FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Fetishization of BBWs and black men

Fetishization of BBWs and black men

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

How do people in these groups feel about being fetishized?

I prefer if someone exclusively likes bigger women because it gives me more confidence in their attraction to the whole of me and as a result I can more authentically my sexual self.

I appreciate this can be a divisive subject but I'm keen to hear thoughts and opinions.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A small percentage love the fetishisation thing as it gets them laid, attention they wouldn't get ‘normally’, boosts the ego.

Some hate it with a passion.

Many on here will tell you its preference and its sexual fab fantasy world and why can’t people live out their fantasies.

You can only mind yourself, i’ve learned. I dislike being fetishised for being black and will tell people to jog on if thats how they approach me. I’m a whole person not just my colour. Yet people will say i should be glad of the attention or other black ladies love it whats my problem. These comments are also met with encouragement to take a long walk off a short pier.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It annoys me.

I was often fetishised prior to my surgery so on dating profiles I don’t mention I’m trans so I have some hope of finding a man who likes me in spite of it.

I seem to attract black guys, which isn’t an issue for me as I slept with more black men than white ones, but when I’m told they like the contrast between our skin colours, that puts me off.

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By *agicM53XMan over a year ago

Croydon

"How do people in these groups feel about being fetishized?

I prefer if someone exclusively likes bigger women because it gives me more confidence in their attraction to the whole of me and as a result I can more authentically my sexual self.

I appreciate this can be a divisive subject but I'm keen to hear thoughts and opinions. "

I do not like to fetishize anything or anyone...I also wouldn't want to be fetishized (for whatever reason) , as I believe people with a fetish only like you for one specific thing (which is what they fetishize). There's so much more to me...so many layers...so many things that can attract you to me, yet you wouldn't care about any of them. Now that's just my perception...but ultimately I would detest to be a fetish

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I dislike being fetishised for being an "older woman" . It's the stereotyping that goes along with it I think.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A small percentage love the fetishisation thing as it gets them laid, attention they wouldn't get ‘normally’, boosts the ego.

Some hate it with a passion.

Many on here will tell you its preference and its sexual fab fantasy world and why can’t people live out their fantasies.

It’s the same for me. I get the line often ‘I’ve always wanted to fuck a mixed race girl’ and I quickly delete.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’d much rather hear someone say “You’re beautiful” than “You’re a big, beautiful woman” that’s if they even think that I am beautiful

I appreciate labels can be helpful to some but,

I just don’t like the term BBW. I wish the world would stop making everything about size and let us all crack on and have fun!

You’re beautiful OP

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"How do people in these groups feel about being fetishized?

I prefer if someone exclusively likes bigger women because it gives me more confidence in their attraction to the whole of me and as a result I can more authentically my sexual self.

I appreciate this can be a divisive subject but I'm keen to hear thoughts and opinions.

That's interesting. I guess I see fetishization a little differently perhaps. For me it's about the whole of someone but that might be a particular element I'm attracted to. E.g I prefer bigger women... I'm not exclusively attracted to one particular race or gender but have been with people who were keen for me to be black or brown only.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"A small percentage love the fetishisation thing as it gets them laid, attention they wouldn't get ‘normally’, boosts the ego.

Some hate it with a passion.

Many on here will tell you its preference and its sexual fab fantasy world and why can’t people live out their fantasies.

It’s the same for me. I get the line often ‘I’ve always wanted to fuck a mixed race girl’ and I quickly delete. "

Yeah, I think I'd hate that too. I have no desire to be anybodys curiosity fuck. When men have said to me they just want to try big girls out and see if they like it it's an instant no.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Usually folk will go through a phase of fetishism until they get out and meet real folk and become familiar with them. Then the fetishism diminishes and their response and behaviour is normalised.

But it could just as easily be described as a passion, obsession or the ubiquitous preference.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm attracted to people, not stereotypes.

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By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

Southern Wales

This will probably sound odd, but I get a lot of fetish attention for my body hair. I find the idea of laying on a bed and have a man work his way over my body, touching, sniffing and caressing and maybe finishing on me, quite hot.

Is it something I’d want all the time? No.

But now and then it would cater to my kinkier side.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Usually folk will go through a phase of fetishism until they get out and meet real folk and become familiar with them. Then the fetishism diminishes and their response and behaviour is normalised.

But it could just as easily be described as a passion, obsession or the ubiquitous preference."

Depends on how they act. A passion is nice, an obsession is creepy.

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

Where would you like me?

I'm not a bbw but I'm definitely fat and mixed race. I dislike being fetishized for either for the most part - like a poster above said, when they send a message telling me they've never been with a black/mixed race/whatever they think I am woman before, I can feel my vagina slowly drying up. It's the novelty factor, the reinforcement that I'm somehow "other".

