FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > The right to .....
The right to .....
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The search for happiness is part of the problem with everybody. We can't be happy all the time. The search for peace or contentment would be more fulfilling.
Not sure we have the right to be happy, everyone should have the opportunity to be so. Although you have to make, and take, your own opportunities.
I have a band that shirt that says; The Flaming Lips encourage you to create your own happiness. I think there's a lot of truth in that sentence. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We all have the right to be happy and say no to the things that make us unhappy.
Life is about choices and yes some are harder to make but if you aren’t happy with the trade off then work on changing those circumstances or environment |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think we all have aspirations to be happy, but not all of us will necessarily lead happy lives. I think that particularly in relation to the digital generation and their apparent inability to live without Zuckerbergs’s two infamous social media platforms that “aspiration” can become very unhealthy. It becomes all about keeping up with the Jones’s. “They’ve got a new car, why can’t I have one?”, “They’ve got a 4 bedroomed detached house, why don’t I have one””
As I’ve got older I realise that as long as I have food in my belly, a roof over my head and one or two trusted friends I’m doin go retry well. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"The search for happiness is part of the problem with everybody. We can't be happy all the time. The search for peace or contentment would be more fulfilling.
Not sure we have the right to be happy, everyone should have the opportunity to be so. Although you have to make, and take, your own opportunities.
I have a band that shirt that says; The Flaming Lips encourage you to create your own happiness. I think there's a lot of truth in that sentence."
Are you saying that perhaps people who expect to be happy all the time, are not realistic? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"We all have the right to be happy and say no to the things that make us unhappy.
Life is about choices and yes some are harder to make but if you aren’t happy with the trade off then work on changing those circumstances or environment "
Are you saying happiness is a personal responsibility? Just checking if I get you... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I don’t think happiness is a right. It’s a privilege. You can have everything yet nothing without happiness.
Often happiness is realising what simple things crack a smile or feeling of contentment.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We all have the right to be happy and say no to the things that make us unhappy.
Life is about choices and yes some are harder to make but if you aren’t happy with the trade off then work on changing those circumstances or environment
Are you saying happiness is a personal responsibility? Just checking if I get you..."
I believe so. Someone else can’t make you happy if you aren’t happy with yourself first and if you are happy with yourself it is hard for someone to take away that happiness |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I think we all have aspirations to be happy, but not all of us will necessarily lead happy lives. I think that particularly in relation to the digital generation and their apparent inability to live without Zuckerbergs’s two infamous social media platforms that “aspiration” can become very unhealthy. It becomes all about keeping up with the Jones’s. “They’ve got a new car, why can’t I have one?”, “They’ve got a 4 bedroomed detached house, why don’t I have one””
As I’ve got older I realise that as long as I have food in my belly, a roof over my head and one or two trusted friends I’m doin go retry well. "
I would go along with what you are saying and my aspirations (if I ever had any) are very different today from what they were 20 years ago.
So we are creating our own happiness as we get older? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I don’t think happiness is a right. It’s a privilege. You can have everything yet nothing without happiness.
Often happiness is realising what simple things crack a smile or feeling of contentment. "
I just love this. The second part so resonates with me. x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"We all have the right to be happy and say no to the things that make us unhappy.
Life is about choices and yes some are harder to make but if you aren’t happy with the trade off then work on changing those circumstances or environment
Are you saying happiness is a personal responsibility? Just checking if I get you...
I believe so. Someone else can’t make you happy if you aren’t happy with yourself first and if you are happy with yourself it is hard for someone to take away that happiness "
Got you. And as such unless you are "ok" nothing in this world is going to make you "ok", right? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"True happiness comes from within. Admittedly though it isn't always easy when you have life's stresses, worries and upset to deal with."
Understand - so what is that happiness within? Is it knowing what you want in life and going for it? Or is it accepting the deal you think you were given? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think we all have aspirations to be happy, but not all of us will necessarily lead happy lives. I think that particularly in relation to the digital generation and their apparent inability to live without Zuckerbergs’s two infamous social media platforms that “aspiration” can become very unhealthy. It becomes all about keeping up with the Jones’s. “They’ve got a new car, why can’t I have one?”, “They’ve got a 4 bedroomed detached house, why don’t I have one””
As I’ve got older I realise that as long as I have food in my belly, a roof over my head and one or two trusted friends I’m doin go retry well.
