FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Subs bench
Subs bench
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
If you have freed up a day for a meet or a social , whether it’s a 1:1 or a group , do you have a subs bench ? A way to insure that last minute non-availability if person/people invited don’t lead to The event collapsing ? Are you transparent in your conversations with people about them being on the subs bench as it were ? How do they feel about this ? |
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I've been on the subs bench twice without knowing until the new veries appeared the next day.
Haven't spoken to either woman since because it was a shitty thing to do.
If I commit to meeting I expect the other person to do likewise rather than a first come first served attitude.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That's a terrible thing to do to someone. Aw here plan A didn't work out so go to plan B or C that's waiting on you. No wonder ppl have no shows. Shitty indeed and I wouldn't entertain that at all |
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By *s LollyWoman
over a year ago
The pub then supermacs ... |
Im been a few times and was told more or less that I was a back up...
1. I was only offering a coffee meet and the other person was offering a bj..
2. If I didn't want to fuck him in the car he'd know someone else who was willing to...
So I was to let them know so they could decide.....  |
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By *oserMan
over a year ago
where the wild roses grow |
"I've been on the subs bench twice without knowing until the new veries appeared the next day.
Haven't spoken to either woman since because it was a shitty thing to do.
If I commit to meeting I expect the other person to do likewise rather than a first come first served attitude.
"
Happened to me recently
"Forgot" we had a meet arranged 
My arse! |
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"I've been on the subs bench twice without knowing until the new veries appeared the next day.
Haven't spoken to either woman since because it was a shitty thing to do.
If I commit to meeting I expect the other person to do likewise rather than a first come first served attitude.
Happened to me recently
"Forgot" we had a meet arranged
My arse!"
Funny that's exactly the response I got when she went quiet and I messaged to confirm.
The first time it happened was a work related excuse but by that time I already knew she wouldn't be there because of her attitude and so I went home after work rather than across the city.
The veri next day named the coffee shop we were to meet in. |
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"Im been a few times and was told more or less that I was a back up...
1. I was only offering a coffee meet and the other person was offering a bj..
2. If I didn't want to fuck him in the car he'd know someone else who was willing to...
So I was to let them know so they could decide..... "
Jesus thats awful what complete wankers |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
"Im been a few times and was told more or less that I was a back up...
1. I was only offering a coffee meet and the other person was offering a bj..
2. If I didn't want to fuck him in the car he'd know someone else who was willing to...
So I was to let them know so they could decide..... "
That’s fairly awful |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I honestly would have back ups for dates and such on tinder and bumble. But I have to really hustle my little boxers off here to get a meet in the first place ha ha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Whilst I understand that meeting for a lot of people, be that socially or otherwise is a luxury due to time and other commitments I personally think that once you get into that mindset/habit it's a bit "much"!
Everyone uses the site, embraces the scene, differently and to each their own! However, as much as frustration is understandable if your rare free time is potentially 'wasted' it's a smidge disrespectful and hypocritical to possibly waste somebody else's just so your 'wants' are met; notably not your needs.
A meet falling through isn't the end of the world! In some instances, when a valid excuse isn't forthcoming, it could be no different to, say, someone presenting themselves to you in a way that turns you off them; you wouldn't have met them anyway in that instance! So a silver lining depending on how you look at it!
That's just my two cents  |
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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago
somewhere |
Someone came tonDublin last week after booking and paying for the hotel
The meet got cancelled so he created a thread looking to see if anyone else was interested
The only acceptable way of doing things as far as I'm concerned |
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By *oserMan
over a year ago
where the wild roses grow |
"I've been on the subs bench twice without knowing until the new veries appeared the next day.
Haven't spoken to either woman since because it was a shitty thing to do.
If I commit to meeting I expect the other person to do likewise rather than a first come first served attitude.
Happened to me recently
"Forgot" we had a meet arranged
My arse!
Funny that's exactly the response I got when she went quiet and I messaged to confirm.
The first time it happened was a work related excuse but by that time I already knew she wouldn't be there because of her attitude and so I went home after work rather than across the city.
The veri next day named the coffee shop we were to meet in. "
Quite similar here, except 3 times yep I'm an eejit.