I've never been with someone who has a fetish for fat women before - I think on one hand it might be good because they'd really enjoy me and get stuck in. On the other hand, I want to be seen as more than my outer shell, not just objectified but appreciated for all of me. I want someone who likes my body, enjoys it, isn't afraid of my jiggle, my tummy. But gets an erection because it's me.

Hard to explain.

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By *he Mac LassWoman over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

I’m a hefty bird and I’ve never felt fetishised so I guess that’s good. I’m a person not a stereotype and I certainly hope that I don’t make anyone else feel that way.

I meet who I meet and it’s my business and theirs. That’s it.

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By *agneto.Man over a year ago

Bham

I don't think it's a fetish, your body just looks amazing to my eyes.

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By *ld StrumpetWoman over a year ago

Telford

If you ask Google for the definition of fetish as I did this morning, she tells me it’s a sexual desire for something that maybe abnormal. If society stopped trying to shove people into perfect boxes of how we should look then maybe some would not see large bodies as a fetish.

Is it a preference? Having been part of the “BBW” scene in many ways from sex worker to social I’ve found you can certainly get a better vibe off a person whose preference, like myself is for big bodies. I don’t feel like I’m a moped.. fun to ride just don’t let your mates see you on it

preferences of any kind run a thin line along fetish. My best mate is a very large chested woman (beyond double mm cup) a stunning looking lady (honest not biased) and a SSBBW, triple package I call her lol but has more grief about her chest than her size. Like they just can’t see past them.

Do I see myself as a BBW, well yes because I am a BIG BRASSY WOMAN and my size did robes my body but it DOESN’T define me as a person.

I am me.. a fucking potty mouth of a mahooosive old bird, that loves a laugh, enjoys humour, hates bullies and doesn’t give a flying fuck what a person looks like as long as they are nice to me and I will be lovely back

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do I see myself as a BBW, well yes because I am a BIG BRASSY WOMAN and my size did robes my body but it DOESN’T define me as a person.

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By *iss_FickleWoman over a year ago

Cambridgeshire

Being viewed as merely "a fetish" is mostly an insult. Yes, you can appreciate the contrast of our skintones &/or have a preference/type, but that's not the same thing...

I really hate it, when people expect (or in some cases demand) that because of my skin colour I should dress, talk or act a certain way or live up to a stereotype or fantasy...

I'm a person, not a doll ffs.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As a bi South Asian male on this site, I encounter this problem quite often. Anytime someone tells me they love Asian/love Indians I instantly recoil. It's a big turn off to be reduced to a label like that.

Beyond just the labelling, I find people expect me to fall into certain roles. Being younger/being Asian, men in particular expect me to be less Dominant or even bottom. Can be a challenge navigating a sexual encounter when someone's already got an expectation of what you ought to be doing just based on your ethnicity.

I feel bad for the whole "BBC" culture, reckon they've been fetishised the worst.

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By *adyBugsWoman over a year ago

cognito

"How do people in these groups feel about being fetishized?

I prefer if someone exclusively likes bigger women because it gives me more confidence in their attraction to the whole of me and as a result I can more authentically my sexual self.

I appreciate this can be a divisive subject but I'm keen to hear thoughts and opinions.

You summed up my thoughts on this perfectly! I have a big dislike to being labelled or anyone being labelled because I don’t feel labels help inclusivity. Sure you can identify yourself as something but that isn’t all you are, you are many different wonderful things above from that one label.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As a bi South Asian male on this site, I encounter this problem quite often. Anytime someone tells me they love Asian/love Indians I instantly recoil. It's a big turn off to be reduced to a label like that.

I feel bad for the whole "BBC" culture, reckon they've been fetishised the worst."

I’m sorry you’ve felt like that on here.

I’ve also had messages from single men who make comments that I must be into certain ethnicities because they have read two verifications. I’ve told them to not make assumptions as I find it really rude. Some of us are here to chat and meet people from all different backgrounds and no one should label anyone else, only themselves, if they choose to.

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By *oldfischMan over a year ago

HARROW

La Luna; that sounds like my idea of a great afternoon

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By *icearmsMan over a year ago

KIDLINGTON

Apologies if this has been said up top. But is liking a larger or curvy lady a fetishism? It's not a case of I have to play with a larger lady to be aroused. Its not a case that I will only play with larger ladies.

I find ladies that let's say have more curves, a bit of extra skin, padding what ever it is attractive. I guess its the shape that I like and typically the big boobs and bums that come with it. However I wouldn't sleep with someone just because they are bigger and no personality.

Likewise I have played with some stunning attractive thinner ladies who's personality have also been amazing.