I would go along with what you are saying and my aspirations (if I ever had any) are very different today from what they were 20 years ago.
So we are creating our own happiness as we get older? "
I think as we get older we develop an appreciation of what really matters in life and it isn’t the material. In my 20’s and 30’s I probably couldn’t see the woods for the trees to coin an old saying. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We all have the right to be happy and say no to the things that make us unhappy.
Life is about choices and yes some are harder to make but if you aren’t happy with the trade off then work on changing those circumstances or environment
Are you saying happiness is a personal responsibility? Just checking if I get you...
I believe so. Someone else can’t make you happy if you aren’t happy with yourself first and if you are happy with yourself it is hard for someone to take away that happiness Got you. And as such unless you are "ok" nothing in this world is going to make you "ok", right? "
Yes exactly. Will Smith says some interesting things about happiness |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I think we all have aspirations to be happy, but not all of us will necessarily lead happy lives. I think that particularly in relation to the digital generation and their apparent inability to live without Zuckerbergs’s two infamous social media platforms that “aspiration” can become very unhealthy. It becomes all about keeping up with the Jones’s. “They’ve got a new car, why can’t I have one?”, “They’ve got a 4 bedroomed detached house, why don’t I have one””
As I’ve got older I realise that as long as I have food in my belly, a roof over my head and one or two trusted friends I’m doin go retry well.
I would go along with what you are saying and my aspirations (if I ever had any) are very different today from what they were 20 years ago.
So we are creating our own happiness as we get older?
I think as we get older we develop an appreciation of what really matters in life and it isn’t the material. In my 20’s and 30’s I probably couldn’t see the woods for the trees to coin an old saying."
Me neither. I value things I took for granted in my twenties. I appreciate small things (no pun intended) and I love moments, seconds, glimpses of happiness in every aspect of life even if at that time a lot of difficult things are going on around me.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"We all have the right to be happy and say no to the things that make us unhappy.
Life is about choices and yes some are harder to make but if you aren’t happy with the trade off then work on changing those circumstances or environment
Are you saying happiness is a personal responsibility? Just checking if I get you...
I believe so. Someone else can’t make you happy if you aren’t happy with yourself first and if you are happy with yourself it is hard for someone to take away that happiness Got you. And as such unless you are "ok" nothing in this world is going to make you "ok", right?
Yes exactly. Will Smith says some interesting things about happiness"
He so does!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago
Durham, North Yorkshire and can travel |
"True happiness comes from within. Admittedly though it isn't always easy when you have life's stresses, worries and upset to deal with.
Understand - so what is that happiness within? Is it knowing what you want in life and going for it? Or is it accepting the deal you think you were given?"
I think it's learning to find happiness from the simple things in life. I also think it's learning to be happy with what you have. But then there is nothing wrong with having goals in life and things that you want to aim to achieve. Oh I don't know, I'm getting brainache  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Don't think it can be a right. As it's too subjective in a way. What is true happiness? How do you measure it?
I personally think happiness isn't things that can be bought, but it's a transient response and then needs topping up by the next purchase. And I think many miss out on happiness on their quest for the next bigger better thing. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"True happiness comes from within. Admittedly though it isn't always easy when you have life's stresses, worries and upset to deal with.
Understand - so what is that happiness within? Is it knowing what you want in life and going for it? Or is it accepting the deal you think you were given?
I think it's learning to find happiness from the simple things in life. I also think it's learning to be happy with what you have. But then there is nothing wrong with having goals in life and things that you want to aim to achieve. Oh I don't know, I'm getting brainache "
Priceless so the brainache is something I would have to accept as part of being happy ? xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago
Durham, North Yorkshire and can travel |
"True happiness comes from within. Admittedly though it isn't always easy when you have life's stresses, worries and upset to deal with.
Understand - so what is that happiness within? Is it knowing what you want in life and going for it? Or is it accepting the deal you think you were given?
I think it's learning to find happiness from the simple things in life. I also think it's learning to be happy with what you have. But then there is nothing wrong with having goals in life and things that you want to aim to achieve. Oh I don't know, I'm getting brainache "
And learning to be happy with yourself for who you are. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Everyone deserves the right to be happy. Unfortunately due to the nature of life, this isn't always possible for various reasons. I am happy within myself despite things in my past which have brought me too my knees.