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
No I would never have a plan B as others said it's a crap thing to do to someone . Everyone's time is precious but that is no excuse to make someone your plan B .
Basically have a bit of bloody respect towards others on here. I'm sure those who do have this method would be the first to be crying if they were plan B.
It did happen to me once when his plan A fell through or didn't go the way he wanted he then thought I would run to save him wasting his time .He was mistaken . |
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I can understand the thought process for a group meet and you need to balance numbers but for a one to one meeting I don't care who you are, if you are really only here to treat people as numbers you don't deserve my time or respect. |
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"If you have freed up a day for a meet or a social , whether it’s a 1:1 or a group , do you have a subs bench ? A way to insure that last minute non-availability if person/people invited don’t lead to The event collapsing ? Are you transparent in your conversations with people about them being on the subs bench as it were ? How do they feel about this ? "
. Hard enough to get 1 meet, never mind a Back up.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd personally never do it but I must have being on the sub bench a bit or else it's just coincidence that the so many guys got the bad news that granny had just passed away. Rip granny's! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not a subs bench per se, but we may be chatting with several people with a view to meeting at some point, bearing in mind we only meet others infrequently. If we find ourselves with time to meet another person we have to ask someone first, not because they're ranked in order of preference or anything like that, but because someone's got to make the move. If they're free - great, if they're not we may or may not ask someone else. Also if we had arranged a meet and that person had to cancel, yes sometimes we may reach out to others.
We've never pre-arranged to meet more than one person just in case one doesn't show. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been on the subs bench twice without knowing until the new veries appeared the next day.
Haven't spoken to either woman since because it was a shitty thing to do.
If I commit to meeting I expect the other person to do likewise rather than a first come first served attitude.
Happened to me recently
"Forgot" we had a meet arranged
My arse!
Funny that's exactly the response I got when she went quiet and I messaged to confirm.
The first time it happened was a work related excuse but by that time I already knew she wouldn't be there because of her attitude and so I went home after work rather than across the city.
The veri next day named the coffee shop we were to meet in.
Quite similar here, except 3 times yep I'm an eejit.
"
Nope...they're the eejits. |
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By *scouple07Couple
over a year ago
louth, Ireland |
Would have to think we was a back up, we wouldn't do that to anyone, if someone cancelled on us last minute if we was out we might have a look at the see who was nearby but wouldn't have someone on standby already
Mrs Gs |
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By *ombikerMan
over a year ago
the right side of the river |
Not exactly on the subs bench, but I did end up meeting a lady who did a "who is near" after she booked a hotel and was let down.
It turned out to be a good night after all, even if it was a bit unexpected.
The weirdo that was to meet her then started messaging her, saying he knew her and her family and said he was sitting in the bar watching her.
Well we were up in the hotel room so knew they were full of shit.
We were in room 269, and I can definitely remember there were more than two of them that night ha ha. That was the private joke the next morning.
But you can smell the let down coming when the messages just stop a few hours before the meet. And they either completely disappear and profile gone or block you or the 15th granny died bla bla bla very sorry will meet again and you know they will just do the same again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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While it must be shite finding out you’re someone’s second choice (think how I feel - I’ve not been anyone’s choice!) there is nobody on this site worth getting annoyed over. If you feel there is, you’re taking fab far too seriously… |
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"While it must be shite finding out you’re someone’s second choice (think how I feel - I’ve not been anyone’s choice!) there is nobody on this site worth getting annoyed over. If you feel there is, you’re taking fab far too seriously…"
I don't get annoyed over people, I get annoyed over crap attitudes. An attiude that says it's ok to complain publicly about being let down or ghosted or had yet another no show and to then do exactly what they accused others of doing?
It's one of the reasons why I won't take part in helping unverified fabbers when well verified fabbers are capable of things like that.
It's one of the reasons I remove myself from self created drama. |
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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago
somewhere |
"Anyone has any thoughts about transparency ? I express an interest in a gathering/social , the organizer tells me I am back up/subs bench in case anyone drops out ? "
I actually thought you do the exact same |
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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago
somewhere |
"Anyone has any thoughts about transparency ? I express an interest in a gathering/social , the organizer tells me I am back up/subs bench in case anyone drops out ?