I think we all get hooked up on who likes what and why we like them. But it's mostly not a fettsih i would say.

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By *oan of DArcCouple over a year ago

Glasgow

"How do people in these groups feel about being fetishized?

I prefer if someone exclusively likes bigger women because it gives me more confidence in their attraction to the whole of me and as a result I can more authentically my sexual self.

I appreciate this can be a divisive subject but I'm keen to hear thoughts and opinions. "

Great thread sensualrubenesque with some grown up responses which is unusual given the subject matter!

Agree with your view, I guess one small positive is that at least the "W" in BBW refers to a human being unlike the "C" in BBC which reduces a human being to merely their genitalia.

My (black) husband lost interest in the lifestyle as he became increasingly aware of being fetishised, it wasn't a knee jerk reaction, it took him 20 years to get there and experiencing that many with the most fervent interest in "BBC" often had the most archaic views about social equality and development.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am Asian and I am ok to be fetishised and even enjoy it to an extent. My rule on this is a simple matter of consent. It you like to fetishise something, you are free to do it with someone who like to be fetishised.

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By *agamuffin1970Man over a year ago

North Leeds

I sometimes feel guilty having a huge interracial fetish, and understand why some people are offended by it, but at the end of the day we can’t help what we like and the visceral nature of it is partly what turns me on.

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By *ondonbrotherMan over a year ago

London

TLDR: People should try to understand what influences their fetishes (some are unavoidably racist), don't yuck other people's yum and decide what sits right with you.

The fetishisation of black people is a layered, complex and disturbing thing which is rife on here, but takes place everywhere. I don't like the term BBC, but easy to see why people use it as the porn industry has perpetuated it forever. The amount of times I've heard guys here say "if I paint it black will you give me a go?" tells you a lot about the objectification of black dick.

It's essential on here (and anywhere) not to not yuck somebody's yum, but I can't get on board with the term QoS as there's no way around the fact Queen of Spades is a racial slur and implies ownership of black bodies. I appreciate taboo being sexually appealing to all on some level, but for those fetishizing black people there's a potential that it's rooted more in seeing it as a shameful act, consciously or subconsciously.

As a man who is proud to be black and all it brings, I'm not interested in being limited to one characteristic of my being for someone's "kink". I'm looking to engage a whole person and interested in women who do the same.

Also, I fucking love bigger women

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I dislike being fetishised for being an "older woman" . It's the stereotyping that goes along with it I think. "

This for me too. I hate it, yes I am older but that doesn't mean I am a conquest and it also doesn't mean I'm desperate.... and it also means I'm harder to impress

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"TLDR: People should try to understand what influences their fetishes (some are unavoidably racist), don't yuck other people's yum and decide what sits right with you.

Also, I fucking love bigger women

The amount of times I've heard guys here say "if I paint it black will you give me a go?"

absolutely flabbergasted that men say that! What a disgusting attitude.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sometimes I just think it's the language that people choose - when you dig deeper they're not fetishising. But like others in the thread I'm very tired of getting messages like "I've always wanted to fuck a ...". I have it about being a bigger woman, having large breasts, being 50+, being a redhead. I'm the whole package and I don't actually GAF if you love BBWs.

Sometimes from men who've got usernames like BBWlover or Boobs4eva.

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By *yron69Man over a year ago

Fareham

Fetishisation is fine. If you don’t like it try scrabble instead.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My thoughts are that fetishising Black men and stereotyping us based on racist myths about our sexualities is obviously racist. Also doing this to Black women is also racist. But being Black is not monolithic (obviously)- we don’t all share the same feelings on these things.

One thing fab has taught me is that though sexual racism exists but that talking about it isn’t all that productive. People rarely ever interrogate the reasons for their preferences to be honest and I just stay away from those profiles and block the ones that send me messages fetishising me. I’m just trying to meet nice people that see me as a whole person and will like me or reject me for me as a whole person.

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By *he_Last_TitanMan over a year ago

Bristol

"TLDR: People should try to understand what influences their fetishes (some are unavoidably racist), don't yuck other people's yum and decide what sits right with you.

This #church

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By *he_Last_TitanMan over a year ago

Bristol

"My thoughts are that fetishising Black men and stereotyping us based on racist myths about our sexualities is obviously racist. Also doing this to Black women is also racist. But being Black is not monolithic (obviously)- we don’t all share the same feelings on these things.

..and this #church

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By *elshman78Man over a year ago

South Wales

People like what they like I think.

I love bigger women, my choice. I don’t do skinny.

My biggest turn on over any body/age type is confident.

That’s a massive massive turn on

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By *il sub princessWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

People like what they like & people choose to get offended.