I think happiness can only be achieved from within and not an external force as such x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Don't think it can be a right. As it's too subjective in a way. What is true happiness? How do you measure it?
I personally think happiness isn't things that can be bought, but it's a transient response and then needs topping up by the next purchase. And I think many miss out on happiness on their quest for the next bigger better thing. "
You know this also resonates with me.Very much so. I get the thing about material things - they are like a short lived drug but no more.
For me relationships are probably at the forefront of happiness. Not just fabs relationships... friendships... people... moments... encounters... they make life worth living for me. At this moment in time. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Everyone deserves the right to be happy. Unfortunately due to the nature of life, this isn't always possible for various reasons. I am happy within myself despite things in my past which have brought me too my knees.
I think happiness can only be achieved from within and not an external force as such x"
!00 percent... it is not a coat or dress you put on... but rather something you ingest and process. Right? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I don't know if "right" is the correct word, but I think everyone has the ability to be happy. To me, happiness is a mindset. "
So (I can see where you are coming from) but let me ask you a question, and it is not intended to put you on the spot but it is my own curiosity: What would we say to the person who has literally had nothing but sadness, pain and loss in their life?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Don't think it can be a right. As it's too subjective in a way. What is true happiness? How do you measure it?
I personally think happiness isn't things that can be bought, but it's a transient response and then needs topping up by the next purchase. And I think many miss out on happiness on their quest for the next bigger better thing.
You know this also resonates with me.Very much so. I get the thing about material things - they are like a short lived drug but no more.
For me relationships are probably at the forefront of happiness. Not just fabs relationships... friendships... people... moments... encounters... they make life worth living for me. At this moment in time. "
It is a bit like an addiction, the next handbag or fancy holiday. They're all good but are short lived highs.
I agree happiness is your relationships with others. The handbags you owned will not give you that glowy feeling when you think back about them in a decades time. But some of my friends jokes, hugs and everything else does. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Don't think it can be a right. As it's too subjective in a way. What is true happiness? How do you measure it?
I personally think happiness isn't things that can be bought, but it's a transient response and then needs topping up by the next purchase. And I think many miss out on happiness on their quest for the next bigger better thing.
You know this also resonates with me.Very much so. I get the thing about material things - they are like a short lived drug but no more.
For me relationships are probably at the forefront of happiness. Not just fabs relationships... friendships... people... moments... encounters... they make life worth living for me. At this moment in time.
It is a bit like an addiction, the next handbag or fancy holiday. They're all good but are short lived highs.
I agree happiness is your relationships with others. The handbags you owned will not give you that glowy feeling when you think back about them in a decades time. But some of my friends jokes, hugs and everything else does. "
It kind of explains that retail therapy does not really work in the long run, doesn't it? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Don't think it can be a right. As it's too subjective in a way. What is true happiness? How do you measure it?
I personally think happiness isn't things that can be bought, but it's a transient response and then needs topping up by the next purchase. And I think many miss out on happiness on their quest for the next bigger better thing.
You know this also resonates with me.Very much so. I get the thing about material things - they are like a short lived drug but no more.
For me relationships are probably at the forefront of happiness. Not just fabs relationships... friendships... people... moments... encounters... they make life worth living for me. At this moment in time.
It is a bit like an addiction, the next handbag or fancy holiday. They're all good but are short lived highs.
I agree happiness is your relationships with others. The handbags you owned will not give you that glowy feeling when you think back about them in a decades time. But some of my friends jokes, hugs and everything else does.
It kind of explains that retail therapy does not really work in the long run, doesn't it? "
It does but we're all kind of addicted to it in one way or another. My grandparents would be shocked at the amount of clothes and possessions I have, or how often we change cars. It's hard to unplug from these days I think. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Don't think it can be a right. As it's too subjective in a way. What is true happiness? How do you measure it?
I personally think happiness isn't things that can be bought, but it's a transient response and then needs topping up by the next purchase. And I think many miss out on happiness on their quest for the next bigger better thing.
You know this also resonates with me.Very much so. I get the thing about material things - they are like a short lived drug but no more.