I actually thought you do the exact same "
Sorry I got a call
Surely who ever is organising a meet its their rules...so either you agree and go on the bench or disagree and don't even tog out
If you get annoyed with the offer you don't go
Even Ronaldo won't start every match |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hard enough to get a plan a, I would be pretty annoyed if I was anyones plan b, I'm sure I have been unbeknownst to myself. Off with them just shows their attitude and lack of respect for people, which usually shines through.
I would never do it to anyone unless Daniel craig or Tom Hardy was the plan b.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never ever arranged another meet if someone cancels ... hate to think myself I.was someone's plan B , C , D or even worse E and above so wouldn't do it.someone else... if someone cancels I.just either head off for.the day and drive coastline.
Or stay at home |
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By *affa31Woman
over a year ago
Galway |
It’s completely different being on a waiting list for an event if you’ve expressed interest and the list is full at that point. If you are then offered a spot, it is up to you if you accept the invite. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"While it must be shite finding out you’re someone’s second choice (think how I feel - I’ve not been anyone’s choice!) there is nobody on this site worth getting annoyed over. If you feel there is, you’re taking fab far too seriously…
I don't get annoyed over people, I get annoyed over crap attitudes. An attiude that says it's ok to complain publicly about being let down or ghosted or had yet another no show and to then do exactly what they accused others of doing?
It's one of the reasons why I won't take part in helping unverified fabbers when well verified fabbers are capable of things like that.
It's one of the reasons I remove myself from self created drama. "
I’d say you’re taking fab too seriously then. The place is full of crap attitudes, egos, spoofers, liars and people with their heads up their own holes. |
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"While it must be shite finding out you’re someone’s second choice (think how I feel - I’ve not been anyone’s choice!) there is nobody on this site worth getting annoyed over. If you feel there is, you’re taking fab far too seriously…
I don't get annoyed over people, I get annoyed over crap attitudes. An attiude that says it's ok to complain publicly about being let down or ghosted or had yet another no show and to then do exactly what they accused others of doing?
It's one of the reasons why I won't take part in helping unverified fabbers when well verified fabbers are capable of things like that.
It's one of the reasons I remove myself from self created drama.
I’d say you’re taking fab too seriously then. The place is full of crap attitudes, egos, spoofers, liars and people with their heads up their own holes. "
I'm not actually. That's what the last line meant. It's all a tragic comedy now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im been a few times and was told more or less that I was a back up...
1. I was only offering a coffee meet and the other person was offering a bj..
2. If I didn't want to fuck him in the car he'd know someone else who was willing to...
So I was to let them know so they could decide..... "
Just when I think fab couldn’t shock me anymore … this is just wrong on so many levels x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Am sure it happens more often than people know but no ones going to be admitting it.A horrible thing to do..Just cause u might get play over a social meet..Can't understand why both still can't be done.. A verification can catch people out and has done. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Regardless of the nature of this site I wouldn't like to be a back up plan or treat someone as a back up plan.
Personally myself my back up plan if I was cancelled on or stood up would be a shopping spree on route home.
If I was treated as a back up plan the personn in question would be quickly blocked.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I remember when first on Fab there was a lady I was chatting too for.long time and due to distance between work and family was virtually impossible to meet had asked.many times for coffee....
then I arrange a Play meet with another fabber which meant I would be passing by her aera... so I asked if she was around the next day after meet as I would pass her aera for a coffee... she asked why you up here and I was honest because it would come up on veri why I was up her side of country... She took offence that so ya come up fuck someone and then wanna meet me, I have more class than that and then said we never meet... at time was thinking Jesus did I do something wrong... it wasn't a play meet it was just a coffee why she take offence to having a coffee all because I played with someone night before. Still don't know till this day lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I remember when first on Fab there was a lady I was chatting too for.long time and due to distance between work and family was virtually impossible to meet had asked.many times for coffee....
then I arrange a Play meet with another fabber which meant I would be passing by her aera... so I asked if she was around the next day after meet as I would pass her aera for a coffee... she asked why you up here and I was honest because it would come up on veri why I was up her side of country... She took offence that so ya come up fuck someone and then wanna meet me, I have more class than that and then said we never meet... at time was thinking Jesus did I do something wrong... it wasn't a play meet it was just a coffee why she take offence to having a coffee all because I played with someone night before. Still don't know till this day lol "
Venus |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im not sure I've ever been a back up plan for someone but id be seriously pissed off if i was. I'd also never have a guy waiting in the wings in case i was let down.