I choose not to

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

The posts by Steve and Londonbrother - *applause*

I'll never know what it's like to be fetishists from a racial perspective* but I do get the BBW and also disability fetishists coming my way. I can't stand it (pun not intended). As the guys above have said, I want to be admired/wanted for me as a whole person, not just because volumetrically, I take up more space than someone else or because I sit my arse in a wheeled chair and my leg doesn't work

*Unless I come across someone who fetishises the "lily white" look

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By *aitonelMan over a year ago

Liverpool

"People like what they like & people choose to get offended.

I choose not to

A lot of the time it's not so much about getting offended because of what people like.

It is about undertones, language used, and being able to read between the lines which often trigger the offense.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"People like what they like & people choose to get offended.

I choose not to

A lot of the time it's not so much about getting offended because of what people like.

It is about undertones, language used, and being able to read between the lines which often trigger the offense."

Yes. This!

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By *he_Last_TitanMan over a year ago

Bristol

"People like what they like & people choose to get offended.

I choose not to

A lot of the time it's not so much about getting offended because of what people like.

It is about undertones, language used, and being able to read between the lines which often trigger the offense."

Exactly. I would add the dishonesty around it annoys me as well. If you get off on racist stereotypes couched in meaningless notions - e.g., skin tone contrasts - and/or the taboo - so be it - just be honest about it.

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By *rispyDuckMan over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

To be perfectly honest in my humble opinion without being sentimental or offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, I honestly believe! I have nothing to say

Other than I'm just hear for the sex

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"People like what they like & people choose to get offended.

I choose not to

A lot of the time it's not so much about getting offended because of what people like.

It is about undertones, language used, and being able to read between the lines which often trigger the offense.

Exactly! But of course some don’t because they know it will result in a block.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The posts by Steve and Londonbrother - *applause*

*Unless I come across someone who fetishises the "lily white" look

It’s tough. Occasionally it’s all a bit much and I get a bit ranty but most often I just block nowadays. A lot of people don’t see a problem with fetishising because they think the other person should be grateful for their interest. In the words of Ariana Grande- Thank you, next!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"People like what they like & people choose to get offended.

I choose not to

A lot of the time it's not so much about getting offended because of what people like.

It is about undertones, language used, and being able to read between the lines which often trigger the offense."

Exactly this

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By *uzie69xTV/TS over a year ago

Maidstone

Firstly OP great discussion! A rare one with good insights.

Two memorable quotes 1) the "moped" comment... Enjoy the ride but don't let your mates see you. Got me chuckling. Also 2) "don't yuk someone else's yum"...

"To be perfectly honest in my humble opinion without being sentimental or offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, I honestly believe! I have nothing to say

Other than I'm just hear for the sex

Yup! On one level, it is only for sex folks! And it really is a short-cut if the guy to fancies Oriental Trans... Fill yer boots up matey!

However there can be downsides. When I was single and lucky enough to have amazing meets, I get ghosted by some guys after first meet. Clearly they've scratched that fetish itch and has moved on to the next Oriental Trans. Suck it up and move on, girl...

On the other hand my bf loves Oriental Trans and can quickly see beyond my outside.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Sometimes I just think it's the language that people choose - when you dig deeper they're not fetishising. But like others in the thread I'm very tired of getting messages like "I've always wanted to fuck a ...". I have it about being a bigger woman, having large breasts, being 50+, being a redhead. I'm the whole package and I don't actually GAF if you love BBWs.

Sometimes from men who've got usernames like BBWlover or Boobs4eva.

Yep! Not here to tick your boxes love! Next….

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By *emorefridaCouple over a year ago

La la land

"The posts by Steve and Londonbrother - *applause*

*Unless I come across someone who fetishises the "lily white" look

I get those kind of messages through, wanting me to be their snowbunny. Seriously never heard the term until I came on here.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It wasn’t until I joined fab that I heard the term ‘climber’ apparently it’s a fetish for tall women! Explains all the guys under 5ft8 who message me

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai / Nottingham

What’s the difference here between preference and fetishising?

I don’t like to objectified by women , for anything physical or something that just is, it doesn’t happen that often

but it isn’t nice

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By *oan of DArcCouple over a year ago

Glasgow

"People like what they like & people choose to get offended.

I choose not to

A lot of the time it's not so much about getting offended because of what people like.

It is about undertones, language used, and being able to read between the lines which often trigger the offense."

.................

Well said

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By *uriousscouserWoman over a year ago

Wirral

"What’s the difference here between preference and fetishising?

I don’t like to objectified by women , for anything physical or something that just is, it doesn’t happen that often

but it isn’t nice "

For me the difference is significant. I'm a big old fat bird and there's no getting away from that. A guy who has a preference for the lardier woman is brilliant for me.

