FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > You’re own image of yourself compared to others image of you.
You’re own image of yourself compared to others image of you.
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I say I was bi, on account that I’ve had sexual shenanigans with men, although I do fancy women an awful lot more than men; but I regularly get comments about being manly and the like.
What makes a man’s man, is it ten pints down the social club with your mates on a Friday night before the football on a Saturday.
I’d say I have a soft side to me, but I’d say I’m more manly than not.
I know it’s about being yourself, and I’m very happy with myself, I suppose the question is,
Do you think you’re own image of yourself is the same as others image of yourself.
I don’t think that makes sense but there you go.  |
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I think so these days yes! When younger deffo not! I married young at 16 had a abusive marriage! The physical abuse was easy ish but the mental abuse stayed with me for years! For 16 years in that marriage I was told I was fat ugly and stupid! And bizarre as it sounds I believed that! The stupid bit was probably true tbh my mum told me I was stupid growing up! Lol but I've learnt to love myself like others love me nowadays x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nope we never view ourselves from others eyes especially from a physical point of view. We focus on what we think are flaws and negative feelings about ourselves and our bodies. A lot more people would have confidence on theirselves if they saw from others eyes.
Who you are as a person is a little different. Everyone we meet will have a different view of who we are based on what we decide to show them. Some get only the good, others will get the bad and the ugly too if they are close to us.
Ultimately that's all it is just an image, a snippet of you for the world to see. Opinions will always be temporary but only yourself knows who you truly are I believe. |
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I've done a bit of coaching around narratives, and it's really interesting in this context. What we think of as "ourselves" is just a narrative, a story, built on our own experiences and what we perceive from others.
Some people get stuck in a negative narrative, especially if you hear someone say "I don't know how to change this." It's like having to sit through the final season of Game of Thrones. We don't like the narrative but we're unable to change it.
Breaking free of that negative narrative and creating a new one can be really tricky, but it's definitely possible. You can be a "manly man" based on your own criteria. Personally, I think a "manly man" is someone who's independent and able to look after themselves, regardless of any perceived "female" or "softer" traits. But that's my own definition. |
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By *red333Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
The image i would imagine i have on here is not the image i think i am, I'm hilarious and kind and generous i get on better with women than men, my ex would say i flirt with other women i don't I'm loyal to who I'm with but I'm friendly and tend to chat to women more than men |
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I know people find me difficult to judge and I've never felt the need to change that. It amuses me the assumptions people make about me. There are a couple of people who get me and that for me is enough. |
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By *WALKinkCouple
over a year ago
Eastbourne |
I'm not a confident person with my looks. I'm much more confident now that I've met L, she really helps me a lot. I'm often still amazed at how she finds me attractive.
She, on the other hand, has the most striking eyes! Like me, not so body confident, but she's so....
We do sometimes feel intimidated both others with say more muscles or a flatter stomach, but then we realise what we have and that doesn't matter. We're fun even of we are a bit chunky or a bit older. But we are certainly naughtier...
What was the question again?? |
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As conceited as this may sound - so long as I’m a decent considerate person to others - how I’m perceived by other, I do not give a fuck. I know my worth and know I’m a kind decent person, if you can’t see that fair enough.
I have been asked if I’m gay several times but again I don’t care! I have varied interests, pints, wine, gin, football, pubs, shopping) - I’m happy with how I behave and portray myself and generally get positive feedback - all good! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's complicated.
I have two 'selfs'. Well obviously I don't really but it does feel like that. Scott is just Scott. Muddles along, a bit socially awkward relatively low self esteem, but is told by others that he is kind and friendly.
Jennie is an escape from Scott on some levels. Used to be a secretive, self loathing escape. But in recent years and in a large part due to Fab Jennie's confidence and self worth had grown exponentially. Still a little taken aback occasionally by what others say about her. It would seem many people on here have a better opinion of Jennie than Jennie has of Jennie.
Which is nice x
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No idea what other peoples genuine image of me is so I can't compare and contrast.
What I see in myself is someone with the courage of my convictions.
I'm not naturally confrontational but I don't ever give in to peer pressure and never have done.
