FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > What do you think of me; debrief
What do you think of me; debrief
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
Now that the thread has been running for a little while, I think that it’s time to review and take stock a little.
For those of you that have taken part, how do you think that it has gone?
Was it overwhelmingly positive? Did you get any surprises? If there were negatives, will you take them on board? Will it change how you post or how you approach fab?
This is a large part of the process folks so please, don’t hold back and be honest... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I got just the one but it was positive and I'm happy with it. It was an accurate depiction of who I am behind all the silliness and I'm glad that comes through on here, rather than people just thinking I'm a sarcastic dickhead (although I'm sure there's plenty of people who still think this!  ) |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Absolutely nothing....these types of thread are not for me....Best of luck"
I think that it’s a difficult thread to make work for you if you’ve been on the fringes. I’m sorry that it’s been like that for you |
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"Absolutely nothing....these types of thread are not for me....Best of luck
I think that it’s a difficult thread to make work for you if you’ve been on the fringes. I’m sorry that it’s been like that for you"
it’s likely to work more those who post quite a bit and are known faces. It’s not a popularity contest or anything it’s just how people come across to others. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mine were both lovely and constructive.. I’m kind of aware about a few things that have changed but it was weird hearing it from several people. Gives me a kick to work a bit harder  "
I don't need to tell you what I think about you as you already know. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Mine were both lovely and constructive.. I’m kind of aware about a few things that have changed but it was weird hearing it from several people. Gives me a kick to work a bit harder "
I’m glad that it was constructive and helped! That’s exactly the point  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It was a lovely thread to start, spreads a lot of positivity.
For us, it's a little hard as we haven't been on the forums long but we've still had some lovely messages from people we communicate with a bit more on private pm or on the forums so it's been nice regardless!
I enjoy the forums so not going anywhere anytime soon! 
A suprise for us is, we've found someone with mutual attraction and would like to meet us too 
Her x |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Mine were both lovely and constructive.. I’m kind of aware about a few things that have changed but it was weird hearing it from several people. Gives me a kick to work a bit harder
I don't need to tell you what I think about you as you already know that you smell of cheese and dogs "
Harsh!! |
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"Mine were both lovely and constructive.. I’m kind of aware about a few things that have changed but it was weird hearing it from several people. Gives me a kick to work a bit harder
I don't need to tell you what I think about you as you already know. "
Ditto bird |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mine were both lovely and constructive.. I’m kind of aware about a few things that have changed but it was weird hearing it from several people. Gives me a kick to work a bit harder
I don't need to tell you what I think about you as you already know that you smell of cheese and dogs
Harsh!! "
Oi you! |
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"Mine were both lovely and constructive.. I’m kind of aware about a few things that have changed but it was weird hearing it from several people. Gives me a kick to work a bit harder
I don't need to tell you what I think about you as you already know that you smell of cheese and dogs
Harsh!!
Oi you!"
Ooooh he’s a monkey..... oh wait..  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I did think it would favour females and couples more than single blokes
From the responses here, it looks like it may have been the case "
Not on our part. We pm'd 2 single males too
Her x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I did think it would favour females and couples more than single blokes
From the responses here, it looks like it may have been the case
Not on our part. We pm'd 2 single males too
Her x"
Ones you fancy or ones you have chatted to previously and have already established a bond with? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I did think it would favour females and couples more than single blokes
From the responses here, it looks like it may have been the case
Not on our part. We pm'd 2 single males too
Her x
Ones you fancy or ones you have chatted to previously and have already established a bond with? "
Iv messaged single men just because I appreciate there contribution to the forums. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I did think it would favour females and couples more than single blokes
From the responses here, it looks like it may have been the case "
That might have been the case, I think that most threads do on fab. Especially as some will use it as an opportunity to chat to their crushes.