That's an insult to someone in my opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im not sure I've ever been a back up plan for someone but id be seriously pissed off if i was. I'd also never have a guy waiting in the wings in case i was let down.
That's an insult to someone in my opinion. "
Top of the queue |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone wanna keep me as a plan B, fire away. Just gimme a bell if you are in need of a ride and I'll see what I can do."
What if you're already plan A though? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That would be the worst thing you could do on someone, actually both people. If you are let down then there must be a reason. That's definitely not nice. |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
"I remember when first on Fab there was a lady I was chatting too for.long time and due to distance between work and family was virtually impossible to meet had asked.many times for coffee....
then I arrange a Play meet with another fabber which meant I would be passing by her aera... so I asked if she was around the next day after meet as I would pass her aera for a coffee... she asked why you up here and I was honest because it would come up on veri why I was up her side of country... She took offence that so ya come up fuck someone and then wanna meet me, I have more class than that and then said we never meet... at time was thinking Jesus did I do something wrong... it wasn't a play meet it was just a coffee why she take offence to having a coffee all because I played with someone night before. Still don't know till this day lol "
A post coital coffee meet is soooo fab |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
Personally if I have set aside a day to meet I would want to meet , whether it’s a play meet or a social .
For a 1:1 meet I wouldn’t have a back up plan but any signs of dragging feet I would move on immediately and say it’s off .
For a group meet I would tell people when it’s done in terms of numbers , and anyone asking who others agree is a possibility would be told it’s only going to happen if someone drops out
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"Im not sure I've ever been a back up plan for someone but id be seriously pissed off if i was. I'd also never have a guy waiting in the wings in case i was let down.
That's an insult to someone in my opinion. "
 |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
"I've been on the subs bench twice without knowing until the new veries appeared the next day.
Haven't spoken to either woman since because it was a shitty thing to do.
If I commit to meeting I expect the other person to do likewise rather than a first come first served attitude.
Happened to me recently
"Forgot" we had a meet arranged
My arse!
Funny that's exactly the response I got when she went quiet and I messaged to confirm.
The first time it happened was a work related excuse but by that time I already knew she wouldn't be there because of her attitude and so I went home after work rather than across the city.
The veri next day named the coffee shop we were to meet in.
Quite similar here, except 3 times yep I'm an eejit.
"
They are the idiots , however
I have been let down twice by the same person years apart
And the second time I acknowledge that I was partly to blame for clearly coming across as a walk over
So since then the new motto is no second chances ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you have freed up a day for a meet or a social , whether it’s a 1:1 or a group , do you have a subs bench ? A way to insure that last minute non-availability if person/people invited don’t lead to The event collapsing ? Are you transparent in your conversations with people about them being on the subs bench as it were ? How do they feel about this ? "
I was speaking to a lady here once who told me that a guy she had been with started texting his next meet with her still in the room ,she went ballistic and said it was a total lack of respect, not the same as being on the subs bench but maybe she felt he had either her or the other lady on the subs bench and was heading there straight away but l just said " isn't that what the jist of being in this joint is about ".. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I remember when first on Fab there was a lady I was chatting too for.long time and due to distance between work and family was virtually impossible to meet had asked.many times for coffee....
then I arrange a Play meet with another fabber which meant I would be passing by her aera... so I asked if she was around the next day after meet as I would pass her aera for a coffee... she asked why you up here and I was honest because it would come up on veri why I was up her side of country... She took offence that so ya come up fuck someone and then wanna meet me, I have more class than that and then said we never meet... at time was thinking Jesus did I do something wrong... it wasn't a play meet it was just a coffee why she take offence to having a coffee all because I played with someone night before. Still don't know till this day lol "
Your answer should've been you're in the area to meet her that you travelled to show her you were genuine , just tell the lady you met the day before that you didn't want a Veri or leave it a few days and then post it ..IF you wanted or needed it to get a Veri, yes l get it you were honest in your answer to her but there are ladies on here that would make absolutely no issue of doing it and if they wanted to fuck both days with different people..why should they ?... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you have freed up a day for a meet or a social , whether it’s a 1:1 or a group , do you have a subs bench ? A way to insure that last minute non-availability if person/people invited don’t lead to The event collapsing ? Are you transparent in your conversations with people about them being on the subs bench as it were ? How do they feel about this ?