A guy who can *only* see the fat and not the person is of no interest to me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Apologies if this has been said up top. But is liking a larger or curvy lady a fetishism? It's not a case of I have to play with a larger lady to be aroused. Its not a case that I will only play with larger ladies.

Likewise I have played with some stunning attractive thinner ladies who's personality have also been amazing.

I think we all get hooked up on who likes what and why we like them. But it's mostly not a fettsih i would say.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"TLDR: People should try to understand what influences their fetishes (some are unavoidably racist), don't yuck other people's yum and decide what sits right with you.

Also, I fucking love bigger women

Amen to that and very well out bruv. 3

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By *he_Last_TitanMan over a year ago

Bristol

"People like what they like & people choose to get offended.

I choose not to

A lot of the time it's not so much about getting offended because of what people like.

It is about undertones, language used, and being able to read between the lines which often trigger the offense.

Exactly! But of course some don’t because they know it will result in a block.

Yep. These threads are great exercise for the block button, usually.

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By *adyJayneWoman over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

"What’s the difference here between preference and fetishising?

I don’t like to objectified by women , for anything physical or something that just is, it doesn’t happen that often

but it isn’t nice

For me the difference is significant. I'm a big old fat bird and there's no getting away from that. A guy who has a preference for the lardier woman is brilliant for me.

A guy who can *only* see the fat and not the person is of no interest to me."

This for sure...

Over half of the many messages I get a day are guys who are only seeing my size... Their only topic of conversation is around parts of my body, my dress size etc...

Even when I have a thing about not messaging about it, at the top of my profile (I've had a gastric bypass, my photos are becoming increasingly inaccurate)

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By *ensuallover1000Man over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Bugger me! My eyesight is clearly shot; On first sight I thought the thread title was, Fertilisation Of BBW’s and Black Men.

I really need to get down to Specsavers

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"Bugger me! My eyesight is clearly shot; On first sight I thought the thread title was, Fertilisation Of BBW’s and Black Men.

I really need to get down to Specsavers

That might be a fetish too

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I avoid ticking boxes with people, and I am not a fan of being fetishized either.

If I like you and you happen to be black, that doesnt mean I like BBC, I just like You.

Same for me with being classified as older, or fatter, or a redhead. Its part of me, but it doesn't define who I am as an individual.

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By *ondonbrotherMan over a year ago

London

Nice (and rare) to see such civilized discourse on Fab, especially on a topic that could definitely go left (big up the OP). I'm rarely on forums, but might have to become more of a regular!

I know some other people have mentioned it, but absolutely a case of some POC, bigger women or people who are fetishized actually instigating some stereotypical narrative rather than being subjected to it. And if that's their thing more power to them, just as long as they don't expect it to be reciprocated by everyone.

@Inconceivable, hear it all the time in chat rooms, and worse

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do I see myself as a BBW, well yes because I am a BIG BRASSY WOMAN and my size did robes my body but it DOESN’T define me as a person.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Bugger me! My eyesight is clearly shot; On first sight I thought the thread title was, Fertilisation Of BBW’s and Black Men.

I really need to get down to Specsavers

Trust you

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

Personally I don't care what other people do.

If someone were only interested in me because I'm fat I'd not be interested in them. But I'd not be upset by it.

Myself, I think I fetishise tall men

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Nice (and rare) to see such civilized discourse on Fab, especially on a topic that could definitely go left (big up the OP). I'm rarely on forums, but might have to become more of a regular!

@Inconceivable, hear it all the time in chat rooms, and worse

That's another reason for me to stay out of chat rooms. FFS

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By *ondonbrotherMan over a year ago

London

"That's another reason for me to stay out of chat rooms. FFS"

There are some good eggs on there, just far more rotten ones (and not in a good way). The good thing is block in chat means you don't see their messages either.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That's another reason for me to stay out of chat rooms. FFS

There are some good eggs on there, just far more rotten ones (and not in a good way). The good thing is block in chat means you don't see their messages either."

There are times I find my inbox hard going - don't think I will care for the chat rooms

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By *heron212Man over a year ago

Croydon

Maybe you don't have to apologize about what you like.

But you DO need to apologize for HOW you approach what you like.

Because I, as a Black man, do not appreciate the racists on here that think every person of my race is blessed with a BBC and that I am supposed to swoon based on their willfully ignorant assumptions.

And although I see there are plenty of Black men on this site willing to be objectified and fetishized within an inch of their existence just to slide into a crevice, I am NOT one of them.

And the idea that Black people are a monolith is a part of this, but I digress...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe you don't have to apologize about what you like.

But you DO need to apologize for HOW you approach what you like.

And although I see there are plenty of Black men on this site willing to be objectified and fetishized within an inch of their existence just to slide into a crevice, I am NOT one of them.

