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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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10 Things that Sound Dirty at Christmas, But Aren’t,
10. Did you get any under the tree?
9. I think your balls are hanging too low.
8. Check out Rudolph’s Honker!
7. Santa’s sack is really bulging.
6. Lift up the skirt so I can get a clean breath.
5. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?
4. I love licking the end till it’s really sharp and pointy.
3. From here you can’t tell if they’re artificial or real.
2. Can I interest you in some dark meat?
1. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The three wise men arrived to visit the baby lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. ‘Jesus Christ!’ he exclaimed.
Joseph said, ‘Write that down, Mary; it's better than Clyde!’
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A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, "I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; forty-five years of misery is enough."
'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer" the father says. "We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her."
Franticly, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like fuck they're getting divorced" she shouts, "I'll take care of this!"
She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Sorted! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way.'
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By *aravancoupleMan
over a year ago
A Secret Hideaway In the caravan of love |
"A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, "I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; forty-five years of misery is enough."
'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer" the father says. "We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her."
Franticly, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like fuck they're getting divorced" she shouts, "I'll take care of this!"
She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Sorted! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way.'
"
Very good like that one |
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