I've never tasted alcohol or smoked a cigarette despite all my friends doing so because I wanted to be my own person.
I've never followed fashion for the same reason.
On here I often go against the grain. Mostly because I stick to my own opinions and I rarely change but sometimes because I don't want to follow the herd.
I've been told here that people admire me for all of the above but I've also been told by others that people think I'm boring or a dick for all of the above too.
Either way I'm happy to continue as I am. |
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"It's complicated.
I have two 'selfs'. Well obviously I don't really but it does feel like that. Scott is just Scott. Muddles along, a bit socially awkward relatively low self esteem, but is told by others that he is kind and friendly.
Jennie is an escape from Scott on some levels. Used to be a secretive, self loathing escape. But in recent years and in a large part due to Fab Jennie's confidence and self worth had grown exponentially. Still a little taken aback occasionally by what others say about her. It would seem many people on here have a better opinion of Jennie than Jennie has of Jennie.
Which is nice x
"
Love this! For what it’s worth, Jennie comes across as kind, considerate, compassionate, funny, filthy, occasionally outrageous but always beautiful inside and out.
I suspect Scott is actually the same  |
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I believe my own image of Felix is vastly different from everyone else’s.
Many times before I have said I dislike everything about my body. I use my very strange sense of humour to engage with people (which I feel usually misses the mark) and be the friendly guy people rarely fancy. I’m appreciated but never lusted after. I’ve even been out with women I consider beautiful and been continually surprised by how much they like me.
I am occasionally serious but never feel listened to (not just on fab). I am terminally single despite believing I’m actually quite dateable.
My main issue is that I can never organise and articulate my thoughts. That can be immensely frustrating.
The reality, I have no doubt, is that others’ view of me is much more positive. And I am told that by some truly lovely people on fab, which gives me hope.
I’m a hugely complicated person and I don’t think anyone truly gets me.
Phew! What an unload!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I believe my own image of Felix is vastly different from everyone else’s.
Many times before I have said I dislike everything about my body. I use my very strange sense of humour to engage with people (which I feel usually misses the mark) and be the friendly guy people rarely fancy. I’m appreciated but never lusted after. I’ve even been out with women I consider beautiful and been continually surprised by how much they like me.
I am occasionally serious but never feel listened to (not just on fab). I am terminally single despite believing I’m actually quite dateable.
My main issue is that I can never organise and articulate my thoughts. That can be immensely frustrating.
The reality, I have no doubt, is that others’ view of me is much more positive. And I am told that by some truly lovely people on fab, which gives me hope.
I’m a hugely complicated person and I don’t think anyone truly gets me.
Phew! What an unload!! "
Some will get you more than you think x |
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An interesting question Fiddles ...
I can't recall anyone I've met in here who's said I'm different to what I am in the forums ..
And btw I'm with you in the bi thing , I'm exactly the same ...
I perceive myself as a chilled out no bullshit kinda guy who's probably a bit too soft with idiots sometimes but I'm always willing to hear if I'm perceived differently by others   |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
I don't see myself in the way others see me at all. And I know that can be frustrating for people who care about me.
I'm amazed when people even like me, let alone *like* me or love me. Because I don't see anything worth that. |
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Went through a period of self hatred and body conscious due to some nasty scars following a bad accident and piling on weight due to not being phyically active.
classed myself as a freak did not help years ago dispite being told about the scars on my body one guy went pale and left when he saw them.
To me it just confirmed what i saw about myself.got withdrawn and stopped going out.
The scars faded i lost most of the weight met a great guy who gave me my self confidence back.
These days if i am to describe myself i just think i am an average older guy a bit battle worn ,but a lot wiser in life that cares about other people and enjoy the simpler things in life.
I once saw a quote can't remember where.
"There are people who think they know me and friends who know who i am"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't care much for many people knowing me well, my story, my current mood, my pity fails, my successes, therefore they can live with their own assumptions about me and crumbs of knowledge I give away. The few people who know me well see things I know about myself already. Both good and bad. And take me as I am.