I was speaking to a lady here once who told me that a guy she had been with started texting his next meet with her still in the room ,she went ballistic and said it was a total lack of respect, not the same as being on the subs bench but maybe she felt he had either her or the other lady on the subs bench and was heading there straight away but l just said " isn't that what the jist of being in this joint is about ".."
I had an occasion here years ago when I met a guy for a social drink. While we were chatting he was also on fab answering mails. Now i had taken time and effort to go and meet him, if someone cant give me their full attention, whether it be for an hour or for a night, ive no desire to make any effort for them and i make no apologies for it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im never available last minute for this exact reason. I'm not a back up option.
I also play by the rule of if I give you my attention and you either don't show up or have a feeble excuse it's a no go from there.
No one should be anyone's back up plan |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I remember when first on Fab there was a lady I was chatting too for.long time and due to distance between work and family was virtually impossible to meet had asked.many times for coffee....
then I arrange a Play meet with another fabber which meant I would be passing by her aera... so I asked if she was around the next day after meet as I would pass her aera for a coffee... she asked why you up here and I was honest because it would come up on veri why I was up her side of country... She took offence that so ya come up fuck someone and then wanna meet me, I have more class than that and then said we never meet... at time was thinking Jesus did I do something wrong... it wasn't a play meet it was just a coffee why she take offence to having a coffee all because I played with someone night before. Still don't know till this day lol
Your answer should've been you're in the area to meet her that you travelled to show her you were genuine , just tell the lady you met the day before that you didn't want a Veri or leave it a few days and then post it ..IF you wanted or needed it to get a Veri, yes l get it you were honest in your answer to her but there are ladies on here that would make absolutely no issue of doing it and if they wanted to fuck both days with different people..why should they ?..."
BUT ..that scenario is NOT the way l work .. RESPECT is key always ..l was just making the point that if someone wants to go about their business here they do so without giving a rat's ass about what anyone else thinks.. |
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"If you have freed up a day for a meet or a social , whether it’s a 1:1 or a group , do you have a subs bench ? A way to insure that last minute non-availability if person/people invited don’t lead to The event collapsing ? Are you transparent in your conversations with people about them being on the subs bench as it were ? How do they feel about this ? "
If I have a meet planned I wouldn't have someone else waiting in the wings just incase the first lady didn't show. I'd be lucky enough to get the first lady to agree to a meet never mind two  now if that lady had someone else waiting just incase I didn't show up I have no problem with that what so ever |
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Doing something like that doesn’t hold much faith in the first person, so maybe not meet them in the first place.
It’s a shit thing to do having a back up snd letting that person know you are only a back up, but I would imagine it happens a lot. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A subs bench/wait list is ok for an event...Meet & Greet socials are typically initially over subscribed but there are drip outs as the event date nears.
Parties may also be over subscribed so a wait list/subs bench would also be understandable.
GROUP meets...obviously the plan is to keep numbers balanced...but for a small group managing a subs bench/wait list maybe problematic if people continously remain as subs & don't get an invite at some stage...even fabbers can have bruised egos |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I remember as a single lady here I arranged a play meet with someone who I met at an event and had great chemistry with. Booked a hotel room, got myself ready and then that afternoon got the message. Apparently had a match to coach or something. Veris went up the next day that he was at a threesome. Luckily I had a longterm meet who was free to join that night so it wasn't wasted. If you can't commit to plans then simply don't meet. |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
"I remember as a single lady here I arranged a play meet with someone who I met at an event and had great chemistry with. Booked a hotel room, got myself ready and then that afternoon got the message. Apparently had a match to coach or something. Veris went up the next day that he was at a threesome. Luckily I had a longterm meet who was free to join that night so it wasn't wasted. If you can't commit to plans then simply don't meet. "
Not defending him for a second , and he sounds like a twat , but
There are some who Find a larger meets preferable , not to notch up posts , but to avoid any risks of an emotional attachment
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"I remember as a single lady here I arranged a play meet with someone who I met at an event and had great chemistry with. Booked a hotel room, got myself ready and then that afternoon got the message. Apparently had a match to coach or something. Veris went up the next day that he was at a threesome. Luckily I had a longterm meet who was free to join that night so it wasn't wasted. If you can't commit to plans then simply don't meet.