I’m sorry that you’re experience of it was less than positive |
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By * Lexi xWoman
over a year ago
stockport |
"Mine were both lovely and constructive.. I’m kind of aware about a few things that have changed but it was weird hearing it from several people. Gives me a kick to work a bit harder "
You never listen to me anyway!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I did think it would favour females and couples more than single blokes
From the responses here, it looks like it may have been the case
Not on our part. We pm'd 2 single males too
Her x
Ones you fancy or ones you have chatted to previously and have already established a bond with? "
Well we're not looking for single males so for us it's nothing to do with meeting on why we would've messeged them.
We went from on who we've personally seen on threads, communicated with them on here and/or private message |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I did think it would favour females and couples more than single blokes
From the responses here, it looks like it may have been the case
That might have been the case, I think that most threads do on fab. Especially as some will use it as an opportunity to chat to their crushes.
I’m sorry that you’re experience of it was less than positive "
I'm not knocking it Tea
The thread was positive in its intentions
I didn't message anyone, so it would be unfair of me to complain about a lack of response
I am, however, not surprised to see the majority of positive responses have been directed towards women
I think, in addition to the obvious opportunity for men to contact women, women are also more comfortable complimenting each other than guys are complimenting each other |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I did think it would favour females and couples more than single blokes
From the responses here, it looks like it may have been the case
That might have been the case, I think that most threads do on fab. Especially as some will use it as an opportunity to chat to their crushes.
I’m sorry that you’re experience of it was less than positive
I'm not knocking it Tea
The thread was positive in its intentions
I didn't message anyone, so it would be unfair of me to complain about a lack of response
I am, however, not surprised to see the majority of positive responses have been directed towards women
I think, in addition to the obvious opportunity for men to contact women, women are also more comfortable complimenting each other than guys are complimenting each other"
That’s fair, to be honest, I do know a couple of guys on here but there isn’t as much familiarity between guys as there are other genders. Perhaps it’s because guys see each other as competition, rather than potential friends. |
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"I did think it would favour females and couples more than single blokes
From the responses here, it looks like it may have been the case
That might have been the case, I think that most threads do on fab. Especially as some will use it as an opportunity to chat to their crushes.
I’m sorry that you’re experience of it was less than positive
I'm not knocking it Tea
The thread was positive in its intentions
I didn't message anyone, so it would be unfair of me to complain about a lack of response
I am, however, not surprised to see the majority of positive responses have been directed towards women
I think, in addition to the obvious opportunity for men to contact women, women are also more comfortable complimenting each other than guys are complimenting each other
That’s fair, to be honest, I do know a couple of guys on here but there isn’t as much familiarity between guys as there are other genders. Perhaps it’s because guys see each other as competition, rather than potential friends. "
Well, I did for a couple of guys but it was nothing suspect or iffy. Just that I’ve seen them post. |
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We had a few, thank you to those who have messaged. One pointed out (politely and tactfully) some of my potential or intially perceived shortcomings but they are right. The remainder of the message was beautifully kind (so the constructive feedback was given kindly, I don't want them to think otherwise!) Other messages were very lovely too.
Thank you everyone who messaged us |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The messages I received were positive and were pleasant to read. One pointed out that I'm more reserved now than I used to be, which made me stop and think a bit. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
Where would you like me? |
There weren't any negatives - someone rightly pointed out I'm not one to cross which is fair enough. Oh and another that I can be a bit patronising sometimes. Yeah, that's true. I had some lovely messages from posters I really respect, a couple that made me think and I was also called wifey material by someone who's hubby material. 
On a more serious note, I did realise that I'm far too harsh on myself and also there are other overthinkers on here - it doesn't mean they are any less brilliant so nor am I.
I have a lot of time for people on here, this exercise confirmed that. |
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Well firstly thankyou to all that I've communicated with on this .
The main aspect I've been told about it is that I'm kind which is lovely so thankyou.
I've also had funny , sincere, down to earth , a great contributor, and several saying I'm a big flirt . No idea where they get that from  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had some lovely messages!
And no one seemed to be blowing smoke up my ass which was nice! I needed it this week, was a nice little boost.