T |
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By *mf123Man
over a year ago
the space between spaces |
Depends on the day somedays i think im a dick others think im delightful and otherdays i think im delightful and others think im a dick either way my goal is to get to tomorrow |
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I always feel negative and about my looks, my personality etc how I am seen by others although I shouldn't really, whereas the Mr just goes through life without worrying about any of this. So I do probably see myself differently to others. |
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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere only we know |
"It's complicated.
I have two 'selfs'. Well obviously I don't really but it does feel like that. Scott is just Scott. Muddles along, a bit socially awkward relatively low self esteem, but is told by others that he is kind and friendly.
Jennie is an escape from Scott on some levels. Used to be a secretive, self loathing escape. But in recent years and in a large part due to Fab Jennie's confidence and self worth had grown exponentially. Still a little taken aback occasionally by what others say about her. It would seem many people on here have a better opinion of Jennie than Jennie has of Jennie.
Which is nice x
"
Which is nice… As is Jennie. And Scott  |
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This is deep for a Monday Fiddles.
I'm not really sure how others see me. I can guarantee it's not the same as how I See myself.
There are very few people who actually see me. And that's more than enough!
Jo.Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always thought I was ugly when I was young and girls didn’t fancy me. Then over the years I got to fancy men but did nothing about it.
Eventually I started dressing and going out to pubs and fetish nights dressed as a woman. It seemed that I was more attractive to men when dressed. And those who did see me in man mode did say that I was far more attractive in fem mode.
Now I’m happy with me in man mode and still enjoy being dressed fem occasionally !!! |
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I remember reading or hearing that everyone you have ever met has a different perception of you, so you exist in 1000 forms and different guises
Certainly helps to worry a lot less about the individual opinions of others as much |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
I'm happy with myself, regardless of the fact I'm greyer, less in shape, creakier in certain joints and whilst always aware that Fox is considerably younger than me physically we're probably the same age mentally - if not me a little younger! 
I'm definitely far less of a twat than I was in my twenties and thirties. Wiser, more astute and definitely more socially aware.
As for job others see me? I used to worry a lot. These days I honestly couldn't give a fuck, bar close family and friends. Take me or leave me - either way is fine, as I gave up worrying about the opinions and views of total strangers long ago. It's a far less stressful life to lead.
A
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai / Nottingham |
"Others perception of me, here and elsewhere, is very different to my private persona."
Why is that ? You’re a private person ? I totally get that with fab life, but what aren’t you telling US!?
I try not to form opinions of people I don’t know , it’s pointless isn’t it. I’m nosey so I’ll just ask if I want to know what someone is like and then pay extra special attention to the bits they don’t mention.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I sometimes think I’m fat, sometimes people call me thicc. I wish I was taller, guys like my height. I often think I’ve messed up my makeup, women ask me for tips. It’s all perspective and never fixed. |
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I suspect some people on here think im a clown all the time because of the inane comments I leave on threads for hopefully the amusement of some. In reality I was a moderately successful professional musician and now moderately successful in my 2nd career - i just come here to unwind and chat to people. Occasionally I will feel a connection enough to want to meet .. im confident in my own Skin and independent - i like being soc ial but I don’t need it. Thats my take on me.
Long time dead so enjoy the living bit cx |
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It very much depends on the state of my mind , when I'm not in a good place I'm very negative think I'm fat ( tbf I am very overweight but it's coming off slowly) ugly, stupid etc... and other times I remind myself that I am kind, caring and funny.. still find it funny being called sexy though that said I think my confidence has grown being on here |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
Where would you like me? |
I think someone else's image of me is just that. An image. Not necessarily accurate or inaccurate, just a snapshot of what they've seen, influenced by their own perception and biases. There are very few people who really know me on here - maybe one or two? And I'm happy with that.
Sometimes I'm surprised with how another perceives me. But then I try and remember, it's just their perception. It doesn't change me. |
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"It's complicated.
I have two 'selfs'. Well obviously I don't really but it does feel like that. Scott is just Scott. Muddles along, a bit socially awkward relatively low self esteem, but is told by others that he is kind and friendly.