For me relationships are probably at the forefront of happiness. Not just fabs relationships... friendships... people... moments... encounters... they make life worth living for me. At this moment in time.
It is a bit like an addiction, the next handbag or fancy holiday. They're all good but are short lived highs.
I agree happiness is your relationships with others. The handbags you owned will not give you that glowy feeling when you think back about them in a decades time. But some of my friends jokes, hugs and everything else does.
It kind of explains that retail therapy does not really work in the long run, doesn't it?
It does but we're all kind of addicted to it in one way or another. My grandparents would be shocked at the amount of clothes and possessions I have, or how often we change cars. It's hard to unplug from these days I think. "
SO very true - I find myself defending my kids' generation and their aspirations and frustrations to the older generation in my family.... Personally I think we had it easier! (Waiting to be slaughtered for this comment |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Happiness is nothing to do with what you have or haven't got, what your aspirations are or aren't. It's little to do with your situation in life either.
It is a state of mind and the only person that can truly control your own happiness is yourself. Now there are things that impact your happiness for certain but I would draw your attention to a clip from slumdog millionaire when the child version came out of the cesspit with a massive smile on his face - was given a pile of shit but was still happy. There are opposite clips about of people coming out of the swankiest hotels in the most beautiful places in the world but utterly miserable.
Happiness is in fact simply just a choice - you choose to be happy or choose not to be and you will give yourself a million different excuses as to why you aren't happy but ultimately it's because you choose to be. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I don't know if "right" is the correct word, but I think everyone has the ability to be happy. To me, happiness is a mindset.
So (I can see where you are coming from) but let me ask you a question, and it is not intended to put you on the spot but it is my own curiosity: What would we say to the person who has literally had nothing but sadness, pain and loss in their life?
"
Is that possible? Are there people that have never seen a sunset, heard birds singing, stroked a puppy, or felt a fresh breeze on their skin? Never had a solitary moment that has made them smile? We all deal with pain, loss and sadness of some sort throughout our lives, but I believe that it's how you deal with and move on from those times that allows you to achieve happiness...if you always focus on the negatives then you will feel unhappy. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Happiness is nothing to do with what you have or haven't got, what your aspirations are or aren't. It's little to do with your situation in life either.
It is a state of mind and the only person that can truly control your own happiness is yourself. Now there are things that impact your happiness for certain but I would draw your attention to a clip from slumdog millionaire when the child version came out of the cesspit with a massive smile on his face - was given a pile of shit but was still happy. There are opposite clips about of people coming out of the swankiest hotels in the most beautiful places in the world but utterly miserable.
Happiness is in fact simply just a choice - you choose to be happy or choose not to be and you will give yourself a million different excuses as to why you aren't happy but ultimately it's because you choose to be."
It is how I live my life, by and large.And I am, by and large, a happy... content bunny.
I do wonder though about people who really do have a lot on their plate with poverty, illness, lack of education... and so on. Do they REALLY have that choice? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I don't know if "right" is the correct word, but I think everyone has the ability to be happy. To me, happiness is a mindset.
So (I can see where you are coming from) but let me ask you a question, and it is not intended to put you on the spot but it is my own curiosity: What would we say to the person who has literally had nothing but sadness, pain and loss in their life?
Is that possible? Are there people that have never seen a sunset, heard birds singing, stroked a puppy, or felt a fresh breeze on their skin? Never had a solitary moment that has made them smile? We all deal with pain, loss and sadness of some sort throughout our lives, but I believe that it's how you deal with and move on from those times that allows you to achieve happiness...if you always focus on the negatives then you will feel unhappy. "
So if I understand you right, you are saying that everybody has the same ability to make choices to be happy. If this is so, why do we find so many people are just not happy? What is the difference between them and the happy people? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The search for happiness is part of the problem with everybody. We can't be happy all the time. The search for peace or contentment would be more fulfilling.
Not sure we have the right to be happy, everyone should have the opportunity to be so. Although you have to make, and take, your own opportunities.
I have a band t shirt that says; The Flaming Lips encourage you to create your own happiness. I think there's a lot of truth in that sentence.
Are you saying that perhaps people who expect to be happy all the time, are not realistic? "
That's exactly what I'm saying. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't know if "right" is the correct word, but I think everyone has the ability to be happy. To me, happiness is a mindset.