Not defending him for a second , and he sounds like a twat , but
There are some who Find a larger meets preferable , not to notch up posts , but to avoid any risks of an emotional attachment
"
Then they should only be arranging group meets |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I remember as a single lady here I arranged a play meet with someone who I met at an event and had great chemistry with. Booked a hotel room, got myself ready and then that afternoon got the message. Apparently had a match to coach or something. Veris went up the next day that he was at a threesome. Luckily I had a longterm meet who was free to join that night so it wasn't wasted. If you can't commit to plans then simply don't meet.
Not defending him for a second , and he sounds like a twat , but
There are some who Find a larger meets preferable , not to notch up posts , but to avoid any risks of an emotional attachment
Then they should only be arranging group meets "
I have to agree. You don't arrange unless willing to go through and to make up a bull excuse shows the type of person. If he had of said he had another meet before then I wouldnt have been as annoyed. |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
"I remember as a single lady here I arranged a play meet with someone who I met at an event and had great chemistry with. Booked a hotel room, got myself ready and then that afternoon got the message. Apparently had a match to coach or something. Veris went up the next day that he was at a threesome. Luckily I had a longterm meet who was free to join that night so it wasn't wasted. If you can't commit to plans then simply don't meet.
Not defending him for a second , and he sounds like a twat , but
There are some who Find a larger meets preferable , not to notch up posts , but to avoid any risks of an emotional attachment
Then they should only be arranging group meets
I have to agree. You don't arrange unless willing to go through and to make up a bull excuse shows the type of person. If he had of said he had another meet before then I wouldnt have been as annoyed. "
Oh yes that’s exactly what he ought to have done
And he is a twat
And you shouldn’t arrange anything before you know what you want
I just wonder if it wasn’t 2 is better than 1 though , just that 1 is scarier than 2 |
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"If you have freed up a day for a meet or a social , whether it’s a 1:1 or a group , do you have a subs bench ? A way to insure that last minute non-availability if person/people invited don’t lead to The event collapsing ? Are you transparent in your conversations with people about them being on the subs bench as it were ? How do they feel about this ? "
Me personally, No. But I can see why people would.
People have normal and busy personal lives and sometimes have to cancel. It's seriously frustrating haha
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
My meets turn up so no need to have a standby, besides wouldn't be my style.
Pretty stupid to pop a veri shortly after meet that gives away your double line up, though tells you a lot about the person... |
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"My meets turn up so no need to have a standby, besides wouldn't be my style.
Pretty stupid to pop a veri shortly after meet that gives away your double line up, though tells you a lot about the person..."
There's a certain level of arrogance about it too. Look at how popular I am. |
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
"My meets turn up so no need to have a standby, besides wouldn't be my style.
Pretty stupid to pop a veri shortly after meet that gives away your double line up, though tells you a lot about the person...
There's a certain level of arrogance about it too. Look at how popular I am. "
Of course, and the combo of arrogance and ignorance is one of the worst. With a bit of fab experience it can be easily enough spotted though, before even contemplating a meet.  |
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"My meets turn up so no need to have a standby, besides wouldn't be my style.
Pretty stupid to pop a veri shortly after meet that gives away your double line up, though tells you a lot about the person...
There's a certain level of arrogance about it too. Look at how popular I am.
Of course, and the combo of arrogance and ignorance is one of the worst. With a bit of fab experience it can be easily enough spotted though, before even contemplating a meet. "
Exactly. Hence why it hasn't happened since |
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"If you have freed up a day for a meet or a social , whether it’s a 1:1 or a group , do you have a subs bench ? A way to insure that last minute non-availability if person/people invited don’t lead to The event collapsing ? Are you transparent in your conversations with people about them being on the subs bench as it were ? How do they feel about this ? "
Can't speak for group events as I haven't either organised one nor attended one.
