FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Just sex or Intimacy too?
Just sex or Intimacy too?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just curious..
I am in a pretty loveless marriage.. and while I miss (and very much enjoy!) Good sex, I find its the Intimacy I am missing.. talking, flirting, kissing cuddling etc.
Is this just me? Or I am on the completely wrong site to ask these questions lol!?
Sometimes rather than sex I just want to meet some one to chill and have fun with..
I dont know.. probably barking up the wrong tree  |
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"I can't and never have been able to have sex without the intimacy. For me they come hand in hand x"
And before anyone jumps on the bandwagon....
I'm not saying those that do have just sex with no intimacy are wrong!!! |
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"Just ask for the best contraception to use if meeting elsewhere and the girls should help you out.
"
No that’s only if you’re a woman. If you’re a man playing away you’re scum. Have you not read the rule book?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just curious..
I am in a pretty loveless marriage.. and while I miss (and very much enjoy!) Good sex, I find its the Intimacy I am missing.. talking, flirting, kissing cuddling etc.
Is this just me? Or I am on the completely wrong site to ask these questions lol!?
Sometimes rather than sex I just want to meet some one to chill and have fun with..
I dont know.. probably barking up the wrong tree "
I’m in a similar situation and I also miss the intimacy. I think it’s pretty common and it’s daft to suggest that you talk to your wife as I’m sure that you have already tried that. I think most people wouldn't choose this route if they didn’t feel like they had done everything they could to resurrect their relationship or if they thought leaving the marriage was appropriate/possible. Sending hugs x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Appreciate the just leave or talk to your wife comments but trust me if it were that easy then I already would have left  "
Not that I agree with what you are doing , but just to add that I agree , it’s really not that easy to leave ( massively speaking from experience ) |
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There are definitely times when intimacy is what I crave (like now for instance,I would kill for some cuddles and head strokes).
Normally am lucky enough to be able to get it whenever I need, but S is out tonight 
MJ x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just curious..
I am in a pretty loveless marriage.. and while I miss (and very much enjoy!) Good sex, I find its the Intimacy I am missing.. talking, flirting, kissing cuddling etc.
Is this just me? Or I am on the completely wrong site to ask these questions lol!?
Sometimes rather than sex I just want to meet some one to chill and have fun with..
I dont know.. probably barking up the wrong tree
I’m in a similar situation and I also miss the intimacy. I think it’s pretty common and it’s daft to suggest that you talk to your wife as I’m sure that you have already tried that. I think most people wouldn't choose this route if they didn’t feel like they had done everything they could to resurrect their relationship or if they thought leaving the marriage was appropriate/possible. Sending hugs x "
That is really sweet.. thank you so much for your reply x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Appreciate the just leave or talk to your wife comments but trust me if it were that easy then I already would have left
Not that I agree with what you are doing , but just to add that I agree , it’s really not that easy to leave ( massively speaking from experience )"
thank you x |
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"Just curious..
I am in a pretty loveless marriage.. and while I miss (and very much enjoy!) Good sex, I find its the Intimacy I am missing.. talking, flirting, kissing cuddling etc.
Is this just me? Or I am on the completely wrong site to ask these questions lol!?
Sometimes rather than sex I just want to meet some one to chill and have fun with..
I dont know.. probably barking up the wrong tree "
I know what you mean... And completely agree. Sex can be biological and transactional, intimacy... So much more.. I wish you the best with it. |
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"Just curious..
I am in a pretty loveless marriage.. and while I miss (and very much enjoy!) Good sex, I find its the Intimacy I am missing.. talking, flirting, kissing cuddling etc.
Is this just me? Or I am on the completely wrong site to ask these questions lol!?
Sometimes rather than sex I just want to meet some one to chill and have fun with..
I dont know.. probably barking up the wrong tree "
I'm an extremely sensual woman, I find it difficult to enjoy a fuck if I'm not connected  sexual vibrations have to click for me to enjoy any form of sex.
Like giving a bj I cannot just suck at it like its the last lolly pop I'll ever be blessed to place between my lips, I adore cock, I am sensual in everything I do sexually.
Everyone is different,  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im a sensual woman and physically affectionate, I like intimacy.