So (I can see where you are coming from) but let me ask you a question, and it is not intended to put you on the spot but it is my own curiosity: What would we say to the person who has literally had nothing but sadness, pain and loss in their life?
Is that possible? Are there people that have never seen a sunset, heard birds singing, stroked a puppy, or felt a fresh breeze on their skin? Never had a solitary moment that has made them smile? We all deal with pain, loss and sadness of some sort throughout our lives, but I believe that it's how you deal with and move on from those times that allows you to achieve happiness...if you always focus on the negatives then you will feel unhappy.
So if I understand you right, you are saying that everybody has the same ability to make choices to be happy. If this is so, why do we find so many people are just not happy? What is the difference between them and the happy people? "
Choice!
Or in some cases mental illness |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"be happy?
Do we have a right to be happy?
Or do we have an obligation to make do with what life offers us?
And what are the necessary ingredients of a happy life? "
You are responsible for your own happiness unless it's taken away from you though ill health etc , you have one life ..live it the way you want to |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I don't know if "right" is the correct word, but I think everyone has the ability to be happy. To me, happiness is a mindset.
So (I can see where you are coming from) but let me ask you a question, and it is not intended to put you on the spot but it is my own curiosity: What would we say to the person who has literally had nothing but sadness, pain and loss in their life?
Is that possible? Are there people that have never seen a sunset, heard birds singing, stroked a puppy, or felt a fresh breeze on their skin? Never had a solitary moment that has made them smile? We all deal with pain, loss and sadness of some sort throughout our lives, but I believe that it's how you deal with and move on from those times that allows you to achieve happiness...if you always focus on the negatives then you will feel unhappy.
So if I understand you right, you are saying that everybody has the same ability to make choices to be happy. If this is so, why do we find so many people are just not happy? What is the difference between them and the happy people?
Choice!
Or in some cases mental illness "
I would love to agree with you! I am just conscious that some people seem to get a really awful deal in life. And to tell them that happiness is a choice might not be the right approach? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I don't quite agree that happiness is a privilege. I know someone who beat cancer. She was happy. That happiness was not a privilege.
Happiness has no 'custodian'; it's free.
Granted not everyone can claim happiness however.
I don't actively pursue happiness. I strive for 'delight', 'satisfaction' and 'contentment' at whatever level or manifestation, although I'm not always successful. Happiness for me is a by-product of those three factors if I'm fortunate.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Some people do get a very raw deal but they've never had their choice to be happy taken away from them. It's actually not even possible.
I will defer to the fact that every person's choice patterns are influencable to varying degrees but choice is still choice |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I don’t think I’ve an automatic right to anything. I am no more deserving of happiness or good fortune than the next person.
And happiness is kinda self-made. Seldom will it fall in your lap. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don’t think I’ve an automatic right to anything. I am no more deserving of happiness or good fortune than the next person.
And happiness is kinda self-made. Seldom will it fall in your lap."
Good fortune and happiness is not the same thing  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Do you think that happiness is linked to gratitude OP?"
For me personally? I can obviously only answer for myself. And yes, for me it is. When I wake up I spend 20 minutes or so on thinking of all the good things in my life.
That sort of sets me up for the day. It is not meant in an arrogant kind of way... just in a I am grateful way? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I don’t think I’ve an automatic right to anything. I am no more deserving of happiness or good fortune than the next person.
And happiness is kinda self-made. Seldom will it fall in your lap."
Can dream though  x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I don't know if "right" is the correct word, but I think everyone has the ability to be happy. To me, happiness is a mindset.
So (I can see where you are coming from) but let me ask you a question, and it is not intended to put you on the spot but it is my own curiosity: What would we say to the person who has literally had nothing but sadness, pain and loss in their life?
Is that possible? Are there people that have never seen a sunset, heard birds singing, stroked a puppy, or felt a fresh breeze on their skin? Never had a solitary moment that has made them smile? We all deal with pain, loss and sadness of some sort throughout our lives, but I believe that it's how you deal with and move on from those times that allows you to achieve happiness...if you always focus on the negatives then you will feel unhappy.
So if I understand you right, you are saying that everybody has the same ability to make choices to be happy. If this is so, why do we find so many people are just not happy? What is the difference between them and the happy people?
Choice!