However I wouldn't knowingly take a seat on the subs bench (and if I arrange a social or meet I turn up unless there's an emergency in which case I have the respect to give as much notice as possible!) nor can I imagine asking someone to be a sub for a possible drop-out, purely because I realize how I'd feel. So if for a group meet numbers become somewhat skewed with a dropout, I'd have the tendency to say, f**k it - go with the flow depending on what the rest of the group are happy with, or cancelling the meet entirely.
I certainly wouldn't have a backup planned for a one on one social/meet. I've never stood anyone up or been stood up, while on this site - or otherwise for that matter! But I have been able to read between the lines and see the signs when a social or meet is talked about and things become a little "quieter" on his side so that social/meet is unlikely to happen or be followed up on. I'll usually be quite upfront in my communication.
I can understand that some people have limited time for a social or a meet and don't want it wasted. Personally I wouldn't do being a backup or asking someone to be a backup. It doesn't feel right, at all!
I believe anyone asking someone to a social/meet, where that person is intended to be a backup plan for whatever reason, be honest and upfront about it, that way that person has at least the opportunity to think about whether they're happy taking on that position as the backup - otherwise you're the a**hole! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had a hotel meet planned a few weeks back when I got a message asking if I could come meet her earlier as she had planned on meeting another guy first but he didn't show told her no n wouldn't be meeting her later either I'd just have a wank instead, meets n time are hard enough to get without been made feel like a reserve or a place filler |
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"If you have freed up a day for a meet or a social , whether it’s a 1:1 or a group , do you have a subs bench ? A way to insure that last minute non-availability if person/people invited don’t lead to The event collapsing ? Are you transparent in your conversations with people about them being on the subs bench as it were ? How do they feel about this ? "
Don't women do this all the time.. Keep some man on the long finger if another let's her down.. |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
"If you have freed up a day for a meet or a social , whether it’s a 1:1 or a group , do you have a subs bench ? A way to insure that last minute non-availability if person/people invited don’t lead to The event collapsing ? Are you transparent in your conversations with people about them being on the subs bench as it were ? How do they feel about this ?
Can't speak for group events as I haven't either organised one nor attended one.
However I wouldn't knowingly take a seat on the subs bench (and if I arrange a social or meet I turn up unless there's an emergency in which case I have the respect to give as much notice as possible!) nor can I imagine asking someone to be a sub for a possible drop-out, purely because I realize how I'd feel. So if for a group meet numbers become somewhat skewed with a dropout, I'd have the tendency to say, f**k it - go with the flow depending on what the rest of the group are happy with, or cancelling the meet entirely.
I certainly wouldn't have a backup planned for a one on one social/meet. I've never stood anyone up or been stood up, while on this site - or otherwise for that matter! But I have been able to read between the lines and see the signs when a social or meet is talked about and things become a little "quieter" on his side so that social/meet is unlikely to happen or be followed up on. I'll usually be quite upfront in my communication.
I can understand that some people have limited time for a social or a meet and don't want it wasted. Personally I wouldn't do being a backup or asking someone to be a backup. It doesn't feel right, at all!
I believe anyone asking someone to a social/meet, where that person is intended to be a backup plan for whatever reason, be honest and upfront about it, that way that person has at least the opportunity to think about whether they're happy taking on that position as the backup - otherwise you're the a**hole! "
Yes , one of the ninja black belt skills Is the communication when you have something arranged weeks into the future. I like to write every few days to state my continued interest but don’t like coming across as too dependent . If I get winks or views from them I like to acknowledge again Doing the same . But I have experienced situations where the agreement has stagnated and been mutually terminated |
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I've never had a meet cancelled, but i regrettably had to cancel a meet once, due to unexpected circumstances. I dont mind being on some womans subs bench, if I'm free and available, I'm happy to meet for tea and chat. The meet can go either way, either I say no further or she does, but at least we've had an interesting chat. And that can lead to a new friendship. How many people do you know who ended up fianceed or married to their plan B? |
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Thats going to be hard! 