) have never loved a woman as much as i love my wife and i know she loves me. Once we split i never thought i would love anyone again and my heart was in pieces and still think if we didnt get back together i would still be single.
Luckily for me shes going to hve to put up with me for the rest of our lives  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"haha im so not sayin that!
just used women as an example because im a guy if you keep fallin for guys that do you wrong you need to look in the mirror sometimes"
or maybe we are perfect but all men are wankers |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"haha im so not sayin that!
just used women as an example because im a guy if you keep fallin for guys that do you wrong you need to look in the mirror sometimes
or maybe we are perfect but all men are wankers "
cept me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"haha im so not sayin that!
just used women as an example because im a guy if you keep fallin for guys that do you wrong you need to look in the mirror sometimes
or maybe we are perfect but all men are wankers
cept me "
haha im only joking
I fully admit that the reason all my relationships have failed is down to me, im to selfish to share my life with someone and I fully admit that, in not prepaired to put the effort into making a relationship work, my attitude is this is me, this was me when you met me, if you don't like it you know where the door is, and most men use it lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"haha im so not sayin that!
just used women as an example because im a guy if you keep fallin for guys that do you wrong you need to look in the mirror sometimes
or maybe we are perfect but all men are wankers
cept me
haha im only joking
I fully admit that the reason all my relationships have failed is down to me, im to selfish to share my life with someone and I fully admit that, in not prepaired to put the effort into making a relationship work, my attitude is this is me, this was me when you met me, if you don't like it you know where the door is, and most men use it lol"
I'll accept that in my last relationship that I wasn't the perfect girlfriend, I was building my business and I didn't have a car and it was hard - but he didn't need to go elsewhere he should have ended things if he wasn't happy; but that goes for me too, I hung around for nearly 2 years. My first relationship I was so controlled that I had no choices, I was black and blue and I've said publicly before that I ended up miscarrying - that wasn't my fault; I wasn't allowed to choose my clothes let alone leaving the relationship. |
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So what is love? When we say we are in love with someone what is it really.
For me it is happiness and contentment, but sometimes the occasional blip that you are able to easily work through.
I have to say though, my perceptions of love have changed. I say ive been in love once before but that was nothing like i experience now..
Such a little word, but so many meanings and reasons and experiences |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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im not sure what love is, people always say if your in love you just know
I don't think ive ever been in love with anyone, ive never had a man in my life that I would have battered an eye lid at if they lift, so that cant be love can it  |
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"im not sure what love is, people always say if your in love you just know
I don't think ive ever been in love with anyone, ive never had a man in my life that I would have battered an eye lid at if they lift, so that cant be love can it "
I dont know, i thought i loved my ex husband but looking back i dont think i did. I think i was more in love with the idea. When he left it took about 2 weeks for me to get over it, had more important things in my life to worry about lol.
In fact ive only ever been upset over splitting up with one guy and thats the one i believe i loved, the first guy i lived with. However, i cant even imagine not being with Jay |
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"im not sure what love is, people always say if your in love you just know
I don't think ive ever been in love with anyone, ive never had a man in my life that I would have battered an eye lid at if they lift, so that cant be love can it "
I have been in love once...and despite him turning out to be the scumbag of all scumbags I loved him. 5 years and I worshipped him..My heart flipped when he walked in a room and I would have laid down my life for him and his kids..
The important part for me that it was unconditional, that was new....Even when he was being a dickhead he was My dickhead...
I put him and his kids before me (a first).
I know I couldn't have loved him more if I had tried..
One of us gave it their all... |
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"im not sure what love is, people always say if your in love you just know
I don't think ive ever been in love with anyone, ive never had a man in my life that I would have battered an eye lid at if they lift, so that cant be love can it
I have been in love once...and despite him turning out to be the scumbag of all scumbags I loved him. 5 years and I worshipped him..My heart flipped when he walked in a room and I would have laid down my life for him and his kids..
The important part for me that it was unconditional, that was new....Even when he was being a dickhead he was My dickhead...
I put him and his kids before me (a first).
I know I couldn't have loved him more if I had tried..
One of us gave it their all..."
Wow I could of typed that myself. Still struggle with it tbh. Think still having to see him regularly because of my son makes it harder. I know he's a proper knob head but that doesn't make it any easier. Lol x |
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"im not sure what love is, people always say if your in love you just know
I don't think ive ever been in love with anyone, ive never had a man in my life that I would have battered an eye lid at if they lift, so that cant be love can it
I have been in love once...and despite him turning out to be the scumbag of all scumbags I loved him. 5 years and I worshipped him..My heart flipped when he walked in a room and I would have laid down my life for him and his kids..
The important part for me that it was unconditional, that was new....Even when he was being a dickhead he was My dickhead...
I put him and his kids before me (a first).
I know I couldn't have loved him more if I had tried..
One of us gave it their all...
Wow I could of typed that myself. Still struggle with it tbh. Think still having to see him regularly because of my son makes it harder. I know he's a proper knob head but that doesn't make it any easier. Lol x"
I cut all contact and lost his kids in the process...Heart wrenching but has made my 'recovery' so much easier.....He is now messing up someone elses life....I am just glad it is not mine... |
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