Or in some cases mental illness "
Exactly this! It's the choice between wallowing in negativity or looking for something positive in situations (mental illness aside) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I don't quite agree that happiness is a privilege. I know someone who beat cancer. She was happy. That happiness was not a privilege.
Happiness has no 'custodian'; it's free.
Granted not everyone can claim happiness however.
I don't actively pursue happiness. I strive for 'delight', 'satisfaction' and 'contentment' at whatever level or manifestation, although I'm not always successful. Happiness for me is a by-product of those three factors if I'm fortunate.
"
You know, maybe the clue is in the notion you are not chasing it? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don’t think I’ve an automatic right to anything. I am no more deserving of happiness or good fortune than the next person.
And happiness is kinda self-made. Seldom will it fall in your lap.
Good fortune and happiness is not the same thing "
Good fortune as in good things happening in your life. Some people think they are entitled to it. I don’t. And am aware they’re not the same. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you think that happiness is linked to gratitude OP?
For me personally? I can obviously only answer for myself. And yes, for me it is. When I wake up I spend 20 minutes or so on thinking of all the good things in my life.
That sort of sets me up for the day. It is not meant in an arrogant kind of way... just in a I am grateful way? "
I agree with you totally. Some of the happiest people I know have nothing but at grateful that they have life and health |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I don't know if "right" is the correct word, but I think everyone has the ability to be happy. To me, happiness is a mindset.
So (I can see where you are coming from) but let me ask you a question, and it is not intended to put you on the spot but it is my own curiosity: What would we say to the person who has literally had nothing but sadness, pain and loss in their life?
Is that possible? Are there people that have never seen a sunset, heard birds singing, stroked a puppy, or felt a fresh breeze on their skin? Never had a solitary moment that has made them smile? We all deal with pain, loss and sadness of some sort throughout our lives, but I believe that it's how you deal with and move on from those times that allows you to achieve happiness...if you always focus on the negatives then you will feel unhappy.
So if I understand you right, you are saying that everybody has the same ability to make choices to be happy. If this is so, why do we find so many people are just not happy? What is the difference between them and the happy people?
Choice!
Or in some cases mental illness
Exactly this! It's the choice between wallowing in negativity or looking for something positive in situations (mental illness aside) "
But what if the situation causes the mental illness? For example my dad being physically and emotionally abusive for years. Did I wallow after I got out of the situation yes, because I didn't have the tools to deal with it as a 17 year old. The impact of the abuse on my formative teenage years was long lasting. That wasn't my choice it caused severe mental health issues. Yes I finally sorted it out on my own accord eventually. People don't wallow in negativity just because they decide it's a good idea. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Do you think that happiness is linked to gratitude OP?
For me personally? I can obviously only answer for myself. And yes, for me it is. When I wake up I spend 20 minutes or so on thinking of all the good things in my life.
That sort of sets me up for the day. It is not meant in an arrogant kind of way... just in a I am grateful way?
I agree with you totally. Some of the happiest people I know have nothing but at grateful that they have life and health "
That's me tbh. Right now, as an example I am covid positive and have to isolate. Well I dont even have to but I choose to. In that I am thinking I am lucky to only feel minor symptoms and it will be ok in a few days' time. So I guess I choose to be positive... but then it feels kind of easy for me to be positive? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Let's hypothesis for a moment about a different choice
There's no milk in the fridge so to get milk I need to pop to the shop. There are many reasons why I may choose not to - nearest shop is 20 miles away and it's only a drop of milk and I don't really need it in the morning anyway. It's chucking it down with rain why get soaked right now. Cars running low on fuel and it's got so expensive right now - the list goes on and all are valid and reasonable reasons to not go to the shops for milk. Ultimately though - you made the choice not to go. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Let's hypothesis for a moment about a different choice
There's no milk in the fridge so to get milk I need to pop to the shop. There are many reasons why I may choose not to - nearest shop is 20 miles away and it's only a drop of milk and I don't really need it in the morning anyway. It's chucking it down with rain why get soaked right now. Cars running low on fuel and it's got so expensive right now - the list goes on and all are valid and reasonable reasons to not go to the shops for milk. Ultimately though - you made the choice not to go."