I'm glad I come across the way I would hope to to at least some of you
Lu  |
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"I sent quite a lot, and received 2 back without me sending one first. Think in general there was a common theme and one message made me properly think
In a good way? "
Yes in a good way, always like the opportunity to think. One message still hasn't been opened which is kinda sad, need to put my overthinking hat away and shrug shoulders and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I sent quite a lot, and received 2 back without me sending one first. Think in general there was a common theme and one message made me properly think
In a good way?
Yes in a good way, always like the opportunity to think. One message still hasn't been opened which is kinda sad, need to put my overthinking hat away and shrug shoulders and move on. "
I'm the same with one or 2 unopened. One thing that annoyed me just slightly was the ones that did open wouldn't even take 30 seconds to acknowledge what you said or even as little as a thank you. Nice to be nice after all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I sent quite a lot, and received 2 back without me sending one first. Think in general there was a common theme and one message made me properly think
In a good way?
Yes in a good way, always like the opportunity to think. One message still hasn't been opened which is kinda sad, need to put my overthinking hat away and shrug shoulders and move on.
I'm the same with one or 2 unopened. One thing that annoyed me just slightly was the ones that did open wouldn't even take 30 seconds to acknowledge what you said or even as little as a thank you. Nice to be nice after all "
You sent messages as part of that thread and they read them but didn't reply?
Not worth worrying about those types. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I sent quite a lot, and received 2 back without me sending one first. Think in general there was a common theme and one message made me properly think
In a good way?
Yes in a good way, always like the opportunity to think. One message still hasn't been opened which is kinda sad, need to put my overthinking hat away and shrug shoulders and move on.
I'm the same with one or 2 unopened. One thing that annoyed me just slightly was the ones that did open wouldn't even take 30 seconds to acknowledge what you said or even as little as a thank you. Nice to be nice after all
You sent messages as part of that thread and they read them but didn't reply?
Not worth worrying about those types. "
Yeah even used the thread name in the message title
I know your right was just a little thing that left you kinda going "oh.....ok then"
If you say your in be actually in and involved. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I sent quite a lot, and received 2 back without me sending one first. Think in general there was a common theme and one message made me properly think
In a good way?
Yes in a good way, always like the opportunity to think. One message still hasn't been opened which is kinda sad, need to put my overthinking hat away and shrug shoulders and move on.
I'm the same with one or 2 unopened. One thing that annoyed me just slightly was the ones that did open wouldn't even take 30 seconds to acknowledge what you said or even as little as a thank you. Nice to be nice after all
You sent messages as part of that thread and they read them but didn't reply?
Not worth worrying about those types. "
I sent a few out and had responses back
I haven't replied to the responses though
I was happy enough just to unnerve them with the initial 'I'm watching you' message |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I sent quite a lot, and received 2 back without me sending one first. Think in general there was a common theme and one message made me properly think
In a good way?
Yes in a good way, always like the opportunity to think. One message still hasn't been opened which is kinda sad, need to put my overthinking hat away and shrug shoulders and move on.
I'm the same with one or 2 unopened. One thing that annoyed me just slightly was the ones that did open wouldn't even take 30 seconds to acknowledge what you said or even as little as a thank you. Nice to be nice after all
You sent messages as part of that thread and they read them but didn't reply?
Not worth worrying about those types.
Yeah even used the thread name in the message title
I know your right was just a little thing that left you kinda going "oh.....ok then"
If you say your in be actually in and involved. "
Yes, that sounds a bit crap. |
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"I sent quite a lot, and received 2 back without me sending one first. Think in general there was a common theme and one message made me properly think
In a good way?
Yes in a good way, always like the opportunity to think. One message still hasn't been opened which is kinda sad, need to put my overthinking hat away and shrug shoulders and move on.
I'm the same with one or 2 unopened. One thing that annoyed me just slightly was the ones that did open wouldn't even take 30 seconds to acknowledge what you said or even as little as a thank you. Nice to be nice after all
You sent messages as part of that thread and they read them but didn't reply?