In saying that, I have found, now that I have a strong connection built with one man i dont need intimacy in other meets, it can be just play. My need for emotional connection is met. Its an interesting realisation for me
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"On here? Sex.
I’m not here to be someone’s emotional buffer when they’re going through a bad time at home.
"
While I appreciate your message.. looking for a shoulder to cry on is not what I am saying I am looking for |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love both but depending on the situation don't think they both always have to be there. Find I crave intimacy more now though and being lonely in a relationship is not a good place to be |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I have spoken to others who've been in similar relationships or left them - they've all said the same. The intimacy is what they miss most.
I know that for many in swinging, the sex is the important thing and many don't look for intimacy. But I can't have sex without it. I tried when I first joined the site and it made me feel awful. |
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"Just curious..
I am in a pretty loveless marriage.. and while I miss (and very much enjoy!) Good sex, I find its the Intimacy I am missing.. talking, flirting, kissing cuddling etc.
Is this just me? Or I am on the completely wrong site to ask these questions lol!?
Sometimes rather than sex I just want to meet some one to chill and have fun with..
I dont know.. probably barking up the wrong tree
I'm an extremely sensual woman, I find it difficult to enjoy a fuck if I'm not connected sexual vibrations have to click for me to enjoy any form of sex.
Like giving a bj I cannot just suck at it like its the last lolly pop I'll ever be blessed to place between my lips, I adore cock, I am sensual in everything I do sexually.
Everyone is different, "
Totally with you there |
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Intimacy always has to come with sex.hence why its great if you can get along and have a good laugh at the same time. That’s why it’s hard to find
In simple terms it’s just like a very deep tight spooning |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've no interest in intimacy/cuddles with any men I meet on here and I'm always up front about that so if it's an issue he can make a decision whether he still wants to meet me or not
Although men have this trick where they say they respect your choice and then try and get you to do it anyway when you're there |
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By *rufinWoman
over a year ago
notts |
Sounds like you are looking for an affair partner. There are specialist sites for that, and quite a few of the female members of fab are over there as well.
Nothing so lonely as being with someone and still feeling alone
(You should probably leave) |
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Unfortunately, I’m in the same position, and having posted myself and also read other threads on here it’s not that uncommon.
I have no idea what the answer is. Personally I could cope without the sex, it’s everything else I miss and yearn for. Just to be touched by a woman, or a long lingering kiss, would be heaven.
Like you OP, divorce is not an option, end of. And I too have tried talking but it just creates an argument, so why bother, it doesn’t achieve anything.
I came on here to try and find that little extra that I’m missing but without success, however I’ve taken immense comfort in participating in the forums and live in eternal hope that maybe there is a lady out there who will meet up for a coffee one day.
Best of luck OP and hope things work out for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can't be intimate with a guy unless attraction & connection, I want to give all I have to him..kisses, cuddles etc..
Can't just have sex without it, I think it would feel weird, just my opinion.. 
However if I had been with them a long time & it suddenly disappeared I don't know what I would do,though would try my best to understand & hopefully find a solution. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
Where would you like me? |
I don't think you're barking up the wrong tree but it might be more difficult for you to find it on this site OP. Lots of forum users, myself included, like a blend of intimacy and lust. I'm not sure about the rest of the site though.  |
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"I don't think you're barking up the wrong tree but it might be more difficult for you to find it on this site OP. Lots of forum users, myself included, like a blend of intimacy and lust. I'm not sure about the rest of the site though. "
This for me. I look primarily for sex, so intimacy without sex wouldn't do it for me, but I'd also find it hard to have sex without that intimacy.
My preferred arrangement is FWB, a base level of friendship there, plenty of intimacy but also often having sex. It works well for me when I can find it.
I've not found it easy to find on this site OP, and I'm single so have fewer restrictions! Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can't be intimate with a guy unless attraction & connection, I want to give all I have to him..kisses, cuddles etc..
Can't just have sex without it, I think it would feel weird, just my opinion..