I am not sure I understand the relationship between that decision and the choice of being happy - can you explain , please? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
But what if the situation causes the mental illness? For example my dad being physically and emotionally abusive for years. Did I wallow after I got out of the situation yes, because I didn't have the tools to deal with it as a 17 year old. The impact of the abuse on my formative teenage years was long lasting. That wasn't my choice it caused severe mental health issues. Yes I finally sorted it out on my own accord eventually. People don't wallow in negativity just because they decide it's a good idea. "
I too was beaten and abused as a child, I lay in bed at night listening to my mother being used as a punch bag. At the age of nine I considered killing myself. Since then I have been in the conflicts in NI the former states of Yugoslavia, Afghanistan and Iraq and have seen stuff you wouldn't wish on anyone. I was verbally, mentally and at times physically abused by my ex wife who to this day still attempts to make me miserable as often as she can. I still smile and I'm always (mostly always) happy - and you can ask anyone that really knows me they'll vouch for that. Despite it all I choose to be happy. That's why when person after person that tells me I should go to therapy I just smile wryly as I know they are the ones that need it not me - I'm happy  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"
But what if the situation causes the mental illness? For example my dad being physically and emotionally abusive for years. Did I wallow after I got out of the situation yes, because I didn't have the tools to deal with it as a 17 year old. The impact of the abuse on my formative teenage years was long lasting. That wasn't my choice it caused severe mental health issues. Yes I finally sorted it out on my own accord eventually. People don't wallow in negativity just because they decide it's a good idea.
I too was beaten and abused as a child, I lay in bed at night listening to my mother being used as a punch bag. At the age of nine I considered killing myself. Since then I have been in the conflicts in NI the former states of Yugoslavia, Afghanistan and Iraq and have seen stuff you wouldn't wish on anyone. I was verbally, mentally and at times physically abused by my ex wife who to this day still attempts to make me miserable as often as she can. I still smile and I'm always (mostly always) happy - and you can ask anyone that really knows me they'll vouch for that. Despite it all I choose to be happy. That's why when person after person that tells me I should go to therapy I just smile wryly as I know they are the ones that need it not me - I'm happy "
You have, by the sound of it, a really difficult time. But maybe not everyone is capable of what you are doing? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"be happy?
Do we have a right to be happy?
Or do we have an obligation to make do with what life offers us?
And what are the necessary ingredients of a happy life? "
I'm sure that everyone has the right to be happy, but not to deprive others of their happiness to achieve it.
The ingredients for happiness will vary wildly for different people and even from one moment to another.
For me, the things that make me happy are Anita... the love of my family and friends, making music, and being kind to others.
Cal |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Honestly, I think it's a load of bollocks. Not everything in life is going to make me happy so there's no point pretending to be happy for the sake of it, it's not healthy and just leads to repressed emotions that will build up.
We can only find the slivers of genuine happiness work towards making the most out of them and not letting the other stuff get us too down. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't know if "right" is the correct word, but I think everyone has the ability to be happy. To me, happiness is a mindset.
So (I can see where you are coming from) but let me ask you a question, and it is not intended to put you on the spot but it is my own curiosity: What would we say to the person who has literally had nothing but sadness, pain and loss in their life?
Is that possible? Are there people that have never seen a sunset, heard birds singing, stroked a puppy, or felt a fresh breeze on their skin? Never had a solitary moment that has made them smile? We all deal with pain, loss and sadness of some sort throughout our lives, but I believe that it's how you deal with and move on from those times that allows you to achieve happiness...if you always focus on the negatives then you will feel unhappy.
So if I understand you right, you are saying that everybody has the same ability to make choices to be happy. If this is so, why do we find so many people are just not happy? What is the difference between them and the happy people?
Choice!
Or in some cases mental illness "
Choice!! that's what i said, but it got ignored 9 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If you give people the right to be happy they will demanding compo if they’re not.
Some People don’t have the imagination to come in out of the rain let alone achieve happiness. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Choice!
Or in some cases mental illness
Choice!! that's what i said, but it got ignored 9"
Euf - I've said the same and been argued with! It's almost like some people don't wanna be happy (now why don't they have a stickpoke emojii in here) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
How do you measure it?
Is it what you have that makes you happy? Or who you are with? Your life? Do you have to be happy all the time? How happy? Some people are never happy no matter what they have, some people have negative mindsets? Can you have a level of negativity and be happy? Truly.