And the idea that Black people are a monolith is a part of this, but I digress..."

Perfectly put

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai / Nottingham

"What’s the difference here between preference and fetishising?

I don’t like to objectified by women , for anything physical or something that just is, it doesn’t happen that often

but it isn’t nice

For me the difference is significant. I'm a big old fat bird and there's no getting away from that. A guy who has a preference for the lardier woman is brilliant for me.

A guy who can *only* see the fat and not the person is of no interest to me.

This for sure...

Over half of the many messages I get a day are guys who are only seeing my size... Their only topic of conversation is around parts of my body, my dress size etc...

Even when I have a thing about not messaging about it, at the top of my profile (I've had a gastric bypass, my photos are becoming increasingly inaccurate) "

I think I understand. Preferences - age, body shape, color, race , culture even ? But fetishisising over these things is offensive. Fetish over things anyone can be or do , toe sucking, high heels, piercings etc

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By *tM-TomMan over a year ago

London

As a ftm (female to male incase anyone comes up with a better acronym meaning!

) Being fetishized is just how it is. I'm happy to be your first if it's something that turns you on, let's chat, get to know each other, but don't message me with "I've never tried a ftm". "I'd like to try a ftm". It's simply degrading. Have some manners and basic decency.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A small percentage love the fetishisation thing as it gets them laid, attention they wouldn't get ‘normally’, boosts the ego.

Some hate it with a passion.

Many on here will tell you its preference and its sexual fab fantasy world and why can’t people live out their fantasies.

It’s the same for me. I get the line often ‘I’ve always wanted to fuck a mixed race girl’ and I quickly delete. "

You stand alone as a very sexy person! Kudos for going full facial commitment - you are far braver than most

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By *ature BBW Lover 69Man over a year ago

exeter

I guess it’s how you look at it , most people have a type they like , does it mean they are fetishising over it , you have some men who only like skinny women and small boobs , some like older women or larger women , I love so many things about curvy larger women and mature , it doesn’t have to mean it’s a fetish , I would be here all night if I was to list all the things why I love them

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By *oan of DArcCouple over a year ago

Glasgow

"I guess it’s how you look at it , most people have a type they like , does it mean they are fetishising over it , you have some men who only like skinny women and small boobs , some like older women or larger women , I love so many things about curvy larger women and mature , it doesn’t have to mean it’s a fetish , I would be here all night if I was to list all the things why I love them "

.............................

Naturally we all have preferences of what we like and don't like, but (for me) it's how that preference is expressed and what motivates it.

The phrase "big black cock" is so often used to describe human beings not just their genitalia, by people who view black men as a 'thing' instead of sentient creature as nuanced as the rest of us.

The white controlled porn industry has promoted the taboo nature of having sex with black men, dehumanising them, with terms like "blacked", "bull", "thug" and "bbc", serving to drive revenue for these sites. Believe me these expressions are not the invention of black men.

If people want to have sex with black guys that's fine but why can't they say so respectfully, without resorting to the crass acronyms and objectifying language.

Some ask what difference does it make and in an ideal world it shouldn't, but this thinking leeches into real life subconsciously perpetuating myths and stereotypical views about black men.

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By *jorkishMan over a year ago

Seaforth

.............................

Naturally we all have preferences of what we like and don't like, but (for me) it's how that preference is expressed and what motivates it.

The phrase "big black cock" is so often used to describe human beings not just their genitalia, by people who view black men as a 'thing' instead of sentient creature as nuanced as the rest of us.

If people want to have sex with black guys that's fine but why can't they say so respectfully, without resorting to the crass acronyms and objectifying language.

Some ask what difference does it make and in an ideal world it shouldn't, but this thinking leeches into real life subconsciously perpetuating myths and stereotypical views about black men."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"TLDR: People should try to understand what influences their fetishes (some are unavoidably racist), don't yuck other people's yum and decide what sits right with you.

Also, I fucking love bigger women

Very well said!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I dislike being fetishised for being an "older woman" . It's the stereotyping that goes along with it I think. "

Beauty and sexiness like yours is ageless Xx

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By *amspoonsMan over a year ago

North East

"How do people in these groups feel about being fetishized?

I prefer if someone exclusively likes bigger women because it gives me more confidence in their attraction to the whole of me and as a result I can more authentically my sexual self.

I appreciate this can be a divisive subject but I'm keen to hear thoughts and opinions. "

I dont like big women any more or less than slim. Its all about the chemistry, the click, for me.

I dont do well with fetishisation. I am ex forces and found nothing more degrading than women who had a uniform or military fetish. I didnt mind ines who jist found me sexy in my uniform but, but the ones where that was the sole reason for their interest made me feel fucking awful, like a piece of meat.