However if I had been with them a long time & it suddenly disappeared I don't know what I would do,though would try my best to understand & hopefully find a solution. "
Everyone can have sex but not everyone can have intimacy |
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By *omer47Man
over a year ago
leigh |
I like intimacy, but sometimes I just like to have sex. Everyone is different sometimes we want the intimacy and sex, sometimes you just want the intimacy and no sex, and sometimes I'm just in the mood for just sex without any intimacy. |
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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago
Birmingham |
Sorry to hear of your situation OP, and I hope you find what you’re looking for and maybe even a solution to the wider problem.
You’re not wrong to want the things you’ve mentioned; for many people that would absolutely natural, intimacy is key for many as you’ll have seen from this thread.
As for me, it’s not what I’m here for; despite not really having any, I’m also not looking for it. I need to feel some form of attraction to someone and feel sufficiently comfortable around them for sex to happen, but intimacy? No. The part of me that cared about that is long gone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry to hear of your situation OP, and I hope you find what you’re looking for and maybe even a solution to the wider problem.
You’re not wrong to want the things you’ve mentioned; for many people that would absolutely natural, intimacy is key for many as you’ll have seen from this thread.
As for me, it’s not what I’m here for; despite not really having any, I’m also not looking for it. I need to feel some form of attraction to someone and feel sufficiently comfortable around them for sex to happen, but intimacy? No. The part of me that cared about that is long gone."
Gone or perhaps suppressed for so long it feels that way? |
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"Unfortunately, I’m in the same position, and having posted myself and also read other threads on here it’s not that uncommon.
I have no idea what the answer is. Personally I could cope without the sex, it’s everything else I miss and yearn for. Just to be touched by a woman, or a long lingering kiss, would be heaven.
Like you OP, divorce is not an option, end of. And I too have tried talking but it just creates an argument, so why bother, it doesn’t achieve anything.
I came on here to try and find that little extra that I’m missing but without success, however I’ve taken immense comfort in participating in the forums and live in eternal hope that maybe there is a lady out there who will meet up for a coffee one day.
Best of luck OP and hope things work out for you. "
This sums up my situation too.
For me, in general, intimacy and sex are part and parcel of the same thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Gone or perhaps suppressed for so long it feels that way?
An extremely slim chance it’s the latter; almost certainly the former."
I left my LTR and found a completely new lease of life. I'm a different person. |
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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I left my LTR and found a completely new lease of life. I'm a different person."
That’s good to hear; I know for many people that’s necessary and ends up being a great thing for them.
My wife and I still love each other to bits; neither of us want to grow old with anyone else, which we’ve attested to many times. Our sex lives have just diverged as we don’t want the same things and saw no point in throwing away everything else over that. She does her thing, I (completely fail to) do mine….
The connection I have with her will do me; it’s not ‘lovey-dovey’ and has never been stereotypically so, although more so previously than now and I wouldn’t say no to a little coming back.
But intimacy or ‘deep connection’ elsewhere on top of that is just far too much for me.
Apologies to OP for the hijack here….it seemed related so thought I’d run with it in case it helped at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I left my LTR and found a completely new lease of life. I'm a different person.
That’s good to hear; I know for many people that’s necessary and ends up being a great thing for them.
My wife and I still love each other to bits; neither of us want to grow old with anyone else, which we’ve attested to many times. Our sex lives have just diverged as we don’t want the same things and saw no point in throwing away everything else over that. She does her thing, I (completely fail to) do mine….
The connection I have with her will do me; it’s not ‘lovey-dovey’ and has never been stereotypically so, although more so previously than now and I wouldn’t say no to a little coming back.
But intimacy or ‘deep connection’ elsewhere on top of that is just far too much for me.
Apologies to OP for the hijack here….it seemed related so thought I’d run with it in case it helped at all. "
I see - quite a different situation to mine I think |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I have no interest in sex with no intimacy. It doesn't have to be all nighters or romantic but a cuddle after and a chat and a laugh is what makes it for me. I've had sex where it's just sex and it's not for me in fact I'd rather never sex again than do that again, it's usually unsatisfactory sex that makes me feel empty and crap after.