What is happy? Are there different levels of happy? From manical excitement to the slow burner of general contentment
Does it mean different things to different people? There are people striving for the next thing that they think will attain happiness, but will it?
I would say to be content is more important. If you are content then you will feel equilibrium, like everything is OK in your world....then the happiness will follow, to me that is happiness
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Happiness can come in all shapes and forms and what other people bring into your life depends wether you're happy or not , quick example is if you're in a toxic relationship you're not gonna be happy , if you are 100% healthy have no mortgage ,you're in a good relationship or single cause you choose to be , financially flush etc you are gonna be happy more than if you were in a toxic relationship, your Happiness to a large extent depends on you , you have the choice to be happy , l understand not everyone has that choice due to illness of some sort , it can be taken away from you without having any choice but lm just saying that while we can we have a choice to be happy or unhappy , if we are in a place where our happiness is in doubt get out of that place if you can . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I find the cult of happiness bizarre, same as the idea world owes us happiness or to not be happy is a failure. Ironically these ideas/outlooks I think are causes of unhappiness or fake happiness. I think happiness isn't a given, it's something we make for ourselves and its OK not to be happy.
Mr |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There's a Joe Rogan podcast where he talks about happiness and it really makes sense. It's unrealistic to be happy all of the time as stuff happens in life that will make you sad, pissed off etc.
I think being true to yourself and treating others well in general makes a big difference to how you feel too. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"be happy?
Do we have a right to be happy?
Or do we have an obligation to make do with what life offers us?
And what are the necessary ingredients of a happy life? "
Nobody has a right to be happy in my opinion. We do have an obligation to ourselves to be as happy as possible and I think it's a choice we can make. To an extent being happy is about making do with what life offers us but not in a passive way and trying to make bad stuff better. Of course there are some circumstances that make happiness impossible.
I don't think there are any specific ingredients for a happy life but money helps, a good relationship, good health and freedom from serious worry, the main thing is a positive attitude though.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
The essentials for life, mere existence, should not be up for question. Above and beyond that, there should be much more that has potential guaranteed, in a just world. This would include the elements of what can make us happier and content etc.
Good governments would be working hard, with this as their key priority, once the essentials of safety, homes, food, water etc are ensured. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"How do you measure it?
Is it what you have that makes you happy? Or who you are with? Your life? Do you have to be happy all the time? How happy? Some people are never happy no matter what they have, some people have negative mindsets? Can you have a level of negativity and be happy? Truly.
What is happy? Are there different levels of happy? From manical excitement to the slow burner of general contentment
Does it mean different things to different people? There are people striving for the next thing that they think will attain happiness, but will it?
I would say to be content is more important. If you are content then you will feel equilibrium, like everything is OK in your world....then the happiness will follow, to me that is happiness
"
I will pick this one out of your comment:
"If you are content then you will feel equilibrium, like everything is OK in your world....then the happiness will follow, to me that is happiness"
To me that sounds potentially very helpful. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I find the cult of happiness bizarre, same as the idea world owes us happiness or to not be happy is a failure. Ironically these ideas/outlooks I think are causes of unhappiness or fake happiness. I think happiness isn't a given, it's something we make for ourselves and its OK not to be happy.
Mr"
I really like this - it is actually ok not to be happy. Hopefully for most that is a temporary thing but your statement, making it ok, eases the pressure felt by some, to always present a happy smile. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"be happy?
Do we have a right to be happy?
Or do we have an obligation to make do with what life offers us?
And what are the necessary ingredients of a happy life?
Nobody has a right to be happy in my opinion. We do have an obligation to ourselves to be as happy as possible and I think it's a choice we can make. To an extent being happy is about making do with what life offers us but not in a passive way and trying to make bad stuff better. Of course there are some circumstances that make happiness impossible.
I don't think there are any specific ingredients for a happy life but money helps, a good relationship, good health and freedom from serious worry, the main thing is a positive attitude though.
"
I will pick this out:
"I don't think there are any specific ingredients for a happy life but money helps, a good relationship, good health and freedom from serious worry, the main thing is a positive attitude though."
I like the fact it is not about a cocktail of pre-defined ingredients but some ingredients may well be major contributing factors. And the attitude can undoubtedly play a major part!
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