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By *amspoonsMan over a year ago

North East

Also. I fucking hate "BBC porn" to the point where now, if a black guy is involved and the title says anything about his race, I am turned off and I give up. "Ooohhh looky here, my good girl white middle class housewife is fucking a black man (or three) with a big black cock! What a dirty slut she is!" - just gross on so many levels. Why cant it just be about her enjoying another man who JUST HAPPENS to be black?!?!

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By *lut and sirCouple over a year ago

Northampton

As a black bbw I get it a lot, messages like ive never had black pussy. Does it feel different to a white girl.

But I dont always mind it, yes cum looks good on black skin ect,

But draw the line at race play (been asked for that a lot lately)

Also tend to delet messages where someone refers to there colour as there main selling point.

Like hi wasnt me to destroy you with my black dick.

Or my white cock is horny for you.

Honestly id prefer a fancy a fuck message to that. Or a real message lol. If you habe a pic we can all see what colour you are lol xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I see a LOT of straight/ gay/ bi black guys on here plus on other apps advertising the fact they have ‘BBC’. If such a sizeable number keep posting that, then it is going to keep them in a fetish bracket. I am not into it, just my observation

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By *oan of DArcCouple over a year ago

Glasgow

"I see a LOT of straight/ gay/ bi black guys on here plus on other apps advertising the fact they have ‘BBC’. If such a sizeable number keep posting that, then it is going to keep them in a fetish bracket. I am not into it, just my observation

.............................

They may well do, and the people they seek may do too, that's their choice, but it doesn't stop others pointing out that it's not universally accepted, which for so long has been the accepted belief.

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By *oan of DArcCouple over a year ago

Glasgow

"Also. I fucking hate "BBC porn" to the point where now, if a black guy is involved and the title says anything about his race, I am turned off and I give up. "Ooohhh looky here, my good girl white middle class housewife is fucking a black man (or three) with a big black cock! What a dirty slut she is!" - just gross on so many levels. Why cant it just be about her enjoying another man who JUST HAPPENS to be black?!?!"

............................

Amen to that!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

.............................

They may well do, and the people they seek may do too, that's their choice, but it doesn't stop others pointing out that it's not universally accepted, which for so long has been the accepted belief."

Oh I agree. It does in fact make me uncomfortable along with some other fetishised groups, they are human beings not just objects

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By *oan of DArcCouple over a year ago

Glasgow

.............................

They may well do, and the people they seek may do too, that's their choice, but it doesn't stop others pointing out that it's not universally accepted, which for so long has been the accepted belief.

Oh I agree. It does in fact make me uncomfortable along with some other fetishised groups, they are human beings not just objects

.............................

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

.............................

They may well do, and the people they seek may do too, that's their choice, but it doesn't stop others pointing out that it's not universally accepted, which for so long has been the accepted belief.

Oh I agree. It does in fact make me uncomfortable along with some other fetishised groups, they are human beings not just objects

.............................

I would say though, it is up to black people to approach eachother and encourage changes, not well-meaning white folk

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By *oan of DArcCouple over a year ago

Glasgow

.............................

They may well do, and the people they seek may do too, that's their choice, but it doesn't stop others pointing out that it's not universally accepted, which for so long has been the accepted belief.

Oh I agree. It does in fact make me uncomfortable along with some other fetishised groups, they are human beings not just objects

.............................

I would say though, it is up to black people to approach eachother and encourage changes, not well-meaning white folk

..............................

I'm afraid I disagree, it's a job for everybody, black people don't control the media or porn industry and as we know from centuries of social development positive change only happens when the majority participate in it, so 'well meaning white folks' are a critical part of this.

From my own experience few take any notice of what any minority group have to say unless it supports their own interests and often black people are shouted down with accusations of playing the race card etc when their views conflict with the status quo.

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By *ikesEmBigMan over a year ago

Herts

"How do people in these groups feel about being fetishized?

I prefer if someone exclusively likes bigger women because it gives me more confidence in their attraction to the whole of me and as a result I can more authentically my sexual self.

I appreciate this can be a divisive subject but I'm keen to hear thoughts and opinions. "

I love bigger women. Unashamedly so and tbh its annoying when people say it's a fetish. It's far more then that. I find the physique beautiful and sexy and it drives me wild x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

.............................

They may well do, and the people they seek may do too, that's their choice, but it doesn't stop others pointing out that it's not universally accepted, which for so long has been the accepted belief.

Oh I agree. It does in fact make me uncomfortable along with some other fetishised groups, they are human beings not just objects

.............................

I would say though, it is up to black people to approach eachother and encourage changes, not well-meaning white folk

..............................