It's one of the reasons I gave up on sex for years I got so fed up of crap sex that meant nothing I decided to go without rather than bother with it . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have no interest in sex with no intimacy. It doesn't have to be all nighters or romantic but a cuddle after and a chat and a laugh is what makes it for me. I've had sex where it's just sex and it's not for me in fact I'd rather never sex again than do that again, it's usually unsatisfactory sex that makes me feel empty and crap after.
It's one of the reasons I gave up on sex for years I got so fed up of crap sex that meant nothing I decided to go without rather than bother with it ."
Completely agree |
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By *lle82Woman
over a year ago
Ashford |
Hmmm…I think intimacy is incredibly sexy. And you can be intimate with a stranger, imo…it’s the act of intimacy, the play, the movements and actions, the time taken, words spoken. A hard fucking can still be intimate in many ways…and there needn’t be emotions (as in romantic feelings) involved either. That’s the best kind of sex for me. Intense and passionate and intimate without shackles (emotional ones…physical ones I’d be into )
Lx |
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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"….. but a cuddle after and a chat and a laugh is what makes it for me. "
Interesting. Seems like personal definitions are at play.
To me, the description above is just the vanilla version of aftercare. Unless it was agreed that it was a fuck-and-go meet, I wouldn’t just splash-and-dash.
Intimacy by my definition is something with more connected emotion behind it than just post-sex sociability. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hmmm…I think intimacy is incredibly sexy. And you can be intimate with a stranger, imo…it’s the act of intimacy, the play, the movements and actions, the time taken, words spoken. A hard fucking can still be intimate in many ways…and there needn’t be emotions (as in romantic feelings) involved either. That’s the best kind of sex for me. Intense and passionate and intimate without shackles (emotional ones…physical ones I’d be into )
Lx"
Absolutelty agree with you.. thanks for your comments x |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"….. but a cuddle after and a chat and a laugh is what makes it for me.
Interesting. Seems like personal definitions are at play.
To me, the description above is just the vanilla version of aftercare. Unless it was agreed that it was a fuck-and-go meet, I wouldn’t just splash-and-dash.
Intimacy by my definition is something with more connected emotion behind it than just post-sex sociability."
Well like you said that's just your definition . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you're looking for intamacy you're putting yourself up on the gallery to be knocked off, it totally depends tbh , you can easily fall for the other person without even wanting too . |
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"Hmmm…I think intimacy is incredibly sexy. And you can be intimate with a stranger, imo…it’s the act of intimacy, the play, the movements and actions, the time taken, words spoken. A hard fucking can still be intimate in many ways…and there needn’t be emotions (as in romantic feelings) involved either. That’s the best kind of sex for me. Intense and passionate and intimate without shackles (emotional ones…physical ones I’d be into )
Lx"
This |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I crave intimacy most of the time over sex but fab is definitely a sex over intimacy place."
This is what this thread has probably taught me. I am probably not going to find what I am looking for on Fab. Some great people on here though |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't get why people stay in these marriages. If unhappy go. "
If it was as simple as that I would have some time ago. I hope that you dont have to go through the stuff that has put us where we are. Good luck to you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So... Tell us more about your wife who isn't loved by you.
C"
She has a very serious illness. Thats all I am going to say in a public forum. I do love her, but the intimacy and all physical contact has gone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Who wouldn’t want intimacy with sex? They go together perfectly when balanced just right.
It adds to the tension, stimulation and heightens the the urges beyond belief with the right person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So... Tell us more about your wife who isn't loved by you.
C
She has a very serious illness. Thats all I am going to say in a public forum. I do love her, but the intimacy and all physical contact has gone. "
You don't need to explain yourself at all. Your reasons are your business and nobody elses. I'm sorry you felt you had to respond to this. I hope your wife returns to full health. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So... Tell us more about your wife who isn't loved by you.
C
She has a very serious illness. Thats all I am going to say in a public forum. I do love her, but the intimacy and all physical contact has gone.
You don't need to explain yourself at all. Your reasons are your business and nobody elses. I'm sorry you felt you had to respond to this. I hope your wife returns to full health. "
Thank you |
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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago
Bury St Edmunds/Clacton |
You didn't need to reply but thanks for doing so.
My retort was somewhat tongue in cheek as a lot of men put posts up about this and don't try and work at it. Sorry about your circumstances
C |
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