Not worth worrying about those types.
Yeah even used the thread name in the message title
I know your right was just a little thing that left you kinda going "oh.....ok then"
If you say your in be actually in and involved. "
Well that's just not cricket |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I sent quite a few, and had a few myself. It was a nice exercise, but everyone was really nice
(Not complaining though )"
There is that problem.
On here, where people want to be seen in a positive light and where perceptions can mean an awful lot, giving criticism can be a tough thing to do. Especially so if you desperately want the person you’re talking to to react positively to you.
It’s nice but in terms of the thread, kind of contrary |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
Where would you like me? |
"I sent quite a few, and had a few myself. It was a nice exercise, but everyone was really nice
(Not complaining though )
There is that problem.
On here, where people want to be seen in a positive light and where perceptions can mean an awful lot, giving criticism can be a tough thing to do. Especially so if you desperately want the person you’re talking to to react positively to you.
It’s nice but in terms of the thread, kind of contrary"
I did deliberately avoid sending messages out to anyone that wouldn't be pure nice because I didn't want a) the person to be upset and b) them to think I'm a dick. A few I sent I was very honest about things and it was (I think) well received. You don't want to upset people by saying "Oh sometimes you do x and it is y" because that's your impression and it might be taken badly. |
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"I sent quite a few, and had a few myself. It was a nice exercise, but everyone was really nice
(Not complaining though )
There is that problem.
On here, where people want to be seen in a positive light and where perceptions can mean an awful lot, giving criticism can be a tough thing to do. Especially so if you desperately want the person you’re talking to to react positively to you.
It’s nice but in terms of the thread, kind of contrary"
I was hoping for some not nice ones, to make me think, as I find them more interesting and an individual’s perception.
Did I send not nice ones, no.... as one they would go to individuals I don’t like their ways and they know it already, and two I didn’t know enough of the other individuals on the thread to be constructive in that way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I sent quite a few, and had a few myself. It was a nice exercise, but everyone was really nice
(Not complaining though )
There is that problem.
On here, where people want to be seen in a positive light and where perceptions can mean an awful lot, giving criticism can be a tough thing to do. Especially so if you desperately want the person you’re talking to to react positively to you.
It’s nice but in terms of the thread, kind of contrary
I was hoping for some not nice ones, to make me think, as I find them more interesting and an individual’s perception.
Did I send not nice ones, no.... as one they would go to individuals I don’t like their ways and they know it already, and two I didn’t know enough of the other individuals on the thread to be constructive in that way. "
I agree, that something to make me think could have been useful, as long as it isn’t just being mean.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is probably for another thread but what if you said something to someone which you didn't think was mean but they took it as being mean.
What makes it mean? The intention or the response? Is it both? Is it neither?
Pick the bones out of that one. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I sent quite a few, and had a few myself. It was a nice exercise, but everyone was really nice
(Not complaining though )
There is that problem.
On here, where people want to be seen in a positive light and where perceptions can mean an awful lot, giving criticism can be a tough thing to do. Especially so if you desperately want the person you’re talking to to react positively to you.
It’s nice but in terms of the thread, kind of contrary
I did deliberately avoid sending messages out to anyone that wouldn't be pure nice because I didn't want a) the person to be upset and b) them to think I'm a dick. A few I sent I was very honest about things and it was (I think) well received. You don't want to upset people by saying "Oh sometimes you do x and it is y" because that's your impression and it might be taken badly."
I see what you’re saying but at the same point there’s a lot of difference between being a dick and being constructive. It is your opinion but that was kind of the point; for external opinions.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is probably for another thread but what if you said something to someone which you didn't think was mean but they took it as being mean.
What makes it mean? The intention or the response? Is it both? Is it neither?
Pick the bones out of that one. "
Well, you have a good point, and I’m not sure you can prevent it.
I did ask someone a question which hopefully made her think, but it wasn’t my thoughts, it was a question about her thoughts
Does that make sense? |
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"This is probably for another thread but what if you said something to someone which you didn't think was mean but they took it as being mean.