Ok well if white people want to get involved then let them go for white people who fetishise BBC. Let black people approach their own, I cannot see it going down well a PC white person approaching a black man who advertises his BBC

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't know why would people go out of their way to "educate" others to drop their kinks. There is a lot going on in the kink scene which would be considered immoral in the normal life. As long as two consenting adults are willingly taking part, what's other people's problem with it? I understand that it can be offensive for some people. In that case, you have the option to block and move on.

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By *oan of DArcCouple over a year ago

Glasgow

.............................

They may well do, and the people they seek may do too, that's their choice, but it doesn't stop others pointing out that it's not universally accepted, which for so long has been the accepted belief.

Oh I agree. It does in fact make me uncomfortable along with some other fetishised groups, they are human beings not just objects

.............................

I would say though, it is up to black people to approach eachother and encourage changes, not well-meaning white folk

..............................

...... .......................

We're having an open discussion here, I don't think anyone's advocating approaching anybody individually to promote their own views, that isn't right. I'm not sure what you mean by "approaching their own", society's more multi-dimensional than that.

Incidentally it's a little unhelpful devaluing opinions by referring to them as being "PC" without knowing the experiences of the people making the contribution and what motivates them to do so.

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By *oan of DArcCouple over a year ago

Glasgow

"I don't know why would people go out of their way to "educate" others to drop their kinks. There is a lot going on in the kink scene which would be considered immoral in the normal life. As long as two consenting adults are willingly taking part, what's other people's problem with it? I understand that it can be offensive for some people. In that case, you have the option to block and move on."

........................

It's a thread about the fetishisation of larger women and black men, if you don't like what people are saying you could always ignore it and move on!

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By *amspoonsMan over a year ago

North East

"The posts by Steve and Londonbrother - *applause*

*Unless I come across someone who fetishises the "lily white" look

I get those kind of messages through, wanting me to be their snowbunny. Seriously never heard the term until I came on here. "

Holy moly the lady of this couple is fucking gorgeous!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

........................

It's a thread about the fetishisation of larger women and black men, if you don't like what people are saying you could always ignore it and move on!"

I was talking about the point you made that it's everyone's duty to encourage changes. I asked what's the need for it that action. If you just want to whine about how all the other people in the society don't behave the way you want, I would do just that - Ignore and move on!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How do people in these groups feel about being fetishized?

I prefer if someone exclusively likes bigger women because it gives me more confidence in their attraction to the whole of me and as a result I can more authentically my sexual self.

I appreciate this can be a divisive subject but I'm keen to hear thoughts and opinions.

I love bigger women. Unashamedly so and tbh its annoying when people say it's a fetish. It's far more then that. I find the physique beautiful and sexy and it drives me wild x"

Because for many people it's not a preference, it becomes a fetish and they treat bigger women as objects rather than people.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How do people in these groups feel about being fetishized?

I prefer if someone exclusively likes bigger women because it gives me more confidence in their attraction to the whole of me and as a result I can more authentically my sexual self.

I appreciate this can be a divisive subject but I'm keen to hear thoughts and opinions. "

For me personally it depends on whose fetishised me, its different if it’s someone I find attractive or ugly for example. At the same time I think fetishisation comes from a good place so I’ve nothing wrong with it. I fetishise people all the time depending on my mood

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By *ature BBW Lover 69Man over a year ago

exeter

"How do people in these groups feel about being fetishized?

I prefer if someone exclusively likes bigger women because it gives me more confidence in their attraction to the whole of me and as a result I can more authentically my sexual self.

From a certain point of view I guess you can look at it as a fetish , but is it any different than say a woman only wanting BBC , or men only wanting slim women , or anything really , it’s a preference, I myself just adore a larger woman for many reasons and it’s not a fetish for me , it’s what I like and it’s not all down to sexual

I appreciate this can be a divisive subject but I'm keen to hear thoughts and opinions.

I love bigger women. Unashamedly so and tbh its annoying when people say it's a fetish. It's far more then that. I find the physique beautiful and sexy and it drives me wild x

Because for many people it's not a preference, it becomes a fetish and they treat bigger women as objects rather than people."

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By *imGimMan over a year ago

london

It’s usually the man/husband that starts this, often the wife doing it to make her husband happy, what he wants is to watch her take a bbc. Where it ends is when the wife experiences her first orgasm. Wives phone/text after, sometimes saying they’ve been married 20+ years and it’s the first time they have had an orgasm.

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By *imGimMan over a year ago

london

For me it’s a double edged sword. Having a big dick means that getting sex is relatively straightforward. However if I turn up like a “dick for hire” then I’m done. There have been numerous situations post hook up where I’ve met wife minis husband for a 121. I think these husbands who can’t give their wives what they need only have themselves to blame when their wives leave them

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