Jennie is an escape from Scott on some levels. Used to be a secretive, self loathing escape. But in recent years and in a large part due to Fab Jennie's confidence and self worth had grown exponentially. Still a little taken aback occasionally by what others say about her. It would seem many people on here have a better opinion of Jennie than Jennie has of Jennie.
Which is nice x
"
Aw I love this x I have a friend on here who is CD and I love how fab provides a platform for people to be themselves, or a version of themselves and explore that, and be received (for the most part) positively x I’m definitely more myself on fab than anywhere else.  |
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No I don't think my own image is as people see me.
I personally think I'm boring, quiet and too much of a people pleaser and generally ok in the looks department.
Others seem to think I'm intelligent  (more fool them), polite and some even say I'm hot 
Sometimes I do wish I could see myself through others eyes, especially the Mr's, sometimes I've no idea what he sees in me to be honest.
Mrs |
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"It's complicated.
I have two 'selfs'. Well obviously I don't really but it does feel like that. Scott is just Scott. Muddles along, a bit socially awkward relatively low self esteem, but is told by others that he is kind and friendly.
Jennie is an escape from Scott on some levels. Used to be a secretive, self loathing escape. But in recent years and in a large part due to Fab Jennie's confidence and self worth had grown exponentially. Still a little taken aback occasionally by what others say about her. It would seem many people on here have a better opinion of Jennie than Jennie has of Jennie.
Which is nice x
"
I have some experience working with TV’s when i was a musician and they all had something in common - they looked amazing ‘dressed’ and women audience members used to always say - fuck i wish i had those legs and they looked amazing - but in civvies ( not dressed). They were some of the best looking guys ive seen - I had some great nights in their company… I bet Scott is the same - sickeningly good looking and very humble - I love Jennies posts on here! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think so these days yes! When younger deffo not! I married young at 16 had a abusive marriage! The physical abuse was easy ish but the mental abuse stayed with me for years! For 16 years in that marriage I was told I was fat ugly and stupid! And bizarre as it sounds I believed that! The stupid bit was probably true tbh my mum told me I was stupid growing up! Lol but I've learnt to love myself like others love me nowadays x"
Sorry to hear that  |
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I'm always fascinated by the fact that everyone interprets reality in a different way. The way I see myself will never exactly match the way someone else sees me.
That said, I'm pretty upfront and straightforward with who I am. I think the basic perception of a giant goth who dresses like a whore is fairly universal, and I make no secrets about what I do. But as to how warm or cold I am to people, whether I'm hot, cute, ugly or whatever, my overall worth as a person, that's always in flux, between other minds and through time in my own mind. |
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I really like my myself people seem to like me back, often told I'm a flirt and charmer but don't see it or try to be. Looks I know are subjective how people view you but I think I'm fugly others have said opposite. I just try and be positive person in the world, some people will like you others won't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I really don’t know how others view me and maybe that’s for the best.
Only a few people have ever really got close to knowing me.
How I come across and portray myself is different from how I view myself too. |
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By *aggonerMan
over a year ago
for a penny |
I have no idea how others see me and it’s an issue for them really. But I like to think that people who know me see me as I am. I don’t try to project a particular image: if I did I would keep changing my mind and spoil it. So best keep it simple. |
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I told a FWB at the weekend that a huge fear of mine was that he'd see me the way I see myself.
He sees me in a far more flattering way than I do!
I'm always interested in work when we do 360 degree appraisals. I like to put a lot of thought into the feedback I receive, to fully understand why I give someone the impression of me that they have. The further apart their comments are from my own view of myself the more interesting I find the exercise.
Online is a very different matter, because people see a tiny little glimpse of my opinion so I wouldn't expect anyone to be able to form a realistic picture from that - it will always be a view that is far removed from reality. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My self worth is high
My body image is low
I think that others see someone who is kind of heart, considerate, thoughtful and decent on one hand but cynical and potentially abrupt on the other
I think I am possibly a bit tame / boring for some - being a non-drinker and kinda non-social adds to that
I don't think I ooze sex appeal in the conventional sense, but I do think I have 'something'
The thing is I rarely see it if someone does spot that and I generally miss the vibe by a country mile  |
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