What makes it mean? The intention or the response? Is it both? Is it neither?
Pick the bones out of that one. "
Coukd you not have a discussion about it and try to see what the writer meant, words could have been misconstrued and if not, the writer then listens and tries to understand why the reviver might be upset by it.
It could be something the receiver wasn’t aware of, but shocked and likewise the writer’s style.
If people aren’t open to receiving constructive thoughts about them (good or bad) then maybe best not to join in if only want fluffy, slap on the back comments. |
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"This is probably for another thread but what if you said something to someone which you didn't think was mean but they took it as being mean.
What makes it mean? The intention or the response? Is it both? Is it neither?
Pick the bones out of that one. "
I think when you opt into the thread there is that possibility. You're asking people for their opinions on you, so that's the chance you take. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"This is probably for another thread but what if you said something to someone which you didn't think was mean but they took it as being mean.
What makes it mean? The intention or the response? Is it both? Is it neither?
Pick the bones out of that one.
Coukd you not have a discussion about it and try to see what the writer meant, words could have been misconstrued and if not, the writer then listens and tries to understand why the reviver might be upset by it.
It could be something the receiver wasn’t aware of, but shocked and likewise the writer’s style.
If people aren’t open to receiving constructive thoughts about them (good or bad) then maybe best not to join in if only want fluffy, slap on the back comments. "
Exactly this!
The intent was for criticism to be constructive so as to not be offensive but sometimes it can be taken that way. If someone is sensitive to receiving constructive opinions or negative feedback, joining a thread specifically intended for that, probably isn’t the best idea.
If people only want their egos massaged, there are plenty of those around |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
Where would you like me? |
"
I see what you’re saying but at the same point there’s a lot of difference between being a dick and being constructive. It is your opinion but that was kind of the point; for external opinions.
"
Yes this is true but come now AlphaMonkey. You know how things can be misconstrued, messages shared and taken out of context. Even on the thread people asked for only nice comments etc because of external factors.
You learn when not to say particular things, when to. Or you become like me, who shies away from anything that's not daftness in case it unleashes the inner dick. I do think that's the sort of thread that invites more rounded opinions than the usual saccharine nonsense but you still need to tread carefully with people. |
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"This is probably for another thread but what if you said something to someone which you didn't think was mean but they took it as being mean.
What makes it mean? The intention or the response? Is it both? Is it neither?
Pick the bones out of that one.
Coukd you not have a discussion about it and try to see what the writer meant, words could have been misconstrued and if not, the writer then listens and tries to understand why the reviver might be upset by it.
It could be something the receiver wasn’t aware of, but shocked and likewise the writer’s style.
If people aren’t open to receiving constructive thoughts about them (good or bad) then maybe best not to join in if only want fluffy, slap on the back comments.
Exactly this!
The intent was for criticism to be constructive so as to not be offensive but sometimes it can be taken that way. If someone is sensitive to receiving constructive opinions or negative feedback, joining a thread specifically intended for that, probably isn’t the best idea.
If people only want their egos massaged, there are plenty of those around"
That’s all well and good in theory but we both know that some would take any criticism as mean so it’s pointless communicating because it will just end in a huff. |
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
"I sent quite a few, and had a few myself. It was a nice exercise, but everyone was really nice
(Not complaining though )
There is that problem.
On here, where people want to be seen in a positive light and where perceptions can mean an awful lot, giving criticism can be a tough thing to do. Especially so if you desperately want the person you’re talking to to react positively to you.
It’s nice but in terms of the thread, kind of contrary
I did deliberately avoid sending messages out to anyone that wouldn't be pure nice because I didn't want a) the person to be upset and b) them to think I'm a dick. A few I sent I was very honest about things and it was (I think) well received. You don't want to upset people by saying "Oh sometimes you do x and it is y" because that's your impression and it might be taken badly."
Personally I would have taken it fine and stepped back and taken anything on board that was said |
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